“As if I could have seen you and stayed away,” the woman said, pinning Ev with her gaze. For a moment they were playing the game again—with honesty, and not a trace of innocence.
That answered the relationship question. Ev shivered. How terrible to meet someone she might have loved without recognizing them. She wanted to remember. “Where is Alizhan? When can I see her?”
“Did you eat or drink anything in there?”
Ev shook her head, uncertain why it mattered.
“Good. Alizhan is in Mar’s study. Go around the Dayward side of this terrace and look for an open window on the second floor. There should be a column you can climb. For the record, I told Alizhan this was a bad idea, but she was sure you could do it—and that you’d rather try this way than sneak upstairs with me.”
Smoke, but it was uncomfortable to have all these strangers telling her what she’d prefer. But given how this woman had behaved so far, Ev could imagine what sneaking upstairs with her would entail. It made her hot and cold at the same time, and she decided climbing would be easier.
“She was right, I suppose?”
Ev nodded and then, because she knew their conversation was at an end, she asked, “Will you tell me your name, or are you afraid it’s going to upset me?”
“Yes,” the woman said. “It’s Thiyo.”
The foreign name meant nothing to her, and her shoulders dropped. Thiyo squeezed her hand once and then let go. “I have to go distract Iriyat. Wait until you see her talking to me, then find Alizhan. She’ll fix you and hide you somewhere until all of this is over.”
“Until all of what is over?” Ev asked, but Thiyo was already headed back into the house.
Ev had heard so much about Alizhan, but nothing about what she looked like. Except Vatik had called her that little witch, and the first part turned out to be accurate. There was a young woman sitting on Mar’s desk with her bare feet on his desk chair, perfectly still, aimed toward the window like an arrow. The casual disrespect in her position—she’d obviously pushed aside a pile of papers and books to sit there—was a strange accessory for her expensive blue silk clothes and her elaborate twisted and pinned hairstyle. There were locks of shiny black hair hanging loose to frame her face. She was lovely, straight-nosed and doe-eyed and delicate, but the sight made Ev frown and she couldn’t say why. Then Alizhan chewed her lip and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, ruining the symmetry of her hairstyle. That felt right.
“Ev?”
“You were expecting someone else to climb in the window?”
The joke made her grimace. Her eyes were on something in the distance behind Ev. “I can’t feel you anymore. You’ve gotten too good at hiding.”
Ev was standing right in front of her. Somehow she didn’t think that was what Alizhan meant. “But you can still fix me, right? Thiyo said you could.”
Alizhan nodded. Then she blinked and wiped at her eyes. “Oh, God, Ev, I’m so sorry.”
Ev moved closer to the desk, drawn by this stranger’s distress. She raised a hand as if to touch her, then drew back at the last minute, uncertain. “I don’t think you have anything to be sorry for.”
A watery smile. “You would say that.”
“You’d know better than me.”
“Ev,” Alizhan said, and it was halfway to a sob. She kicked the desk chair out of the way and reached up to snag Ev in a hug, trapping her arms against her body and dragging her toward the desk. Alizhan pressed her face into Ev’s chest. This must not be the kind of touch that would repair Ev’s memory, because she found herself wondering who they’d been to each other, and how Thiyo fit into it.
Alizhan released her tight grip on Ev and slid her hands up to cradle Ev’s face. She massaged Ev’s temples—no, her hands weren’t moving. Something was happening inside Ev’s head. Ev tensed her shoulders. Alizhan hadn’t hurt her—the sensation was pleasant—but it was strange and unexpected and made her feel so, so exposed.
Alizhan hooked one foot around the arm of the desk chair and pulled it closer. Ev sat without being asked, breaking the contact between them. Alizhan extended a hand toward her face, then stopped. “You want this, right? I won’t do it if you don’t want me to. We can figure out something else, or you can walk out of here and never see me again. You can do that, if you want. You can be free. Just promise me you’ll get out of Laalvur for a few weeks. You’ll be safer and happier and way fewer people will try to kill you. Thiyo will be mad as hell and never forgive me if I let you. But I will. If that’s what you want. I don’t mess with people’s memories unless they want it.”
