She didn’t move to touch him, and he knew that was because they hadn’t talked since he left her room. Neither one of them knew where they stood with one another, and the fact that his past was coming into the bar soon to meet with him just reminded him that he should back away and tell Kenzie that she wasn’t for him.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
“I’m on shift tonight,” he said, coming closer to her. He didn’t touch her since they were both at work and he had no idea how to walk that line, but he still wanted to be close.
“I remember.” She gave him a weird look, and he sighed.
“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind tonight, but I’m really glad you’re here.” He licked his lips when she did, and he held back a groan at the sight.
That brought a smile to her face. “I’m glad. I planned on catching something to eat here tonight rather than cooking for myself. I’ve become lazy since moving here.”
“We have good food. Hard to want to cook. I do the same. Want to eat at the bar?”
“That sounds like a plan. I have a few things to finish up before the night crew starts, but I saw you walk by.”
“I’m glad you came over.” And because he couldn’t quite help himself, he reached out and tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. “See you soon?”
“Soon.” She turned to walk away then stopped and looked back at him. “I guess we should figure out what we’re doing and if we’re going to be out in public or not, right?”
He snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah. Yeah, that might have to move to the top of our list of things to talk about.”
She let out a relieved breath. “Thank God.” He watched her walk away before turning at the sound of a familiar voice.
“Jesse. You’re here.” He smiled at the beautiful woman with light brown skin and dark curls framing her face. She held the hand of a little girl with black curly hair and skin a slightly darker shade of brown. The little girl also had her father’s eyes, smile, and chin.
It was a shock to the gut every time he saw the two of them, and tonight was no different.
“It’s good to see you, no matter the reason,” Jesse said. “Say hi to your Uncle Dare, baby girl.”
“Hi,” Bethany said with a smile, ducking her head.
“Hey there.” He cleared his throat. He wished Nate was here, and he promised himself that the kids would get to know each other more than they did now. He’d make sure Misty knew Bethany, as well. If anyone could make someone smile, it was his niece. “In the mood for dinner?”
“We’re famished. Aren’t we?”
Bethany smiled then looked away from Dare, giggling.
“Okay, then. Let’s head to the bar.”
They were just moving away from the busier foyer when Kenzie walked down the stairs and stopped at the sight of Dare and his new companions. She gave him a weird look, and he held back a curse at what this probably looked like.
“Jessie, this is Kenzie, our new innkeeper and…well…this is Kenzie.” He used to be articulate. “Kenzie, this is Jesse and Bethany.” He kept his voice casual, hoping he wasn’t complicating his world even more with a small introduction that was anything but small.
Jesse held out a hand. “Hi there. I was married to Jason.” At Kenzie’s blank look, Jessie continued after raising her brows at Dare. “Dare’s old partner. This is our daughter, Bethany.”
Understanding filled Kenzie’s eyes, and she smiled, though he knew it was strained. He hadn’t told her about why he left the force, and that was on him. She’d shared with him, and he hadn’t done the same.
“I’m glad to meet you.” She bent to be at Bethany’s level. “And, hi there. It’s nice to meet you, too.”
Bethany ducked behind her mom’s legs but waved. He’d had no idea the little girl was this shy. Hell, he should have known. He should have helped out more than he had and not just with money. He was such a damn idiot and too used to hiding from his problems.
That was something he needed to change.
“I know you need to work in a bit behind the bar, but how about we all get a booth and eat?” Jessie smiled between the two of them, and Dare held back a groan. She’d always been a matchmaker, and it seemed that hadn’t changed a bit.
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude. I was just going to eat at the bar.”
Dare shook his head. “No, come eat with us. I want you to.”
Kenzie looked between them and then finally at the little girl who stared up at the adults with wide eyes. “Okay, then.”
It hadn’t been the most awkward dinner in history, but it hadn’t been the easiest either. Since he and Kenzie hadn’t talked about their relationship, he hadn’t been sure how to introduce her, and it had all gone downhill from there. They’d kept polite conversation and never once brought up why Dare and Jesse didn’t talk much now or why Bethany seemed so shy. But it had been the start of something, at least. What, he didn’t know.
Only when Jesse had handed over her letter without a word had Kenzie given him an odd look. They’d all parted ways after dinner, and Kenzie had promised him that she’d see him after his shift. They apparently had a lot to talk about.
So now, Rick was closing with Shelly, and Dare stood outside of Kenzie’s room, his hands fisted at his sides, and his belly aching.
He had to tell her about Jesse, about why he was no longer a cop, and why they needed to stop doing whatever they were doing. Only he had a feeling he wouldn’t get to the last part. After all, he was a selfish bastard.
Finally, he knocked once, and Kenzie opened the door immediately.
“I thought you’d stand out here forever.” At his raised brow, she pointed at the floor beneath his feet. “I heard the boards creak beneath your feet.” She frowned. “I’ll add that to the list for Loch.”
“He’d probably enjoy it,” he said dryly. His brother was weird, after all. But Dare was weirder. He studied her face, searching for what, he didn’t know. “Can I come in?”
