by Alexa Davis
“I think I can walk on my own, so why don’t we head on back and get some food in you?” I still felt weak and shaky, but I would’ve walked across burning coals to prove to him that he didn’t have to worry about me. I looked out over the rustic railing across the large circular driveway to a large path bordered by several small cabins. “Tell me, who lives there?” I pointed to the buildings.
He chuckled. “All of us at some point or other. But always the ranch hands and cowpokes. This ranch wouldn’t run without the men who work here, and my parents and brothers see to it that they know they’re family.”
“Good to hear you remember where you come from, Logan.”
I turned to see what had to be the second most beautiful man in the entire world, after Logan himself.
He turned a high-wattage smile on me and winked, stretching out his hand. “I’m Danny Hargrave, Logan’s older brother. It’s good to meet you.”
17. Logan
Heidi’s eyes widened, and she paled when Danny surprised her, but recovered quickly. Within minutes, they looked like old friends. Friends whose favorite pastime was mocking me, of course, which made it feel even more like she’d always been part of the family. Danny suggested we join everyone else, and Heidi glanced at me out of the corner of her eye before agreeing.
My heart turned to lead and sank to the pit of my stomach. Something was very wrong with her, and she was trying so hard to hide it, I worried more. When she stood, her look of relief made my stomach clench, but I pasted a smile on my face and followed her inside.
Heidi stopped so abruptly when we went through the door that I banged into her. I took the opportunity to put and arm around her and give her a quick hug as she took in the rustic, rough-hewn log décor.
“How could anyone ever want to move away from here? You were raised in my dream house, Logan.” She chuckled as she ran her hands over the glossy oak stair rail.
“I could see you padding around a place like this in your socks.”
“Not this big, though. I could never afford anything quite this grand.” She laughed, then squealed as we walked farther back into the house and entered my mother’s pride and joy. The chef’s commercial kitchen was a necessity, but my father, brothers, and I had taken special care to make it a place where she would feel happy, despite the drudgery of feeding sometimes upward of forty men at a meal. Her assistant and longtime friend, Patty, had helped us every step of the way, and often took over the chef’s duties while Mom helped with birthing or rode the fences with Dad.
“So, you want a commercial-grade kitchen?” I asked, wondering even while I made mental notes of the things she liked, what part I’d have in giving them to her.
“I love the giant gas cook top. I am floored by the fact that y’all have a walk-in fridge and two full sized ovens, and it’s still so beautiful. This is not my dream kitchen,” she scoffed. “I never plan on cooking for more than a handful of people.”
I laughed aloud at the mental image of her racing around the kitchen the way Patty and her helpers did before each meal.
“I imagine you in a kitchen like yours, barefoot, with all that hair tied up on top of your head while you bake.” I didn’t include the parts of the image that made my chest tight, of her pregnant and happy, with no pain. The part that included a future with me.
“You okay, there, bud? You look like you just swallowed a worm,” Danny said. I glanced over at him as he stood by the back door, one hand on the door handle.
I nodded and grinned. “Well, you’d know what that looks like, wouldn’t you? Considering how many you convinced me I had to eat so I wouldn’t die,” I reminded him.
He threw back his head and laughed while Heidi looked on, aghast.
“He made you eat worms?” she gasped.
“He got a leech on him one day at the lake, and Tuck and I thought it would be hysterical to tell him that he had to eat worms until it fell off or it would suck the life out of him.” Danny chuckled again. “Still funny, man, still funny.”
“And apparently worth the extra chores and grounding you got from Mom, when she found me puking up worms with a leech stuck to my leg, bawling because I thought I was dying.”
Danny laughed harder, and I joined him, while Heidi shook her head.
“This is one of those times I don’t mind being an only child,” she stammered, and it set Danny and me off until I was laughing so hard my sides hurt.
“My brothers are the best men I know, but they were the worst little shits on the planet when they were kids,” I assured her.
“He means we, as in all five of us. Remind me, and later I’ll regale you with the many times Logan tried to convince Jackson to kill himself in one way or another.”
I rolled my eyes at my brother and tried to hide the smile that threatened to split my face. “I made him the fearless hacker that he is today. He’ll thank me, someday.”
Heidi scoffed.
Danny chuckled. “Let’s go get some food in y’all and put that puppy in her basket, so she doesn’t get too used to sleeping in someone’s arms.”
Heidi looked over at me, and the little ball of fluff still passed out in the crook of my elbow.
“We can take her home, if you want,” I offered.
She smiled, then it slid off her face and fear returned to her eyes. “I definitely want her. I should probably figure out my life first though, don’t you think?”
I knew she was talking about her health, as much as she was her possible career change. I knew she needed me to stay, but I had a job to do, and that job would take me away from not just her, but the possibility of losing her the way I’d lost Rebecca.
“Tomorrow, we go to the doctor, Heidi. You have to do this for me.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she nodded and stalked past Danny, who’d been watching us with concern sketched across his face.
“You guys okay? That seemed heavy for, ah, first-month romance.”
I shrugged. “We’re good. Just a bit of stuff that our pasts share might be catching up to us. We’ll figure it out.”
