by SJ Himes
“Come, Luca, lost son of Black Pine, and be welcome home at last,” she called softly to him, her voice accented strangely, and it was deeper than he would expect from a female. She carried power in her heart, and he couldn’t find it in him to resist her call. Ghost looked back up, and blinked, his double-vision finally receding enough for him to look at her without her inner star blinding him. He walked the last few steps to the porch stairs and up, and she held the door wide for him, her smile unwavering. He stared up at her as he passed through, and her presence was so magnetic that he had to fight to look away.
Kane was waiting for him, already a man again, dressed in a white robe. The woman closed the door behind him, and he entered a large room off the entrance, a fire roaring in a massive stone hearth. It was sparsely decorated, the space vast and uncluttered, a thick cream colored rug underfoot and two long dark leather couches off to either side. He went to Kane, and sat at his feet, needing the comfort from the alpha’s presence. Kane stroked his face, and he sighed, leaning on his thighs. He was nervous, and afraid of what would happen when the other wolves learned he was incapable of Changing. Wolves in the wild who couldn’t conform to a pack were chased off or killed, and while he knew the wolfkin weren’t animals, they also weren’t human either.
“Luca?” he looked up at the sound of his old name, and finally saw the other wolf in the room. He looked so like the woman who had welcomed him that they must be related. They stood side by side, the new wolf and the female, and the male gave him a hesitant smile. Ghost thumped his tail in nervous acknowledgement.
The new male slowly approached him, and sat on the couch closest. Ghost watched him warily, but Kane was relaxed and unafraid, his presence in the back of his mind encouraging.
“I am Shaman River, and I am very happy to see you again, Luca. I was once Gray Shadow’s apprentice, a very long time ago.” At the mention of his grandfather’s name, and the connection this wolf claimed to him helped Ghost more. “Kane tells me you got lost in your wolf-form. I can help you find your way back, if you’ll let me.”
*How?* he didn’t meant to be rude, but it came out that way, and he flinched, expecting a rebuttal, but the shaman merely smiled at him kindly. He remembered little of his old life, but the respect due a shaman was one lesson he learned early.
“If you were a beta or an alpha, all we would need is an adult alpha with the Voice to order you to find your human form again, but since you are a shaman,” and River grinned widely at him, as if he were pleased by the fact, “the Voice will not work on you. So I will try to show you the way back, if you would share with me what happened during your first Change. It’s rare for a shaman to get lost in the Change, even on his first try, but I think your experience may have been out of the ordinary. Let me help you.”
Ghost hesitated, meeting the shaman’s eyes for a long moment, while Kane’s strong fingers massaged the base of his skull and the nape of his neck. He decided he would try to trust this shaman, thinking if he was once a student of Gray Shadow, he might be more understanding than someone who wasn’t.
*Grandpa Shadow showed me how, beside the river,* he whispered, and both Kane and River reacted, with surprise.
“Your grandfather showed you how?” River asked, confusion marring his pale features, and he sensed an equal amount of confusion from Kane. “You did not Change at puberty?”
*Before he…before he died, he showed me how to find my wolf. He took me to the cave, the wolf-den, the dark and quiet place where my wolf spirit slept. He showed me how to wake him… and we… I… Changed. I think I was dying, and Grandpa Shadow did it so I would live.* He pulled up the distant memory, of traveling through the dark place deep in his own spirit, of the wolf-den buried so deeply inside he wondered how he could ever find his way back there. He gave the memory to Kane and River, and he felt their wonder at what he showed them. *Is that not….isn’t that how it always happens?*
River just stared at him, the shaman at a loss for words. Ghost got nervous, whining, and looked up at Kane. His alpha cupped his muzzle and ran his thumbs over his eyes, soothing him, making hushing noises. He was suddenly very afraid, the reaction of the shaman telling him that his first Change was far from normal. That whatever his grandfather taught him beside the river that long ago morning was not how their kind usually found their wolves.
“That’s what he was doing…..” the shaman whispered, his face a mask of stark disbelief, and awe. “He spirit-walked as he lay dying and went looking for you. He showed you how to find your wolf spirit, and that’s the power draw I sensed when I tried to summon him back…”
Ghost made the leap, aided by the presence of the alpha in the back of his mind. Gray Shadow died because he used his magic to show him how to find his wolf-form, consuming energy that he could have used to heal himself. In Kane’s mind was an image of Gray Shadow in wolf-form laying on a stone bier, wolfkin layering stacks of logs and branches around him. He realized with a start that he was seeing Kane’s memory of Gray Shadow’s funeral. He could see with alarming clarity the gaping hole in the great shaman’s chest, made by the shotgun the human had threatened them with by the river.
Why would they spare the effort to help him? He’d cost them the greatest shaman the clans had ever known, and he was no fitting legacy for his grandfather’s sacrifice. He couldn’t even Change back! His grandfather was gone, and he would be a constant reminder of the Clans’ loss.
“Luca!” He was too scared to respond, and he collapsed to the floor, afraid he would be broken forever. What use was there for a broken wolf, among these perfect creatures, who moved from one form to the other with practiced ease? Kane would regret finding him and send him away.
