The Change-Up

by Syd Parker

  “I’ll be here when they do.”

  Bellamy stopped unpacking and glanced at Sawyer. “You sure about this? I can move here temporarily.”

  “Bellamy, we got it. I read the brochures. I watched the videos. I’ve gone through the training with you and Kevin. We’re ready for this.”

  Bellamy almost laughed at the obstinate look on Sawyer’s face. It warmed her heart to know that someone else was as concerned about her son’s health as she was. “I’m a mother. It’s in my contract to worry.”

  Sawyer acknowledged Bellamy’s concern, knowing her heart was in the right place. She figured Bellamy was more worried about leaving Kevin here and being so far away. It had been a long discussion between the three of them once Kevin decided to attend the fall semester. There were many times Sawyer thought he would give up his spot, but the fierce desire to succeed kept Kevin from folding. Convincing his mother was an entirely different battle. Obviously, she wanted what was best for him, and that meant her availability to offer 24/7 care. Graduation had been overshadowed by the devastating news that no one in the family was a match to Kevin. He was officially added to the donor registry. Bellamy fought his decision to leave. Leaving meant she wouldn’t be there to care for him. Stepping back and letting Kevin pursue his dream, despite his illness, was the first big thing in which Sawyer had seen Bellamy give up control.

  Sawyer was incredibly proud of the move. She knew letting go at this stage was probably the most difficult thing Bellamy had ever done aside from raising her son alone. Kevin’s treatments were increased from three times a week to daily with the progression of his kidney failure. Kevin, with Sawyer’s help if needed, would be on nocturnal home hemodialysis. Every night, he would hook up to the dialysis machine to cleanse the unnecessary waste from his body. Reports were sent to a local medical clinic. Any changes in Kevin’s health would be addressed immediately. Still, being seven hours away and not being able to help with any of the treatments bothered Bellamy more than she let on. She hadn’t said as much, but Sawyer could see it in Bellamy’s face every time she looked at Kevin. She supposed most parents never really got over fretting about their kids. “I’m going to grab another load. I’ll leave you two to start situating the room.”

  Bellamy nodded silently, toying with the corners of the fitted sheet. “Honey, you sure about this?”

  “I am.” Kevin wheeled over and pulled the sheet over the mattress.

  “I can do it.”

  “Mom, I’ve made my bed since I was ten, I think I can do this.”

  Bellamy held onto the sheet, finally letting it go in a symbol of acceptance. Kevin was right. He wasn’t a little boy anymore. She wouldn’t always be around to do for him as she wanted to right now. “It feels like I’m leaving you all alone to fight this.”

  Kevin stilled. He squeezed his mother’s hand. “You’re not. I’m grown up now. It’s time for me to make my way in the world. You’ll always be my mom, but there comes a time when you have to grow up. This is my time. Besides, Coach is here.”

  “Honey, it’s not Sawyer’s job to look after you.”

  “Tell that to her.” Kevin teased. He and Sawyer had spent many hours together over the summer, and the bond they formed early on was more rock solid than before. He considered her family. She had taken it upon herself to be his caregiver. He knew her well enough to know that she was a part of this now. He often wondered about the conversation he overheard between his mother and Sawyer. He wasn’t the most astute, but he could see glimpses of these feelings expressed in their day-to-day interaction. He watched them hide their innermost secrets, as though revealing them would be the end of the fragile bond they shared. He knew his mother craved normalcy and survived on control. Admitting how she felt would be letting go of the two things she needed most to function. He almost asked her about it once, but thought better of it. It was a gentleman’s duty to respect a woman’s secrets. Still, he believed that Sawyer filled the hollow spots in Bellamy’s life in a way no one had done before. He speculated that if his mother actually loosened up, she may have a chance at happiness. “Figure Coach is here to stay.”

  A wistful look flashed in Bellamy’s eyes. “She certainly is.” Bellamy said the words without hesitating. She knew Sawyer would never walk away, despite the fact that Bellamy couldn’t give her what she wanted. It made her decision even harder, knowing Sawyer stayed with no hope of anything other than their friendship. Bellamy knew Sawyer would do anything for her and Kevin. She’d proven that time and time again. Going through training with her and Kevin was just another sign of how devoted Sawyer had become to their family. She tried to remember a time when her own family, or even David, had ever been as focused on them as Sawyer was. She remembered none. “She’s a good one to have on our team.”

