by Lena Nicole
“Thank you for your apology. I accept it.” I let out a huge sigh of relief as he continues. “I’m not proud of what I did. Any of it, in fact. The drinking, the sleeping around, my outburst on you when you told me about Pierce. I was hurting and I was just trying to numb the pain. Maybe it wasn’t the right way, but it got me through it. I would drink and sleep with Brooklyn to try and block everything out. I wouldn’t even bring her back to my place, because somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her while I was with her. All I saw was you, wanting it desperately to be you.
“I hate myself for how I was handling things with the booze and with Brooklyn, which is why I quickly put an end to it. When Charlotte came along, it helped. She didn’t look at me with pity and she became a great friend to me. Someone healthy I could turn my time and attention to without you attached to it. Once I cleaned up my act and started to get my shit together, I knew I would always regret those choices, but they are mine to live with.” He stops talking and I can see sadness take over his eyes. I don’t want tonight to be about sadness, just about moving forward. I lean across the table and place a kiss on his lips. When I pull away, he has a smile on his face and I see the change in his mood.
“I’m glad we were able to talk about that. I don’t want us to not talk about our issues. I’m going to try my hardest to work past the whole Brooklyn thing and I think it will be easier to do knowing your reasons behind it,” I say just as our food comes out.
The rest of dinner feels just like old times and I’m not quite ready to end our night. I ask Colin if he would like to go back to his place and watch a movie for a little bit and he agrees. The whole ride to Colin’s, I’m filled with mixed emotions running through me. Even though it hurts me to know the truth about Brooklyn, I could see the anguish on Colin’s face as he sat there and confessed everything to me. I shouldn’t have been so hard on him; Morgan was right about that. I pushed him to make those choices, and that is something I’m going to have to accept. The rest of dinner I noticed a particular look that would flash through his eyes. One that he used when he would tell me we weren’t making it out the door until he had his way with me. I kept wondering if it was the dress that gave him the look or the memories that come along with it. I know all night those memories were in the back of my mind.
As we pull up to his place, he turns off the car and opens my door for me. I thank him and we head up to his door.
“You look stunning tonight, by the way,” he says as he is unlocking the door. “And that has always been my favorite dress.” He opens the door and I can feel my cheeks heat up from the blush that is creeping its way up my face. He gestures for me to go first and I head inside. Hearing the door close behind me, I turn and am met with hungry blue eyes that make me feel like prey under his predatory gaze.
IT’S A relief that Addison seems to have accepted my explanation on the choices I made last year. It kills me that those decisions hurt her, but I don’t plan to make those same mistakes ever again.
We walk into my house and her back is to me as she takes in my place. It feels a little weird to have her here and I’m wondering if she’s thinking the same thing. That after all we’ve been through we’re both still standing here together. Well, sort of.
I shut the door and she turns around to look at me. She really is a gorgeous woman and it feels like I’m looking at her for the first time ever. Seeing her in that dress brought back so many wonderful memories of us together, and watching her stand before me makes me want to recreate those moments again. She bites her bottom lip before looking down, and I think she can feel the growing sexual tension between us. As much as I want her, I don’t want to push her into anything she’s not ready for.
I clear my throat and say, “Why don’t you go have a seat and find a movie for us to watch and I’ll bring us out some wine.”
“Okay, sounds good,” she says, glancing back up at me.
I stroll into the kitchen and grab a couple of glasses and some white wine before returning to the living room. I sit down next to her and hand her the glass.
“Thanks,” she says.
“No problem. So, what are we watching tonight?”
“I thought we should watch a comedy. How about Pitch Perfect?”
“Seriously? The one with all the singing?” I deadpan.
She looks somewhat offended by my lackluster response. “Have you ever seen it?”
“Nope.”
“Then you don’t know what you’re missing. This is the funniest movie ever. I promise you’ll like it,” she says as she pushes play on the remote.
I sink down into my couch and rest my feet on the coffee table. We make it about a quarter of the way through before we’re both talking and laughing and have long forgotten about the movie that’s playing.
I’ve turned my body toward her so that one leg is drawn up on the couch and the other is resting on the floor. My left arm is resting on the back of the couch, putting my fingers inches away from her silky hair. She’s turned toward me also with both legs pulled up on the couch and tucked under her. The way she’s sitting has her dress riding up her leg, exposing a decent amount of thigh. I have to make a conscious effort not to stare and to stay focused on the conversation at hand.
She’s laughing at something I said, and the twinkle in her eyes that shines through is the best thing I’ve seen all day. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and let my finger trail down the side of her face. She instantly stops laughing and looks at me with an intense stare. I know that look all too well, and I’m willing to bet she’s wondering if she should or not, even if she wants to.
I put my hand on the nape of her neck and pull her gently toward me. “Come here, Addison,” I whisper to her. Her eyes lock in on my lips and the air shifts between us. It’s so full of want and need that I can’t stand it anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to touch her intimately that I don’t know how I’ve lasted this long.
