by Lena Nicole
I NEVER thought Addison sent Colin over to my house. His questions and the way he was acting were proof enough to know that. However, it has been the only thing I can think about for the last two weeks, other than how to explain the Samantha disaster to Addison. I have so many questions for her that I know if I don’t ask at least the big one on my mind, it’ll continue to fester in my head and drive me crazy. The thought of another man’s hands on my Addison makes my blood boil.
I suck in a big breath and hold it for a second and say, “About Colin’s sudden drop by, I do have a question for you about some of the stuff he said.” We’re still holding hands and I’m running my thumb in small circles on the back of hers.
“Okay,” she says in an unsure manner. The crease between her eyebrows tells me she has no idea where I’m going with this.
“Colin had mentioned something about him not having a problem keeping you in his bed. By the tone of his voice, I could tell he was trying to insinuate something and make a point, so I just wanted to ask you what he meant by that. Are you guys having sex?” I choke the last sentence out. I feel sick to my stomach and am trying not to clench my fists while waiting for her reply. I pray to God Colin was just being a prick and that he hasn’t touched her. I really don’t know how it’ll make me feel if she confirms my fears.
She closes her eyes and hesitates momentarily before she delivers the blow. “Yes, Colin and I have had sex since I’ve regained my memory.” She says this so quietly, I almost ask her to repeat it just to make sure I’m hearing her right.
My whole body goes tense before my shoulders slump forward as all the oxygen is sucked from my lungs. I look at her through blurred vision as my eyes water. I let go of her hands and drag them through my hair, trying to compose myself. Wow, talk about a blow to the gut. It’s hard enough sharing her time, but sharing her body? Can I do that?
“Say something,” she whispers, looking up at me.
I shake my head slightly. “I’m not sure what to say. I guess I never really took into consideration that dating both of us meant that you might be sleeping with both of us too. You have to understand, in my mind you’re mine, and I don’t want another man’s hands on you.”
“I’m sorry. I know this is hard, and I know I should have been more open with you about it, but it just wasn’t something we ever discussed. We never talk about my dates with Colin.”
“That’s because as far as I’m concerned, they don’t mean anything, but if you’re having sex with him, I guess that’s not the case.” I pause before squeezing my eyes shut and ask her a question I probably shouldn’t, “How many times, Addison?”
She looks down when I open my eyes and look at her. She’s playing with her napkin when she answers, “Just once since my memories came back.”
I thought knowing how often they fucked would make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Does she feel the same connection with him as she does with me? I can feel it in the way she responds to me, the quick breaths she takes, the shudder of her body when I lightly touch her skin, and the way she moans in ecstasy when she finds her release, that we connect on a much deeper level than just a physical one. Our bodies are in tune with each other when we make love. We fit perfectly together and I can’t imagine she feels that with Colin as well.
Clearing my throat, I try to move on to another topic, since all we’ve done is discuss serious issues. Now that the problem of Samantha is explained and out of the way, the only other thing for me to deal with internally is Colin touching her in ways that only I should know. Am I willing to stick by and feel like her ‘next in line?’ I have so many other questions I want to ask her. Does she feel the same way about him? Does she plan to fuck him again? When is the next time they’re seeing each other? But I don’t ask any of those, since I don’t think it’s appropriate. Actually, that’s not the reason at all. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle the answers to those questions or curb the urge to beat Colin to a pulp for fucking her. I think one sucker punch to the gut is enough for one day.
We part ways with me telling her I’ll call her to make plans and her telling me that she promises to respond. This leaves me with a shit ton of unanswered questions and a building case of jealousy and betrayal.
I’M GOING for a run on the beach to clear my mind, relax a little, and catch the sunrise. It’s been a while since I’ve run in the sand, and I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to last. Putting ear buds in, I find a playlist and start my morning run. Coming up to the jetty, I remember all the good memories Colin and I have shared there, including the most recent one when he took me here to calm me down after the Pierce situation. Things have been cleared up since then, but it’s been so long since I have been comforted by Colin the way I was, I forgot how calming his arms are. It’s amazing that he knew exactly what I needed in that exact moment in time. I’m glad I never took Pierce to our spot, because it is still something special only Colin and I share. I stop my run, walk down the rocks, and let my legs hang off the edge, waiting for the sun to rise, letting my mind wander.
“Addy?” I hear Colin say my name as I stare blankly at the ocean. “Addison?” he asks again, sitting down next to me. His hand gently cups my jaw and turns my head so I’m now looking at him.
“You’re crying,” he says, wiping away the fresh tears from my eyes. “I woke up and you weren’t in bed. When I couldn’t find you around the condo, something told me to look here. Talk to me, tell me what has you so upset.”
I remain silent, contemplating saying the words out loud. If I tell him why I’m crying, that means that this is real and I’m not having a bad dream. Looking at Colin, I can see the worry taking over his face.
“My grandma died,” I tell him, choking on a sob as the words come out.
Colin pulls me into him and kisses my forehead. “I’m so sorry, Addy. I know you two were really close. When did this happen and how?” he asks softly.