That wasn’t much of an advertisement for whatever Ev was about to remember. It also didn’t sound like the whole truth, given how Alizhan’s voice was shaking.
“What about you?”
“What about me what?”
“Would you be safer and happier if I left?”
Alizhan exhaled. She looked Ev right in the eye. “No.”
Ev grabbed Alizhan’s hands. “I’m not leaving. Fix me.”
Alizhan pressed her lips together and nodded a few times like she was convincing herself. “I can’t fix everything right now. I don’t have time and… there are things I can’t tell you. Not yet. Do you trust me?”
Ev had already demonstrated that she did, but she nodded anyway. Considering that Alizhan wasn’t the one submitting her mind to rearrangement by a stranger, she needed a lot of reassurance. Alizhan’s nervousness should have scared her, but Ev had made her decision.
Alizhan put both hands on Ev’s face again. “I need you to be as quiet as possible, inside and out. Close your eyes and clear your mind and just let this happen. It won’t hurt, I promise. It might make you sleepy.”
Ev came to some time later with her head in Alizhan’s lap. As soon as she was fully awake, she shot out of her chair and forced her way into the vee of Alizhan’s legs. She put her hands on the desk on either side so Alizhan couldn’t move, then leaned forward until Alizhan was forced to lean back. Her eyes were wide, moving side to side, trying to avoid Ev’s.
“Don’t you ever fucking try to get rid of me again,” Ev said, and Alizhan had the sense not to protest, which meant she wasn’t mid-sentence when Ev caught her in a kiss. She responded with speed and gratitude, wrapping her arms around Ev’s neck and biting her lip. They only stopped when Ev put a hand in the pinned mass of Alizhan’s hair.
“Oh, Thiyo will be so sad if we ruin that. I’m supposed to make an impression downstairs.”
Thiyo. He’d been so sure Ev would be mad at him, but only because he’d had no idea how mad Alizhan was going to make her. They weren’t done with that yet. “Alizhan?”
Alizhan studied the floor beneath Ev’s feet. “It felt like the right thing to do, giving you a choice.”
What choice? Even without her memory, walking away had never been an option. “Did you really think I would?”
“I don’t know. You’re not that easy to read anymore.”
“Alizhan.”
She sighed. “No, I didn’t. But losing you to Iriyat… God, I hated every second. I don’t want it to happen again. I hate asking you to do this.”
“Don’t think of it that way. You’re not asking. I’m offering.”
“I thought I could save you.”
“So you’d let me walk out of your life?” Ev touched her forehead to Alizhan’s. The tips of their noses pressed together. “It might be true that I could be safer without you. But happier? Never.”
Ev didn’t need her memory to be herself. She’d refused to leave Alizhan even when she didn’t know who Alizhan was, and that set off something in Alizhan that made her feel like she might come untethered from the ground and float away. It was all she wanted to think about, but Iriyat was downstairs, ruining everything like always.
Alizhan sent Ev back to the party the way she’d come. And if she looked like she’d snuck off to have the Sacred Balance kissed out of her, well, so much the better. It was a logical reason to disa
ppear for an hour.
Ev had to be back in the room by now, assuming some unobtrusive position near a wall. Alizhan gave her another minute just in case, then went downstairs to make her own entrance.
She’d conceded to all of Thiyo’s demands about hair and clothing and makeup—you want to look like you belong at that party, he’d insisted—and he’d been insufferably smug about the results. He must have been right, judging by the way Ev had reacted with such warm interest. There was a feeling worth remembering and exploring further. Alizhan would wear anything to elicit that kind of slow, pleased appreciation from Ev. Sometime when she didn’t have to throw the whole city into turmoil, she’d ask Thiyo to try again. If they lived.
Right now she had to pass through Mar ha-Solora’s parlor, stepping around Sideran and Ezatur, so she could point at Iriyat. Close enough that it was obvious who she was pointing at, but not so close that she could be touched. Thiyo had insisted on all these details about the scene when Alizhan had informed him of this part of the plan.
