by Karen Booth
Julia nodded, appearing pleased as she admired the room. She ran her hand along the edge of the gleaming marble countertop on the center island, another new addition. “It does look great, doesn’t it? I really hope Tracy’s happy with it.”
In Logan’s estimation, Tracy was a complete brat if this didn’t show her just how hard her family was trying to make her wedding as perfect as could be. “She’d better be happy. She’d better be thanking your parents for days.”
Julia wandered into the living room, past a sprawling white sectional couch. Judging by the immaculate upholstery, it was brand-new. The old brick fireplace had undergone a makeover of stacked stone, topped with a distressed wood mantel hosting an array of framed family photos. He was oddly thankful for the considerable house renovation. It took an edge off the memories. It was difficult enough to be here with her, trying hard to keep from kicking up the dust of old memories, all while dealing with the issues of the present.
“How’d your parents afford to do this? There’s no way a state senator makes a big salary, and your mom’s a teacher.” Logan joined her at the expanse of glass doors at the far side of the room that led to the sprawling deck. White rocking chairs pitched forward and back in the wind.
“They didn’t afford it. When Tracy told me she wanted to get married here and that Mom and Dad were going to take out a second mortgage to spruce it up, I just sent a check. It seemed silly for them to be spending money on this.”
“Wait a minute. I thought they were just doing the rehearsal dinner here. The ceremony’s in town at the church down the street from the River Room, isn’t it?”
“Yes. As soon as Tracy realized how hard it’d be to wear heels in the sand, she changed her mind about getting married on the beach.”
“You spent tens of thousands of dollars so your sister could have a nice place for a rehearsal dinner and not have to worry about her shoes?”
“You haven’t seen the shoes. They’re really cute.” She grinned and shrugged it off. “This is as much for my parents as anything. They’re so close to retirement. I wanted to do something nice for them.”
Julia wasn’t one of the most generous people Logan had ever met, she was the most generous. Logan had been on the receiving end of her generosity many times, especially when it came to advice and support. If you called Julia in the middle of the night, she’d answer. And she’d listen, no matter how long it might take to unravel a problem. It was a wonderful quality, but it also meant people took advantage of her. Especially men.
Had Logan taken advantage in June? That night when she was a damning mix of long legs and a laugh that was like truth serum? That night when she was all open ears and sympathy? That night when her touch electrified him and reminded him that busted baseball career or not, he was still alive? “That was awfully nice of you. You’d think Tracy would lay off the extra-demanding routine considering all of that.”
“It’s her big day. I get it. It doesn’t matter what I did last week or last month to help out. Right now is what matters, and she wants it to be perfect.”
Julia stared off at the surf as if she were hypnotized. Daylight was fading, coloring the sky with a swirl of pink and orange that only made her more radiant. It wouldn’t be long until the moon would be making its appearance on the horizon; night would be falling. They’d be all alone in this beautiful house, no one expecting them anywhere, all while his body persisted in sending potent reminders of the kiss they’d shared mere hours ago.
He cleared his throat. If he thought for too long about her lips on his, he might do something stupid—namely acting like they could kiss without hurting each other. “And you want to give that to her.”
“My sister and I fight, but we love each other a lot. We still talk almost every day.”
Precisely the reason why Tracy knew what had happened at the reunion. “So I gathered by her reaction to the idea of you and me together.”
She shook her head, seemingly bringing herself back to reality. Without so much as looking at him, she headed back to the kitchen island and began pulling party supplies out of the bins. “I had to tell somebody. I was pretty wrecked by the whole thing.”
He’d been so certain at the time that it was the right call. Now, alone with her, part of him wanted somebody to smack him upside the head. Regardless of right or wrong, no matter if it had been smart to want to save himself, he’d messed up. “I’m sorry, Jules. Really, I am. It was never my intention to hurt you.”
She shot him a look of pure skepticism, then unloaded strands of Christmas lights. “You knew it was going to hurt. I don’t buy it for a minute that you didn’t know that.”
He had known that, but in the heat of the moment, angry that their frustrating past was repeating itself again, he hadn’t worried about it much. “I figured you’d get over it pretty quickly. It’s not like you don’t have a million guys falling at your feet.”
She chuckled, but it wasn’t in fun. “Oh, please. Remind me to call you the next time I’m sitting around at home with absolutely zero guys at my feet. It happens all the time.”
He had to stop himself from unleashing his own laugh. She was deluded about what she could have if she’d just settle on one person. “That’s a choice you make and you know it. As soon as you finally decide you want to be with one person, you’ll have no problem.”
The look of hurt that crossed her face made him wish he could take back his words, even though they had been the reality, and something she needed to hear. “That’s hilarious coming from you. And I haven’t decided anything. The men in my life have a real talent for making those decisions before I have a clue what’s going on.”
“Probably because they’re the wrong men.”