  “The best.” Kevin tossed the comforter across the bed and spread the edges down. He saw his mother move, knowing she was dying to smooth the wrinkles he’d left. In all honesty, the cover would probably be on the floor most days anyway. Despite the welcomed A/C in this building, the temperature was still warmer than he liked.

  “Round two.” Sawyer dropped another box on the bed and pulled a duffle bag from around her neck. “Reckon it will just take a couple more trips. ‘Course that may take all day. The staggered move-in times are great in theory, but I’ve never seen ‘em work in practice. This place is packed. Musta given everyone a 2 p.m. time. I did grab a couple of guys for the desk and dressers. They ought to be…”

  “Coming through.”

  Sawyer smiled and stuck her head out the door. “In here. That was fast.” She stood aside while four of Kevin’s fellow students carried the larger pieces of furniture into his room. She almost didn’t wince as they hit the doorjamb and wall on the way in. “Anywhere’s fine.”

  “Sure thing, Coach.”

  She didn’t recognize the guy who acknowledged her, but he wore a Fighting Okra football jersey, and she realized he would know her. “Thanks, guys.”

  A chorus of ‘no problem’ followed them down the hall. Sawyer figured they probably helped everyone. True Southern gentlemen. “I’ve got a couple more boxes and the large suitcase. Be back in a bit.”

  “I’ll come with you.” Bellamy laid her hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “You made the right choice.”

  Kevin smiled gratefully. “Coach says if you block out all the other noise and listen to your heart, you know the right thing to do.”

  Bellamy walked down the steps, Kevin’s words echoing in her ears, as though he was trying to tell her something. He seemed wise beyond his years at times – an old soul. Her thoughts were interrupted by a cacophony of exuberant voices, and she immediately realized what Sawyer meant by packed. She could barely navigate down the hall to the door that led outside. She inhaled dramatically when she got to the car.

  “See.” Sawyer moved a large box to one arm and closed the car door. “I told you. It’s nuts here. I think I can get the suitcase if you want to grab that box and lock up. I forget how little room there really is in these dorms.”

  “Today, I’m thankful for that. Carrying boxes in hundred degree weather is not high on my list of fun activities.”

  “Mine either.” Sawyer shut the trunk and pulled the handle out of Kevin’s luggage. “If I’m going to be hot and sweaty, it better be a much more exciting activity.”

  Bellamy’s mind immediately flashed to their one and only kiss. Hot was certainly a word she would use to describe it. If possible, the temperature rose another twenty degrees as she pictured Sawyer’s mouth on hers, her hands warming every inch of her skin.

  “Hey, you ready?” Sawyer regarded Bellamy curiously. “Don’t forget to lock it.”

  Bellamy nodded, her brief reverie interrupted. Her blood still pounded, and she fumbled nervously with the keys, trying to find the lock button. She prayed Sawyer couldn’t read her mind, but the look of amusement in her eyes told her otherwise. She glanced away quickly and grabbed the box she set on the ground. She
followed Sawyer, her eyes glued to the ground. She couldn’t let her gaze settle on Sawyer’s backside, it would have been her undoing. “Thanks for helping get Kevin settled.”

  “My pleasure.” Sawyer held the door open, a smirk teasing the corners of her mouth. She didn’t miss the look on Bellamy’s face the second she mentioned exciting activities. She knew exactly where Bellamy’s mind had gone. Hers was there, too, though maybe even further along in the activity. It was hard not to imagine making love with Bellamy. The kiss had only managed to whet her appetite. To say she was starved was a gross understatement. Sawyer was famished. The only way to sate her hunger was to have Bellamy – an outcome that had little to no chance of happening. Rather than dwell on it, she changed the subject to something safe. “Do you think Kevin likes his room?”

  Bellamy shrugged. “Too early to say. I think he likes the idea of being on his own and having his own place. He’s independent like me at times. This is his way of asserting his independence, of making his mark on the world.”