People were already bubbling with curiosity. No one recognized her. Alizhan took a deep breath. There were twenty-one people in the room. She could feel ten questioning stares like hands on her body. It had been so nice in Adappyr, where people took care with their thoughts. But she wanted those stares. All twenty-one people had to pay attention to her, or else this wouldn’t work.
She wished she could feel Ev and Thiyo looking at her. She couldn’t search the room for either of them, one clad in lavender and the other in green, without giving herself away. But they were here. That was enough.
“My name is Alizhan Matrishal,” she began. A murmur went through the room. She’d surprised them with the volume of her voice, and now they were waiting to see what it was she wanted to state so very loudly and publicly. Alizhan watched Iriyat, but couldn’t tell if she’d reacted. She would eventually. She’d have to.
“Iriyat ha-Varensi is my mother.”
There were gasps. Alizhan could have predicted the reaction, but it was Thiyo who’d insisted she pause to accommodate it.
“I am not the only secret she has kept from you. She has committed a terrible sin against the Balance, and I have evidence. I wish to show it to the members of the Council of Nine who are present.”
“We are all present,” Mar said. “Even the High Priest of the Balance is here. But this is not a trial. We cannot see evidence here.”
Alizhan had wanted him to say they would try her immediately and sentence her if necessary, but Thiyo had argued against it. She thinks he’s under her sway, and everyone else thinks he’s in love with her, he’d said. He has to look like he’s defending her or else it won’t be believable.
At first she’d been frustrated by the need to draw the Council in and persuade them. She hadn’t seen the advantages until later.
“And we are celebrating our future marriage. Can this ridiculous accusation not wait until later?” Mar looked beseechingly at Sideran and Ezatur, the other Council members from Great Houses.
“Perhaps—” Ezatur started, only to be interrupted by Sideran.
“I’d like to see it. The evidence.”
Alizhan tried not to smile. Between her years of knowledge of these people and Thiyo’s knack for court intrigue and storytelling, they’d scripted the whole thing. Alizhan had even predicted that Ezatur would fear Iriyat’s anger too much to move against her, but Sideran would be tempted by the promise of humiliating her rival.
“You cannot seriously be considering this,” Mar said, his face darkening. He gestured at Alizhan. “You would believe this stranger—how did she even get in?—over a woman you’ve known your whole life?”
Mar made it sound like Iriyat had already spoken up to defend herself, although she hadn’t. Alizhan and Thiyo had both guessed wrong on that point. Thiyo hung back in the farthest corner of the room, watching. When Alizhan focused on him, she could feel the slightest quiver of worry.
Undeterred, Mar shifted to addressing the whole room. “All of us know Iriyat. She is generous, compassionate, and devout.” Then he looked toward Zenav, standing just outside the door to the room. “Remove this intruder.”
“Wait.” Iriyat raised a hand and Zenav stopped. “I would see these accusations laid to rest. I will stand trial at a moment of the Council’s choosing. I have done nothing wrong, and I want everyone to feel as sure of that as I do.”
“You should not have to put yourself through this.” For a man who’d protested his role so much beforehand, Mar was demonstrating an admirable commitment to the part. He moved toward Iriyat and placed a hand on her sleeve.
“I will stand trial,” Iriyat repeated. An appreciative murmur rose in the room.
This, Alizhan had predicted. Iriyat felt secure in her position. She’d manipulated the Council before. She’d take another opportunity to appear brave in the face of persecution.
“In two triads,” the High Priest said, inclining his head toward Iriyat as though he were bowing to her wishes rather than carrying out his duty. “We will call the Council to trial and end this.”
“Shall I be locked up until then?” Iriyat said lightly.
“Yes,” Alizhan cried. She tried to make her eyes wild and desperate, like she’d practiced with Thiyo. It wasn’t hard.
“Not knowing the nature of the accusation, but knowing the nature of the accused, I do not think that necessary,” said the High Priest, and Alizhan could feel the crowd’s approval warm the room for a moment before they turned their attention to her, the villain. Every gaze was a knife-point nicking her skin.
“Fine,” Mar said. “Now can we remove this intruder from my home?”