“Early this morning. My dad called to tell me she had a heart attack and you were so tired, I didn’t want to wake you,” I say as more tears stream down my face. Saying it out loud makes it hurt so much more.
“You should have woken me. I’m always here for you, you know that,” he says, holding my hand in his.
“I know you are. I just needed some time. I need to process the fact that she’s gone and this isn’t just a bad dream. Even saying it out loud makes it hurt more. I just thought maybe if I sat out here long enough…” I trail off, not really sure of what I thought would happen. “You know, she used to come sit on the beach just before the sun rose and would wait to see if she could spot any dolphins. She had the patience of a saint. She used to take me with her when we would vacation at the beach. She would wake me up early and we would just sit and wait. I would ask her every five minutes ‘Where are the dolphins?’ and she would tell me, ‘If you’re patient enough, you will see them.’”
“And did you? See the dolphins?” Colin asks.
“Sometimes, others times I was too impatient and looked for sea shells instead.”
After a brief pause, he asks, “When is the funeral?”
“Tomorrow, they want to do it as quickly as possible.”
“Okay, then let’s get you back so we can get you ready for tomorrow,” he says, standing and holding his hand out to help me up. Taking his hand, I catch one last glance out at the water and head back to my condo.
I don’t know what made me think of that specific day, but it makes me wish my grandma was here to help guide me through this. She always had great wisdom to share with me. The sun is about to rise, and before I know it, I find myself talking to my grandma.
“Hey, Nannie. I miss you. I’m sorry I haven’t been to your grave lately to visit, but my life is a little confusing and complicated right now. Well, I guess you would know that since you’re able to look down on me. Anyway, I’m not really sure I know what I’m doing. I wish I had your guidance to help me through this. You would know exactly what to do. I don’t know if
I’m doing the right thing by dating two guys at once, but I love them both and I’m just so torn up; I don’t want to make the wrong decision.”
I pause to take in the beauty of the sun rising. The sky is glowing with different colors of orange and pink pouring out of the sun and shining over the horizon, reflecting off the water. There is not a cloud in the sky, allowing me to feel the warmth of the rays beating down. Watching this is so breathtaking, I feel myself at peace right now.
“I’m always thinking of you and wish you were still with us Nan, and I hope I’m making you proud. Most of all, I hope I’m making the right decision.” In that exact moment, I hear a splash from the water and see a school of dolphins swimming out in the ocean. I look up at the sky and blow her a kiss, telling my grandma I love her and head back to my condo.
Walking back to my condo, I keep thinking about the dolphins showing up when they did. I feel nothing but peace at the moment. I know it’s a sign from my grandma telling me what I needed confirmed, that I am in fact, making the right decision.
I LOOK down at my watch and notice that she’s late. Standing outside for a couple of minutes at the abandoned looking warehouse, I look around, and see her walking up.
“Hey,” I say as I give her a hug.
“Hey, C. Sorry I’m late. You weren’t waiting long, were you?” Charlotte says.
“Nope, I just got here a few minutes ago. You ready to go in?”
“Absolutely,” she says with a shimmy of her hips.
Charlotte and I have been coming to this abandoned warehouse to dance about once a week for a couple months now. We made it a weekly routine not too long after she took me here for the first time. It’s a fun stress reliever that gives me a hell of a workout. It helps both of us unwind from a week full of cases, court appearances, and depositions. Plus, I really enjoy her company.
We walk toward the bar and get a couple of drinks. This is also part of our routine. I always need a small amount of liquid courage to get out on the dance floor. This is so different from going to a club and dancing; a case of the nerves is usually present right when we get here.
After we’ve both finished our drink, I grab Charlotte by the hand and pull her to the dance floor. “Come on. Show me your moves,” I say to her.
Now that I know the basics of salsa dancing, Charlotte is kind enough to let me lead. We get into the rhythm of the beat and become emerged in the dance. Before too long, I’m acutely aware of Charlotte’s body pressed against mine and the scent of her skin that’s glistening with sweat. A strange and unsettling feeling comes over me that leaves me completely confused. I’ve never thought of Charlotte as anything more than a friend and trusted colleague, but for some reason, my body is responding to her in ways that are probably inappropriate for our relationship. Needing to put some space between us, I push away slightly and motion to her that I’m headed to the bar.
Signaling to the bartender that I need a glass of water, I turn my back to the bar and notice Charlotte standing beside me. It’s the first time I’ve really looked at her tonight and she looks fantastic. Her short, dark hair is pinned back away from her face. She has on a flowy, pink dress and some strappy heels that do amazing things for her short, slim legs. Mentally shaking myself out of these thoughts, I turn to look away from her when she grabs me by my tie.
“You need to loosen up a little, Colin. What’s up with this tie?” she says, giving it a little tug.
“I had a meeting with a client and didn’t have time to go home and change,” I tell her.
“Here, let me help you.” She loosens up my tie and unbuttons the first button on my shirt. I have to admit that I do feel more comfortable and am able to breathe easier; but having her this close is not pulling me away from my earlier thoughts.
