Pulse (Collide)

by Gail McHugh

  Gavin held her hand tighter, wishing he could take away every bit of pain. “Crown molding or no crown molding?”

  “Crown molding,” Emily breathed, bracing against the side of the bed.

  “Cake or ice cream?”

  “Both. Oh God, both!” She rolled onto her back, the contraction making her feel as if she was about to lose her mind.

  “You’re peaking, sweetie,” the nurse noted, pointing to a monstrous, angry green line on the monitor. “Watch. It’ll start to come down.”

  Sure enough, it slowly dipped, allowing Emily to breathe in relief. The tension coiling in her shoulders deflated and her body sank into the bed as she released her death grip on Gavin’s hand.

  “I’ll be right back,” the nurse said, making her way toward the door. “Dr. Beck’s on call this evening. He’ll be in to talk with you and to check how much you’ve dilated.”

  Emily gave a weak nod and rushed a tired hand through her hair as she brought her gaze to Gavin’s. She could tell he felt helpless. Emily managed a small smile. “Come lay down next to me. I promise I’ll give fair warning when another starts.”

  “You think I’m scared of you?” he chuckled, lying as smooth as they come. He was afraid of her. Hell, she was pretty terrifying and this was only the beginning, but he’d never let her know that. He slid across the bed, gathered her in his arms, and stared into her eyes.

  “I can tell I’m scaring you.” Emily took a deep breath, losing herself in his embrace.

  “Never,” Gavin whispered. “You couldn’t scare me if you tried.”

  Emily leaned her forehead against his chin and tried to relax. She had a few seconds of reprieve as Gavin caressed her spine, his touch soothing, before her belly balled viciously. Tensing, Emily could barely prepare herself for the foreign feeling taking hold.

  “Breathe, baby,” Gavin whispered. “Look at me and breathe through it.”

  Tears spiked in Emily’s eyes as a slow, simmering twist knotted. Her back felt as though a bus was running over it. She gripped Gavin’s shoulders, her finger nails digging into his T-shirt as she stared at him. “Oh, God. It hurts,” she cried, her brows cinched. “Say something. Come on, Gavin. Twenty questions again.”

  “City or upstate?”

  “Upstate,” she answered, her stare leaving his as she looked over his shoulder at the monitor. Damn that line. It hadn’t reached the plateau of agony yet. It wasn’t even close.

  “Wood or tile flooring?”

  Squeezing his shoulders tighter, Emily brought her angry eyes back to Gavin’s, the breath rushing from her mouth. “Wood. Jesus Christ, wood.”

  Gavin’s heart clenched, watching the woman he loved suffer as her body prepared to bring his son into this world. “Pizza or pasta?”

  “Neither,” Emily hissed, tossing her head back. “Get the damn nurse, Gavin. No more twenty questions. I need something for this pain right now!”

  Gavin shot up, nearly tripping over the bedside table. Before he could make it to the door, it opened. Easy smile in place, a young man in a white doctor’s jacket, who didn’t appear to be old enough to drive, strolled into the room. Behind him was the nurse from earlier armed with a vial of what Gavin assumed to be narcotics. With Emily screaming, Gavin couldn’t help a few thoughts from filtering through his head.

  The first: He didn’t want this dude touching Emily. The second: Yeah, he still didn’t want this dude touching Emily. “Are you a student?” Gavin brusquely questioned, his eyes wide.

  The young man flashed a grin, his gaze transfixed on a clipboard. He jotted something down and looked at Gavin. “No, I’m not a student. I’m Doctor Martin Beck.”

  Gavin didn’t acknowledge the hand the doctor extended. “You’re delivering my son?”

  “If your wife—”

  “Girlfriend,” Gavin corrected, his stomach twisting from the lack of facial hair on the guy’s face. Gavin was pretty fucking sure the doctor was still a virgin.

  “My apologies. If your girlfriend gives birth in the next twelve hours, yes, I’m delivering your son.”