He shivered, and found he was cold, his heart racing impossibly fast in his chest. A layer of strange disconnect rippled through his mind, and he was panting, his vision blurring.
“He’s having a panic attack.” Someone was speaking but he couldn’t be sure who it was. “We need to snap him out of it.”
“The Voice won’t work on him! River, you’re a healer, do something!”
His sight was narrowing down, and he gasped, trying to breathe. He felt like something was sitting on him, choking off his air.
“I’m trying, but his magic is keeping me out. Luca, breathe, it’s okay, we’ll help you!”
He was going under, the river from his past suddenly tugging at him, dragging at him, suffocating him.
“Kane.” He heard through the water, muffled, but powerful. Not the males, but the female, near and coming closer. “You can reach him. Do what you did before, with Gabe.”
“The Voice won’t work on him!”
“You don’t need to use the Voice on him, youngling, you are bound to him at a level past the reach of that gift! You sense it, so use it!”
“What?”
“You are already inside his head and his soul where you need to be! Call him, go to him, and do it now!”
Luca was almost gone, his lungs burning. His vision went from gray to black at the edges, and he was ready to give up when a warm rush of red fire swept across his eyes. It came out from the back of his mind, and it burned as it went, but didn’t hurt. The fire consumed the fear, the crippling terror that choked him, and the waters receded, his vision brightening with each sweep of flame. It circled around him, buffering his mind, and he reached out to it. He felt something catch him, and the heat of the connection poured into him. He breathed at last, sucking air into his starving lungs, and his legs kicked feebly. Strong hands were on his legs, holding him gently, and there was something propping him up, supporting his head and neck.
He blinked his eyes, finding them dry, and he was finally able to see again. He was sprawled on the floor across Kane’s lap, River kneeling at his side, with the female standing over them. Kane was deep in his mind, and Ghost clung to him, afraid to let go. Kane sent him a wave of reassurance, w
ordlessly promising to keep him safe.
He relaxed, totally limp, and he felt the ache of his body, every muscle and limb complaining. He was starving, and he idly thought that he hadn’t eaten all day long, not since dawn, and it must be well past midnight now. He heard Kane chuckle, the big man’s arms shaking gently as they tightened around his shoulders. His stomach grumbled, voicing its own complaints, and the other wolves smiled down at him.
“I think some food is in order before we go any further,” the female said, and she reached down, touching the shaman on the shoulder. “Come with me, little brother, and help me gather some food for our lost cub.”
Luca thumped his tail weakly in thanks as the two pale wolves left the room. Kane shifted under him, and he tried to roll to his stomach, but the bigger wolf refused to let him go. The alpha moved them both, so they lay stretched out in front of the fire, Kane wrapped around him protectively.
It was weird, lying on the floor with another wolf, one in human form, but the big hand rubbing along his side in long sweeps did a lot to soothe his nerves.
HE HUGGED his little wolf to him, though he wasn’t so little in his current form. They were about the same length with Kane a man, and he propped his head on one arm while he slowly stroked his free hand down the gray wolf’s side. Powerful muscles rippled under his hand, Luca’s coat thick and soft, and the long guard hairs on his shoulders and along his spine a marvelous silver color, darker at the tips. His ears were sharply pointed and soft to the touch, and he tugged gently on one, making the wolf he held grumble, happiness coloring his thoughts.
*I keep calling you Luca, but in your head, you think of yourself as Ghost. Do you wish me not to call you Luca?* he asked the wolf in his arms, and he waited, watching the colors of Luca’s thoughts mill about inside his mind, and Kane realized he was finding it hard to separate where he ended and the other wolf began.
*I do not feel like Luca. I haven’t in a long time.* Kane pondered the response, and rested his chin on the gray wolf’s shoulder.
*How do you mean, little wolf?*
* I don’t remember how it feels to wear clothing, or how to say my own name, or how to laugh. I was raised with wild wolves, and I can tell you how to act around them, how to be a member of their world, their pack… but how to be a boy again? How to wear my human form? It is a distant dream, one I fear will never come true.*
*You are not alone anymore, little wolf.*
*I am broken, Kane.*
*Shush! You are not broken. We will fix this, and I am here. I will never leave your side, I promise.*
His little wolf was silent for a time, his thoughts subdued, obviously thinking hard. Kane was about to speak again when footsteps sounded behind them. Kane smelled blood and fresh meat, and suddenly, a wide platter of steaks appeared next to them on the floor. Andromeda smiled at them both and ran a slim hand over the little wolf’s face, and he felt the shiver that ran through him at her touch.
“Eat and sleep. River and I will wake you both in the morning, and with the Great Mother’s help, we shall tackle this task anew with the dawn.” She stood and pulled a throw pillow and a blanket from one of the couches, and she handed both to Kane. He sat up, and his little wolf waited for her to leave the room before he sank his teeth into the New York sirloin steak.
Kane chuckled as the wolf practically inhaled the steak before attacking another one on the platter, barely chewing. There were several steaks on the platter, and over half were gone before the gray wolf slowed and peeked shyly at him from the corner of his beautiful silver eyes. Kane smiled widely when his little wolf nudged the platter to him, silently offering to share. He was touched by the sweet gesture, and he laughed softly when the other wolf daintily picked up a prime piece of meat the size of his palm and offered it to him.
