by Gail McHugh
Emily popped a brow. “I thought you’re attempting to calm me down?”
He chuckled and stroked her cheek. “My point is, you’ll know why. You’re going to know why because you’re his mother. You’re going to live and breathe for him. You’re going to learn how to burp and bathe him. You’re going to learn how much ointment is the right amount. He’ll never starve, because you won’t be able to take his crying anymore, and you’ll probably wind up shoving too many bottles in his mouth.”
Emily shook her head and giggled.
Gavin leaned in inches from her face, his eyes focused on hers. “And he’ll never hate you. He couldn’t. You love everything around you so easily, which makes you too easy to love. He’s going to feel that. Believe me, he will.”
Emily swallowed. “You think so?”
“I know so, doll. It’s impossible not to fall in love with you.”
And there, sitting on the floor with the man she couldn’t live without, the man who showed her what it felt like to really be loved, Emily was no longer afraid of becoming a mother. Instead, she drowned in the fact that not only did the man sitting with her believe in her strengths and was in love with her every weakness, but another little man would soon be equally as in love with her.
Emily pulled open the door to a midtown Starbucks, welcoming the air-conditioned setting from the summer heat. She immediately spotted Olivia, who’d jumped up from her chair as though it were set ablaze. Emily squeezed through the lunchtime crowd, excited to see her friend. The last several weeks had been nothing short of chaotic, so their time together became limited at best. With a little over a month until she was due, Emily’s schedule danced around weekly doctor’s appointments, Lamaze classes, and purchasing any last minute baby items she and Gavin could think of.
Smiling, Emily approached Olivia and dropped her purse onto the table. As soon as she went to pull Olivia in for a hug, Emily noticed her friend didn’t at all appear her usual self. “What’s the matter?” Emily scanned Olivia’s worried expression.
Olivia hesitated, the lines of her frown deepening. “I have to talk to you.”
“All right,” Emily drawled, her nerves spiking. She’d never seen Olivia look so panicked. Pulling a chair out from the table, Emily sat. Her head spun over every possible thread of bad news her friend could dish out.
Olivia settled into a chair and slid a Venti drink across the table. “I ordered you an iced chai latte. I figured it’ll help calm your nerves after I tell what I found out.”
Emily’s heart dropped. “Liv, what the hell’s going on?”
Olivia nibbled on her thumb nail. “Just promise me you won’t get mad at me.”
“What?” Eyes wide, Emily shook her head. “Don’t get mad at you? What did you do?”
“Em, just promise me you won’t get pissed.”
Emily crossed her arms, her stomach twisted in knots. “Okay, Olivia, even though you haven’t told me what I shouldn’t be pissed about, I promise I’ll try not to get pissed. Is that good enough for you?”
Olivia slowly nodded and blew out a puff of air. “I…” She paused, glanced around, and swiped a hand through her hair. “I called the Maury Povich show and—”
“You what?” Emily gasped, her eyes wider. “I told you not to call them, Olivia. How could you do this to me? Like it’s not embarrassing enough not knowing who the father is, you want me to air my shit on national television?” Emily stood, yanking her purse from the table. “We’re not doing it.”
“Emily, wait!” Olivia jumped to her feet, following Emily toward the exit. She grabbed Emily’s arm and whipped her around. “You’re not listening to me. There’s more.”
“More?” Emily questioned, her brows furrowed. “What, did you tell them what positions I like during sex? Maybe you went as far as letting them know I made out with Candice Weathers at the graduation party while I was drunk?” Without waiting for a reply, Emily pulled her arm from Olivia’s grasp, turned on her heel, and continued weaving through the crowd.
“Emily!” Olivia called. “There’s another paternity test available, and it’s noninvasive.” Emily skidded to a stop. With her lips parted and shock running through her system, she turned around. “It’s true,” Olivia continued. “It’s a simple blood test. You don’t even have to go on the show, and you guys can have the results in less than ten days.”
Emily swallowed, her heart pounding faster. Olivia started for the table and Emily followed. Feeling as though she’d been sucker punched, Emily dropped her purse, pulled out a chair, and stared at Olivia. “Tell me what you know,” she breathed, trying to calm down.