  Speechless, Gavin watched him approach Emily. Her pain-filled face looked like she could care less if another species delivered their child. The doctor rolled a chair up in front of her and asked Emily to come down to the edge of the bed. He also asked Emily to open her legs for him. Oh Jesus. Gavin felt nauseated. Witnessing a doctor as old as his grandfather prod and poke at the part of Emily’s body Gavin felt was created for him was bad enough, but now this? This was insane. Panic gripped Gavin, but before he could say a word, Emily, who now seemed to be in a blissful state of drugged up euphoria, did as the doctor asked, dropping her knees to the side. With his girlfriend spread wide for Doogie Howser, Gavin nervously swallowed, shoved a hand through his hair, and all but sprinted across the room. Depositing himself on the bed next to Emily, Gavin stared into her glassed over eyes, trying to concentrate on the fact she wasn’t in pain at the moment.

  “You’re four centimeters dilated,” the young buck announced, rolling away from Emily. Pulling gloves from his hands, he gave her a smile. “Being this is your first child, it’s usually an hour or two a centimeter.”

  Gavin glanced at the clock on the wall. It was a quarter past four in the morning.

  “Will you keep giving me whatever you just gave me?” Emily’s lazy smile clearly showed she wasn’t suffering much. “I like how I feel right now.”

  The doctor grinned. “That’ll take the edge off the pain, but you’ll still feel the contractions.” He checked the monitor and scribbled something down on his clipboard. “If you want stronger relief, we can give you an epidural.”

  Eyes closing, Emily shook her head and yawned. “No. No epidural. I think I’ve scared myself from getting one. I read…” her voice trailed as she started falling asleep. She curled up on her side, her head nestled into the pillow.

  With his grin still in place, the doctor looked at Gavin. “Like I said, the Demerol should clip some of the pain for her. She might wake up with each contraction, but it won’t be as difficult for her now. In the meantime, you should also try to get some sleep. You both have a long few hours in front of you.” On that note, the doctor left the room.

  The nurse smiled at Gavin on her way to the door. “She’s in good hands. Don’t worry.”

  Gavin nodded pensively, trying to talk himself out of dragging Emily’s sleeping body from the bed and off to another hospital to give birth. With that, he watched the nurse walk out. Sighing, he laid back against the pillow and stared at Emily, her breathing calm and peaceful. Though he was exhausted, sleep seemed oceans away. Instead, he gently positioned Emily’s head on his chest, his mind reeling over the fact that in a few hours, they would be parents. Only a year ago, the woman in his arms was out of reach, yet here and now, she was about to spoil him with a son. She was about to make him a father. Feeling more than blessed, Gavin knew he’d go through every second of pain all over again if he had to. He wouldn’t think twice about it.

  Emily stirred, a small whimper leaving her lips. Gavin’s gaze fell to the monitor, his heart clenching, as he watched the line slowly start to climb. With tired eyes, he brushed his hand through Emily’s hair. He hoped the pain killer was helping. It must’ve because she didn’t fully wake. Over the next couple of hours, Emily tossed during the contractions, but somehow she managed to fall in and out of sleep. That was all that mattered to Gavin. As the horizon turned dusty orange with the waking sun, Gavin jumped when the monitor chimed. Within a few seconds, a nurse walked into the room.

  Face pinched in concern, she gathered the long strip of paper from the machine and studied it. She turned to Gavin, her voice a whisper. “I need her to shift position. The baby’s heart rate’s dropped.”

  Gavin glanced at the monitor and back to the nurse, his adrenaline spiking. “Is he okay?”

  “He should be,” she answered calmly, but Gavin heard the worry in her voice. She made her way around the opposite side of t
he bed. “It usually helps if momma moves around a bit.”

  Gavin slid his arm out from beneath Emily. She moaned, clearly in pain. Gavin ran his hand through her hair and gazed into her sleepy eyes. “Emily,” he whispered, stroking her cheek, “the nurse needs you to move around.”

  Nodding, Emily sat up. The pain killer was wearing off as a contraction started moving through her stomach. She blinked back tears, her muscles bracing with tension. “I think I need something more for the pain.” She shifted onto her right side, grabbing at her lower back. “Please. I need something. They’re getting worse.”

  The nurse stared at the monitor, her expression no less concerned. “Sweetie, I need you to get on all fours for me.”

  Heart jumping into his throat, Gavin could see the look on the woman’s face. Emily let out another whimper as he helped her do as the nurse said. Trying to keep calm, he rubbed Emily’s back and watched the nurse flick her eyes to the monitor again.

