by Syd Parker
Chapter Nine
December 2013
Kevin pushed the covers off and rolled his feet over the side of the bed with a groan. He eyed his right forearm, running a hand down the length. His brow furrowed in concern. He glanced at his legs, noting the muscle definition was next to nothing. He’d been tired the past few months, but didn't give it more than a passing thought. It wasn’t until he weighed at the gym last night that the truth hit home. He was twenty pounds lighter, with no good reason. His energy was practically gone. All he wanted to do lately was sleep. And the flu, or whatever it was he picked up weeks ago, wasn’t getting any better.
He heard his mother moving in the room next door and knew he needed to get up. He scrubbed his palms over his face, resisting the urge to lay back down. He heard his mother knock on the door. “I’m up.”
Bellamy leaned into the door. She could hear the weakness in her son’s voice, and it worried her. He hadn’t said as much, but Bellamy could tell something was wrong. He’d lost weight. He was overly tired for a teenaged boy. She chalked it up to senior year and Kevin’s push to perfect his game for next year. It wasn’t until she saw him in boxers that the stark reality of exactly how much weight he’d lost became apparent. When she mentioned it, he waved it off, muttering some comment about how he just didn’t feel like eating since he’d gotten sick. Bellamy bought that for a while, but hearing her son now, she worried something else was wrong. “Merry Christmas, Kevin. I’m going to start breakfast. Pancakes okay?”
“Sure.” Kevin put his hands on his knees and pushed up slowly. His body ached and standing up took every ounce of energy he had.
“Okay, I’ll see you down there.” Bellamy frowned. Even as a teenager, Kevin still loved Christmas. It was a long-standing tradition for them to make breakfast together before going to church for a holiday service, to drop off gifts for the Sunday school children, and make donations to the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. It was something that made Christmas special to them. In the afternoon, they would either go to Bellamy’s father or mother’s family celebration, depending on whose year it was. She wondered if Kevin would feel like doing any of that this year.
Bellamy pulled a box of pancake mix and a bowl from the cabinet and set them on the island. She listened for footsteps. When she heard none, she shook her head and found a measuring cup. She pondered waiting, but opted instead to have as much of the cooking done as possible by the time Kevin joined her, so he could relax. Ten minutes later, she poured the first of the batter on a hot griddle. “Hey, sleepyhead. You made it.”
“Sorry.” Kevin plodded into the kitchen, immediately perching on a stool opposite his mother. “Coach called to wish us a Merry Christmas. I invited her to church with us.”
Bellamy hid her shock at the announcement. “That was nice of you. Breaking from tradition, huh?”
Kevin shrugged. “It’s just us, and her family doesn’t celebrate, so…”
“You’re very considerate.” Bellamy paused, her heart hammering in her chest. “Is she coming?”
“Nah.” Kevin shook his head no. “She said she might come over this afternoon, if it’s okay. She has some stuff for us.”
“Presents? I didn’t get her anything.”
“So.” Kevin looked at his mother askance. “She said it wasn’t anything big,”
“Fine.” Bellamy flipped the first pancake over with a huff.
“What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is I don’t have anything to give her. I don’t want to be rude.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t care.” Kevin slid off the stool.
“Where are you going?”
“To call her back. I’ll tell her not to come by.”
“Wait.” Bellamy wiped her hands on the towel and followed Kevin out of the room. “I didn’t mean that. It’s fine; she can come by.”
“Sheesh, Mom. What is your deal with Coach? He didn’t dare let on that he knew the answer. “One minute you act like you’re friends, but the next minute, you don’t want to see her. You won’t even talk to her when she calls. I’m stuck answering the phone all the time, making excuses. Make up your mind.”
“Kevin.” The sharpness of Bellamy’s tone cut through the room. “It’s fine. We’re fine. Let’s just eat.”
