by Opal Carew
Finally, he kissed her back, but so softly it was like the ghost of a kiss. “You’re wrong, Alle. It’s all about the pain. If I’d ever believed we had a chance, I would have contacted you. I’m sorry, really I am, but you have to forget about me.”
Chapter Eight
She was not going to cry.
She was not going to cry.
Spook had stalked off, and somehow there didn’t seem any point in following. Most likely he’d headed in the direction of the bar and was now telling Graham and Max the deal wasn’t happening. Of course, she didn’t expect him to give them any more of a valid reason for his objections than he’d given her, but the net result would be damaging just the same. No Black Halo contract wouldn’t just mean this opportunity fell through. Oh no, because people had seen them talking tonight. Rumours would spread and questions would be asked about why she was no longer in favour. She’d end up back in the basement suite with the torn up chairs and threadbare carpet tiles revisiting pre-digital classics if this deal collapsed.
Alle stood in the dark, letting the wind whip her hair into knots, completely at a loss over what to do. She’d tried reasoning with him. Tried getting pushy and in his face… and in his pants too. Nothing seemed to get through to him.
Irritably, she rubbed at her nose. The base tingled from the strain of suppressing her tears, and she dared not blink too hard or she was going to end up blubbing.
Pulling her shoulders back, she stood tall. She’d learned young that the way to get what you wanted was to stand up and fight for it. You didn’t sit down and take it when things went wrong. She needed a strategy and some kind of plan.
“Allegra?”
She turned to see Xane approaching, his dark hair streaming behind him in the wind, which had grown strong enough to blow his leather jacket near half off his shoulders. The man was seriously good to look at, even if he wasn’t nearly as fascinating to her as Spook.
“What are you doing out here? You must be half frozen.” He clasped the top of her arm just below the edge of her sleeve. “Where’s Spook?”
The way he said it made it sound like an accusation, as if she’d clobbered him and buried him six feet under, rather than pleaded for the chance to bring him pleasure. She shook her head and fixed Xane with a rigid stare. If she blinked, she was going to crumble.
“I assume you did find him?”
“He won’t talk. He just wants me to stay away from him.” Her bottom lip trembled, so she dug her teeth into it. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?” She bowed her head and shook it. “Why would I do that? Why the fuck is he doing this, Xane?”
She raised her chin, to find him looking down at her, his expression gentle, despite the unnaturalness of his UV reflective contact lenses.
“Because someone hurt him, and I don’t just mean they left him with a few cuts and bruises. They did a real number on him. That memory’s never going away. It’s defined every moment since. Allegra, you have to understand, Spook hasn’t looked at a woman in the way he looks at you for years. His emotions have been on total lock down. Is it any wonder that you’re freaking him out? You’re not exactly gentle with him.”
“I’m not gentle with him?” She gawked at Xane, curiously outraged. “He says he’s frightened of hurting me, but… he’s not going to hurt me. Not more than he’s doing right now, saying that I can’t come anywhere near him.”
“He just needs some time to adjust. Let him cool off a while.”
She shook her head. If she did that, she’d be waiting forever. He’d walk away and do exactly the same thing he’d done after the last time they’d met. Never call, because then he didn’t have to deal. Well fuck that. She wanted him to deal.
“So I’m supposed to forget about him and the album until he feels calm enough to be reasonable?”
Xane raised his hand to hush her. “No — you do not forget the deal. It’s all worked out now, anyway. You’re flying to Sweden at the end of August. I only meant that you should give him a few minutes to calm down before you rush back in. Also, you’re going to have to accept that he might not give you everything you want right away.”
“I never expected that.” Their gazes met. A knowing look filled his eyes. Alle felt heat bloom in her cheeks, prompting her to swallow slowly. “You know. Oh, God. He told you?” She might not be shy around Spook regarding what she liked, but she never openly discussed her tastes with anyone she wasn’t planning to go to bed with.
“Alle, I’ve known him long enough to know what he likes.”
Somehow that didn’t ease her discomfort.
“I know he won’t hurt me, not really,” she said, suddenly feeling the needed to clarify things. “I mean it’s just play, not serious damage he’d be doing.”