Iriyat nodded her assent, and Zenav came for Alizhan. She shouted and struggled as he dragged her from the room, his gloved hands on her sleeves. When he finally shoved her out the door of Solor House, she landed on her knees on the packed earth, shaking. Thiyo hadn’t told her to do that, but she couldn’t seem to stop.
33
Unholy Creations
Accusations, even questionable ones, tended to sour the mood at parties. All the guests excused themselves quickly. Iriyat stayed behind to chat with Mar, which meant that Ev stayed, too.
What hadn’t Alizhan told her? And why was she keeping secrets? Ev cast through her fragmented memory, dismayed. She remembered Alizhan—and Thiyo, who was still in the house with her, posing as Mar’s houseguest, lounging on a sofa and sipping a glass of wine. He wasn’t even pretending not to listen to Mar and Iriyat, who were strategizing about the trial.
It was easy to think he now, even though Thiyo had been she earlier, and Ev marveled at how well both seemed to fit. She wanted to ask him about it, but they couldn’t talk here. The waiting made her itch. What was next?
Thiyo waited until Mar and Iriyat had walked out of the room, deep in discussion, before he rose from the sofa in one smooth movement. He crossed the grand parlor without a sound and grabbed her hand as he passed by, leading her out to the balcony for a second time. He pressed her up against the house. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he was using the wall to obscure them from Mar and Iriyat.
“What are we waiting for?” Ev said. “When do we get out of here?”
“So forward,” he said with a sly smile. “Also, I was hoping you would know.”
“What?” Ev said. She had to struggle to keep her voice down. “Are you… feeling alright?”
Thiyo smiled again, but it wavered. “A little lightheaded. As in light in the head. Missing a few details. Or all the details.”
“But you were fine two hours ago!”
“I was? The past is all… fuzzy. I woke up in the bathroom with a small blond telling me to go be charming at the party, so I did.”
Thiyo had gone back into the party after leaving Ev’s side. Was Iriyat the small blond in question? “You just do what any stranger tells you to?”
“He was cute.”
“Wait, he?”
“You know someone fitting
that description?”
Ev squeezed her eyes shut. A throbbing headache was developing in her temples. “I don’t know anything, Thiyo. Except that it’s not safe here. We have to find Alizhan before Iriyat finds us.”
“You’re worried about Iriyat? She’s a little mean, I’ll grant you that, but very entertaining. And… Alizhan? The woman who accused Iriyat?”
“Oh, scorch it all,” Ev said. She dropped her head down until her forehead hit his shoulder, then lifted her head and narrowed her eyes. “Wait, do you know who I am?”
He hesitated. “Sort of.”
“That’s a no, then,” Ev said. She felt suddenly strange about touching him, although he’d initiated the contact. He didn’t move his hands from her hips. “And you called me forward.”
“I found this in my pocket,” he said, pulling out a folded piece of paper. Ev took it from him and blinked in shock when she recognized her own face drawn in ink. It felt sinful that it should exist, let alone that she should appreciate the likeness or that Thiyo should keep such an image so close.
“Where did you get this? Did you draw it?”
Memory or not, he was still Thiyo, and he gave her a look that said the questions were a waste of time. Right. “I ought to be in a lot more distress,” he said after a moment. “But then I look at you and… it feels so right.”
“Thiyo, now is not the time for poetry. We’re stuck in a circle where only one of us can know what’s going on and it is not safe here and I need to think.”
“No, listen. It’s not poetry—and your standards for poetry are appallingly low, by the way—it’s a piece of the puzzle. I can’t remember any details about how we met or how long we’ve known each other, but I know exactly how I feel about you. Like you’re the only safe thing in the world. And I had that drawing of you. I was meant to find you.”
We’re stuck in a circle where only one of us can know what’s going on. Ev had said that, and the implications were only just now becoming clear. Alizhan hadn’t fully restored her memory. She hadn’t explained the whole plan. She hadn’t provided Ev with an escape route or a destination. She hadn’t said a word about the public accusation she’d made or what she planned to bring as evidence. Ev knew nothing useful. And Thiyo had known something earlier, but now he didn’t.
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