Love Me, Trust Me

by Barbara Gee

  Hank turned around and got in the car, where he was joined by Byron and Louise. Ryan lifted his hand in a wave as they drove off. At the last minute, Hank waved back.

  Marilee said her goodbyes and headed off to her own car, leaving Ryan and Libby alone in the parking lot, a couple blocks from where they had parked their rental car.

  “He’s pretty incredible, isn’t he?” Ryan asked, smiling down at her.

  “A wonderful little boy,” Libby agreed, walking to him and putting an arm around his waist.

  He turned to face her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against him and resting his chin on her head as he’d done several times before. “He’s suffering. Byron and Louise said he was a normal, rambunctious, happy little boy before Eve got sick. She was always able to shield him from Anthony’s evil by threatening to leave and take away his main source of income. But as she got sicker, he was unprotected, and Anthony’s influence over the past couple months has beaten him down. I want so badly to make it all better instantly, but I know I can’t.”

  “Did they tell you about Eve’s illness? Was she hospitalized for a long time?”

  “She only lived for four months after she got the diagnosis. It was ovarian cancer, and by the time she was diagnosed it was too advanced for surgery. The doctor offered to try chemo, but he said the chances of it helping were very slim, and Eve knew her quality of life would be gone. She wanted to spend as much time with Hank as she could before she started feeling too sick, so she opted to not have any treatments at all. She tried a lot of natural remedies, but the cancer kept progressing.”

  “How awful,” Libby breathed. “I can’t imagine how she felt, knowing she’d be leaving little Hank.”

  “He was her top priority. Thankfully she made the arrangements with Stuart and gave her parents the letter early on, because about two months after her diagnosis she started going downhill quickly. Within two weeks she was bedridden. Byron and Louise begged Anthony to let Eve and Hank come stay at their house, so they could take care of her, but he refused. He wouldn’t even let them visit her unless he was sitting right there with them.”

  “Who took care of her? I’m sure it wasn’t Anthony himself.”

  “He hired home health nurses, and he put on quite a show of being the perfect, grieving husband for them. Louise said it was sickening.”

  “What about Hank? Was he allowed to see his mom?”

  “Louise said she was able to convince Anthony to let Hank come into Eve’s room when she and Byron were there, but otherwise Anthony kept him away. And after Eve became unresponsive, Louise didn’t fight him anymore. She said it would have just confused Hank to see his mom like that. He had accepted that her body was sick and she couldn’t get out of bed, but he wouldn’t have understood why she could no longer talk to him.”

  “So he just stayed in his room, alone and confused, and tried not to cry too loudly,” Libby said sadly.

  “Pretty much. The last time Byron and Louise saw him was at the funeral. After that, Anthony told them to stay away from his house. They threatened to file for custody, since Anthony had never adopted him, but Anthony told them he’d drag them through the mud and fight them every step of the way, and they knew if they went that route Hank would be the one to bear the brunt of Anthony’s anger. So they pretended to give it up, but they’ve been quietly working with their attorney, hoping they could find a way to get Hank quickly, with as little damage as possible. Then Marilee contacted them a few days ago and told them about Eve’s letter to me. That was the first they learned that Eve wanted to get me involved. I don’t know if we’ll ever understand why she didn’t tell them that before she died.”

  “It never occurred to them to contact you themselves at some point over the years? To let you know you had a son?”

  Ryan pulled away and took her hand, and they started walking toward the courthouse parking lot. “Eve wasn’t exactly honest with them when we broke up. I’m not sure why, but she told them I left her for another woman. I guess she was just so angry, and she wanted them to be as angry at me as she was. And when she realized she was pregnant, she told them she contacted me and told me about the baby, and I told her I wanted nothing to do with either her or the child.”

  “And they believed her?” Libby asked incredulously.

  “She was their daughter, and they’d never known her to flat out lie to them. When I told them tonight that there was never another woman and I hadn’t heard a word from Eve since the night we broke up, they were devastated. Louise said she should have known something was off when Eve chose my name for Hank’s middle name.”

