by Blythe Reid
“If you really like this boy,” she said. “Then it’s not too late to make it work. It’s not too late to fix things.”
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t. Lucien made himself clear that night in the park. Whatever else he may have felt for me didn’t matter anymore. He lived in New York, and I lived in France. We were separated by an entire world. Whatever my mom said about our feelings for each other, one thing was clear. It was too late.
Chapter 27
Lucien
My motorcycle was only for special occasions. I hauled it out when I wanted to impress a girl or when I needed to clear my head. It wasn’t often that I used it, but after everything with Scarlet, I was in desperate need of alone time. Riding along an open highway with the wind blowing against my skin always made me feel more in control. When I hit full speed, I could feel the stress begin to melt away.
I rode for hours, only stopping to refill the tank. My head was still spinning, but I felt better. My life didn’t feel so out of control anymore. As long as I was moving, I knew I would be okay.
Things with Scarlet may never be the same again, but I knew I had to figure out a way to try. It wouldn’t be easy with her in France and me in New York. I didn’t even have her mother’s address. I tried to call her cell phone twice, but it went straight to voicemail. The only connection I still had to her were my memories. My memories and her grandmother.
As I rode back into the city, I made my way toward her house. I thought about calling, but I didn’t want to second guess myself. If I slowed down, even for a second, I would talk myself out of trying. I’d been going back and forth for too long already. It was time to act.
There was a chance it would all blow up in my face, that Scarlet’s grandmother would slam the door in my face without a word. I didn’t know what Scarlet had told her about the way we ended things, but I knew it couldn’t be good. When I pulled up in front of the house, my nerves were at an all-time high.
I took a deep breath and walked to the door. Raising my fist, I knocked softly and tried to calm myself. This wouldn’t go well if I was anxious the entire time. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say to her. I just knew I wanted to talk to someone who knew Scarlet. I wanted to be in the house Scarlet called home, the place that was her safe haven in New York.
A strange woman opened the door with a frown. I was surprised to see her, so I didn’t know what to say at first. I just stood there silently, like an idiot, waiting for her to speak.
“Can I help you?” she asked suspiciously.
“Um,” I said. “My name is Lucien Wolfe and I’m here to see—”
“Let him in,” a voice called from somewhere inside the house.
The woman stood aside and let me cross over the threshold. I looked around, unsure of where the voice came from.
“She’s in the kitchen,” the woman said.
“Thank you.” I nodded and hurried forward. I stepped into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the table with a quizzical expression on her face. “Hi, Mrs. Timms.”
“Hello Lucien,” she said with a nod. “Sit down.”
I sat beside her and took a deep breath, preparing myself to speak. I still didn’t know what to say or even where to begin. Now that I was sitting in front of her, I felt like I shouldn’t be.
“I don’t really know why I’m here,” I admitted. “I just, I was driving around and I ended up here.”
“Scarlet’s not here,” she said kindly. “She already went back to France.”
I nodded. “I know. I’ve been thinking about her a lot. I can’t seem to get her out of my head. I keep replaying our last conversation.”
“She told me about that,” Mrs. Timms nodded. “Didn’t go very well, from what she said.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. Scarlet’s always been so sweet and kind and gentle. She deserves the world, and I can’t give her that. I couldn’t even give her a real relationship. All I did was hurt her.”
“Why?” she asked. “Why couldn’t you give her a real relationship?”
“I’ve never had one before,” I admitted. “All my relationships have been casual, never anything serious. I wouldn’t even know how to be a boyfriend.”
“But you were,” she said wisely. “That month you and Scarlet spent together, that was a relationship. Whether you called it one or not, it was.”
I shrugged. “I guess. I just didn’t want to hurt her worse later. The more time we spent together, the more attached we both became. It would have destroyed us to stay together any longer.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s just what I thought at the time. I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Let’s have some coffee,” she said suddenly. She stood up and moved around the kitchen preparing the pot. When it was ready, she brought it and two coffee mugs over to the table. “Do you take cream or sugar?”
I shook my head. “No, black is fine.”
She smiled. “That’s how I like it, too. I can’t stand all that frilly stuff people put in coffee these days.”
I laughed and poured us each a cup. She smiled gratefully when I handed her one. We sipped our coffee in silence for a few minutes. There was still more to be said about me and Scarlet. I came here for a reason, but I wasn’t ready to admit it yet. The second I did, I would be putting myself out there in a way I never had before. For the first time in my life, I would truly be vulnerable.
“Why are you here, Lucien?” Mrs. Timms finally asked.
I cleared my throat and said, “I think I’m in love with Scarlet, and I don’t know what to do.”
That was the first time I’d said those words out loud. They spilled off my lips without pause, leaving me breathless and confused. I’d never said I loved a girl before, not once in my entire life. Part of me wanted to take it back, to say I was just confused and run out of the house screaming. Still, I remained sitting there, waiting for Scarlet’s grandmother to speak again. I knew that once the truth was out, I wouldn’t ever be able to take it back. As terrified as I was, I felt ready. Whatever might happen next, would happen. There was nothing left for me to do except wait.