“Probably.” She crossed her arms, pressing her lips together tightly, telling him without words that she considered him a member of the group of men labeled “wrong.”
“Oh, come on. I’m not like those guys. It’s not the same thing at all. What you and I had was different.”
“Is it really that different? You think it’s some special snowflake? Because the end result is the same. I’m on my own. Except this time I have a baby to worry about.”
“You’re just being stubborn about that. I told you I’d accept my responsibility.”
Her jaw immediately tensed. Normally that might make him worry that he’d angered her, but the truth was it made her lower lip jut out in a very sexy way. So he’d take it. Her eyes blazed and she balled up her hands. That wasn’t quite as sexy. She grabbed a roll of streamers and nailed a sofa cushion with it.
“Nice throw.”
“I was imagining the couch was your face.”
“Oh.” He kneaded his forehead. He no longer had to wonder how mad he was making her.
She closed her eyes and took a breath so deep her shoulders rose to her ears. “Can we please talk about something else? After everything else today, I really don’t want to get into this right now.”
Logan stuffed his hands into his pants pockets, fighting his own brand of frustration. The circles he and Jules could talk in had worn a hole in his psyche. He didn’t have the mettle to push her more tonight if it would only lead to an argument. “Fine.”
“Let’s focus on the wedding.” She returned to rummaging through the box. “Make yourself useful and get the stepladder. I think it’s in the laundry room.”
“I’ll be right back.”
He wound his way down the hall past the bedrooms to the laundry room in the back corner of the house. This space hadn’t seen much of a makeover aside from a fresh coat of white paint and what appeared to be a new washer and dryer.
Feeling nostalgic about a laundry room was odd for sure, but he and Jules had once had a pretty epic, albeit brief, make-out session in this exact place. He’d been invited over for a family cookout and bonfire a few week
ends after they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Julia had spilled mustard on her top and was headed inside to change and treat the stain. After an exchange of pointed glances, Logan had gone with her, saying he needed to use the bathroom. With her parents watching their every move, they’d both known it was likely the only time alone they would get. She’d practically slammed the door shut once they were inside the laundry room. I need to take my shirt off or this stain will never come out. Logan had never before been thankful for an accidental condiment spill.
His hand had been up her shirt before then, but that moment had been different. He could finally see her—every beautiful vulnerability. They’d known they only had about five minutes before Julia’s very observant father came looking for her. They’d made the most of it—frantic kisses against the door, tongues winding, hands everywhere. It took Logan hours to cool off that night, and he couldn’t help but lie in bed when he got home and think about Julia and how perfect she was and how lucky he was that she was his girlfriend.
A few days later they had sex for the first time. Julia had been a virgin, making him that much more nervous. He hadn’t been particularly experienced, either. After that, their young love had grown so fast it was as if it had been rushing to fill the corners of the universe. Every day was magical, even when they fought, which was often. Even so, they’d been incapable of getting enough of each other. Never enough.
Just thinking about how all-consuming it had once been was a little overwhelming, since it eventually led to unhappy memories. It had been such a shock to the system when Julia ended it. The girl who had lifted him out of the fog of losing his dad had removed herself from his life. Of course he’d kept a stiff upper lip that day, playing it off, agreeing that it was for the best. What else could he have done? They were both going off to college. And everyone had preached to them for months that high school sweethearts never made it long-distance.
He took a deep breath, stopping himself from exploring this train of thought. The past was only clouding up the here and now, and he only had a few days to convince her they needed a solid plan. If the baby was his, he was not about to be the guy negotiating weekends and joint custody.
He found the stepladder in the corner storage closet and brought it out to Julia. “You put on some music,” he noted.
“You and I could use the distraction.” Julia fanned a piece of paper in the air. “Tracy drew up a schematic of how she wants the room decorated.”
“Wow.” Logan studied the drawing, which had all the specifics about where streamers and strands of lights were to go. He hadn’t seen such attention to detail since the team manager laid out the team strategy for game seven of the World Series. “Seems like we could’ve paid someone to do all of this.”
“This was supposed to be my quality time with my sister. And honestly, she’s way too much of a control freak.”
Runs in the family. “It’s a lot of work for a cookout for the wedding party and family.”
“Doesn’t matter. As big sister and maid of honor, I’m obliged to carry out her wishes.” Julia handed Logan the trail end of a string of lights. “As best man, you are similarly obliged. So let’s get to work.”
Logan followed orders, scooting the ladder all over the room, moving furniture when needed, and looping lights and streamers as instructed.
“How’s the new job going?” Julia asked, carefully looking over his work. “I have to say the wardrobe department puts you in some pretty interesting ties.”
He wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that all she’d noticed was what he was wearing. At least she’d tuned in. “Do you watch often?”
“Every now and then. If I’m flipping through the channels.”
“So I’m not a destination so much as something you pass by.” The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on him.