  “Baseball will be his mark on the world. He was made for this.”

  “Is that your way of saying, ‘if you build it, they will come’?”

  Sawyer laughed out loud. “Nothing so pretty as that. More like teach a man to pitch, and he’ll pitch a lifetime, or until his shoulder or elbow gives out, and Tommy John surgery won’t fix it. See, nothing as elegant as your suggestion.”

  “Definitely more to the point.” Bellamy led the way to Kevin’s dorm room, confident Sawyer’s eyes were glued to her butt. Feeling naughty, she added a little bit more sway to her hips. She wasn’t sure, but Bellamy thought she heard Sawyer inhale sharply. She straightened up as she walked into Kevin’s room. “That’s the last of it. Do you want me to get everything unpacked?”

  “Nah, I got it.” Kevin directed Sawyer to put the suitcase on the foot of the bed. “I would like to eat. I’m starving.”

  Bellamy set her box down in the corner. “Now that you mention it, so am I. Guess we haven’t eaten since breakfast. What are you hungry for?”

  “Honestly, I could go for a burger.”

  “Me too.” Sawyer chimed in, realizing she was hungry as well. “I know just the place.”

  Thirty minutes later, they finally placed their orders at Hey Joe’s, a small eatery just minutes from campus. It took fifteen minutes for an elevator to come up to the third floor. Sawyer knew from several trips in and out that students were holding elevators as they loaded entire cars of stuff. It meant long wait times for the heavier items, and multiple trips up and down the stairs for those brave enough to carry the lighter items without assistance. The other fifteen minutes was spent navigating through the heavy traffic at the university.

  Bellamy looked around at the walls, taking in the plethora of concert and other posters surrounding an antelope head, decked out in colorful beaded necklaces, reminiscent of Mardi Gras. “Interesting place.”

  “I think it’s cool.” Kevin pointed at the Ryan Adams poster. “I love his music.”

  “Definitely. Gold is his best album, in my opinion.” Sawyer and Kevin immediately broke into an off-key duet of “When the Stars Go Blue”.

  “That was as interesting as the restaurant.” Bellamy teased. “I’m glad I won’t be traveling on the bus with you two.”

  “You should be so lucky. Reckon it’s a bit strange, but the food is reasonable and good.” Sawyer looked at her co-singer. “So, Kevin, how long do you think it will take you to settle in?”

  “I figure I’ll have everything unpacked today. I don’t have much.”

  “Let me know if you want to pick up any groceries or anything tomorrow. I can run you around after your mom leaves.”

  Bellamy quirked an eyebrow. “Trying to get rid of me?”

  “Never. I know you have a business to get back to. And it’s easier sometimes to just make the break. The longer you stay, the harder it will be.”

  “Hm.” Bellamy shot Sawyer a look that conveyed her what a crock of shit sentiment all too accurately. “It’s fine. I do have to get back, and I know Kevin needs some time to relax before classes start on Monday.”

  “He does. His schedule will be pretty hectic. With everything else going on, he’ll need as much down time as possible. That means no inviting the women’s tennis team up to your room on school nights.”

  “I know, Coach.” Kevin smiled shyly. As busy as he was during high school, he’d given little thought to dating. With his current situation, he gave it even less. “I figure I need to concentrate on my classes. I’m taking 17 credit hours this semester. I need to take advantage of the extra time while I’m not playing ball.”

  “I hope you’re not overdoing it, honey.” Concern for Kevin was an integral part of Bellamy’s make up now. She worried he would do too much and wear himself out.

  “I’m fine, Mom. You gotta trust that I can take care of myself.”

  Bellamy saw the determination in his tired eyes, and she knew that one day she would have to loosen the reins. He was a man now. Even with his illness, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. “Humor your mom. At least, for the next hour. When I leave, you can be all manly.”

  “Thank you.” Kevin squeezed his mother’s hand. “I’ll miss you, you know.”

  “Me too.” Sawyer cocked her head, and shot Bellamy a reassuring smile. “I’ll look after him, Bellamy. We’ll both miss you together.” She leaned back as plates of burgers and fries were delivered.

