‘Kids are a pain in the arse, full stop. Caused me nothing but grief when he was younger, my boy. But look at him now. All grown up and about to get hitched. Ava’s a proper little madam an’ all. Gonna be a handful, she is. The only one that never caused me any problems was my Molly, God rest her soul.’
As an image of his sister flashed into his mind, Little Vinny, who’d only ordered an orange juice, suddenly felt the urge for a glass of champagne after all.
Michael Butler rarely used cabs. But after the traumatic day he’d had, he needed a bloody good drink, so he’d left his motor at home. It was bound to all kick off when Vinny found out who the best man was, and Michael hoped by that time he’d be as drunk as a skunk.
Lee and Daniel were in the back of the cab, so Michael turned his head. ‘When we get there, yous two go straight inside. I’ve got to make an important phone call.’
‘Who you got to ring then, Dad?’ Daniel asked, nudging his brother.
‘Bella. She’s not well.’
The cabbie had the radio on, so Daniel leaned across to Lee and whispered in his ear. ‘I bet he’s ringing Katy to talk about the baby. Bella ill, my arse.’
Having scoffed a big plate of mussels and garlic bread for starters, Little Vinny was full up halfway through the main course.
‘What’s up? Surely you’re not going to leave that steak? Mine was gorgeous, melts in your mouth,’ Jay Boy said.
Plonking the rest of his steak on Jay Boy’s plate, Little Vinny decided to have another glass of champagne. He studied his family while sipping it. Michael was knocking the booze back like there was no tomorrow, and had left his main course also. Daniel was sulking big time after being given a quarter of a flute of bubbly, then being refused any more. And his father seemed obsessed with Eddie Mitchell and had barely spoken to anybody else.
‘Why isn’t Granddad here, Vin?’
Little Vinny ruffled Lee’s hair. He seemed to be the only family member other than himself acting normally this evening. ‘Your granddad’s saving himself for tomorrow. He wanted an early night.’
‘D’ya know how Dave Fraser’s doing, Ed? I heard the bastards shipped him out to Franklyn,’ Vinny asked.
‘Dave’s doing OK. My dad bumped into his wife and daughter, Rachel. They were on their way to visit him. Talk about taking a condemned man away from his family, eh?’
‘They’re arseholes, mate. I’ve got a lot of time for Dave – top geezer,’ Vinny replied, before shoving the last of his T-bone in his mouth.
Having waited for his father to finish his dinner, Little Vinny now decided to speak up. ‘I’ve got an announcement to make.’
Vinny Butler grinned. ‘Spit it out, then,’ he urged. He was hoping his son had decided not to make him or Michael wear those ridiculous suits after all.
‘Please don’t be upset with me, Dad, because I know you don’t see eye to eye with him. But me granddad’s gonna be my best man. If it—’
Vinny stopped his son mid-sentence. ‘You having a fucking laugh with me, or what?’ he bellowed.
‘Tone it down, Vin. The whole restaurant’s looking at us,’ Michael ordered. ‘Let the boy finish what he’s got to say, for Christ’s sake. It’s his wedding.’
Vinny Butler took deep breaths as his son explained his decision and reasons. If it wasn’t for Eddie Mitchell’s presence, Vinny would’ve picked up his empty dinner plate and smashed it over his son’s dumb fucking head. Instead he mumbled the words, ‘Your wedding. Your choice,’ while seething.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘Noooo! Don’t like it. Hate it! Not wearing it,’ Ava screamed, as Queenie encouraged her granddaughter to put the bridesmaid dress on.
‘You’ve got to wear it. I swear to you, Ava, if you don’t do as I say, Fred won’t be coming to the wedding. I shall leave him here all day with no food and bastard water,’ Queenie yelled. She didn’t often blow her top with her granddaughter, but by Christ the kid had been testing her patience to the limit lately.
Ava burst into tears and threw her arms around her beloved dog’s neck. ‘I hate you and so does Fred,’ she sobbed.
Vivian dragged her sister out of the bedroom. ‘Let her calm down and I’ll talk to her in a bit. The worst-case scenario is we let her wear what she wants, then Vinny can make her put the sodding dress on when we get there.’
‘I wish we’d stayed in that posh manor house after all now. Would’ve saved all this stress. Getting far too big for her boots, that child is. Molly was so different, would never’ve behaved like her. Been thinking about Molly all morning, I have. She’d have made such a beautiful bridesmaid. Miss that little angel so much. Life is so fucking unfair at times.’