  “It might have been Eve’s way of absolving her guilt a little bit.”

  “Maybe. Louise thinks Eve must have told them that story about another woman because they didn’t approve of Anthony, and by describing me as a philandering, deadbeat dad and Anthony as the guy willing to love another man’s son as his own, she was painting Anthony in a much better light. And it worked. They did their best to accept Anthony after that, although they admitted to me that he always left much to be desired, as a husband and certainly as a father.”

  “Maybe Eve didn’t tell them she wanted you to have Hank because then she’d have to admit to them face to face that she’d been lying about you all these years.”

  “I would’ve thought she’d want to get it off her chest,” Ryan said. “But whatever her reasons, I just need to get past it and concentrate on right now. Thanks for taking Hank so Bryon, Louis and I could talk. It needed to happen. Now at least they know that I do want my son, and they’re welcome to visit him whenever they want. That’s a huge relief to them, because they’ve been worrying about him non-stop ever since Eve got sick.”

  They reached the rental car and Ryan unlocked it and opened her door. Libby waited until he got behind the wheel, then she asked the next burning question.

  “So is it too much to hope that Anthony was cooperative?”

  Ryan smiled grimly as he backed out of the parking space. “The man put up a heck of a fight. Tried everything to keep the cops out of his house. He became so combative they cuffed him and had him cool his heels in the back of a police car before they even entered the house. That worked out well, because they had to search him before putting him in the car, and they found the phone that our old friend Scott was supposed to call. When I met with Detective Wheatley yesterday, I told him to keep an eye out for it. That’s a pretty incriminating piece of evidence all on its own, considering an FBI agent as well as myself heard Scott’s story of how he was hired and what he was supposed to do.”

  “When I told Hank about your house burning down, he asked if Anthony did it.”

  He shot her a look. “Why would he ask that?”

  “He said he heard Anthony and a ‘mean man’ talking about burning a house down. Anthony said they had to do it or they wouldn’t get any money.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Very. Marilee heard it too. And who knows what else that poor child overheard. He was made to stay in his room almost all the time, I believe. He said he got in trouble for sneaking out to find snacks, so I think maybe he snuck out quite a bit before Anthony found out and cracked down on him. I’m sure he heard more that could be incriminating.”

  Ryan considered that. “I don’t want him to be formally questioned, but maybe if I talk to him about it he can give me information without realizing it. I just want to get Anthony put away for a good long time so he’s not a factor in either of our lives.”

  “Me too,” Libby said.

  “Thanks again for all you did today. It made a huge difference.”

  “Well the day isn’t done yet,” she told him with a smile. “See that sign for the Target store up ahead? We need to go there. We need sheets for Hank’s bed, and a few games and toys in case we can’t get into Anthony’s house tomorrow, and some more groceries. I hope you’re ready to cook tomorrow. I’ll be glad to help, but Hank needs to see that you’ll be
able to take care of him when it’s just the two of you.”

  Ryan stopped at a red light and gave her puppy dog eyes. “Can’t you just stay with us indefinitely?” he teased.

  She chuckled. “Don’t tempt me.”

  “I’m guessing you’re going to head home sooner rather than later? Before Hank has a chance to get too used to having you around?”

  “You’re very astute,” she said. “I should’ve known you’d guess my intentions.”

  “So how long do I have?” he asked, making the turn into the Target lot.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Three days maybe?”

  “Three days it is.” He parked and then looked over at her, his expression resigned. “That’ll keep Hank from getting too attached, but it might be too late for me. I think I might miss you more than a little.”

  Libby wanted to beg him to bring Hank back to North Dakota, to please, please come back and let his son experience the Full Heart Ranch in all its glory. But that was Ryan’s decision to make, and it wasn’t her place to influence him.

  “I’ll miss you, too,” she said simply, then opened her door and got out.

