by Opal Carew
Not that her touching him was even the issue. Just the tilt of her head, the slight breathlessness when she spoke, and — hell, yes — the sight of his troll cross hanging on a thong around her neck had been enough to punch through his defences as if they were formed of rice paper.
Eyes closed, Spook forced himself to slow breathe; in through the nose, out through the mouth. His heart rate slowed, the nervous buzz vibrating in his limbs calmed, but his cock remained persistently hard.
Bastard thing was mocking him. No, more than that, it was actually challenging him. He could go out there and show the world what state he was in, or he could take control in here, squeeze one off in a public loo and take the first step along the path of his own annihilation. That was a lose-lose situation by any count.
Still bowed over the sink, Spook forced his eyes open and peered in the mirror. His expression, which he’d hoped was schooled into neutrality, instead showed every single emotion he was trying to hide, and splashing himself with icy water only seemed to lockdown his agitation more firmly.
The blue of his eyes shone too brightly, and the set of his jaw was so rigid it had started to make his teeth ache.
Maybe he could plead constipation, swallow a few dates and make a hasty retreat to the hotel. Except, what sort of belly ache gave you an erection you could bang nails with?
“You don’t use them to bang nails with you idiot,” he could hear Rock Giant saying to him. “You use them to stuff your lady’s pussy.”
This was totally the wrong thought to put into his head, because now he was seeing Allegra all laid out, her wrists bound with his belt and her thighs spread wide ready to receive him. The bright strands of her hair rested against her naked skin. He wanted to wind those curls around his cock.
Who the fuck wanted to wind hair around their genitals?
He did. And more… So very much more, like having her soft mouth close around his shaft again, and pinching her nipples so that they were ruby red and she squealed when he sucked them. Oh, and painting stripes across her rear and then fucking her there while the sting persisted.
Spook shook his head, attempting to knock the savage thoughts clean from his mind. If he was letting this stuff play out in his imagination then he was in serious trouble.
Maybe the key to restoring his sanity, was dunking something other than his face in icy water. His hand fell to his fly, only to discover a wet patch spreading across the fabric.
Shitindamnation!
He was seriously caught out here. Even that tiniest of exploratory touches had proven exactly how desperately he needed relief. Enough that he couldn’t stop himself stroking the outline of his cock. He kept his fly zipped, but the swell of his shaft nevertheless filled his palm and the heel of his hand produced bright bursts of pleasure as it circled against the head of his cock.
The last time they’d met, Alle had done this to him. She’d unzipped his fly, wrapped her soft palm around his shaft, and worshipped him. He still remembered the cheeky grin she’d worn when she’d asked if she could suck him.
Of course, he’d said no, but in the end she’d got what she wanted, because she just darned well undid him too expertly.
If he stroked himself now, would it ease the tension? Once he was done, arousal dispersed, would he then be better able to deal with her intrusion into his world?
Spook turned, uncertain whether to lock himself within one of the cubicles, or to just give his bastard cock an ice cold bath. The squeak of the bathroom door opening diverted him from either action.
Relief and trepidation warred in his chest on realisation that the intruder was Xane.
“There you are. We’re getting ready to move on over to the hotel. Graham’s up for talking shop. He wants to hash out all the details tonight.”
“Yeah — give me a minute,” Spook replied, turning his back to his friend.
“Spook?” Xane swanned over to him, until his reflection stood almost level with Spook’s in the mirror. “Are you all right?”
Course. Yes.
Somehow his mouth wouldn’t form the words, and in any case, they knew one another far too well for Xane to accept such a glib reply when it was patently clear he wasn’t all right. He was hiding in a bathroom for fuck’s sake, like he was twelve.
Xane’s broad shoulders lifted slightly as he raised a hand and clasped Spook’s shoulder. Their gazes locked within the mirror’s depths. Together they had roughed storms that would have broken lesser men. Xane knew things about him that few others did. There was no hiding from him. No secrets between them.
“Do you want to tell me what this is about?” A dark shadow passed across Xane’s face. “There’s nothing wrong with Ash, is there? Have there been complications?”
Spook shook his head, allowing his blond hair to fall forward and mask his face. Then he coughed to clear his throat. “Ash is fine as far as I know. I’ve not heard from him, but I’ve no doubt that Ginny’s taking ridiculously good care of him.”
He needed someone like her to take care of him right now.
What a stupid thought. He wasn’t interested in a relationship.
“Then what? Why are you in here? You look like you’ve just taken a slug to the guts.”
If felt kind of like that too.
“Spook?”
They both turned at the same time so that they ended up facing one another. Xane’s eyes remained creased at the corners as he scanned Spook’s face for clues, but it wasn’t until he glanced down that realisation hit. “Oh!” he remarked. Instantly, his shoulders relaxed. His gaze flicked back and forth a few times between the source of the dilemma and Spook’s expression then a wide smile replaced his frown. “Is that because you’re pleased to see me, or has somebody else got your attention?”
In a way, he appreciated Xane’s attempt to make light of it. If only it were actually funny and not a tremendous strain on his psyche.
“Need me to help you with it?”