Hours later, Bellamy was still bothered by the exchange with her son. She didn’t mean to snap at him, but being questioned about her relationship – or whatever the tangled mess that vaguely resembled a relationship – with Sawyer, bothered her. The idea of seeing Sawyer put her on edge. She hoped that at some point, she could put her silly emotions behind her and have some semblance of a friendship. If she could just figure out how to fall out of love with someone. With David, it was easy. She realized that she had never really been in love with him in the first place. There had been nothing to grieve aside from her own feelings of guilt at failure, but that was her issue personally. With Sawyer, Bellamy wondered if she would ever be able to stop loving her.
She barely remembered any of their visit to church that morning. Half of the service she wondered what people would think of her if they ever found out she’d kissed a woman, the other half waiting for lightning to strike her. There was a part of Bellamy that believed the church was wrong. There was a place in God’s heart for someone like her. It was the chance that she was mistaken that worried her. The idea of eternal damnation in a fiery hell wasn’t high on her bucket list. And what kind of example would she set for her son? She couldn’t very well advise him to live by the Bible if she turned her back on what she’d been taught her whole life.
The doorbell interrupted her self-recrimination. She waited for the loud footfalls on the steps as Kevin bounded to get the door in his eagerness to see Sawyer. She heard nothing. Bellamy hurried to open the door. “Sawyer.”
“Hello, Bellamy.” Sawyer waited on the doorstep, her eyes drinking in Bellamy’s face. She appeared casual as she waited for Bellamy to invite her inside.
“Come in.” Bellamy stood aside as Sawyer passed, her stomach twisted in knots. “I miss you calling me Bell.”
“I’m sorry.” Sawyer paused in the hallway, shuffling awkwardly. The pained expression on her face did little to settle Bellamy’s nerves. “Listen, if anyone asks, I’m here as your friend and not as a coach, okay?”
“Sure.” Bellamy knew that they were in the dead period for recruiting so no official contact was allowed. She didn’t want to get Sawyer in trouble. It was true, though. They had invited Sawyer, but because they were friends.
“Is Kevin here?”
Bellamy nodded. “He’s napping; I think.”
“He sleeps a lot lately. Everything alright?”
Bellamy’s shoulders fell. “I don’t think so. He’s losing weight, too. He tried to say he hasn’t had an appetite with the flu, but it’s more than that. We got into a disagreement this morning, and that is not like him.”
“I hope it wasn’t a bad one. I can leave.”
“It was about you, actually.” Bellamy motioned for Sawyer to follow her into the living room, gesturing toward the couch. “He thinks I have a problem with you.”
“Ah.” Sawyer sat down opposite Bellamy, regarding her thoughtfully. “I suppose you do.”
“That’s not true.” Bellamy tried to refute the implication, rather unsuccessfully.
Sawyer leaned back on the couch and crossed her arms. “Or should I say, you had a problem with me. Reckon we’re past that, aren’t we?”
Bellamy opened her mouth then clamped it shut quickly. She wanted to scream at Sawyer. Of course they weren’t past it. She wasn’t, at least. Maybe Sawyer was. Maybe she could move beyond what they shared without a second thought. Not Bellamy. Her heart was stuck in time, refusing to let go. She wasn’t about to let Sawyer see that. “I suppose we are.”
“Good.” Sawyer smiled, but it went no further than her mouth. “We’re okay, Bellamy. I’ve given a lot of thought to what happened. I’ve been where you are. I
fought with myself way too many years not to understand your stance on the matter. I may not agree with it, but it’s not my place to have an opinion. As I’ve said before, you have nothing to worry about on my end. As a matter of fact, I’d like us to try to be friends. That is, if you’re up for it.”
It took Bellamy several moments to process her words, but she finally nodded. “I would like that. I know Kevin would, too. By the way, you didn’t need to bring us anything.”
“Oh this? It’s nothing really. Some new stuff from the bookstore, and some other odds and ends.”
“I know Kevin wants to see you. Hold on a sec.” Bellamy darted from the room, blinking back tears. Just like that, she was a distant memory in Sawyer’s story. It was what she wanted, wasn’t it? To pack her little indiscretion into a box and tuck it away, like a precious keepsake. She wasn’t prepared for it to hurt so badly. Bellamy paused at Kevin’s door and wiped her eyes. She cocked her ear to the door, listening intently. She could hear the fan going and wondered if he were asleep. Quietly, she turned the door handle and peeked through the small crack. She saw the mound of his body piled beneath the covers. She pulled the door shut.