  “Okay, Emily. Go ahead and lay on your back again while I get the doctor.” The nurse rushed for the door.

  “What’s going on?” Gavin questioned, helping Emily lay back down. “You can’t walk out of here without telling us if our son’s okay.”

  The nurse whipped around. “The doctor will explain everything.” She didn’t give Gavin a chance to say another word as she fled from the room.

  “Why isn’t she telling us anything?” Emily looked at Gavin, her heart rate quickening with fear as the tremor from the contraction ebbed.

  Gavin shook his head and tried to calm down for her sake. He cupped her face and brushed his lips against her forehead. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” he whispered, looking into her eyes. He could tell she didn’t believe him. His heart sank. “Listen to me, okay?”

  Voice groggy, she nodded. “Okay.”

  “Emily Cooper, you’re about to give birth to the most healthy, amazing, sucky bottle cap playing, bouncing baby boy out there.” Stroking her cheeks, he placed a gentle kiss on her trembling lips. “And he’s about to love his amazing mother so much, he’s going to make me jealous of you two. Please don’t worry. Understand?”

  “Yes,” Emily whispered, wanting to believe him. She rested her hands over his and pulled in a deep breath. “A healthy baby boy.”

  A slow grin spread across Gavin’s mouth. “Don’t forget the sucky bottle cap playing part.”

  Emily smiled weakly. As she attempted to adjust the pillow behind her, the doctor and two nurses walked in. Eyes on the monitor, Dr. Beck watched it for a moment before bringing his attention to Emily. “The baby’s in fetal distress. We’re going to have to perform an emergency Cesarean.” Gavin backed away when the nurses flanked the bed, yanking up the side rails.

  “I’ll see you in the O.R.,” the doctor added as he left the room.

  Emily swallowed and her throat felt as though sand was coating it. “Is the baby going to be okay?” she cried, her eyes darting between the two nurses. They didn’t answer as they wheeled her bed toward the door. Emily’s heart raced. “Wait, what about my boyfriend? He’s allowed in the operating room, right?”

  “They’d have to kill me to keep me out.” Gavin followed her, his nerves zinging with fear.

  A nurse turned around and rested a hand on Gavin’s shoulder. “You can’t go with her right now. You need to get suited up for the O.R. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be back with everything you’ll need.”

  The woman’s words were a blur to Gavin. He could barely think. Emily was the air he’d kill for, the carbon copy of his existence, and now he felt as though he was suffocating. With his heart climbing up his throat, he bent over the bed and focused on Emily’s petrified face. Running his hands through her hair, he leaned down and gently kissed her lips. She held onto his shoulders, crying as she kissed him back. Gavin slowly pulled away, his mind telling him to stay strong.

  “Remember what I said to you,” he whispered. “An amazing, healthy baby boy.”

  Sniffling, Emily nodded as the nurses pushed the bed out of the room.

  Standing in the hall, Gavin watched them rush Emily into an elevator. He swallowed as the doors closed. The world, his heart, time, and everything within it came to a screeching halt. Shoulders weak with fear, Gavin tried to contain the emotions sinking into his muscles. As he turned to walk into the room and wait for the nurse, his gaze snatched his parents making their way toward him. Their faces showed their excitement until they reached him.

  “What’s the matter?” Lillian asked, her smile fading.

  Gavin shoved a hand through his hair, clearing a lump from his throat. “The baby’s in fetal distress. They just took Emily into the operating room.”

  Lillian touched her mouth, the worry in her eyes mirroring Chad’s. She pulled Gavin into her arms. “They’re going to be fine. Don’t you think otherwise.”

  Gavin nodded, trying hard to concentrate on his mother’s words. He still couldn’t believe what was happening. Down the hall, he could hear Olivia, Fallon, Trevor, and Colton. Their happiness was apparent too, until they saw Gavin and his parents. After a quick explanation, they all gathered in the room and waited for the nurse. Though small talk was attempted, tension hovered, its presence heavy as the minutes ticked by.

  After what seemed like forever, Gavin surged from his chair when a nurse walked in. She handed him a heap of medical clothing, and he wasted no time hurrying into the bathroom to change. Once dressed, he said goodbye to his friends and family and followed the nurse into the elevator. He tried to hang on to hope, but as the elevator doors opened, Gavin couldn’t help but feel as if he was walking into a nightmare of his own. He couldn’t even begin to compute the death of a child, nor did he want to.