  ***

  They both got a little carried away with the shopping, ending up with their cart piled high. After unloading everything at the house, Libby put the sheets in the washing machine, grateful that Olivia and Kevin had left the appliances in the house. There was even a single bed in the third bedroom, which is what she planned to have ready for Hank. The room was right across from Ryan’s, which would work out well.

  Ryan was on the phone with his parents, telling them how the day had gone. The scene felt comfortable and domesticated and way, way too good for Libby’s peace of mind. She was glad she’d made the decision to leave in a few days. It would be all too easy to settle in here for a while, and her heart just couldn’t handle that. Seeing Ryan with Hank had taken the attraction she already felt for him to a whole new level, and it was all she could do to hide it and try to act normal.

  Thank goodness she’d be crazy busy when she got back to the ranch. Working on a project she loved would be her saving grace, and hopefully in time she’d be able to reclaim the part of her heart that Ryan currently owned. That part would be even bigger in three more days, though. Healing it was going to take a while.

  “Hey.” The man she was dwelling on walked up behind her as she was measuring coffee into the maker. “You making enough for me?”

  “Of course. How’d the conversation with your parents go?”

  “Good. Now that they’ve had time to digest everything they’re even more anxious to see Hank. I told them to give us a chance to get settled and figure out some kind of routine first. I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

  “I don’t know your parents, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to fall in love immediately. And I’m so happy for Hank. A child can never have too many people to love them, and another set of grandparents is the best.”

  Libby pushed the button to start the coffee. She would have moved away, but Ryan was standing so close behind her she could feel his heat, and she felt frozen in place. Her heart started pounding when she felt him take a section of her hair and run it through his fingers.

  “I like having you here, Lib,” he said, his low voice giving her goosebumps. “I’d say we’ve come a long way since that first night at the ranch when you finally explained why you’d been avoiding me, wouldn’t you?”

  Her head drooped. “Don’t remind me of that.”

  He put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m not referring to the specifics, just the fact that you opened up to me that night. If you hadn’t, you’d still be running the other way, and I’d be here by myself. And this day wouldn’t have gone nearly so well.” He slid his hands slowly down her arms and Libby caught her breath.

  “If it helped little Hank, I’m glad I was here, too,” she said, her voice coming out barely above a whisper.

  He gently turned her to face him. She knew he was waiting for her to look up at him, but she stubbornly stared at his chest. If she looked in his eyes she knew her own would reveal everything she was feeling, and she didn’t want him to see it. Didn’t want him to know how vulnerable she was, or how deeply he affected her.

  “Libby,” he breathed, one hand moving up into her hair, tugging gently to tilt her face up to his, the other sliding down to the small of her back, pulling her slowly against him.

  She knew he was going to kiss her and she squeezed her eyes closed. “I don’t think we should do this, Ryan.”

  “I think I have to, sweetheart, otherwise I’ll never stop wondering what it would have been like.”

  “Maybe it’s better not knowing,” she whispered. Because no one else will ever measure up. She didn’t say that aloud, but it was her truth.

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” He sighed and lowered his head, his jaw against her temple. “It’s your call,” he said softly, his lips against her hair.

  She let out a shaky breath and dropped her forehead to rest on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him tight, so tight. He was so big and warm and strong, and she soaked it in, memorizing how he felt, breathing him in, wishing things were different. Wishing he could be hers.

  “I can’t,” she said finally. Again she left the reason unspoken. I don’t know if my heart can survive you, and kissing you will only make it harder to move on.

  He reached around and swiped the hair away from her neck, pressing his lips to the soft skin, inhaling her scent and letting out a soft groan before finally pulling away. She loosened her arms and he stepped back. When they were no longer touching, she gathered her courage and met his gaze.

  “I want to,” she admitted quietly, “But I think wondering might be easier for me to live with than knowing.”