Bellamy took several long breaths before she walked back into the living room. “Just like we thought. He’s asleep.”
Sawyer’s eyes registered concern. “Has Kevin been to the doctor? Seems odd for a healthy teenager to be so tired.”
Bellamy nodded. “Just the Minute Clinic when he came down with the flu. He got a scrip for Tamiflu and advice to rest. That part he seems to be listening to.”
“Not that it’s any of my business.” Sawyer peeled her gaze away from Bellamy’s face. She had no say in Kevin’s care, other than a worried friend. “I’m sorry I missed him. I’m heading home when I leave here.” Sawyer plucked a smaller-sized box from the top of the pile. “This is for you, Bellamy. Merry Christmas.”
Bellamy took it, eyeing it hesitantly. “Should I open it now?”
“If you’d like.”
“You really shouldn’t have.” Bellamy undid the small bow and laid it on the coffee table.
“It’s nothing, really. There’s a small shop in Cleveland that carries funky, handmade stuff. I saw this, and it reminded me of you.”
Bellamy slid her finger under the carefully taped wrapping paper, easing the seams apart. She cradled the bare box in the palm of her hand, almost afraid to open it. Finally, she pulled the lid off, revealing a small, star-shaped necklace with an inlaid diamond. The silver metal looked hand-hammered, and it had been faux-antiqued. She lifted the necklace out of the box and held it irreverently. “It’s beautiful, Sawyer. I love it.”
Sawyer exhaled in relief. “It made me think of your childhood and the first time you brought Kevin to see Delta. I wanted you to have something that reminded you of happy memories.”
Bellamy set the box down and undid the clasp, holding the necklace toward Sawyer. “Please.”
Sawyer stood up and took the necklace. She waited for Bellamy to situate herself within arm’s length. She slipped the necklace around Bellamy’s neck. Her fingers shook at the nearness, and she tried several times, unsuccessfully, before she finally made the connection.
Bellamy leaned into Sawyer unconsciously as she moved the star beneath her fingers. She could feel Sawyer’s breath against her skin. She waited, hoping for something. What, she wasn’t sure. A brief touch. A whisper of Sawyer’s lips on her neck. Something to make their connection physical.
Sawyer moved her arms away slowly and clenched her fists at her side. She ached to touch Bellamy’s bare skin, to feel her skin tremble beneath her feathery touch. She knew in this moment she could, but what good would it do? She couldn’t bear to see the regret in Bellamy’s eyes again. It was too much to endure, knowing she was the cause of such pain. Sawyer leaned her head toward Bellamy’s, leaving just a hint of space, daring only to inhale her scent. Her chest tightened as she uttered the sweetest word she knew, as softly as she could, before pulling away. “Bell.”
Bellamy’s reverie broke. She slid her palm along her neck as the heat crept over her face. She had no control over what her body had done. No way to master the way her skin craved Sawyer’s touch. She couldn’t face Sawyer, not yet. She fiddled with the necklace, at a loss for words. She could feel the distance between them now, and her breathing became less shallow.
“I’m glad you like it.” Sawyer gestured toward the remaining boxes. “Most of this is new T-shirts. I got Kevin a pullover, if the weather ever drops below 70.”
“I’m sure he’ll love everything. It’s too much, Sawyer.”
Sawyer shook her head no. “It’s no big deal. Kevin is one of my kids now.”
“Mine is too much.”
“Bellamy,” Sawyer narrowed the distance between them. “No matter what happened between us, I care for you as a person. This is just my way of showing it.”
Bellamy nodded. “I don’t have anything for you. I owe you a gift.”
“You owe me nothing.” Sawyer shuffled awkwardly. She meant the words sincerely. Bellamy didn’t owe her a thing, and the one thing that she could give Sawyer, that meant more than anything, wasn’t available. “I should go. It’s a long drive back.”
Bellamy followed Sawyer to the front door. “Thank you, Sawyer.” She accepted Sawyer’s one-armed hug. "Good-bye."