Danny groaned in sympathy, and I nodded.
I started past him and stopped in the doorway. “I love her, Dan. She’s everything I want, and more than that, she seems to be what I need.” I patted him on the shoulder. “We take care of what’s ours, right?” He nodded, and I flashed him a smile. “You ever repeat this, I’ll deny it, then kill you in your sleep… But that woman was as innocent as they come when I met her, and the furthest thing from it now. If I let her get away, I’ll finally be the kind of guy girls like to accuse me of being.”
“So, you weren’t a scoundrel before, but you are now?” Danny chortled.
“Not if we can convince her to make an honest man of me.”
Danny patted me on the back as I passed him, and I waved to Heidi, who was surrounded by Hargrave women. She’d been so mad at me, she’d forgotten what she was walking into, and as far as I was concerned, the distraction of those women and their ceaseless questions was exactly what she needed. I traded the puppy to Callie for a cold beer and made my way to my dad, who was watching the ladies on the far side of the veranda.
“You know, I really never thought about this day,” he said as I approached.
I paused and glanced around. “What day, Dad?”
“When your mother would finally have other women to talk to.” I started to reply, but he waved a hand at me. “I know she has friends, but other than Patty, she’s had no one here for a lot of years. Now, we’ve got Verica and Pete getting ready to start their family on that plot I sold them over by the old silos. Everyone but you and Jackson has gone and gotten married. There are some damn fine women in the family now, strong and intelligent. Now, you’ve brought home a woman who seems to fit right in.”
“She isn’t ready to get married yet, Dad.”
“Still makes me feel old, Logan,” he laughed in reply.
I scoffed and glanced at him, then really looked at the new line
s on his face, the silver that now covered more of his head than the black hair I remembered as a child. It was almost painful to realize that he was old. Gone were the days when Frank Hargrave could keep up with the young bucks who ran the fences and drove the cattle.
“You’ll never be old, Dad. You just get more… weathered and tough.”
He laughed, a startled bark that made me grin. “So, I’m old leather now, huh?”
I shrugged and took a pull from the bottle of beer. “Hey, I said you were tough, right?”
He laughed again and sipped his beer.
“I care about her, Dad. A lot. But she’s been through some stuff that makes her want to stay close to home and hearth. I get the feeling that she’s afraid to let go of any connections she has with the world, even to form new ones.”
“But?”
I shrugged. Dad knew there was more, but how could I express that I wanted her so badly I could hardly think about anything else, and she seemed to think I would run the first chance I got.
“But she thinks that I’m just going to take off on her, especially now.” I finished my beer and set the empty on the stone wall I was leaning against.
“Why now?”
“Because she’s afraid of starting something serious with me when she’s been too busy learning how to be completely self-sufficient and separate from the world.”
“Ah. Gonna change her mind?”
I glanced over at the group of women and sighed. “Well, I’m going to have to, Dad. How else will I get her to marry me?”
18. Heidi
My heart had started racing as soon as my anger wore off, and I realized I’d just stepped into the lion’s den alone. Aside from Callie, who was standing by the outdoor fireplace talking to some other women, there was not one familiar face in front of me. Just a dozen pairs of curious eyes.
“Heidi!” called a feminine voice, and I glanced back toward the women gathered at the end of the porch. Callie had come and retrieved me and dragged me over to the other women. I was terrified of them, their laughter and their bond, like the gossiping girls in school who had stolen my wigs and thrown them in the trash.
Then Logan’s mother walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her height.
“You are so lovely, and I am so grateful that you let Logan drag you out here to meet us,” she whispered in my ear. She smelled of lavender and vanilla, and her cheek was silky soft against mine, the way my grandmother’s had been when she visited me in the hospital. She pulled away and held me at arms’ length. “I like your face, Heidi. I hope we can be friends.”
I laughed abruptly and shrugged my shoulders. “I hope we can, too, Mrs. Hargrave.”
“No, please call me Hannah. Most of the people here just call me Mom, but I think that might be a bit awkward for you.”
I nodded and scoffed. “It might.”
She escorted me to the couch near the fireplace, and gratefully, I sat and let the warmth seep into my aching legs and hips. The pain had terrified me, but as it faded, I tried to tell myself that it was all in my head instead of a recurrence of the cancer that had stolen my childhood come to claim my future.
I sipped the wine that Callie placed in my hand and let the tangy red liquid calm my nerves. In minutes, I had a plate of food in my lap I could never hope to finish, and Callie was telling us embarrassing stories of when Logan and his brothers were young.
By the time Logan thought to retrieve me from the women of his family, I resented him for cutting the party short.
“I love that you look so perturbed that I’m offering to take you home, but you did say you were going back to work tomorrow, remember?” he snickered.
I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes at Callie and winking. “Yes, I suppose I do have an early morning ahead of me.” I turned to his mother and shrugged. “Before I met Logan, I ran ten miles a day before work. Now I don’t even go to work.”
Logan grinned. “She’s such a boss; she hasn’t actually quit yet. She just told them they owed her and swaggered off.”