Aware that her sister was near to tears, Vivian hugged her. ‘I know how you feel. I laid awake last night imagining my Lenny in his wedding suit. I bet he’d have been the DJ there an’ all. Let’s not be sad today of all days though, Queen. A wedding is meant to be a happy occasion and we’ll spoil it for everyone if we turn up with faces like smacked arses. As for staying in that posh manor house, we’d have hated it. You know how private we are. Sod having a dump, then Sammi-Lou or her mother are stood outside the khazi waiting to do a wee. My shit might smell of roses, but yours ain’t too clever at times,’ Vivian joked.
Queenie managed a smile. Gary Allen had rented out some plush manor house in Essex and invited herself, Viv and Ava to stay there the night before the wedding along with Sammi-Lou, female members of his own family, Sammi-Lou’s other bridesmaids and friends. ‘That menu we saw was enough to put me off. I mean, who wants smoked salmon for breakfast? I’ve never heard anything like it. And what’s “Eggs Benedict” when it’s at home?’
Vivian chuckled. ‘Don’t be asking me. We’d have been like fishes out of water there, that’s for sure.’
‘Who the bleedin’ hell’s that ringing my bell? Tell ’em to do one, Viv,’ Queenie ordered.
Vivian ran down the stairs, then shouted out, ‘Queen, it’s the police!’
Vinny Butler stared in the mirror with a twisted expression on his face. He had never felt or looked such a twat in his life as he did in this suit. ‘Look at us, Michael. What are the Mitchells gonna think? We look as bent as nine-bob notes.’
‘Shut up about the poxy suits, will ya? My head’s banging, and I’ve just rung Bella and she’s too ill to make today. Mum’s gonna be proper gutted. She was looking forward to spending the day with her and Antonio.’
‘Fuck Bella,’ Vinny spat, remembering the time that he had. ‘Mum’s gonna be far more pissed off about our alcoholic of a father being best man than your unreliable bird and her son not turning up.’ Vinny knew if he’d phoned his mother and told her the news, she would probably refuse to attend the wedding, which was why he planned to tell her on arrival.
‘Don’t start on Dad today, and I mean that. Little Vinny explained his reasons. Let’s leave it at that, eh?’ Michael urged.
‘And what you gonna do about it if I do start?’
‘Oh, do what you fucking like, Vin. If you wanna ruin your own son’s wedding, then that’s up to you. It certainly won’t be the first time you’ve made a complete cunt of yourself, and I doubt it’ll be the last.’
When Michael slammed the bedroom door and stomped down the stairs, Vinny allowed himself a smirk. Little did his mouth-almighty brother know the real reason why Bella wasn’t coming to the wedding. The smirk turned into a grin as he recalled the night she’d come with him. Three times, if he remembered correctly.
Sammi-Lou Allen giggled excitedly as she was shown her hair and make-up in the mirror. ‘Oh my God! Thank you so much for making me look so beautiful,’ she squealed with delight. It had been her mum’s idea to hire a professional hairdresser and make-up artist; she’d never felt so spoilt.
‘You are beautiful, darling. But today you look like the princess of all princesses. Your dad’s bound to cry when he sees you, and Little Vinny will be blown away,’ Meg Allen gushed.
�
�I can’t wait to see Oliver’s reaction as well. I hope he’s OK with Dad.’
‘Of course he’s OK. I spoke to your father earlier, and he was about to give Oliver his bath,’ Meg reassured her daughter.
‘Who wants another glass of champagne?’ Kym asked.
Meg glared at her dysfunctional sister. Instead of finding herself a decent husband like Gary, Kym had wed a complete lowlife who’d run off with a neighbour’s eighteen-year-old daughter. Gary had seen to it that the hubby got a bloody good hiding, but it had left Kym with issues. She swallowed Valium like Smarties and alcohol like water. ‘You don’t want any more, that’s for sure,’ Meg hissed.
‘Don’t be so boring. It’s my niece’s wedding day and I want to celebrate her finding the man of her dreams. I never bloody did.’
Sammi-Lou chuckled. Her aunt always got drunk, but she didn’t mind. Neither did her friends. They found her aunt hysterical, especially when she danced. ‘It’s my big day, so I get to make the decisions. Of course you can have another drink, Auntie Kym.’