She stepped back without a word, and he followed her into the small apartment. It was the only room upstairs that had its own kitchen and living area. It had been for previous innkeepers over the years even though his parents had never actually lived here. Kenzie had added her own special touches to the place since she moved in, things he’d missed the night before when he’d been buried deep inside her.
He pushed those thoughts from his mind, doing his best not to shift from leg to leg and adjust himself. They were here to talk about what they were going to do about last night, and for him to tell her more about why he’d had dinner with Jesse and Bethany. He wasn’t here to let his cock do the thinking.
“So…” Kenzie said, blowing out a breath. “I’m really not good at this, you know. Before David, I only had one other boyfriend, and that was in high school. So figuring out what to do the morning—or day, rather—after sleeping with someone is so far out of my wheelhouse it’s not funny.”
“You’re not the only one,” he muttered. “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing here, Red. And I feel like every move I make is the wrong one, you know? That I keep fucking up.”
“So we’re on the same page with that at least,” she said with a wry grin. “We probably should have talked before we slept together, huh?”
He reached out and cupped her cheek, unable to hold back from touching her any longer. “I was thinking I should have taken you on a date at least.”
“We’re going about this all backwards. The thing is, I don’t even know what this is.”
He lowered his head, taking her lips in a gentle touch before pulling back. “I don’t know either, except we should probably stop.”
She met his gaze. “Because I work for your parents and things could get complicated.”
“And neither of us is looking for something serious, so we should make sure we don’t mess things up more than we already have.”
“I agree.” She paused. “But we’re still touching each other.”
<
br /> He pulled away, pacing back and forth. “I can’t seem to stop wanting to touch you, Kenzie. And I know it’s bad for both of us.”
“So what if we do our best not to make it matter?” He turned and frowned. “I mean, making the seriousness of it not matter. Not us personally. I honestly have no idea what I’m saying.” She threw her hands up in the air and started pacing like he had been. “I’m not ready for anything serious. You said that, and we both know it’s true. But I’m tired of living my life being so afraid of trying anything new that I miss everything in the process.”
“So you want to sleep with me again?” he asked, his dick on alert.
She blushed but kept her eyes on his. It was damn sexy. “Yes. And from the way your cock is straining your jeans, I’m not the only one.”
“I’m going to take you out then, Kenzie. I’m not going to hide whatever this is because it might be easier. I don’t want secrets.”
“I don’t want secrets either.” She met his gaze again, and he knew he had to tell her more about his past.
“Before we do anything else, though, I should tell you more about Jesse…and Jason.”
“You don’t have to, Dare. If it’s too hard, you truly don’t need to bare your soul. We just said this wouldn’t be serious.”
“I can’t be the man who gets to touch you without telling you why I shouldn’t be that man.”
“Then tell me. Because it can’t be as bad as you think. Not with the way your family looks at you. The way the town sees you.”
“I’m not the man you think I am.”
“Then tell me who you are. If that’s what you think, then tell me.”
“I killed a man,” he growled out, hating the way her eyes widened for just a bare instant before she schooled her features.
“In the line of duty, I would imagine.”
“You say that as if it’s duty to take a life.” There was nothing in his pledge and oath that could take away the guilt of what he’d done.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” she said fiercely. “But tell me what happened. Make me understand why you think you’re not the man I believe you are or the man I think you could be.”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet so he could take out the photo he had in there next to the one of his family and Nate. He knew he could keep them on his phone like normal people did now, but he wanted the physical reminder, too.
Before he could show her, however, Kenzie took his hand and moved them both so they could sit on the couch, facing one another. She didn’t say a word but took the photo from him when he offered it to her. Once again, she’d done the perfect thing, and once again, he was reminded that he wasn’t good enough for her.
“This is…was Jason,” he said, pointing at the dark-skinned man in the photo. “You met Jesse already. Jason never got to know Bethany. Both of our women were pregnant at the same time, but only one of us got to see our kid be born.”
Kenzie reached out and gripped his hand, settling him so he could continue.
“Jason was a bit older than me, but not by much. Those years though gave him more experience in the field, so I always followed his lead. He was a good man. An honest man. And he died because a drug dealer decided to take the hard way out of a bad situation. He shot Jason in the neck and shot me in the shoulder before I could get a round off and take the guy out. It was the only time I’d ever discharged my weapon out of the range and school. And it was the last time. Backup came soon after, but I was in and out of consciousness since the bullet hit me in just the right place for me to lose a hell of a lot of blood. I could hear Jason beside me, gurgling for breath for a few achingly long moments, but I couldn’t move enough to stop the bleeding. Later, they told me I also had a major concussion thanks to hitting the ground as I did when Jason was knocked into me, but I don’t know if I can believe that. Not now, looking back. They also told me there was nothing I could have done for the man who was my brother in all but blood.”
He didn’t cry, didn’t put any more emotion into his voice than he normally carried. This was his burden, his mistake, and there was nothing he could do about it. Kenzie watched him, holding his hand while holding the photo with her other hand. She didn’t say a word, but he saw the sorrow in her eyes, the pity.