I gaped at him, but Hannah and Callie just laughed.
“Do we really need to go?” I asked.
He nodded. “Sorry, love. While I still think you should just quit that job and never go back, I really want to see Honey and his mom returned to the wild, where he can begin therapy and rehabilitation of the manhood you so callously stole from him.”
I scoffed, and he held out his hands in supplication.
“I promise not to tell the other deer his pet name,” I drawled, rolling my eyes.
Hannah laughed at us and gave me a hug where I sat. She kissed me on the cheek, and I felt warmth creep up my neck to my face.
“Don’t stay away too long, you hear? Drop in anytime. You don’t even have to call first.” She smiled and turned away.
I glanced up at Logan who was watching me with his lips pursed as if he was deep in thought. I tested my legs by shifting forward on the wicker sofa and put some weight on my feet. Encouraged, I stood up, only to immediately have Logan supporting me from one side.
“I got it, Logan. Really,” I assured him when he raised an eyebrow at me.
Logan’s sister-in-law, Rachel, was holding the puppy, and I ran my fingers through the fluff on top of her head while saying goodbye. The crowd on the veranda had mostly cleared out; the ranch hands had all gone to their bunks for the night so they could be up and working in the morning.
“Next time we come up, I’ll introduce you to the men. I think that’s the fastest the girls have ever commandeered a guest. They must really like you.”
“I was grateful to be introduced to a small group first. I will admit, though,” I confessed while watching Callie approach us, “being around so many females made me nervous.”
“They’re good women, to the last, Heidi. I’m glad you got to know them a little.”
“Maybe next time I come around, you can introduce me to the rest of your brothers, so I have faces to match all those fun stories to,” I teased.
Logan’s face flushed as he chuckled. “I guess we were something else as kids. But, I assure you, we all turned out okay. I know you weren’t sure about meeting everyone, but you seemed comfortable with Mom and the girls, so I let you be. I hope you had fun.”
“Logan, I loved them.” I walked down the steps away from him without looking back. How could I tell him that when I hugged his mother, I felt like I was home after a lifetime of being shipwrecked on a deserted island? That her soft, aging cheek against mine made me tear up like a baby? I had feelings for Logan, and I wanted him so desperately I was almost willing to take a risk on him, just to sleep next to him for as long as he stuck around. But I was in love with his mother and sisters-in-law. Even their jockey, Verica, who had been hired to train a thoroughbred and stayed to marry their horseman. I’d never felt such a sense of belonging before.
When I was a kid, I got so used to being sick, the hospital was more familiar than home. As an adult, I clung to the things and places I knew, but I was never comfortable enough to call them “home.” Logan needed to travel. I leaned against the truck door and watched him talk to Callie. His back was to me, but I knew I’d be able to pick those shoulders out in a crowd, despite not knowing him for long.
Callie touched his arm and backed away, waving to me, and I waved back. Logan shoved his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket and headed my way, grinning so big I thought his face would split.
“I gotta stop at George and Callie’s place before we crash for the night; is that okay?”
I shrugged and nodded. “Whatever you need. Any particular reason?”
“I just need to pick up a few things for Roxy.” I instantly felt a stab of jealousy, but stubbornly refused to ask who the hell “Roxy” was. I felt my body stiffen and tried to act like I didn’t care.
“Okay,” I managed to grind out from between my locked jaws.
“Hmmm, no on Roxy. Um, how about Ripley?” he asked.
<
br /> I turned in my seat to stare at him. “Wait, what? Logan, what are you talking about? Who are these people?” Before he could answer, I heard a tiny “yip” from deep in his jacket pocket, and a little black-eyed face peered out at me. I glared at Logan, and he made a sheepish face. “Oh, you have to pick up dog toys and food for Sunny,” I finally suggested after a quick brainstorm. “Why didn’t you just say that?”
Logan pursed his lips and considered the name I’d picked for a moment, then shook his head. “Lambchop,” he offered, and I shook my head vigorously.
“Sweetums,” I countered.
He laughed and shook his head. “No way. But I feel like we’re getting close.”
“Well, here we are arguing about the name of a dog, but whose is it? If it’s your dog, you can name her whatever you want.”
He sighed and gingerly pulled the puppy out of his pocket, handing her to me. “I’d like to think she’s ours, at least for the time being. In the end, I think she’s better off with you. I love animals, but I do better with creatures that can feed themselves and go to the bathroom without me.”
My eyebrows shot up, but I tried to make my face blank again and took a breath. “So, you don’t want to have children?” I asked. “But Penny looks like she’ll be such a good family dog someday.”
“Let’s just say that I’m not ready for that stage of my life yet. I still have to convince a good woman that I’m marriage material.”
I watched him navigate his way down the drive back to the old two-lane highway as he avoided my gaze.
“Too bad you’re leaving. People tend to be more easily convinced to make lifelong commitments when the person they’re committing to is sticking around.” I rubbed the puppy’s belly and watched the tree trunks go by in the glare of the headlights. “Hope.”
“What? You mean for the puppy, or did we just change subjects again?” he asked, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
“Her name is Hope.”