I glanced at the clock, noting I had a couple hours before classes. I learned a long time ago not to take classes too early in the morning.
That shit was for people who didn’t value sleep.
The blankets were tangled around me like I’d been tossing and turning, and it took a second to get out of bed without falling over and busting my ass. Once I was free, I grabbed some clothes from the dresser and walked across the hall stark naked.
On my way, I heard Prada barking at Ivy downstairs, and her light laugh filtered up the stairwell. The corner of my mouth tipped up as I continued on into the shower.
I stood under the hot spray for long minutes, just letting the water pelt me as I tried to erase the worst of the exhaustion from my brain.
I hadn’t been sleeping well.
Not lately.
A guy would think a couple months after the shit hit the fan and finally calmed back down, he’d be sleeping better than ever. That wasn’t the case.
If anything, a good night’s sleep seemed harder and harder to achieve.
Before, it had been about Ivy. About making sure she was healing. All the injuries she sustained during that accident with him had taken weeks and weeks to heal. Her mental state was precarious as well. I was damn proud when she announced she was going to therapy and then lifted her chin as if she’d challenge whatever joke I made about a head shrink.
Hell. I didn’t make any joke. If anything, I fell for her a little more because she was willing to admit she needed some help dealing.
Turns out talking to a professional—and dare I say someone who didn’t want to punch a window every time she needed to work through what that fucker put her through—really helped her.
So time went on. Rome and Rim got engaged. His first NFL season ended, and he came home for the off-season. A new semester began at Alpha U, and Drew moved into the guest room permanently.
And the best part about it all was Zach wasn’t out there lurking and plotting to hurt someone I loved. He was gone. Dead. Burned to death.
He couldn’t hurt my family anymore.
But he was haunting me.
That entire night haunted me.
I couldn’t shake the fear of almost losing Ivy forever. I was a different guy since, like a switch inside me flipped and there was no way to flip it back.
I grabbed the soap and scrubbed myself clean, then let the suds rinse away while I washed my hair.
The nightmare last night had been the worst one. Even though some of it was hazy, I remembered the mind-numbing fear of Ivy being dead. I’d never been a fearful guy. I wasn’t afraid of life or anything it threw at me.
But now… now I was afraid of something.
Of death.
Of loss.
Of what I’d done.
I stuck my head under the spray and rubbed at it vigorously. The hot water felt good, loosening up my tense muscles.
I wanted Ivy. I wanted to see her face and feel the softness of her hair. It made me feel weak to need another person so much, but I couldn’t help it. I did need her. It seemed like I needed her now more than ever.
Not that I would say it out loud.
She already knows…
The thought drew me up short. Last night replayed through my mind like a movie. A fucking hot, erotic movie.
Of me waking up, feeling desperate and lost. She was on top of me, offering warmth and comfort. If anyone could bring me back from the edge, it was her.
She offered herself up to me, and I’d taken it all.
Fuck.
I hadn’t been gentle. If anything, I’d been an asshole.
Was that why she wasn’t in bed this morning?
Had I hurt her without realizing it?
I shut off the water abruptly and grabbed a towel. The way I behaved last night was un-fucking-acceptable. I knew better than that shit. Ivy deserved better.
I had to make it right.
Chapter Five
Ivy
I couldn’t sleep.
Even though it was a couple hours before I needed to be awake and the pull of Braeden’s warm, solid body beside mine was intoxicating, sleep was illusive.
I lay there for a while, content just to be next to him—that is until I realized there might be a reason I couldn’t sleep. Once I allowed that thought space in my head, I knew there would be no use.
The sound of Romeo working out in the gym down the hall was like a beacon. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I was hovering in the partially open doorway while he punished a set of barbells with his muscle.
Want a bit of stark honesty?
Romeo intimidated me.
There. I said it.
Yes. Yes, Romeo and I had grown closer, and yes, there was this unspoken understanding between us. He even called me his sister, he and B were practically brothers, and I thought of him as my family.
But still.
Romeo and I were a lot alike in some ways. More so than anyone else in this house. Aside from the fact we were both blond bombshells (ha-ha, I had to get that in there), we both knew what it was like to be caught up in a social circle—a status quo, if you will.
At one point, both Romeo and I had been willing victims (dare I say participants) in what was the social hierarchy of Alpha U. Romeo was laidback, charming, and everyone’s golden boy. He acted like it came natural, and I knew a lot of it did. But not all of it. There was no way. A guy like him (with a solid family background and values) didn’t literally rise to fame on campus overnight and become the king of everything without feeling the pressure.
He had to live up to it all. He had to be the player everyone cheered for. The charmer every girl swooned for. And the bad guy still good enough that he could still play on the team.
Romeo might not know it, but I understood the balancing act he likely juggled for the last several years.
Sure, it wasn’t so prevalent in his life now, not since Rimmel tripped (literally) into his life and changed everything. He didn’t care about status as much—but it was still there—I knew he still felt the pressure. Maybe more now that his life was so changed.