I seal her lips with mine and am met with a soft moan from Addison. After a moment of gentle kissing, I deepen it and part her lips with my tongue. She grabs me by the shirt, leans back, and pulls me on top of her. I run my hand up the outside of her thigh as I devour her lips. I had taken off my jacket and tie when we walked in the door, and now she’s working on the buttons of my shirt. Her hands are shaking and fumbling as she struggles to get them undone. I’m considering pulling back and putting a stop to this since she seems so nervous, but when I pull back to look into her eyes, I see that it’s not nerves making her shake, it’s pure lust and need. I sit up and undo the rest of the buttons and slide my shirt off.
Hiking her dress up her hips, she lifts them to allow me to push it up further. She raises her arms in the air after sitting up with me to give me the go ahead to take it off. I pull the dress up and over her head and take in her gorgeous body. Laying there in nothing but a bra and panties on my couch is the sexiest thing I’ve seen in over a year. I’ve wished and dreamed of this day for so long, it’s hard to believe that it’s actually about to happen.
I shake my head slightly in disbelief that she’s here with me before saying, “You are absolutely gorgeous. I thought I had every curve of your body committed to memory, but seeing you here right now puts my memories to shame,” I say softly.
She bites her lip and grabs my arm, pulling me toward her again. “Stop teasing me, Colin. I need you.”
Those three words — I need you — that’s all I have to hear to lose complete control. Soon, we’re all hands and mouths and tongues all over each other like we can’t get enough. I slow down and gently pick her up, carrying her to the bedroom. I’ve wanted this for so long, there’s no way I’m going to rush it by having sex with her on a small couch. I plan to take my time and love every part of her until I can’t hold out anymore.
Gently laying her down, I unbutton my pants and slide them down. My erection is straining against my boxers, and as I look at her I
see that she’s staring at it. A smirk forms across my face. “Everything okay?”
Her eyes snap back up to mine. “Yes, more than okay. Come here.” She curls her index finger in a ‘come hither’ movement.
I shake my head at her and hook my fingers in her panties and slowly slide them off. I can feel her heat from where I’m standing and can’t wait to taste her again. I sink to my knees on the floor and pull her to the edge of the bed. She lets out a loud gasp with the sudden movement. When my mouth touches her center, she cries out. I keep going until she’s about to come, and when I don’t think she can take anymore, I finally give in and let her have her release.
Her eyes are closed and her breaths are coming out shallow as I crawl my way back up the bed. When she finally peeks through her closed eyelids and looks at me, she reaches up and runs her hand through my hair. “Wow,” she says breathlessly.
“Don’t worry, Addy. That’s not the only one I’m going to give you.”
She pulls down my boxers and we spend the rest of the night making unhurried love together. All the emotions I felt the very first time we made love resurface. However, there’s something still in the very far depths of my mind that can’t quite shake this weird feeling. Like maybe we’re not as connected as I thought we were. It could be my mind over thinking everything, given the circumstances we’re in, or it could be my subconscious trying to protect my heart. Either way, I shove that part of my brain away and enjoy the here and now with Addison beneath me.
SIX WEEKS have gone by and I find Addison in my bed more and more lately. Waking up beside her is my favorite thing in the morning. She stirs in her sleep and opens her eyes. Seeing me watching her, she smiles at me and arches her back in a stretch.
“Good morning,” I say before kissing her. She seems tense and I’m not sure why. Last night she was slightly off and I tried to get her to talk to me, but she just dismissed my concerns and we ended up making love, which put all my earlier questions to rest.
“Good morning. How long were you watching me?”
“Only a few minutes. I have to get up and get ready for work.” I give her one more kiss before heading toward the bathroom to take a shower.
I’m tying my tie and am about to grab my briefcase when I see Addison sitting at the kitchen table staring into her now cold cup of coffee.
“Hey, are you sure nothing is bothering you?” I cup her jaw and search her eyes.
Her lips are turned up in the corners but quiver slightly before she says, “No, really, I’m great.”
My eyebrows pinch together at her unconvincing reply. “Okay, well I’m heading out. Call me if you need anything.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you.”
“Love you too.” I give her a kiss and make my way to work.
I’m sitting at my desk about halfway through the workday when my phone rings. Addison’s name flashes across the screen and I can’t help but feel happy. We had to come such a long way to end up where we are. Things aren’t completely settled, but they’re getting there and I feel us growing closer to each other every day.
“Hey, Addy, I was just thinking about you,” I say when I answer the phone.
“You were? Look, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I have something important I have to say. If you’d rather meet and talk in person we can, or I can just tell you now.” She sounds so nervous and my heart instantly drops to the pit of my stomach. This doesn’t sound like good news.
“Well, just tell me now.” I sit up straight in my chair and hold my breath as I wait for this important news she has to tell me.
I hear her exhale loudly and then she says the words that change my world, “Colin, I’m pregnant.”
My mouth falls open and damn near lands on the desk. I’m so completely stunned, since I thought she was on the pill, but this could be good news. I’ve always wanted kids and I know Addison does too, so I would think this is good news. So why does she sound so upset?