“Jesse came here tonight because she got a letter from the son of the man I killed. The same man who killed her husband, my partner, Jason. I got a letter, too, and will deal with them both tomorrow. But as for Jesse? I don’t see her often. I can’t. A little over four years ago when Jason died, she didn’t want to see me at all. I was too much of a bad memory for her. And I didn’t push. I couldn’t. Now, she wants to make sure her child knows me because I’m a part of Jason, too, but it’s hard, you know? It just reminds me of what we lost and the fact that I’m still here and he isn’t.”
“Oh, Dare…”
He shook his head. “I lived. Jason didn’t. The man I killed didn’t either.”
“It’s not your fault.” She squeezed his hand harder, so he didn’t interrupt. “What happened was tragic, and my heart hurts for Jesse and her daughter. But my heart also hurts for you and Nate. You’ve been through so much, Dare, but you’ve come out the other side. I don’t know why you think anything you told me just now would make me not want you…at least not want you for whatever relationship we choose to have.” A pause. “Even if that relationship ends up being a friendship and one where we work together and never touch each other again.”
He shook his head. “We should want that, we should need that, yet…”
“And yet… We’re making a mistake, aren’t we?”
He swallowed hard, remembering once again all the reasons he should say “yes, we are” and walk away. Why he should go back to wondering whom this city girl was and why she was in his space. Instead, he leaned forward, taking the photo from her grasp and carefully placing it on the table in front of him next to his wallet.
“Probably.”
“Then why aren’t we walking away?”
“Because we’re idiots?”
“That…that sounds about right.”
“Are we forgetting our problems again? Because I could really use that.”
Dare nodded. “That’s our plan. Drown in each other, so we don’t drown in anything else.” With Kenzie, he could feel but not feel the dawning darkness that never seemed to go away. He’d take, he’d give, and then he’d walk away when the time came because he didn’t know anything else.
He didn’t want to think about the letters he’d give his old department. He didn’t want to think about the ache in his shoulder or the fact that Jesse had to raise Bethany on her own. He didn’t want to think about how Nate was at his true home tonight, and that Dare would eventually go home to an empty house. He didn’t want to think about the endless paperwork and stress that came from running two business at once when he’d only minored in business rather than his major in criminal justice. He didn’t want to think about any of that.
So he leaned down again, this time taking her lips slowly, savoring each and every inch of her. He could drown in her taste, just sink into her and never let go. And while that should scare him, he couldn’t let her go. Except he wasn’t about to do this in her living room on the tiny couch that could barely hold them.
“Your bedroom. Now.”
She pulled away, panting, eyes wide. “Okay.”
He held back a grin at that because, hell, he knew this was wrong, but he wasn’t about to stop it. The two of them were in her bedroom quickly, her shutting the door behind them. If he hadn’t already had his mouth on hers and her body pressed close to his, he’d have looked around the place just a bit to check it out, but he couldn’t care less right then.
All he wanted was to taste Kenzie, then fill her until they both passed out.
That’s what he wanted in the moment, and from the way Red traced her nails down his back through his shirt, she wanted it, too.
Dare led her deeper into the bedroom, keeping his mouth on hers and their hands roaming along each other’s bodies. She had a small chaise lounge in the corner of the room, and that gave him ideas. Delicious ones.
“Here?” she asked, letting out a low laugh that went straight to his balls. He stood behind her, pressing her back to his front and rocking his hips slightly.
“Here.”
“So, how do you want me?” she asked, turning her head so she could bite his chin. “Like some sweet little regency heroine with my skirt around my hips as I lay thinking of England? Or maybe bent over the back of it?”
He groaned even as he fisted his hand in the fabric of her skirt. “You want to play, then?”
“Let’s play.”
They stripped each other out of their clothing again, much slower than before, licking and touching as they did. Soon, they were naked, and Dare had her bent over the chaise lounge, on his knees behind her as he licked and sucked at her pussy. He loved eating a woman out, loved having Kenzie’s taste on his tongue. She pressed her ass back against him, urging him on as she panted, so he spread her cheeks and fucked her harder with his tongue.
And when she came, yelling his name but not too loudly as the guests could possibly hear her, he stood up, sheathed himself in the condom he’d brought with him, and speared her in the next breath.
She was so damn tight around him. So tight, in fact, that he had to count to ten while he thought of anything but her sweet pussy clamped around his dick.
“I’m going to need to go slow at first, or I won’t last long.” He groaned when she moved back on his cock, rocking her hips just enough that he practically saw stars. He gripped her hips, but not hard. She said she had issues with anyone gripping her arms, but he wasn’t about to test anything else just then. He’d be damned if he hurt her like her fucking ex had.
“Fast. Slow. Don’t care. Just move.”
He grinned at the desperation in her voice since he knew it matched his. And because his lady had asked—no, not his lady, the lady—he moved. Slow at first, then faster. She moved with him, fucking him just as hard as he fucked her from behind, but no matter how good she felt around him, he wanted to see her face when she came.
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