  “Need a refill on your Coke?”

  Kevin nodded. “Please. Can I get some extra ketchup, too?”

  “Sure thing, hon.” The server returned with both mere seconds later. “Y’all let me know if you need anything else.”

  Sawyer sunk her teeth into her burger and moaned loudly. “God, I love red meat.”

  “Me too.” Kevin added excitedly.

  Bellamy’s eyes glanced from Kevin to Sawyer, amazed at how alike they were. She suddenly realized that she needn’t worry about her son. She knew in her heart that Sawyer would protect him as fiercely as she would. She could see love in her eyes and knew he would be safe. “You two. I don’t think I can trust you alone.”

  “Oh yes, we’re planning to have late-night parties with lots of shenanigans. I’m going to make sure Kev’s fridge is full of beer. Install a black light. We talked about a trapeze, too, didn’t we?”

  Kevin saw his mother’s reaction, and he laughed out loud. “Yep, me and Coach are gonna party.”

  “We have to make his college experience one he won’t forget.” Sawyer looked down at her plate to hide the wicked grin that spread across her face. The look of horror on Bellamy’s face was priceless. She caught Kevin’s eye and winked surreptitiously.

  Kevin nodded, almost imperceptibly. “You’ll get some tequila, right? I heard that’s what makes the girls loose.”

  “Of course. Remind me to tell you about the time with the Cuervo and the three volleyball players from Florida Southern. To this day, I can’t look at a volleyball game the same.”

  “Good lord.” Bellamy interrupted this time. She glared as Sawyer and Kevin dissolved into immature giggles. “Very funny. I’m rethinking this whole thing. You may have to find another pitcher.”

  This time, it was Sawyer’s turn to register horror. “You wouldn’t dare?”

  “Oh, wouldn’t I?” Bellamy smiled mischievously.

  The threat did the trick. Sawyer sat up quickly and saluted Bellamy. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Bellamy narrowed her eyes in mock exasperation. “Oh, just eat your lunch. I don’t know what to do with the two of you.”

  Sawyer glanced at Kevin one last time and stifled another giggle. She knew Bellamy didn’t for a second believe they would misbehave like that when she was gone. When she looked at Bellamy, her composure was back. “You know I will take good care of him. He’s like a son to me. Besides, I need another pitcher. Bullpen is getting kind of shallow.”

  “Thank you.” Bellamy let out a reliev
ed sigh. “Now I can eat in peace.” She relished the remaining moments she had with Kevin before she drove away. It seemed like only yesterday he was just learning how to walk. Now, he was all grown up, facing the world without her, at a time when she thought he needed her most. But she understood his need to make his own way, especially now. He needed to prove to himself he could face the world head-on, despite his current setback. She was amazed at his strength. She liked to believe he’d learned it from her. So, later, as she drove away, Bellamy didn’t think about her promise not to visit before Thanksgiving. She tried not to think about the three months she wouldn’t see him. She tried not to think about her own loneliness.

  She thought about Kevin. She thought about his promising future, still bright even with the delay. She thought about how proud she was of the man he’d become, more than even she could have imagined. She tried to convince her heart he was where he was supposed to be, but snippets of her conversation with Sawyer kept taunting her. Doesn’t it bother you? As she faced the long drive home alone, realizing she had no one to confide in, it bothered her very much. She couldn’t pick up the phone and call her parents. They wouldn’t understand, and certainly had shown they didn’t care. She had a handful of acquaintances, but no one she would call a friend. Except Sawyer. But she couldn’t call Sawyer. She would make her answer the question of where her God and family were now.

  Bellamy felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She swiped it away angrily. “God damn it.” The words were barely a whisper, but there was something in uttering them that broke everything wide open. Where was everyone when she needed them? Nowhere. It was at that moment the façade cracked. The porcelain veneer shattered. The tears came so hard, she had to pull over. She shut off the car and buried her head in her hands. Her whole life spent doing exactly what she was supposed to do and for what? Sawyer was right. She had nothing and no one. Bellamy pushed away the only person who ever cared, because she was a woman. A lot of good it did Bellamy.