A melancholy smile lit on Sawyer’s face. There was so much to say, but no real reason to say it. It didn’t matter anyway. She resigned herself to brevity. "Good-bye, Bellamy. Give Kevin a hug for me.”
Bellamy promised to pass the greeting along. Her fingers found the star once more as she watched Sawyer drive away. She realized Sawyer had no idea how much the simple gift meant to her. She’d almost cried when she opened the box. It moved her that Sawyer remembered such a trivial detail. A wave of sadness flowed through her body as she thought about how easy it would be to let herself love. If only. Bellamy smiled sadly. If only…
Chapter Ten
January 2014
Kevin’s legs shook nervously. The sterile white of the waiting room walls did little to calm his anxiousness. In fact, it made it worse.
Bellamy laid her hand on Kevin’s knee and smiled reassuringly. “Let’s hope this is quick. I know you are ready to get back to school.”
Kevin cut his eyes toward his mom in his best whatever glance, but truthfully, he wanted it to be over. Anything was better than the feeling of dread he’d carried the last few weeks. He would take school if it meant getting back to his old self. “He’ll probably tell me it’s just the flu.”
“Honey, the flu doesn’t last this long. Maybe it’s mono. Have you been making out with anyone lately?”
“No, jeez, Mom. I don’t have time for a girlfriend.”
Bellamy was relieved to hear Kevin wasn’t dating someone. She didn’t mind, but she thought they had a better relationship than that. Kevin didn’t usually keep secrets, and she hoped he wouldn’t start doing so. “Even so, getting some blood work done is probably a good idea. I did some research on webMD. It could be your thyroid or you could be anemic.”
Kevin chuckled softly. His mother had a habit of doing extensive Internet research when baffled by something. He was surprised the pragmatist in her didn’t immediately diagnose him with cancer.
“Kevin Carter.”
Kevin’s head turned sharply, and a wave of uneasiness washed over him. His eyes sought his mother’s face. “Are you coming in?”
“Would you like me to?”
“Yes.” Kevin led his mother through the door that the nurse had opened just before she called his name.
“Hi, Kevin.”
“Hey, Sandy.”
“Ms. Carter.” Sandy let the door shut behind them. “You’re just down the hall in room three.” Sandy gestured to the open door. “Have a seat. I’m going to check your vitals.”
Kevin tried to keep his breathing level as Sandy took his temperature and blood pressure. She listened to his heart t
hen flipped the stethoscope around her neck. She made quick notes on a laptop. “Tell me what symptoms you’re having.”
Kevin paused, thinking of anything that had been off the last couple of months. “I started noticing a difference in September; I think. I’m tired all the time. My body aches. I've had a fever, but that’s just the flu.”
“How long have you had the flu?” Sandy typed as she questioned Kevin.
“Mm, couple of weeks, I guess.”
“And they did a rapid diagnostic test?”
Kevin nodded. “They gave me meds, but the symptoms never went away.”
“What other symptoms have you had?”
“I sweat a lot at night, but I figured that was the flu.”
“Have you been taking your temperature regularly while you’ve been ill?”
“Yes. It’s usually 100, 101 degrees.”
Sandy typed several more seconds. “Anything else?”
“I just don’t feel good. Besides the flu, I’ve lost weight, and I feel like crap.”
“Kevin.” Bellamy understood how bad he felt, but she still wanted him to be a gentleman.
“Sorry, Mom. It’s true. I can’t describe it any other way.”
Sandy finished typing. “It certainly sounds like the flu. However, with the Tamiflu you should have started feeling better already. You haven’t eaten this morning, have you?”
“No, ma’am.”
“I’ll let Dr. Weller know.” Sandy stood up and shook Kevin’s hand. “I hope you start feeling better.”
“Thanks, Sandy.” Kevin watched Sandy leaved before he shot his mother a worried glance. His legs started to bounce again.
“She didn’t seem overly concerned. That could be a good sign.” Bellamy tried to reassure her son. She could see the frightened look in his eyes, and she wished that she could take away his fear. “Why didn’t you tell me it’s been going on for so long?”