  His dark eyes held hers and she knew he was seeing more than she wanted him to. If he pushed, she would give in. Instead he gave a slow nod. “You might be right about that, but I’ve never wanted to kiss a woman quite as bad as I want to kiss you, Libby Belle. So if you change your mind, don’t hesitate to let me know.” His lips quirked into a hopeful smile and Libby couldn’t help but smile back.

  “I will. But for now I’m going to get my coffee and go to my room to call Maddy and catch up with her. Then I’m going to bed. Will you put the sheets in the dryer when the washer stops?”

  “Yep. Good night. Thanks for everything you did today.”

  “You’re welcome. Good night, Ryan.” Libby took her coffee mug and walked quickly to her room before she could change her mind. If he only knew how hard it is for me to walk away.

  CHAPTER 18

  “All right then, I think we’re done here.” The judge stood and smiled at the small group of people seated before him. “Congratulations, Mr. Anderson. You’re free to take your son home to Chandler. Mrs. Hendricks will accompany you and make sure everything is acceptable where you’re staying. It’s standard procedure, so don’t take it personally. She’ll check in for a short period of time every day for the first week, then three times a week for two more weeks. Then her reports will be wrapped up and everything will be nice and official.”

  “Thank you, Your Honor.” Ryan stood and shook the judge’s hand, then turned to Patrick and thanked him sincerely for all he had done, promising to keep in touch. Then he hugged Louise and shook Byron’s hand before turning to a quiet Hank. “You ready, buddy?”

  Hank gave a small nod, his uncertainly showing now that it was actually time to leave. Louise wrapped him up in a hug.

  “We’ll come visit you soon, Hank. And I’ll bring lots of cookies, okay?”

  “Okay.” His eyes returned to Ryan, waiting.

  Ryan held out his hand. “You can ride with Libby and me.”

  On the way to the house, Ryan got a call from Detective Wheatley saying it was okay for them to go to Anthony’s house to pick up Hank’s things, as long as they were accompanied by someone who could vouch for them taking nothing but what belonged to the
boy. Libby called Marilee, who was following them, and she agreed to go with them to Anthony’s and oversee the process before going on to Chandler.

  Once at the house, Hank didn’t care which of his clothes they packed, although he knew exactly which toys and stuffed animals he wanted. But first he found the photo of him and his mother, which he had hidden at the back of his closet beneath a pile of clothes he had outgrown. He held it up to Libby as she was folding clothes and putting them into a suitcase.

  “This is my mom,” he said reverently.

  Libby smiled and carefully took the photo, which was in a fun, colorful frame with trains and airplanes printed on it. The photo was a close-up of the two of them standing in front of a small train car, like the ones you would find at an amusement park. Both of them were smiling widely, and Libby wondered how long it would be before Hank’s little face displayed such innocent joy again. His mother, Eve, was a very pretty lady, her short dark hair framing a heart shaped face and expressive dark eyes. It was easy to see why this photo was Hank’s favorite. His mother’s love for him was so obvious, her eyes sparkling with it, her smile proud and happy.

  “That’s a wonderful picture, Hank,” Libby told him sincerely. “We’ll make sure nothing ever, ever happens to it, okay? I’ll make some copies of it for you to keep in the computer so you have extras.”

  Ryan walked over and held out his hand. Hank handed him the photo and Ryan studied it for a long time. “Your mom looks just like I remember her. Do you have any more pictures? Any photo albums with pictures of you when you were little?”

  “Maybe in my mom’s office. She had them in there but Anthony moved stuff and I’m not allowed to go in there anymore.”

  “Can you show me where that room is?” Ryan asked.

  “Yeah. Are you sure Anthony won’t come home?” Hank asked nervously.

  “I’m positive. You don’t need to worry about him.”

  The two of them left while Libby and Marilee finished packing up clothes, along with the toys and games and animals Hank had chosen to take with him. When they returned, Ryan was carrying a stack of photo albums and some DVDs. Libby smiled, happy that he’d be able to watch his son grow up via media at least.