“Alle,” Xane rested a hand upon her shoulder. “I appreciate we hardly know one another, but an explanation isn’t necessary. It’s not as if I’ve never experimented in the bedroom.”
“Sorry. Yeah, of course.” She ought to have remembered he had a reputation as a bad boy, although that didn’t necessarily equate to a propensity for BDSM. Sometimes, it just meant you were a jackass who slept around a lot. Then again, she’d seen him on stage. The guy was no stranger to studded collars, whips, and chains. He seemed pretty darned comfortable in his own body too. Alle didn’t think he was the type to get squeamish over whether what he was doing was considered naughty. No, he probably revelled in the impropriety of it.
“I swing both ways, I like fucking more than one person at a time, being bitten and some mild forms of restraint, in case you’re wondering. And I’m good with being in charge and taking orders.”
“You’re a switch?”
He shrugged, in a way that pulled his jacket taut across his broad back. “I’m me. I go with what’s comfortable and what excites me.”
“I wish Spook had that attitude to what excites him. We could be having some fun right now, instead of this.” She pressed her fingers to her forehead. What they had right now was nothing.
“You just need to tease him out of his shell, is all. Take it a few steps at a time.”
“Slo’ mo isn’t really me.”
“No,” he laughed. “You’re more of a cut to the chase kind of girl, but if you want Spook, it’s going to be a long game.” He removed his jacket and draped it around her shoulders, quelling her cold shakes ahead of her realising she was trembling. “Come on, inside. I’ll take you up to my room for a bit of privacy. I can find you a stiff drink and a change of clothes. Then let’s see if we can’t concoct a plan to get Spook to capitulate a little and dive inside your panties.”
“Oh, shit!” she blurted, bringing her hand up to her mouth. “I think I left them in the limo.” Along with her pocket-sized vibrator, which was either going to make some poor sod chuckle or spit out an almighty ewww!
“You’re hardly the first, and I’ll bet they’re far from the worst thing that’s been found in that limo.”
“I left a vibrator behind too.”
“Yeah?” He raised his pierced eyebrow thoughtfully, as if she’d suddenly risen in his estimation. “That’s a shame,” he said, patting her on the back to get her to move. “Spook might need something shoving up his arse to get him moving. He’s a champion procrastinator.”
“I don’t think he’d like that much.” Alle objected, trying to ignore the visual image of what that might actually look like from taking route in her brain.
“Sure he would. He has nerve endings. Arseholes are sensitive.”
“Are you talking about yourself?” she asked, causing him to purse his lips in a way that sucked in his cheeks, making the ridges of his cheekbones that bit more pronounced. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. It’s just the first time we met, you rather gave the impression that you were a narcissistic wanker.”
To her surprise, Xane laughed and clapped her across the back with his hand. They moved inside and crossed to the bank of elevators. “I’m not going to deny I’m a self-centred a
ttention whore. I know my own faults, but we did meet at a bad time.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her into the lift. “It’s just lucky for you that despite appearances —” He grinned at the people in the lobby as the doors slid closed. “— you’re not about to fall foul of the biggest of them.”
“Which is? I’m not?”
“I’m not about to shag you.”
Right. That was good. Sort of. She wasn’t quite seeing how that related to faults, but, hey, sometimes it was better not to know all the ins and outs of other people’s personal matters. She kept her gaze forward, focused on the lift door as they ascended, and pursed her lips to keep the awkward smile off them. That didn’t stop a blush creeping around her ears though.
“I have a small addiction to it. Sex,” he clarified. “OK, not actually that small. I guess you might say Spook and I are diametric opposites.”
“You do and he doesn’t. Does that mean if you stop, he’ll start?”
“I’m not about to give up sex so you can find out. Sorry, you’ll have to find another way to make him cave in.”
They reached the correct floor, and Xane stepped out ahead of her. “Just round here on the left.” He turned and walked backwards a couple of paces so that he was facing her as they moved. “You know, you might have more luck with him if there’s someone around to witness what’s going on.”
“And I suppose you’re offering yourself up for that job?”
Having reached his room, Xane posed within the door frame. “I’m more of a doer than a watcher, but if that’s all that’s on offer…”
“It isn’t.” She reached out and snatched the key card from him, then used it to open the door. “I don’t need an audience for something that’s confounded hard enough already.”