Meg Allen was not impressed, and neither would her daughter be if she’d witnessed what’d happened in the past. Little Vinny had brought his father’s friend Ahmed to her fortieth, and Kym had been all over the Turk like a rash. Meg had then spotted them having sex in the grounds of her beautiful property. She’d never told Gary. He would’ve disowned her sister. And as far as Meg was aware, neither Little Vinny nor Sammi-Lou knew. Talk about bring shame on the family.
‘You look proper dapper, Granddad. I hope I’m as handsome as you when I’m an old man,’ Little Vinny said sincerely.
‘Cheers, lad. Make me feel ancient, why dontcha,’ Albie chuckled. He poured himself another brandy. To say his nerves were jangled was putting it mildly. ‘You sure your dad was OK about it, boy? I bet your nan bleedin’ well ain’t.’
‘Stop worrying, will ya? I’ve told you three times already that Dad was cool. “Your wedding, your choice” were his exact words. Nan’ll be OK too. Dad’s bound to have told her and she would’ve been on the phone this morning ranting and raving if she were that bothered. I doubt she’s jumping for joy at the news, but you know what Nan’s like. She won’t wanna show herself up in front of Sammi’s parents. When her and Viv met them last time, they were full of airs and graces. Acted all posh,’ Little Vinny laughed.
Albie sighed. His grandson obviously didn’t know his nan as well as he thought he did. Queenie could show herself up alone in a dark fucking room.
‘Smile, look happy,’ Queenie ordered Vivian, as they stepped out of the front door. The white limousine that was to carry them to the venue was stunning, tinted windows and gleaming paintwork, and Queenie knew the neighbours would be out in full force. No way did she want them nosy bleeders knowing she’d had the morning from hell.
Queenie was dressed in a peach suit, Vivian’s was jade green. Both wore hats and sunglasses so ridiculously over-sized you could barely see their faces.
‘You look stunning, ladies, may I say. I hope the wedding goes well, and do give my regards to Little Vinny,’ Big Stan grinned. A crowd of about thirty had gathered, including half a dozen scrawny-looking kids staring incredulously at the motor.
‘I heard about your Bren. Is that why the police came round earlier? Such a shame, my heart goes out to you. Have they caught the killer yet?’ Fat Beryl asked.
Annoyed that Fat Beryl had the nerve to show her face, let alone mention Brenda’s death today of all days, Queenie immediately forgot her happy act. ‘Nope! And that silly pisshead old priest you swore by didn’t bring me much luck, reciting bollocks and spraying his holy water round my home, did he now?’
‘I’m sorry, Queen. My friends all swear by Father Patrick. I was only trying to help. Anyway, I hope today goes well. Give my love to all the family,’ Fat Beryl replied, awkwardly. She’d known Queenie since they were knee-high. They’d gone to the same school.
Too afraid to leave the house in case Queenie and Vivian tried to attack them again, Mouthy Maureen and Nosy Hilda were peering through Hilda’s net curtain. ‘Pair of old witches,’ Maureen mumbled.
‘Look at that car though, Maur. I’d give my right arm to have a ride in that. And they’ve got a proper chauffeur. He’s even got a peak cap on. Apparently, he’s loaded, that Sammi-Lou’s dad. Money always goes to money, eh?’
‘Don’t bring the Butlers no luck though, Hild. Dirty money, that’s why,’ Maureen snapped.
‘Why isn’t Ava wearing her bridesmaid dress? Destiny said she was a bridesmaid,’ Stinky Susan asked Queenie.
‘She is, but we would hate Ava to get the dress creased or dirty. She’ll be putting it on at the venue,’ Queenie replied haughtily. Anything was better than admitting she had no control over her wayward granddaughter.
‘Come on, Ava. Get Fred in the limo, darling. Our chauffeur is waiting,’ Viv shouted out.
‘Fred wants a poo-poo. He’s been scared since Nanny was wicked to him,’ Ava shouted back, lip pouting and still sitting on the doorstep.
‘I’ll deal with her. Get in the motor, Viv,’ Queenie hissed. ‘Come on, sweetheart,’ she coaxed, grabbing the dog’s lead with one hand and her granddaughter’s arm with the other.
At that precise moment, the notrights next door appeared. ‘That’s a nice car, Queenie. What make is it?’ Doll asked.