  He felt his heart speed up, but he shoved the wicked thought to the back of his mind as he entered the operating room. Amongst the chaos, his frantic gaze landed on Emily, his breath evaporating through the chilled air when he saw her. Gavin’s heart slowed, plummeting into his stomach as the nurse guided him over to Emily. Her delicate arms were flailed out to either side, her wrists secured with Velcro. She looked so helpless as she stared up at him, her watery eyes seeping with fear and uncertainty. It sank Gavin.

  “I’m here with you, baby. Right here,” he whispered through his surgical mask. His lips tingled to feel hers as he leaned over, his face inches from hers. “I’m not taking my eyes off of yours until I hear Noah cry.”

  The slight chill working over Emily’s skin warmed as she stared into Gavin’s eyes. She nodded, wanting nothing more than to touch him. She needed both her men safe in her arms. When the doctor announced he was about to begin, Emily squeezed her eyes closed. A tear slid down her cheek. Gavin intertwined his fingers in hers, and as promised, his gaze never left her eyes. As close as his face was to hers, Emily could feel the heat rolling from his body, felt his love pouring through her.

  “I thank God for you every day, Emily Cooper,” Gavin whispered. “You know that?”

  Emily shook her head, her heart pounding from Gavin’s words and the twinge of pressure curling through her stomach.

  “I do,” Gavin continued, his voice soft. “I also thank God the delivery boy quit the day you walked into my life. I thank God every time you burn a casserole and smoke the shit out of my house.”

  Emily gave a weak smile, holding his hand tighter. She couldn’t see Gavin’s mouth, but the shimmer in his eyes told Emily he was also smiling.

  “I thank God for every minute you’ve ever given me. Even the bad minutes.” He paused, bringing his face closer. “You told me once you thought you’d broken us. You didn’t break us, doll. You fixed us. Those bad minutes shaped us into what we are. They molded us into what we’re going to be together. We were written for one another, and I wouldn’t change one line in our romance novel. The good, the bad, the in between. It’s ours. We own it.”

  The room was filled with loud chatter and frenzied movement, but the only thing Emily could see or hear was Gavin’s eyes and voice. B
reathless, she swallowed. The need to hold him skyrocketed through her chest. “I love you,” she softly choked out, feeling a tug in her stomach. “And it’s me who’ll love you until the day I take my last, dying breath.” And she would. The man standing above her had saved her in so many ways, she was sure he’d never fully understand what he meant to her. It was impossible.

  As she stared into Gavin’s eyes, a second of haunting white noise rocked the air, followed by Noah’s beautiful, screaming entrance into the world. Pressure lifted from Emily’s stomach, and she felt a warm tear from Gavin’s eyes hit her cheek. As she listened to Noah’s hearty wails and watched the man she loved shed his first tears in front of her, Emily felt whole. Her heart throbbed with completeness when Gavin tore his nervous gaze from hers. It also throbbed when she heard him let out a proud, soft chuckle.

  Her man was a father. Her Yankees-loving, bottle cap-giving life saver was a father. And she, a mother. In that moment, Emily cried for her own mother, realizing that every mistake she’d made with Emily, she made because she was human. Though Emily hadn’t laid eyes on him yet, she felt her love for Noah soak her soul, the same way she knew her mother’s love for her must’ve soaked hers.

  Not knowing if he was allowed to but not giving a shit, Gavin yanked the surgical mask from his face. Between laughing and trying to catch his breath, Gavin spoke against Emily’s lips as he kissed her, his heart jumping in his throat. “You’re amazing. Thank you so much. Jesus Christ, he’s beautiful, Emily. He has a full head of brown hair like yours.” Gavin looked over the sheet hung in front of Emily, his smile wide. “Hey, Doogie Howser!” With a raised brow, the doctor glanced up. “Ten fingers? Ten toes? Healthy?” Gavin probed.

  “Yes to all of the above. Congratulations to you both.” Smiling inquisitively, he tilted his head. “Though I must admit, I’m not sure who Doogie Howser is.”

  Gavin chuckled. “Of course you don’t. You’re too young. Thank you for delivering my son. Now, can I hold him?”