Hence, one of the reasons he was punishing the weights right this moment.
And me? Just like him, I came to Alpha U free for the first time in my entire life. Free of my overprotective brothers. Free of the watchful eyes of my parents, grandparents, and large extended family. I hadn’t realized it then, but my freedom didn’t last long because I became a slave to the status race.
I became the girl everyone thought I was. The one people seemed to want me to be.
It got me hurt, violated, and betrayed.
Just like Romeo.
I watched him for a second longer. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and his smooth skin was shiny with sweat from the punishing workout he was inflicting on himself.
Damn. It made me feel bad for thinking about a donut for breakfast.
I worked out, but what he was doing made what I usually did look like a freaking kindergarten nap.
His muscles rippled as he lifted. His biceps bulged with every curl he completed. But beyond the curls, he was doing squats while standing on some half-circle bubble that made it hard to balance.
I knew he’d already been on the treadmill. I’d heard the steady of hum of it just a little while ago.
The waistband of his gym shorts was damp, the red color darker around the top than the rest of the fabric. I knew it was because he’d been dripping so much sweat, and as he moved, I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his back.
Suddenly, I wondered why I was here. What had possessed me to step into the doorway while he was training?
I turned to hurry back to my room, but his voice stopped me.
“You gonna come in or just stand there and watch?”
I froze like I’d been caught doing something illegal. How had he known I was there? His back was to me.
I swung back around with a sheepish grin on my lips. “Sorry, I—”
“What’s the matter, Ivy?” he asked, his tone knowing.
“I’m worried about Braeden,” I rushed out. I felt my eyes widen, surprised even by my own words, though I didn’t know why.
I was worried. So worried I couldn’t sleep.
“And I was just thinking… and I ended up here,” I added, a little bewildered.
Romeo’s eyes, which had narrowed when I first spoke, softened now and a small smile played on his lips. “You can talk to me anytime.”
I nodded and walked farther into the room. Now that I admitted out loud (and to myself) that I needed to talk, it seemed only natural it was Romeo I came to. It seemed completely normal the very strength that intimidated me was what drew me this morning.
He snagged a nearby towel and used it to mop up some of the sweat on his face and chest. Before I’d fallen for Braeden, it would have been natural to check out Romeo, especially when he was standing in front of me half dressed. I mean, honestly, I used to check him out all the time when he was fully clothed and walking around campus.
Now that just seemed wrong.
Sure, Romeo had an awesome body. But he was family, and he wasn’t Braeden.
“What’s going on with B?” he asked when I said nothing.
I hesitated, wondering how much to say, wondering if B would be upset when he found out I’d gone to Romeo about his dreams.
“Are you scared of me, Ivy?” Romeo’s question cut into my inner debate.
“What?” I gasped.
He gave me a knowing look. “You seem kinda scared to be in here right now.”
I felt my shoulders slump. I was acting ridiculous. Why did I feel so afraid to talk to him? Why was I so intimidated by him? Romeo had been nothing but good to me. Great, even. Clearly, deep down, I knew I could go to him because I was standing here… so why was I having such a hard time opening up?
“Braeden’s gonna be really mad if he finds out I’ve come to you.”
Romeo seemed to think about my words. Then he dropped down on a nearby weight bench. “I don’t think this is about B.”
I started to tell him this was exactly about B, but he held up his hand. “I don’t mean what you want to talk about. I mean the reason for it. You need to talk to someone about B and about whatever’s going on inside you. And I think you know I’m the guy for that talk.”
I nodded. “It’s just… we’ve never really talked like this…” My words faded away.
He tilted his head to the side. “Maybe not. But I think you and I have had a lot of conversations without saying anything.”
I thought back to the times he would make sure I was okay to drive home from a party, about how he would measure me with his stare, and I would let him see I was really more sober than most realized. I thought about the night he came into my room and held me after a nightmare, how he barely said two words to me, but his presence was more than enough. I remembered how he sat beside me in the hospital after that car crash that killed Zach. We’d been the only two in the room, Romeo finally having persuaded B to take a shower. We hadn’t talked about what happened that night. But he’d held my hand, and I’d cried silent tears.
I’d felt better after that cry.
In a way, words from Romeo weren’t necessary. He knew how to be there for a girl without them.
He was right. This was about me. About me needing to say what was going on, because this time he wouldn’t be able to see it.
“He’s been having nightmares,” I whispered.
“Is that the sound I heard coming from down the hall this morning?” he asked, concerned.
My eyes snapped up to his. What had he heard? Oh God, had he heard us having sex? Braeden was rough, and we probably hadn’t been quiet. “He did yell out in his sleep.” I hedged.
Romeo nodded. “Yeah, must be what I heard, but then it got quiet so I figured it was nothing.”
So he hadn’t heard. Thank God.
“He’s been having them a lot actually. This morning’s… it was the worst one yet. I almost yelled for you.”
I felt his attention sharpen. Concern darkened his eyes. “But you didn’t.”