Swallowing hard, I say, “Thanks, that feels better.” My voice sounds raspy, even to my own ears and I hope she doesn’t pick up on it.
“No problem. You ready to head back out there?” she asks as she points over her shoulder to the dance floor. I drink the rest of my water and nod my head.
We get back on the dance floor and I try my best not to memorize each sway of her hips or feel of her touch. The feelings I was trying to escape when I went to the bar return as soon as we fall into step with each other. I clear my throat and try to focus on the steps and not her chest brushing against mine, or the sound of her laugh as we move fluidly together. If I’m so easily distracted by Charlotte, what does that say about my feelings toward Addison?
Drinks were flowing all night and although I paced myself, Charlotte ended up having a little too much to drink, so I’m driving her home tonight. Stopping at a red light, I can see her out of the corner of my eye, staring at me. I’m sure she’s wondering what’s with all the silence. Since leaving the dance floor, I’m having a hard time trying to concentrate on the fact that we’re just friends. I have no idea why her body is calling out for my attention, but it is. I’ve notice every drop of sweat drip down her neck and roll between her cleavage, and each rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, waiting for the light to turn green.
“Everything okay?” she asks, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, just have a lot on my mind,” I say, avoiding eye contact. I can’t give her body any more attention than I have. It’s messing with my head and that’s been screwed with enough lately.
Luckily, she lets it go and doesn’t question it any further. As I pull up to her place, I leave the car running, hoping she won’t invite me in.
“Thanks for the ride. Do you think you can take me to pick up my car tomorrow?”
Looking at Charlotte, she has that contagious smile beaming at me, and even though I know I should put some space between us, I agree to take her and head home.
THE CLOCK seems to have slowed down since I last checked it as I wait for Pierce to come pick me up for dinner. He is taking me to a new restaurant that his friend built. It’s an Italian place, so I’m very excited to try out their food.
When I hear a car door shut, I head over to the door to greet Pierce. When I open it, I am met with the nice surprise of Ali greeting me at the door. I have missed her so much and not knowing he was bringing her over is such an unexpected surprise. I say hello to Ali and take her leash off once she’s in the house.
“Can I help you with those?” I ask Pierce, who is bringing in a few things for her.
“I’m good, thanks,” he says, placing her stuff on the counter. He saunters back over to me and puts his hand around my waist, pulling me into him and places a long steaming kiss on my lips. As he pulls away, he places a quick kiss on my nose, giving me butterflies.
“You look beautiful and flawless as ever,” he says as he places his finger on my neck, dragging it slowly down my neckline. Closing my eyes, I take in the simple, gentle touch that’s setting my skin on fire. Pierce leans in and gives me another kiss, and I part my lips wanting more. Sliding his hand to the back of my neck, he deepens our kiss. I run my hand up his back as it finds its way to his hair and I give it a gentle tug, winning me a low growl. Pierce breaks our contact and grins at me.
“Come on, Beautiful, we better get going. We will have dessert at home afterward. I promise.” I nod and he grabs my hand leading me out the door.
Once we reach the car, Pierce opens the door for me and brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it before letting go. I sit and watch him as he closes the door and strides his way around the car. I love to watch Pierce walk, work, and pretty much do anything. He does everything with so much confidence that it exudes out of him. The drive over to the restaurant is quick, and when we arrive Pierce takes my hand in his as we walk into the restaurant. I look around and see there is no one in it. I turn to Pierce confused.
“I thought they were open?” I ask.
“They’re opening tomorrow. I wanted to have a quiet, nice dinner alone with you, and Zach offered to let us use his restaurant for the evening.”
As so
on as Pierce says that, I see Zach approaching from the back of the restaurant.
“Pierce, Addison, nice to see you guys.” He shakes Pierce’s hand before giving me a kiss on each cheek.
“Thanks for letting me do this, man. I really appreciate it,” Pierce tells him.
“Yes, thank you. The place looks stunning; you did an amazing job,” I compliment him.
“Thank you, the chef is already in the back, ready to prepare whatever you guys want and I have a server who will be out to help you. They will lock up when they’re done, so I’ll leave you guys alone.”
We thank him and are still standing by the entrance as Zach leaves, allowing me to look around and admire the beauty of the restaurant. There are tables of all sizes with white table clothes. The bar is off to the right where people can sit and have drinks while waiting for their table. In the back, there is large dining room which looks to be for private parties. Chandeliers hang from the ceiling, illuminating the room just enough so it’s not too bright, but not too dark, giving it a warm, romantic feel.
“So where do we sit?” I ask.
“Wherever you’d like,” he says squeezing my hand. I look around and figure since we’re the only ones here, we might as well enjoy the entire place while we have it.
“How about there?” I ask, pointing to a table in the middle of the restaurant.
“That’s exactly the table I would have picked,” he answers while grinning at me.
“Sure you would have,” I say, smiling back at him.
As we reach the table, he pulls out my chair for me. After sitting he says, “I’m serious. It’s perfect because then you’re the center of attention in this large room. And I plan on giving you all of my undivided attention tonight.”