“Thank you, little wolf.” He took the proffered filet, and ripped into it with his teeth, those liquid silver eyes watching him carefully as they ate. He stared back and sent his little wolf all the admiration and affection he was feeling, every shred of joyous relief that he was alive, home, and now his. He didn’t know where that certainty came from, as it was oddly autocratic of him, but this little wolf was his now, and he would fight to the death to keep him.
Silver eyes glittered in wild joy, and Kane felt an echo of returned sentiment along their link.
Kane chewed on the cool meat, and he smiled when he finally got his answer.
*Call me Ghost.*
* I shall, my little wolf, if it makes you happy.*
* I am happier than I have been in a long time, Kane.*
GHOST relaxed, stomach full and heart content. For now, at least. Kane was sleeping, curled along his back, but sleep was beyond him for now. He stared into the fire, the embers a deep red and orange, glowing amongst the cooling ash, Kane’s even breaths keeping time with his own.
His thoughts kept spinning back to what the female said before she left.
The Great Mother’s help? Who was she, and why did he feel like he already knew? He remembered his grandfather speaking to him at bedtime, tales of times long ago and far away, and of a woman, beautiful in grace and power, who protected her children from the horrors of a long winter’s night. She who made the shamans, and guided her favored children from the path of war and genocide.
Ghost sighed and let his eyes drift shut. He sent his thoughts spinning out into the darkness of his spirit, the warmth of his inner star a beacon to guide him back, and he turned his mind to the infinite reaches just beyond the edge of his awareness. The answer to his question was out there, he could feel the pull on him, as if he stood under the empty night sky and still could tell where the new moon hid in the darkness.
There was a sound, faint and tantalizing…the words were indistinguishable, and he wanted to know who the whisperer was and what she was saying.
Sleep came to his body, muscles loose and his heart slow. His mind and spirit coalesced, and he found himself standing on the limits of a vista he’d never seen before.
Dream-Walker
“I DON’T think Kane noticed it happening,” Sophia said as she passed him the whiskey bottle, half gone already. Burke took a deep swig and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I’d agree with that.” He sighed loudly and tipped his head back, staring at the unlit ceiling above them, the exposed rafters dusty. He idly thought about how often they must be cleaned, trying not to focus on the fact that he’d seen the impossible happen earlier that night. He hadn’t recognized it at first, it took Sophia pointing it out for him to see the signs.
“How old are you, Sophia?” he asked, the alcohol playing with his caution, and he took another drink, so he didn’t sober up too fast.
“Old enough to smack you into the next century for asking me that,” she growled and kicked him with a dainty bare foot. They were both sprawled out on the couch in the cabin Burke was sharing with Kane. The Heir was wrapped up with his long lost cub, and Burke wasn’t expecting him to come back anytime soon.
“Have you seen…..” he belched and covered his mouth, mumbling apologies before taking another drink, “have you seen a soulbond between two males before?”
She went still and pulled her feet away from him where they were resting on his thigh. He rolled his head to see her sitting up, wrapping her arms around her knees, her dark eyes and hair blending with the shadows. They hadn’t turned on the lights when they came in, after making sure the humans were secure in the empty cabin next door, and the shadows made it easier to talk, to think about things he’d never thought possible.
Sophia bit her lip, and sighed, her shoulders drooping, and she flopped back on the armrest of the couch. He poked her hip with the bottle, and she took it, taking a couple of swallows before handing it back. He chuckled, impressed, and waited, staring at the golden liquid swirling in the glass bottle.
“It was about a hundred yea
rs ago.” He jumped, her voice raw from the liquor, and he waited for her to continue. “Males pairing unofficially with males happens all the time, as you know.” He snorted and nodded, thinking about the years-long affair he’d had with Kane…the affair that had ended around the time the Heir first met the youngest grandson of the two most powerful wolves in the combined Northern Clans.
Sophia put her feet back in his lap, and he rubbed them, thinking it was a good thing the cold rarely bothered their kind, since she was barefoot and the heat wasn’t on in the cabin. She spoke again, after giving him an appreciative moan when he used his thumbs on the ball of her foot.
“I was visiting my mother back in the Old Country, and there was a territory dispute between two neighboring lesser Clans. It got bloody, with a dozen deaths on each side of the conflict, and the humans were noticing the carnage. The Greater Clans over there were about to eradicate both clans to control the violence when it happened.”
“When what happened?” he asked after she stopped speaking.
“The first beta and son of one of the Clan Leaders involved in the conflict tried to ambush and kill the Alpha and his Heir of the opposing Clan, and it almost worked. The Alpha and his Heir were the last surviving wolves of the pack that got ambushed, barricaded in a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere, when the first beta of the other Clan broke down the doors. The trapped Alpha didn’t have the Voice, and his Heir was young, only seventeen at the time, and his abilities weren’t fully developed. They should have died, but then it happened.”
“What?” Burke asked, hanging on every word, easily seeing the scene she painted in his head, the blood and violence and chaos.