I shook my head. “No. I was able to bring him out of it.”
“What’s he dreaming about?”
“That night,” I said, a small shudder making my shoulders quake. Romeo scooted just an inch or two closer. I glanced up. “He never wants to talk about it the next day. But it’s haunting him.”
“Zach?” he asked.
“Honestly? I know Zach dying weighs on him, but I’m pretty sure the nightmares are about me… In them I die that night.”
Romeo muttered a soft curse and ran a hand over the back of his head.
“This morning, he—” My voice broke as I remembered. “He asked me not to leave him.”
Romeo made a low sound, and I looked away, caught up in the pain I felt radiating from our bed this morning. The fear.
“What else, Ivy?” Romeo pushed. He reached for my hand.
My voice broke. “He cried,” I burst out. “I’ve never seen him cry.”
“Fuck,” Romeo whispered and released my hand so he could pull me into his side. I buried my face in his chest and took a shuddering breath. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over how broken I felt when I wiped the wetness off Braeden’s face this morning.
He hugged me tight while I fought back my own tears. Now wasn’t the time to cry. I had to be stronger than that. For so, so long, Braeden was the strong one. Braeden literally held me up when I was down.
It was my turn to do it for him.
I pulled back to look up at Romeo’s face. “Zach might be dead, the worst of what we went through over, but it isn’t finished. He’s struggling inside, Romeo. He won’t talk about it. Maybe he doesn’t even understand it himself. But the dreams are getting worse. He’s getting harder to calm down.”
“Calm down?”
I nodded. “He starts thrashing around in bed. Like he’s fighting something. Or someone.”
“Did he hurt you?” Romeo demanded.
I sat up straight at the steel in his tone. I tucked my hands beneath my thighs, sitting on them. “Of course not.”
His hand shot out and grabbed my arm, pulling it from beneath my legs. Even though he moved fast, he was gentle, like he understood his own strength and the lack of mine.
“Where’d you get these bruises?”
I felt my face pale. I looked down at the purple marks on my wrist. I knew I had matching marks on my other one, but I kept it tucked into my side, hidden.
They were from this morning, when Braeden grabbed me.
“He didn’t know what he was doing,” I explained. “He was dreaming, and I… I was trying to wake him up.”
“You should have yelled for me,” he said, frustrated, and released my arm. He pushed off the bench and started pacing the small gym.
“That would have just made it worse,” I said, no give in my voice.
Romeo looked at me over his shoulder.
“He’s already beating himself up enough, but to have you break into our room to stop him from hurting me in bed?” I shook my head. “He’d never forgive himself, and you know it.”
“Fuck!” Romeo spat.
“Besides, I was the one who climbed on him, to calm him down.”
I felt Romeo’s eyes burn my skin. “You have bruises anywhere else?”
“No!” I hurried to say. “The second he woke up, he calmed down.”
Okay, that was kind of a lie. But Braeden hadn’t hurt me, and I wasn’t about to tell Romeo about our sexual encounter.
My reply didn’t seem good enough for him. He pinned me with a solid, unblinking stare. “Are you scared of him, Ivy? This bringing up stuff for you?�
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I wasn’t offended he would ask. It was kind of an expected question after what I just told him. In fact, I was a little touched he’d ask. Almost like he’d stand between B and me if he needed to, until this was worked out.
Suddenly, everything didn’t seem as bad as it had this morning.
“I’m fine.” I promised. “Sure, I still think about what happened… but it’s not like it used to be. I haven’t had a panic attack in a while. Therapy helped. Braeden helped.”
He glanced down at my wrist again.
I lifted my chin. “I’m not scared of him. Not even a little.”
The corner of Romeo’s mouth tilted up. “I like you, princess.”
“Princess.” I felt my nose wrinkle.
He grinned widely. “Yep. Princess. With your designer clothes, fancy dog, and air of confidence. You’re the closest thing to royalty I’ve ever met.”
“Why does that feel like an insult?” I wondered sarcastically.
“It’s not.” Romeo laughed. “But you’re definitely stubborn. Especially when it comes to B.”
“I won’t let anything else hurt him,” I intoned, ignoring the ridiculous nickname. “I mean it. He’s protected me, shielded me, and literally saved my life. He’s there for all of us, always. He never once has asked for anything. He’s done more for all of us than you will ever know.”
Romeo’s amusement seemed to lift and his eyes narrowed. But I plowed on before he could question what I implied.
“It’s time we protected him. It’s time we get him through.”
“Is that a royal decree, your highness?” Romeo’s lips twitched.
My eyes narrowed and I threw out my arm to smack him. He laughed and caught my wrist, looking down and gentling his hold. “You should put on something to cover these. He’ll go crazy if he sees them and realizes it was him.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He brushed his thumb over the darkest mark before releasing me, as if for a second, he disappeared inside his own head, lost in thought. “Next time, call for me. I’d rather he be pissed I yanked him out of bed than see another mark on your body.”
#Heart (The Hashtag Series Book 6) Page 4