“Oh, wow. I’m shocked, but also very happy. That’s great news! When do you go to the doctor? I want to make sure I’m at every appointment.”
“Uh, well, here’s the thing. Um — you know — oh God, how do I say this?” After a deep breath and a long pause, “The baby might not be yours,” she chokes out.
I fall back into my chair as I let her last six words wash over me. The baby might not be mine? What does that mean? Holy shit. That means Pierce could be the father. I guess since we were spending so much time together intimately I never thought about whether or not she was also having sex with Pierce. And because of that, it never really occurred to me to use protection either. Suddenly, my happiness goes to anger at the situation she has put me in.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Are you telling me that Pierce might also be the father?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“This is just great, Addison. I didn’t even know you were still fucking him!”
“That’s because you never asked and I didn’t think I should offer up that information. I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen,” she says as she breaks out in a sob.
“Have you told Pierce yet?” I growl at her.
“No, I’m going to tell him at dinner tonight.”
“That should make for an interesting dinner. How could you be so irresponsible? Aren’t you on the pill?” I’m gripping the armrest on my chair so tightly, my knuckles are white.
“Yes, but I guess I forgot a pill here and there.”
“I guess so,” I reply sarcastically. “So what happens next? We wait for the baby to come and go on the Maury Povich Show for a DNA test?” I spit at her.
This causes her to cry harder, but I don’t care. I know I should accept some of the responsibility in this, but I’m too hurt to cast the blame on anyone but her.
I spring up out of bed and am drenched in a cold sweat. I look around and see Addison sleeping peacefully in my bed. I look at my phone to check the date and let out a sigh of relief. Holy shit that felt real. It’s crazy how sleeping with Addison for the first time since the accident has messed with my mind so much. But maybe this is a cautionary dream. We didn’t use any protection and I have no idea if she’s sleeping with Pierce. Looks like we’ll have to have this discussion as soon as possible.
I can’t fall back to sleep. I just keep staring at Addison, wondering what the future will hold for us. Were we really meant to be, or were we just meant to be together until the next phase of our lives?
I’M SITTING at my desk at work, staring off into space, when Charlotte walks in with two cups of coffee.
“Hey there, C. Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing, just thinking.”
“Ahh, girl problems,” she says as she sits down in the chair across from me and hands me my coffee.
“Something like that.” I take a sip of my coffee and look up at her. Her head is cocked to the side and her eyes are narrowed like she’s trying to solve a riddle. Once Addison got her memory back, I talked to Charlotte about everything. About my feelings on her dating us both, to how I felt when I was around her now. She’s been a great friend and always willing to listen without judging. Plus, every now and then, she’ll give me some good advice.
“What’s happening between you and Addison now? Maybe I can be of some assistance to you.”
“I don’t know. I feel like we took another step toward being together last night, but then I had this weird dream that totally freaked me out and I just can’t shake it.” I tell her all about my dream and she’s completely quiet through the whole thing, only nodding here and there to let me know she’s listening. “What do you think it means?”
“I don’t know, Colin. I think you have to figure that one out for yourself. Ask yourself this: when you were with her, did it feel like it always did? Was the instant connection you always talked about there?”
I give some thought to that before saying, “No, it wasn’t. I thought I was getting too much in my head and over think
ing it, but it just wasn’t the same. It was still great, don’t get me wrong,” I say as she sticks out her tongue and makes a disgusted look like I’ve over shared with her, “but the usual chemistry that made us us wasn’t there. It’s hard to explain. I don’t want to ask her if she felt the same way and push her away. It could be me thinking too much about it, you know?”
She slowly nods, “I think you have some thinking to do. Really look into your feelings on this. I know you’ve wanted this for a long time, so that could be clouding your judgment. Or, the opposite could be happening and you’re trying to shield yourself from another heartbreak. Either way, I think the sooner you figure it out, the better.”
“Thanks for the advice. Anyway, enough about me. What about you? Is there a guy in your life to make you miserable like the rest of us?”
She looks down at her coffee and starts running her finger along the rim of the mug. “Eh, not really,” she says with a shrug.
“I thought you told me a little while ago there was a guy who caught your eye but it hadn’t gone anywhere yet. What happened with that?”
“Oh, you know. Things didn’t work out. Bad timing and all.” She’s usually pretty open about things, so for her to be so vague tells me she doesn’t want to talk about it. I decide to let it go for now and talk about something else.
“Well, should we dig into these files and prepare for the trial on Monday?”
“Sure,” she says as she perks up a little.
I’M HEADED over to Morgan’s place to tell her about my night with Colin. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I don’t know what came over me, but as soon as he kissed me I knew I had to have him. All of him. It was effortless and familiar, but at the same time, there was something different about it. We had made love so many times before in the past but this time, the connection wasn’t the same as it had been before. I knock on Morgan’s door and she yells for me to come in.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I say as I walk in and see her with her body leaned over with her head peaking in the oven.