“What about you? How many of my movies have you seen in recent history?”
Logan didn’t watch Julia’s movies. The reigning queen of romantic comedies, she almost always had at least one on-screen kiss and sometimes even a bedroom scene. He couldn’t handle that. Pretend or not, even when she wasn’t his, the idea of her with another man made him crazy. “You know me. I don’t get to the movies.”
“That’s such a lousy excuse. They’re all on TV. Losing Mr. Wonderful is practically on a continual cable loop.” She shook her head in dismay. “And you’re just avoiding my question. Do you like your new job?”
Yes, Logan had deflected on this subject. It wasn’t that he hated his job so much as it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t taking the field and playing. “I like it. It’s a challenge. But I’m getting used to it.”
Julia handed him another string of lights. “You don’t have to try to convince me. I know you better than anyone.”
He sucked in a deep breath and climbed a rung higher on the ladder. He didn’t want to tell her the truth. It led to a place where she pitied him, and he hated that more than anything. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Logan, just tell me. You know I’m a good listener.”
“I know you are. I don’t need the advice right now. I’m fine.” He glanced down to see a doubtful smirk cross her face.
“If you don’t like your job, you should just quit. Go do something else.”
Why had he even bothered to deflect? She wasn’t about to let it go. “It’s not that. It’s that nothing is going to replace baseball. I can’t do what I really want to do, and you already know that.”
“You know what you should do? You should write a memoir. You’ve led this amazing life, and you’ve always been an excellent writer. I’m sure it would be a bestseller.” She waltzed off to one of the bins and fished out more bundles of lights.
“See? You’re trying to fix my problems. Maybe I don’t need you to fix me. Maybe I’m just fine the way I am.”
“Why is it so hard for you to accept a little encouragement from me? It’s okay to stop being the big, strong man for a few minutes, you know.”
“I could ask you the same thing. Why is it so hard for you to accept my help?”
“If you’re referring to your offer to marry me, we should agree that it’s best if we’re just friends.”
Friends. Yes. Could they ever get beyond that? Three months ago, his decision had been absolutely not. But that was before the baby. That was before she needed him. Finally, for once, she needed him. “Maybe we could make another try at more than friends.” This was a different and softer approach than the one he’d taken last night, one that might actually work if she’d listen.
“Ummm. No.” Julia crossed her arms over her chest, then gazed up at the ceiling, scrutinizing his work. “And no to that, too.” She pointed at the spot where he’d just hung lights. “Redo that.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“They’re not looped at the same height as the other ones. It doesn’t match.”
Logan grumbled and hopped off the ladder to grab a drink of water, partly annoyed by being bossed around by his high school sweetheart about holiday lights. The other part of him bristled over her quick dismissal of the notion of being more than friends. “A few cocktails tomorrow night and no one’s going to notice, you know.”
“Well, I don’t get to drink, so I’ll notice.” She stepped onto the ladder, grabbing the top rung and making it clear she was on her way up. “I’ll do it.”
He rushed over to her, not thinking, just reacting. One hand landed on the ladder, the other on her hip. “No, you don’t. You are not climbing up there.”
She turned in his arms, gorgeous locks of hair cascading around her face. “Oh, please. I’m fine.”
He should’ve stepped back, let her get down from the single step she’d taken, but he didn’t want to. His body wanted this. And this was the one part of their chemistry that Julia had a hard time resisting.
So let her resist. Let her tell him that she didn’t want to at least explore things when he had his arms around her. “You and the baby are not getting hurt. Not on my watch.”
“Please promise me you won’t accidentally say something like that out loud in front of my family.”
“I’m serious, Jules. I’m not kidding around. You and the baby. It’s a game changer for us. You can’t deny that.” He gripped her waist and carefully lifted her, lowering her to the safety of the floor. He didn’t let go. The notion of game changers had him wondering how he could ever do the same to her mind. As if fate was trying to give them both a nudge, a song came over the radio that had powerful memories for them both.
Recognition crossed Julia’s face and she smiled, pressing her hand to her chest. “This song. Oh my God. I love this song.”
* * *
The arrival of this song was about as ill-timed as could be. It had been Logan and Julia’s make-out song when they were in school. Only a few notes in and Julia was already melting, probably not a good idea considering whose arms she was in. And yet she wasn’t really sure she cared that this was a bad idea. After twenty-four hours of painful truths and uncomfortable secrets, it was too easy to give in to the one thing that felt good—Logan’s hand at her waist, carefully sliding to her back, as if he was hoping to do it undetected. This was comfortable. Familiar. And she wanted that now more than anything.
He took her hand and began swaying them both back and forth.
“Typically, a guy asks a girl to dance. He doesn’t just launch into it without an invitation.” She felt the need to at least feign a protest.
He smiled, sending a trickle of electricity down her spine. “I’m not big on asking. And you’ll just say no.”