Spook positioned his hand, guard-like, over his loins.
Xane aimed higher and clasped the back of his neck instead. He pulled their brows together so they rested against one another, close enough to kiss.
“Xane, you’re not a free agent anymore.” The man had two full time lovers already, one male, and one female.
“Tell me who’s done this to you. Who’s got you so riled?”
Spook pushed him back a little, needing the barrier of space between them. It gained him a few inches, but Xane still had him trapped against the vanity unit.
“Tell me. Otherwise I might have to resort to drastic measures, and you’re right, that wouldn’t go down well in certain quarters.”
The mere suggestion of anything going down caused his cock to flex and set him rocking onto his toes trying to contain the pulse of excitement. He hissed as he inhaled sharply.
“Spook, you know I’m not going to say anything. You don’t get this wound up — not ever. Talk to me. Do I need to drag them in here to finish you off?”
“No! God, no.”
“Who?”
“Alle,” he blurted.
“Alle…Allegra? Alle — the woman Graham’s about to install in your house for a month to work on mixing the new album? That’s who’s been fucking with your equilibrium for the last four months? I thought it was just band crap screwing you up.”
“He can’t. I can’t… I can’t have her there. She’ll destroy me. I’ve worked too hard to get to this point.”
Xane’s face creased in a mixture of amusement and concern. “What did she do, start wanking you under the tablecloth?”
Spook shook his head vehemently. “Breathed. Tilted her head. Smelled good.” He stilled and faced Xane straight on again.
“That’s it? Seriously? Oh, my God.” Xane laughed so hard his shoulders shook. “I thought you’d locked your libido down so tight there was no chance of anyone ever getting through.”
“It’s not funny, Xane. She slides right through my defences.”
<
br /> “Amazing.”
“She’s messing with my head.”
“Yeah, that’s what girls do.”
“Not to me.” Did he look wild? He sounded unhinged, his voice half-strangled and raspy. He couldn’t bear to look at his reflection to find out. The mini version of himself caught in Xane’s pupils was scary enough. “You’re not hearing me. I can’t do this. You know that, and you know why. But she says, ‘Hi’ and suddenly I’m a fucking tripod.”
Xane swept a hand through his near waist-length black hair. “Ever think that maybe it’s time you took a bulldozer to a few of those boundaries.”
“It is not fucking time.”
Xane reached out at lightning speed — fuck, his reflexes were fast — and stroked a line down the swell of Spook’s erection.
“No, it’s past fucking time. Do yourself a favour, Spook. Go give her want she wants. Fuck her hard, fuck her until you’re both sore and you’re convinced you never want to have sex again. If you decide after that you want more, then all well and good, otherwise, just get her out of your system, and give Long Dong Silver here the work out he’s well overdue.”
Spook caught Xane’s wrist. He hadn’t quite the strength to move him away without turning this into more of a brawl than he wanted, but at least he managed to still Xane’s wandering fingers. “Your typical stellar advice, there. Like it was as simple as fucking her and moving on.”
“It can be if you want it to be.”
“No it can’t.” It never could be. Not for him, and especially not with Alle.
“Shit!” Xane sighed, dragging a hand back through his hair. “What’ll it take to get through to you? Why are you still punishing yourself for something that happened nearly a decade ago?”
“It’s not that long.”
“It’s fucking close enough, and it was never your fault anyway. Stop hiding and start living for fuck’s sake.”
“I am.”
Xane slung an arm around his shoulders and bowed their heads together so the black and blond strands mixed. “I hate to break it to you, Spook, but no, you most definitely are not. What’s so wrong with giving her what she wants, eh? What’s so terrible about burying yourself in her cunt?”
“Because that’s not all she’s asking for,” he growled, and immediately regretted the admission.
Spook’s breathing stalled as his chest grew so tight it would hardly expand. He watched as Xane’s pierced eyebrow cocked, and then crept up his brow almost into the hairline.
“Should I ask how you know?”
“Because, she got to me the first time we met too, that’s how. Did you really think it took us all bloody day to remaster Within You? It’s only a four minute track.”
“You fucked her back in April?”
“No.”
“Fingers? Tongues?”
“Do we have to get into the details?”
“You haven’t fucked anyone in over seven years, damned right I need details.”
“I reddened her backside.”
Both of Xane’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline. “Did you leave marks?”
“Of course not.”
“Oh, Spook.” Xane nervously turned the ring piercing through the centre of his lower lip. He glanced away thoughtfully, before folding his arms across his broad chest. “You took photographs, though? Didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Ones I can see?”
“Get lost.” This wasn’t a joke.
“Spoilsport.” Xane stuck out his tongue, but his attempt to make the subject more light-hearted wasn’t enough to lift the weightiness of the emotions involved. “Did she instigate it, or you?” he asked on a more serious note.
“What do you think?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I’m assuming her, and I’m guessing that’s why she’s got to you so much. She knows what you like, and it just happens to be precisely what she’s looking for. Did she beg?”
