Love Is Overdue

by Natalie Myrie

  He nodded slowly. “I see...”

  “Yeah...so if this is skinny and nerdy then I would be interested to see what you call athletic.” I kept my eyes tightly glued to his.

  He didn’t say anything right away, just held my gaze for what seemed like an eternity. He looked like he wanted to say something – or do something – but he held back.

  “What?” I couldn’t stand it anymore.

  He shook his head slowly. “Nothing...just thinking.”

  “About what?” I was lost.

  He kept his eyes on mine. “Just...you. Thinking about you...thinking about how you would feel if I told you I’m about to try to kiss you.”

  The blood seemed to rush through my veins at record speed. I caught my breath. “How would I feel?” I repeated. It was all I could manage.

  He nodded. “Wondering if I should keep thinking about it...or just do it?”

  I swallowed. Wet my lips. This was too much...

  “You’re asking me?” Again, it was all I could come up with.

  He smiled then, just a little. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask you...”

  I paused, my heart racing. “Maybe...” I admitted, as he brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “But it’s nice that you...”

  My voice trailed off as those soft, beautiful lips of his took my breath away and I was suddenly overcome with his mouth and his tongue and that sweet scent of his cologne as he kissed me slowly, gently – and then deeper and deeper as I started to respond to him. His hand caressed the side of my face so tenderly. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had kissed me like that. What struck me the most was that he just focused on my mouth, on the kiss... He was so attentive to that simple act that the rest of his body – the rest of himself – held back. I was trembling.

  And then he pulled away slowly.

  “Hmmm...” He let out a satisfied sigh. “Sorry.” His voice was so soft and deep. “I cut you off.”

  I caught my breath – trying to regain my thoughts. “It’s okay...I didn’t notice.”

  He smiled. “You still hungry?” he wanted to know.

  I nodded slowly, still completely breathless. “Famished.”

  He kind of laughed. “All right...come with me.”

  He led me into the kitchen then as I was still trying to recover from that kiss, trying to decide if all of this was really happening or if it was just some extremely intense dream I was having.

  “So what you feel for, Gabriela?” Ben was talking then, after he had flipped on the stereo and some soft dub music filled the air around us.

  I tried desperately to snap out of this trance I was in, as I watched him move around his kitchen, grabbing an apron and a few pots, and then head toward his industrial-sized refrigerator.

  I didn’t say anything and that’s when he turned and looked at me. “Are you okay?” He looked concerned all of a sudden.

  “Yeah...” I let my breath out. “Sorry I’m just...I’m fine.”

  He didn’t look completely convinced. “You sure?” he asked as I came up beside him.

  I nodded quickly, snapping out of it for good. “What about...breakfast?” I suggested. “Can you make me some breakfast?”

  Ben smiled. “You got it, baby...”

  Ω

  His breakfast for me started with a simple fruit salad of oranges, bananas, mangoes and papaya, tossed with a passion fruit syrup, a hint of vanilla and a splash of lemon.

  He handed me a bowl and then took a bite of what was left in the dish he had mixed it in. “This will help your buzz,” he said simply, leaning up against the counter with me. “Sorry it’s not chocolate.”

  I laughed and took a bite. “This is perfect,” I admitted, licking off my spoon. It was absolutely delicious. Exactly what I needed. “I’m sobering up anyway.”

  “Hmmm...don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” he teased me, taking another bite from his bowl. “You like pancakes?”

  I smiled. “Yup.”

  “All right, cool...” He turned back to his pantry, grabbing a mixing bowl and a medium sized sauté pan. “These are my daughter’s favourite – I usually don’t make this for anyone else...”

  I smiled, remembering the video of his where he made a batch of mouth-watering banana pancakes, his adorable little girl assisting him as she meticulously peeled and then diced a bunch of bananas for him with a butter knife, just like a pro. It was absolutely priceless.

  “I know...” I admitted, before I could stop myself. “I saw the episode.”

  Ben laughed at that, though. “Oh fuck, that’s right...” He stopped and grabbed a bunch of bananas, tossing them at me playfully. “Then I guess you already know what to do.”

  I laughed too and then took the station next to Ben and began my task of peeling and chopping the bananas as he got to work on the batter.

  He had a huge flat top so he was able to fry up all the pancakes in one shot and it took no time at all. He put me to work again flipping each one while he went to work on sautéeing the bananas with some butter and brown sugar. I watched, admiring his skills as he tossed and swirled the contents of the pan, not even needing to use a spoon.

  “I think we need to spice this up a bit,” he said then, turning to me. “What you think?”

  “It looks delicious,” I said, unsure of what he was implying.

  “Hmmm...” He was debating something, and then he headed to the pantry and came back carrying a half-full bottle of Captain Morgan.

  I laughed. “Damn...that’s not in the recipe,” I teased him.

  “I know, it’s just for you,” he told me. “Watch ya eyelashes,” he ordered jokingly, as he poured a splash of rum into the sauté pan and then tipped it into the burner just until a ring of blue flames shot up from the contents of the pan.