‘It’s a Ford Cortina,’ Queenie replied sarcastically, before literally dragging Ava and Fred down the path.
Once the mutt and her horrid granddaughter were seated, Queenie allowed the chauffeur to help her inside. Then, as the vehicle slowly pulled away from the kerb, she waved and smiled at the well-wishers in true Her Majesty style.
A magazine article about a famous American celebrity’s wedding had given Sammi-Lou the idea for hers. She’d shown it to Little Vinny and he’d loved the idea also.
The Allens were Catholic, but not overly religious, so when Sammi had suggested her dad cancel the church and let the service take place in the huge grounds of her parents’ home, both Gary and Meg were in agreement. Gary knew a man who could grant them a licence. Whatever made their daughter happy made them happy too.
‘Do you think one day I will get married and look beautiful like you, Sammi?’ asked nine-year-old Millie.
Sammi-Lou hugged her sister. ‘Of course you will. You look amazing today in your dress. You will definitely be my prettiest bridesmaid, unlike Tonya.’
‘Now, now. Be nice,’ Meg Allen chuckled. Sammi-Lou had chosen five bridesmaids. Her sister, her best friend Charlene, Ava and two of her oldest school mates. The only disagreement Meg’d had with her daughter over the entire wedding plans was that she must ask Tonya to be a bridesmaid also. Tonya was Kym’s fourteen-year-old daughter and Meg had to admit she wasn’t the most pleasant or prettiest of girls.
‘I swear, Mum, I’m pushing her towards the back when the photographer arrives. No way is she spoiling my photos.’
‘Don’t be nasty, love, it’s not in your nature. We all know Tonya is a horror, but she’s your cousin, and your Auntie Kym would’ve been dreadfully upset if you hadn’t asked her to be a bridesmaid.’
Millie giggled. ‘She’s also fat, like an elephant.’
‘Right, enough of this horrid talk. Let’s go downstairs and join everybody else. And if yous two are horrible to Tonya, you’ll have me to deal with. Understand?’
Sammi-Lou and Millie both laughed. ‘Yes, Mum,’ they said in unison.
Vinny Butler raided his brother’s drink’s cabinet and poured himself a large Scotch. Everybody else was over the road in his father’s house, but Vinny couldn’t face being in close proximity to that old tosser for any longer than necessary.
Vinny stared out of the window. The limo had been due to pick his mother up at half ten, so should be here soon.
The minute it came into view, Vinny ran outside and opened the passenger door, urging his mum to follow him. ‘Everyone else is in me dad’s gaff, Auntie Viv. Take Ava and the dog over there and we�
�ll be over in a bit. I just need to have a quick word with Mum about something.’
As soon as Vinny shut the front door, Queenie asked, ‘Have the police been in touch with you an’ all? Turned up at mine earlier and they have sod-all to go on, bar one sighting of a lad running away. Good news, eh?’
‘That is good news. Now drink that,’ Vinny ordered, shoving a brandy in his beloved mother’s hands. She was going to go apeshit, no doubt about it.
‘So, did the police visit you an’ all?’ Queenie asked again.
‘No. It’s the wedding I needed to speak to you about.’
‘Oh, Jesus! Please don’t tell me Little Vinny’s got cold feet. The neighbours were out in their droves as we left. That’s all I need, having to explain the wedding never took bastard place.’
‘Little Vinny’s fine, Mum, but his choice of best man isn’t.’
‘Why?’
‘He’s asked me father to do the honours.’
Queenie was that shell-shocked, the glass slipped out of her hand, and the contents splashed all over her lovely, expensive peach suit.
Gary Allen’s breath was literally taken away as his stunning daughter walked towards the carriage that awaited her. He could remember the day she was born as though it were yesterday, and here she was at nineteen, all grown up and ready to become a wife herself.
‘Mummy,’ Oliver squealed, trying desperately to wriggle out of his grandfather’s arms.
‘No, Ollie. Wait for Mummy, else you’ll have grass stains all over that suit and she won’t be happy,’ Gary said.
Sammi-Lou put her hand over her mouth as she approached the two striking white horses and stunning glass carriage.
‘Well? What do you think?’ Meg Allen asked, linking arms with both her daughters.
‘Can I go with Sammi and the horses?’ Millie asked.
‘No, darling. Only Daddy and Ollie are going with your sister because they have to walk down the aisle with her. You’re coming in the limousine with me,’ Meg explained.
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