“I’m sorry I called the show,” Olivia whispered. “It was going to be a joke. I wasn’t even gonna give them your real names. I had Olive Oil for you, Popeye Rodriguez for Gavin, and Norman Bates for Douchecock. I figured I’d put the tickets in a card since you wouldn’t let us throw you a shower.”
“Liv, I’m not worried about the show.” She sighed, attempting to compute how twisted, yet hysterical her friend was. “Just tell me what you know.”
“It’s called a noninvasive prenatal paternity test. The woman from the show said some company, DNA Diagnostic Center, performs them at their labs across the United States. They need a blood sample from the mother and a blood sample from one of the potential fathers.” Olivia shrugged. “That’s it.”
Emily shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing. “How can that be? Everything I read online about the amniocentesis said you need amniotic fluid to perform DNA testing prior to giving birth.”
Olivia took a sip of her frozen Frappuccino and leaned back. “I really don’t understand it myself. She said something about fetal cells in the mother’s bloodstream. That’s it, Emily. Within ten days of the lab receiving the samples, you can go online to the DDC’s website, and you’ll have your results.”
Ten days. Ten. Simple. Quick. Days.
Emily brought her hand to her mouth, her voice a whisper. “My God, why didn’t my doctor tell me about this months ago? This whole time, we could’ve known.” Her heart seared. Their nightmare shouldn’t have lasted as long as it had. Hell, at that point, Emily felt all kinds of fucked up about taking her doctor’s word for it without doing further research.
“It’s a relatively new test, and let’s be honest, your doctor’s relatively old. His office is a throwback to the seventies. Shit, he still performs sonograms.” Olivia slid her chair closer to Emily and placed her hand on her shoulder. “Maybe he didn’t know about it. Either way, you do now.”
Emily swallowed, trying to process what’d been dumped in her lap. There was truth in Olivia’s statement. Emily now knew about the test and soon Gavin would, too. They couldn’t take back the sleepless nights over the last several months. They couldn’t remove every second of the agonizing wait they’d endured. Six and a half months of worrying whether or not she and Gavin would spend the rest of their lives tied to Dillon couldn’t be undone. Armed with new information, Emily wasn’t about to let another wicked, unknowing minute tick by. Standing, she grabbed her purse, popped a kiss on Olivia’s head, and with a scared and heavy heart, headed out the door to go tell Gavin.
She only prayed their long-awaited answer would be the one they so desperately wanted to hear.
Nerves a tangled mess, Emily stepped from the elevator into Blake Industries.
Beaming, Gavin’s secretary stood from her desk. “Hey, Emily!” she chirped, gathering her into a hug. When she pulled back, her smile widened as she gave Emily a once-over. “Not too much longer.”
“Yeah. Not much at all.” Emily shifted in her heels, wondering why she was wearing them. Her swollen belly had nothing on her feet at that point. “I’m ready to be done with this pregnancy.”
“I bet. The last few weeks can be brutal, but it’s so worth it at the end. Before you know it, you’ll have a little life in your arms. You’ll forget each second of discomfort. You and Mr. Blake won’t be able to contain you
r excitement.” Emily gave her a weak smile. Natalie was on the long list of people who didn’t know the real scenario. With trepidation in her brown eyes, Natalie tilted her head. “Can I… feel?”
“Of course.” Emily took her hand and placed it on her stomach. “He’s very active this afternoon.” And he was. Emily swore her little man was doing cartwheels. Under the silk of her sundress, her flesh rolled in waves with his squirming movements.
“God, I remember this,” Natalie sighed. “Well, enjoy it. There will come a time in your life when you realize this was one of the best parts.”
Emily gave another weak smile and glanced toward Gavin’s office. “Is he available?”
Natalie nodded. “Yep. He just finished up a meeting, so you caught him at a good time.”
“Thanks, Natalie. I’ll catch up with you on my way out.”
“Sounds good,” she said, reclaiming her seat, her attention focused on the ringing phone.