“Well,” she said. “It’s about time you admitted that. If only you’d told her before she left.”
“I know,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’ll never stop regretting that decision. The only excuse I have is that I was scared. Part of me really believed I was wrong for her, that I wouldn’t do anything but break her heart. But I think I was mostly just afraid that she might break me. I’ve never cared about someone the way I care about Scarlet. It’s terrifying, but I want to fight for it. I want to fight for her.”
“What happened at that party?” Mrs. Timms asked.
Her question took me by surprise. That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. “The party?” I asked blankly. “At the start of the year?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “I know all about that party. The Virgin Party. But I want to hear it from you. What happened between you and Scarlet?”
“Nothing,” I said truthfully. “I didn’t even invite her. One of the other brothers did.”
“She told me,” Mrs. Timms said. “But somehow, she ended up spending the night with you.”
“Nothing happened between us that night,” I promised her. “I won’t lie to you, we’ve slept together, but we didn’t that night. She was drunk. I wouldn’t have done that to her.”
“Why not?” Mrs. Timms challenged. “Isn’t that the whole point of the party?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “But when I saw Scarlet talking to the other guys, I felt angry. Territorial. I knew I wanted to protect her, but I didn’t know why. When I took her upstairs, it wasn’t to sleep with her. It was to keep her safe.”
Mrs. Timms eyed me closely as I spoke. I could tell she was trying to see if I was trustworthy. If she decided I was lying, she would kick me out
of her house without a second thought. I knew she liked me. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have been having this conversation, but I worried it wouldn’t be enough. Without her grandmother’s help, I had no hope of seeing Scarlet again. There was no way she’d ever talk to me unless Mrs. Timms helped.
“Look,” I said, leaning closer to her across the table. “I know I messed up. I was stupid and selfish. Scarlet didn’t deserve anything I did, but I want to fix it. I want to make things right between us again. I don’t know how to do that, but I know I need your help.”
“You aren’t like the other boys from Delta Pi,” she said knowingly. “Not at all.”
It shocked me that Scarlet’s grandmother knew anything about my fraternity. She was old and distanced from college life. It didn’t make any sense. Then, I remembered that Mrs. Timms attended NYU years ago. Delta Pi was already in full force back then, the Virgin Party well underway. As I looked in Mrs. Timms eyes, I knew she’d had experience with my fraternity in the past.
Whatever happened back then, it wasn’t good. It left her with a horrible impression of the Delta Pi brothers. I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t ask, but I immediately regretted my association with the fraternity. For the first time, I saw what our reputation truly was. It made me sick to my stomach.
“I’m trying not to be like them,” I said softly. “I won’t lie to you, Mrs. Timms. I was once. There was a time when I was worse than most of my brothers, but that time is gone. Scarlet changed me. She came into my life, and she made me realize who I wanted to be. I used to lie and manipulate to get my way, but that’s done. No matter what happens between Scarlet and me, I won’t go back to that life. I won’t.”
“I believe you.” She smiled and patted my hand gently before she leaned back in her seat. She seemed to be thinking about something very carefully. “I want to help you.”
“You do?” I asked hopefully. “Really?”
“I don’t know how much good it will do,” she warned. “Scarlet was pretty upset when she left for France. When she went to you that night, I think she expected you to beg her to stay. She wanted you to truly be her Prince Charming, and you weren’t. You were everything she’d been warned about, and it broke her heart. After that, she just shut down. She gave into her mother’s demands and left New York.”
“I know,” I said sadly. “I know.”
“But,” Mrs. Timms continued. “There may be a way for you to fix it. I may have an idea.”
My heart beat fast as Mrs. Timms explained her idea. It was slightly crazy, but also perfect. The idea made my stomach clench nervously. If it went wrong, I would be more than depressed. It would be like losing Scarlet all over again. This hope was just that, hope. It wasn’t a guarantee. I knew I would be risking my entire heart by doing this, but I didn’t care. Scarlet was worth it. I would do anything to get her back.
Chapter 28
Scarlet
My mom was busy getting Thanksgiving dinner prepared, so I drove to the airport to pick up Grandmother. Despite things being better between my mom and me, I was thrilled to have Grandmother with us for the holiday. I’d just left New York, but it felt like I’d been gone for months already. My life returned to normal so easily that it made me miss Grandmother even more. I enjoyed living with her so much. She was the first person to truly support and love me. I never wanted to leave her. The idea of some random nurse taking care of her made me angry. She deserved better than that.
I stood outside of the security gate, waiting for Grandmother to arrive. My excitement increased by the second as I thought about seeing her again. She, unlike anyone else, knew what Lucien meant to me. She would be more understanding of my pain than anyone else. My mother tried to comfort me, and sometimes, it really helped, but it wasn’t the same. Mom didn’t know Lucien. She never saw us together. She didn’t have a chance to fully understand how happy I’d been with him or how distraught I was to lose him.