Spook shook his head, not in denial, but because he didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t hear it. Xane was supposed to help plug the holes in his defences, not assist in detonating the explosives threatening to bring them down. However, when he looked at his friend, he knew he ought not to be surprised. He and Xane had a lot in common, but they were very different people. Xane craved love. He sought it constantly, determined to make up for a childhood deprived of real affection. It coloured everything he did and made a heck of a lot of sense of his sex addiction. Spook had no such desperate craving. That sort of physical love had only ever resulted in betrayal and crippling pain for him. It had almost destroyed him once, and he had no intention of ever letting it bring him so close to ruin again.
“You have to trust yourself, Spook, and Alle too. She’s not — ”
“Don’t.” Spook raised his hand to cut off the words he didn’t want to hear. “I mean it, Xane. Don’t raise that ghost.”
“Maybe it’s time you started exorcising some of your demons rather than trying to keep them locked in cages. You could start by releasing the one in your pants.”
“I can’t,” he whispered.
Xane gently patted his shoulder. “You want her, don’t you? So why resist to the point where it’s causing you pain? Imagine the taste of her on your lips, your tongue, and chin; the sight of her naked, her skin warmed by a rosy blush, and a stripe across her arse where you’ve landed your belt.”
“Shut up, Xane.”
“Fine,” his friend sighed. He gave Spook’s shoulder a final squeeze before withdrawing. “Then you’d best find yourself a quieter spot than this and wank yourself silly, because I’m not sure you want to walk around sporting this for the rest of the night.” He cruelly pinched the head of Spook’s erection, where it was pushed tight against the fly of his trousers. “It’ll be noticed, and when it is, I guarantee you that Alle’s interest will be the least of your worries. There are a whole lot of your fans out there just dying to be the one to seduce you into sliding between their thighs.”
“I’m not interested in sliding between anyone’s thighs.” Only in Alle’s.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
Xane turned away and stalked over to the exit. He paused when he reached the door. “I know you don’t want to hear my advice, but for what it’s worth, just go and fuck her. In fact, do whatever it is you need to get the both of you off. She did a good job on Within You under your guidance; it’d be a shame not to utilize that obvious understanding you have to make the album shine.”
“Fuck off, Xane.”
“She’s our best chance at the moment. The truth is that we’re pretty toxic following recent events. Musical genius doesn’t entirely counteract the struggles the media have been reporting. And Iain properly fucked us with his antics. People think Ash is a druggy and they’re not interested in the truth. The sooner we can prove we still have it, the better. We can’t tour until Ash is well, but we can record. This album is fucking important, Spook, so start making your peace with those demons that are riding you, because we need Allegra Hutton. Now, the limo’s waiting. That’s what I actually came to tell you. I’ll expect you inside it in a minute or two.”
Chapter Five
Spook waited until Xane was gone, then he released his fly and gave his cock a cold dunking. It did fuck all besides get him wet, and drying the damn pole was pure agony. It strained every nerve he possessed not to give in to the promise of bliss each touch elicited, and to wedge his erection back into his pants and zip up again instead.
Thankfully, it was only a short walk across the foyer to meet the waiting limousine and no one got in his way. There was a row of photographers outside, along with an assortment of screaming fans jammed behind crash barriers. However, Xane was waiting, his hand resting upon the top of the open limo door.
“Hurry it up,” he hollered, prompting Spook to attempt a half-hearted jog.
“That was quite a bit more than two minutes,” Xane complained, as Spook ducked his head and climbed into the v
ehicle.
“Wait, where is everyone?” he asked, expecting to find the bench seat full to bursting. Only one other person was present.
“In the other car,” Xane said, while he was still on the pavement. “See you at the hotel, and don’t worry, the in-cab camera is on.” He slammed the door.
“Xane!” Spook cursed, reaching for the door handle even as the locks snapped into place. He hammered on the glass, but the windows were tinted, and Xane probably couldn’t see him from the outside. Besides, the driver had already set the car in motion. “Xane, you utter wanker.” Being locked in a moving vehicle with her was not going to solve anything. “Fuck!” He sat back on the rear seat and banged his head hard against the headrest.
He saw her turn. A faint blush spread along her cheekbones as her gaze settled upon him. Had she been in on the ruse, or was she as surprised by this as him? “Fuck,” he yelled again for good measure, this time smashing his fist against the leather seat to save himself the headache.
“I assume this means you’re going to veto the possibility of me mixing any of the new album,” she said, eyes downcast in genuine disappointment.
Spook’s attention fastened upon her, the long arch of her neck, then the bright blue of her eyes, followed by the smattering of freckles across her nose that no amount of foundation could hide. It seemed mean to wreck the opportunity for her. He knew this was a huge deal. It would make her seriously hot property, but at the same time, he couldn’t have her around twenty-four hours a day, living in his house, because he’d be a nutcase by the end of the first day.
A relationship was out of the question, regardless of Xane’s thoughts on the subject. If he’d wanted that, he wouldn’t have spent the last few months avoiding her.
“Am I not good enough?” she asked quietly.
“You know that’s not the reason.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the massive headache that was building before it got a proper hold. “We can’t work together, Alle. You know we can’t.”
“Within You came out all right.”