Nerves instantly spiking again, Emily headed for Gavin’s office. With a quick knock, she pushed open the door. Her heart clenched the moment her eyes landed on Gavin’s smiling face. Little did he know she was about to throw a corkscrew in his day. Phone in one hand, he signaled for her to wait with the other. She sighed, taking in his relaxed demeanor. Suit jacket off and tie loose around his neck, he lazily rocked in his leather chair, talking business. Dropping her purse onto his desk, Emily settled on his lap, hoping she wasn’t crushing him. He slid his arm around her waist, his hand massaging her belly. Trying to calm her anxiety, she ran her fingers through his soft black hair. God, she loved this man, but she couldn’t help but feel as though she was the devil about to deliver bad news.
“That’s exactly what I want to hear, Bruce. We’ll be in touch.” On that note, he hung up, his grin contagious as he gazed into Emily’s eyes. “A midday surprise.” He brushed his lips along her jaw. “Are you presenting yourself as lunch to me?”
Emily pulled in a breath, her mind telling her to just come out and say it. No skirting around. No hesitation. Just say it. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pressed her forehead to his. Her eyes locked on those mystifying baby blues. “There’s a blood paternity test. It has no risks, and we can have the results in days. I know we’re almost at the end of this road, but we could find out a few weeks early. We can finally be done with this… this waiting.” Emily watched his face pale. Watched those beautiful eyes cloud over, desolation replacing the playfulness they’d held less than a minute ago. She felt his strong, hard body sag.
His hand dropped from her stomach as he looked away… then his whispered words sank her, gutted her open. “I’ve known about the test for a couple of months.” He brought his eyes back to hers.
His statement bounced around in Emily’s head. Staring at his face, bleeding something parallel to shame, she tried to swallow. She felt dizzy as she stood, resting her hand on his desk for balance. “You’ve known?” she breathed, her eyes misting over with tears and confusion. “You’ve known about it and didn’t say anything to me?”
Gavin rose and brought his hand to her cheek, but she flinched away. For a second, he found his voice trapped, felt his heart sink. He knew the lie he was harboring would upset her, but hell, her reaction was tearing him apart. He nodded, stepping back. “I have.”
“For how long?” she asked, her voice cracking.
“After we found out it was a boy.” Gavin looked at the floor, remembering the day he couldn’t keep his curious fingers from clicking around the internet. A son. His possible son had fueled a need so deep within him to see if there were other options, he’d thought he was going crazy. He spent half the day online. Once he found out they could have the answer so fast, fear shot through him. Frozen in front of his computer, Gavin realized the answer may not be what he wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. It also brought on a slew of fucked up emotions he wasn’t prepared to handle. For the most part, he felt Emily was carrying his child, but as he stared at the screen, his faith vanished.
“That was months ago, Gavin.” Emily swiped tears from her face, shocked at how long he’d known. “I don’t understand. Why would you keep this from me?”
Stepping closer, he shoved his hand though his hair. All he wanted to do was touch her, console her, but her defenses were up, so he would tread. “I was buying time.” He spoke softly and stared at her face as it became further dowsed with confusion. “That’s it. I was buying time.”
“Buying time? Time from what? We can’t stop the inevitable. But we could’ve stopped Dillon from being at every doctor’s appointment.”
Gavin shook his head, his fears tumbling from his mouth. “No, we couldn’t have. He’s the father. Not me.”
Emily swallowed back a breath at his admission. Her knees went weak. The man before her revealed something he’d hidden so naturally, so effortlessly over the past several months. She didn’t know whether to scream at him or cry for him. However, she knew he did it for her. She could never deny his natural instinct to always protect her feelings. He’d sheltered her by keeping his fears to himself. As she watched his spirit break right before her eyes, she decided to reveal something as well. Something she’d started feeling the last few months but didn’t recognize what it was until now. A pull so internal, so warming, she thought it was going to melt her. “You are this baby’s father, Gavin Blake. Do you hear me?”
Gavin stared at her a long moment, sour thoughts invading his mind. He wanted to believe her, but he couldn’t. His words came out as a whisper. “I’m not, Emily. He is.”