  “Wow, I feel so special,” I admitted then, lifting the last of the pancakes onto the platter next to me. “I can honestly say I’ve never had a man flambé some bananas for me on a first date,” I teased.

  Ben smiled. “I know.” He grabbed a plate and quickly fanned out three golden pancakes on it and then spooned a generous amount of the sautéed bananas over them in one quick sweep. “This is actually more like third or fourth date material.” He held the plate out for me and raised his eyebrows apologetically. “I’m ahead of my game.”

  But I just rolled my eyes at him, taking the plate from him. “Shut up,” I teased again. “You’re making me look bad now.”

  “It’s okay,” he said simply, grabbing himself a plate. “Am sure you’ll be able to make it up to me...”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “Like how?”

  He handed me a fork. “Don’t ask.”

  Ω

  We sat down to eat at a table in the corner of the restaurant. I couldn’t remember ever eating anything as delicious as those pancakes, never mind in the middle of the night, whipped up by a man who used the amount of effort it took most people to boil water. How in the world was it possible for this man to be single?

  “Seriously, though...” I started, licking my fork slowly, and then feeling my face go warm as I caught him watching me. “How can you not have a girlfriend, Ben?”

  He looked to be thinking about my question seriously. “I told you...I’m too busy.”

  Somehow I wasn’t buying it. “Come on...I’m sure that’s not it...When was your last relationship?” I was being a little too pushy, I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself.

  He didn’t say anything right away. He took a bite of his pancake, and chewed for another moment, stalling again. Even watching him eat turned me on.

  “Three years ago,” he finally admitted.

  My eyes went wide. “Three years?” I was a little shocked. “Your baby-mama?”

  He let out a little smile at me using the term again. “No, not my baby-mama. And her name is Maria,” he teased me.

  “Hmmm...” I smiled at him, unable to help myself. “So someone else then?”

  He nodded
slowly. “It’s just...I don’t know...” I could tell he was having a hard time talking about it. “It was a really fucked up thing that happened...and I don’t really like talking about it.”

  My heart started beating furiously again. I was pushing him too much. I decided to drop it. “I’m sorry...you don’t have to tell me, I just...I was just curious,” I told him quickly, trying to save myself.

  But Ben gave me a little look that seemed to tell me he wasn’t really upset with me. “It’s okay...I can tell you, but...you may not like what you hear, that’s all.”

  “Oh.” My mind was racing again. “That bad?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe...” He watched me for another moment. “We were together for about two years,” he told me then. “It was pretty serious. I wanted to marry her...” He paused again, took another bite and thought, staring me down. “Anyway...I don’t know...we hit a rough patch.” He stopped again.

  My mind was racing, but I just waited for him to go on.

  “And she left me.” He stopped again.

  That was it? I was terribly confused.

  “Why did she leave you?” I heard myself asking.

  He sighed. I could tell he really didn’t want to tell me, but I could also see that he was going to. “Because I cheated on her.”

  I let my breath out then, finally understanding why he didn’t want to tell me. “I see...”

  “I don’t know why I did it,” he said then. “I guess everyone says that, right?”

  I stayed silent, though, willing him to continue with my mind.

  “So...” He thought for a moment. “After that happened and she moved out and everything, she refused to see me or talk to me or anything...I tried everything I could to get her back, but I knew there was nothing I could do and deep down I knew it would never happen, but...I just couldn’t stop loving her. And everyone knew that – everyone close to me – because I was a fucking mess for so long, so...” His voice trailed off again. “So that’s why what happened next was like – a knife in my chest.”

  I was still trying to process what he was telling me. I had never imagined him opening up to me like this. “What happened?” I asked softly.

  “She hooked up with my brother.”

  My eyes went wide. Now everything made sense. Our previous conversation about family came flooding back to me.

  “Fuck...” I let my breath out, unable to hold back my shock. “Ben...” I got a hold of my bearings. “Are they still together?”

  He nodded. “Yup.”

  I sighed, not sure what to say to that. “Wow...” I managed to find my voice. “You’re right, that is fucked up...I’m sorry.” I caught myself.

  But Ben gave me the hint of a smile again. “It’s okay...I’m okay,” he stressed. “I mean, it was kinda my fault, so...”

  I shook my head though. “Not that last part,” I said seriously.

  “Yeah, you’re right,” he admitted. “But what happened was...” He looked deep in thought again, as his voice trailed off. “Me and my brother, we were always real close, y’know, so the whole time her and I was together, he was always around so...the whole thing just messed with my head in a way that I could never really make sense of completely... Even to this day I still find myself questioning everything.”

  “You and your brother don’t talk anymore?” I asked then. The thought of him losing the relationship with his only brother made me feel sad. I wanted to lean over and kiss him.

  “Well...” He looked like he was thinking about it. “No, not really,” he admitted. “I mean, not like it was, y’know...he’s tried but we just can’t be cool like that anymore. What am I supposed to say to him? How am I supposed to be around him if she still around too? I can’t. And even if she wasn’t, I don’t know if it could ever be the same again...” He looked at me for a few moments. “But the fucked up part is I still do miss him...you know, the way it was before.”