Grandmother came around the corner with a wide smile on her face. I ran forward, ready to engulf her in a hug. She hurried toward me, throwing her arms around my neck when she reached me. I hugged her tightly, closing my eyes and breathing in her familiar smell. I never wanted to let her go.
“I missed you,” I said softly.
“Oh, my Scarlet,” she said back. “I’ve missed you, too.”
We continued to hug for a few seconds. I opened my eyes, smiling brightly, and saw a familiar face walking toward us. My entire body went stiff against Grandmother’s. I felt her sigh and let me go slowly. I looked from that familiar face to her and then back again, desperate for some kind of explanation.
“Why is he here?” I demanded.
“Just talk to him,” she said softly.
Lucien walked over to us and stopped a few feet away. He seemed afraid to approach me too quickly, as if I was a wild animal who might attack him. In that moment, I didn’t blame him. I felt like I might lose control at any second. Just seeing him standing there in front of me was enough to make me want to scream. I couldn’t believe he was here or that Grandmother didn’t warn me. She knew what he put me through. She knew how badly he hurt me. How could she do this to me?
“I can’t believe you brought him here,” I said to her, my voice low and angry.
She didn’t respond. She just patted my back and smiled knowingly before she turned and walked away. I watched her disappear into the nearest bathroom. I knew she didn’t need to go. She was just giving Lucien and me a chance to be alone. It was the last thing I wanted. When I left New York, it was with the hope that I would never have to see his face again.
“What are you doing here?” I finally asked, turning back to face him.
He swallowed hard and took a step forward. I moved backward instinctively. I hated the effect he had on me. His was the last face I wanted to see, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from it. He was still just as handsome as ever, drawing me in easily. I felt weak and vulnerable, and I hated it.
“I needed to see you,” he said softly. “After you left, I lost my mind, Scarlet. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I don’t care,” I snapped. “You don’t get to say those things to me. Not now. Not after everything.”
My voice was strong and steady. It surprised us both. I knew he was expecting me to be the same, weak girl I was when we met, but that girl was gone.
“I went to your grandmother’s house,” he continued. “I was out driving around, and I just sort of ended up there. It was like I was drawn to it. She and I ended up talking for a long time. We talked about everything. About you and me. About my feelings for you.”
“You said you didn’t have feelings for me,” I reminded him.
“I lied,” he said. “I was lying.”
“I don’t believe you,” I said, but my voice was softer.
I didn’t believe him yet, but I wanted to. I couldn’t help it. Just hearing his voice softened my resolve. I still cared about him.
“I don’t blame you,” he said. “I wouldn’t believe me either, but it’s the truth. I got scared, Scarlet.”
“Scared of what?” I asked.
“Of us,” he said. “Of you. You came into my life and completely changed everything, Scarlet. I never knew I could care about someone so much until I met you. It scared the shit out of me. And then, Adam told me not to hurt you. He warned me that you weren’t my usual type of girl that you were looking for something real. I realized he was right. You wanted a commitment, and I didn’t know if I could give that to you. I didn’t know if I should even try.”
“Then why are you here now?” I demanded.
“Because Adam was wrong,” he said. “And so was I. Before you, I wasn’t the kind of guy to commit. I wasn’t a boyfriend, but now, Scarlet, you’ve changed me. I fell in love with you, and you changed me. I’m not the same person anymore. I’m better. You made me better.”
“What did you say?” I breathed.
My entire body felt weak as I registered his words.
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.
“I love you,” he said with a soft laugh. “I love you, Scarlet. I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a long time, but I was too scared and immature to admit it. I couldn’t bring myself to man up enough to really be with you. That was a mistake. I screwed up. I know that. But I want to fix it.”
My heart felt like it was on fire as I listened to Lucien’s words. Part of me wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to sink into the ground beneath my feet and never have to deal with this situation ever again. Lucien was everything I’d always wanted, but that was before he hurt me. He took my virginity, made me fall for him, and then left me. How was I supposed to trust him now?
I shook my head slowly, not sure what to say. I was afraid to move too much, terrified that I might make yet another mistake. Ever since I moved to New York, I felt like that was all I did. I made one mistake after another until finally, I came back home. What if forgiving Lucien was just another mistake?
“I’m scared to trust you again,” I said, my voice cracking. “You broke my heart, Lucien.”
“I know,” he said quickly. “And I can’t tell you how sorry I am, but I love you. God, I love you so much. Please, please believe that.”
“I do,” I said softly. “I believe you.”
Lucien’s sighed with relief and hurried forward. He pulled me against him and I melted. I rested my head on his chest and let him hold me while my pain faded away. Being back in his arms was all I needed. Everything suddenly made sense again.
When he kissed me, his lips were soft and careful. He was afraid to move too quickly and scare me away. I kissed him back, letting myself forgive him slowly. That one kiss wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a start. It was our start.
“I love you, too,” I said when we pulled away.
His smile was breathtaking.
“Are you two ready to go?” Grandmother asked from behind us.
I hadn’t realized she’d come back from the bathroom.