Heart shattering, Emily stepped closer and reached for his hands. She molded them to her belly as the baby tried to kick his way out. Staring into Gavin’s weary eyes, she cupped his cheeks. “You are the father, and I’ll tell you how I know,” Emily cried, pressing her lips to his. “I know because I can feel every bit of you running through my veins. Your blood, your heart, your soul. I can feel it. I feel his love for you. Every time you talk, he moves. Every time you laugh, I swear he vibrates like he’s sharing the joke with you.” Sliding her arms around his neck, she twined her fingers in Gavin’s hair and buried her face against his chest. “I know you can feel him moving, Gavin, and he knows it’s his father’s hands on my stomach. He knows it.”
Gavin had said Emily’s hands shook every time she touched him. Here and now, it was his he couldn’t control. He smoothed his trembling hands along the swell of her stomach, feeling the life they may have created squirm within her body.
With tears streaming down her face, Emily stared into Gavin’s eyes. “I need your faith and belief in everything you know we were meant to be.” She pulled in a stuttering breath and held his face. “I need it to be stronger than your fears and doubts. Don’t you dare give up on us, Gavin. Don’t give up on him. Please.”
Gavin nodded and bent his head, brushing his lips against hers. “I won’t,” he whispered, pulling her into his arms. “I swear to God I won’t.”
And there, standing in his office with the woman he couldn’t live without, the woman who showed him what it felt like to have his faith restored by her simple touch, Gavin was no longer afraid of not being this child’s father. Instead, he drowned in the fact that not only did the woman with him believe he was, and was in love with every fear he had, but another life was already in love with him.
Climbing the mountainous stairs to the second floor of Gavin’s home in the Hamptons proved a more difficult feat than the year before. With a bottle of water in one hand and a hearty plate of reheated Chinese food in the other, Emily reached the last step quite winded. As she made her way down the hall, she couldn’t help but stop outside the room she and Dillon had slept in the last time she was there. Tainted memories of their stay stormed her mind. But as she stared into the space, one memory trumped the rest. It knocked them all to the ground. This particular memory would never taint her. She’d hold on to it forever.
A small smile lifted the corner of her mouth as she entered the roo
m. Placing her water and food on the large dresser, she flicked her eyes to the nightstand flanking the queen-sized bed. Simple curiosity had her pulling open the drawer. She giggled when she saw the sweatshirt Gavin had given her to wear while she played her first ever game of “Toss the Bottle Cap into the Pot” with him. She gathered it in her hands, bringing it up to her nose. Though faint, it still held his smell. She remembered wanting to burn his scent into her mind. Little did she know then she’d be lucky enough to wake up to it every morning. Warmth flooded her as she pulled it over her tank top. Closing her eyes, she hugged her chest, overcome by visions of that night. She looked around, picked up the plate and water, and made her way out of the room holding both beautiful and bad memories.
On a sigh, she stepped into the room holding her heart and future. Leaning against the doorway, Emily surreptitiously watched Gavin. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of light cotton pajama pants, his focus was zeroed in on his laptop. Though he’d promised he wouldn’t work over the Fourth of July holiday, Emily found that was all he’d been doing. She knew he was trying to keep busy, drowning himself in whatever he could. He was trying to avoid dealing with their new waiting game, the paternity test results game. She couldn’t help but remember a year ago when their lives were very different.
Heart heavy for what he was going through, Emily moved across the room. After placing her food and drink down, she crawled onto bed and pulled the laptop away from Gavin. With a mischievous smile, she snapped it closed and straddled his lap.
Gavin lifted a brow, a slow smirk toying at his mouth. “You’re very lucky I saved the doc I was working on.”
“Sounds like a threat.” Placing her hands on his bare shoulders, Emily cocked her head to the side and mimicked his expression. “Are you going to do harm to my body, Mr. Blake? Better yet, may I beg for a little pleasurable harm to my body?” He chuckled, and his blue eyes twinkled with the playfulness Emily had desperately missed over the last week since they’d gone for the test.