  I thought about that. “What about her?”

  I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop asking him such messed up questions. They just seemed to keep flowing out of me before I could stop myself.

  But he didn’t seem to mind. “That’s a good question,” he said then, surprising me. “I’ve spent a long time thinking about it and I always kept saying to myself, if I hadn’t fucked up...if I hadn’t gotten so mad...if we hadn’t got into that fight and I hadn’t gone out and got drunk and did what I did, then what? Because to tell you the truth – and maybe you might find it hard to believe – but I can’t even remember it really...”

  “Remember what?”

  “Fucking somebody else,” he said simply. “I mean, I know that it happened and I can remember ever single detail of everything that went down after that, but that one night is just like one giant blur...” He stopped for a moment. “So I don’t know... I spent all this time – years actually – regretting something I can’t even remember, which if you think about it –” He took a small bite of his pancake before he continued, almost for some added dramatic effect. “That’s probably the most fucking painful lesson anyone can get in life. And who knows? Maybe I needed to learn it...”

  I didn’t say anything right away and Ben just watched me closely for a few moments.

  “But to answer your question...I miss what I had with her,” he said quietly. “I miss loving someone like that...and that closeness, y’know? ...But her? I don’t know if I miss her. I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

  I still couldn’t speak. I was still trying to process everything that Ben had told me. The pain and brutal honesty in his voice and his tone and his words seemed to just render me speechless. I had never had a man open up to me like that.

  Ben just kept watching me until finally he just lowered his eyebrows, giving me an apologetic half-smile. “What did I tell you? Never ask a question unless you prepared to hear the answer.” There was a lightness to his tone again, and as he took the last bite of his pancake, I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  I opened my mouth to speak but stopped myself.

  “What?” Ben wasn’t letting me off that easy.

  “Nothing, just...” I shook my head. “What you said just now, it...well that was kinda profound,” I admitted.

  Ben laughed softly. “Which part?”

  “Everything,” I said simply. “You’re a very interesting person. I’m a little blown away actually so I’m sorry if I’m acting like an idiot, you’re just...having some effect on me.” I looked down at my plate, which I had practically licked clean. “Those were some really good pancakes.”

  Ben kind of smiled. “I’m glad you liked them.”

  There was something about these lingering silences between us that seemed to stir up so much sexual energy in me. He stood up slowly and started to gather up our plates.

  “I could use a glass of water, you want one?”

  I nodded and as he headed back to the kitchen I stood up to stretch my legs and try to once again regain my composure. When he came back into the room I turned to face him, leaning back against the table we had eaten on.

  He stopped in front of me, handing me a glass.

  “Thank you,” I said softly and took a small sip. “I feel much better now.”

  He nodded slightly, the look in his eyes suddenly much more serious. “Me too...”

  He set his glass down on the table behind me and as he reached around me, the closeness of his body and that now all-too-familiar scent of his skin made me tremble again. Without even realizing what I was doing, my hand was suddenly on his belly, my fingers crawling up the buttons of his shirt to his chest, where it opened, exposing his smooth dark skin, and my lips pressed against his neck, kissing him ever-so-lightly.

  I felt him sigh softly as I pulled away. “That was nice...” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

  “Sorry, you just...” I lifted my eyes up to meet his, “smell so good...”

  He smiled, but just barely. “So do you...” And then I felt his hands
on my hips, moving up slowly until they rested in the dip of my waist.

  “I’m not drunk anymore,” I heard myself say softly.

  Ben’s eyes were on my breasts, which were suddenly rising and falling ever so slightly with every breath I took. “Damn...” He let his breath out then as his hands tightened their grip around my waist. “You are so beautiful...”

  The words escaped him only seconds before his lips brushed against mine, and we began kissing so deeply. This time, though, as he kissed me my whole body just opened to him and I felt him press up against me, his hands as they reached lower, holding my hips and then slipping around me, gripping my ass until I was suddenly propped up on the table, my legs spreading apart, and him – all of him – pushing up against me in all the right places. I was immediately on fire and I heard myself moan so softly as his lips moved to my neck and his warm tongue started to make my skin tremble.

  “Oh shit...” I gasped as his hands squeezed my breasts, the thin fabric of my halter-dress only the tiniest of barriers, as I felt my nipples get hard under the palms of his hands.

  He pulled back then, just slightly, his eyes running like liquid down my body. He squeezed my thighs. “I want you.” His voice was so soft, but undeniably serious.

  He ran his hands over my shoulders, dropping the crocheted shrug I had on to the table, exposing my bare arms. I felt a slight chill before his mouth began taking over for his hands and his lips started trailing kisses all over my shoulder. His hand was running around my neck to the knot that was holding up my dress. But he hesitated, teasing the strap with his fingers as his face pulled back again.

  His other hand moved back over my breasts then, tracing my cleavage with his fingers, just staring me down. He leaned forward and ever-so-gently ran his tongue over the swell of my breasts, his fingers still lingering on the strap of my dress. Waiting.

  I moaned softly. “That feels good...” I whispered, his tongue making my skin tingle with pleasure.