“Yeah, you’d definitely given him a nice stiffy to work with.”
“What?” She shook her head, but was unable to stop herself chuckling. “Are you always this lewd?”
“Sometimes I leave it to Ash. And anyway, I’ve barely said anything dirty. This is just me stating facts.”
“Well, as long as you’re not flirting.”
“Who, me?” He stretched, causing his T-shirt to rise and reveal a flash of washboard abs. “No way. I’m already happily conjoined at both hips. Adding anyone else to that mix might start stretching even my limits.”
“Now you’re just showing off.”
“Yes.” He ticked his thumb against her cheek. “But you’re smiling again. It’s said a little positivity goes a long way.” He stepped into the dark room. “You’ll have to put the key card into the slot.” He pointed at the wall.
Alle did as instructed and immediately various lights flicked on and the air conditioning began a low background murmur.
“Get yourself in there.” He pointed at the bathroom. “I’ll get you some stuff. I know it’s a badge of honour.” His gaze dropped to the bodice of her dress. “But it looks like someone sneezed all over you. It’s not exactly a rocking look.”
“If you were anyone else, I’d hit you.”
“Honey, if you were anyone else you wouldn’t be in here.”
What he gave her in exchange for her dress, which she scrubbed clean with complimentary shower gel, was an oversized dress shirt that barely covered her thighs, and a pair of thick woolly socks. The combination wasn’t exactly a rocking look either, but Xane nodded his approval when she emerged from the bathroom. “Spook’ll love it,” he declared. “He’d probably love it even more if it were a cable knit sweater instead of a shirt, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
Alle kept a tight grip on the shirt hem as she crossed the room to take a perch on the two-seater sofa. An assortment of guitar picks littered the coffee table, each with the head of a different Black Halo member printed onto them, along with a battered paperback, and a bowl of fruit.
“Vodka?” Xane pressed a glass into her hand.
“Are there any mixers?”
He claimed an orange from the fruit bowl. “I can squeeze it for you.”
She shook her head. “Guess I’ll cope.” The alcohol burned on the way down her throat and sparked her gag relax.
“Do you want a hot chocolate instead?” he asked, flicking on the kettle, and upending a sachet into a mug.
“Big socks and a mug of cocoa, you sure know how to spoil a girl.”
“Sweetheart, I’m hoping you’re going to spoil Spook to make up for eight years of heartache —”
“Seven,” she corrected.
“Eight. Seven and a half without sex, but eight years of hell. Hence, pulling a hot chocolate out of my sleeve is the least I can do. Now —” He poured and handed her the mug. “What’s the plan?”
Chapter Nine
If only water could actually wash away what he was feeling, rather than just stripping her scent from his skin. Spook stood under the shower, letting the overly hot deluge bite his naked flesh and remove every hint of sweat and sexual excess. Leastways, that was the desired outcome. The reality wasn’t quite consistent with his intentions. Soap and water might free him of her perfume, but it couldn’t remove the grip she had on his heart. Nor did it seem capable of subduing his cock. Though not lathering there would probably help too. He’d been hard again from the moment he’d stepped under the spray. Attempting to blot her out only embedded her more deeply in his thoughts. And his thoughts of her made him fucking hard.
“I want you to strip me naked and hold me on all fours. Then I want you to twist my hair into a long rope and pull it hard while you fuck me even harder.”
From the instant she’d planted that thought he’d been doomed to re-enact it on endless repeat. A little hair pulling, a little water spraying in her face, her body naked aside from a layer of bubbles — sure, he could get on board with that. He’d like nothing more than to fuck her with her hair tangled around his fingers and wrist in a way that made their bodies slap together so hard it was audible several rooms away. Damn straight, he wanted to hold her and fill her up, stamp his damned mark all over her, see her come, and feel her inner muscles clasp his cock and tug him deeper, but that didn’t change the fact he couldn’t let it happen.
It wasn’t because he was scared of hurting her, at least not in quite the way she imagined him to mean. Consequences were what scared him. If you did this, then was “A” an inevitable result, or did an option “B” exist too? He wanted to trust her. In a sense he did, or things would never have gone as far as they already had, but there remained a few irremovable pockets of doubt in his mind. He’d placed his trust in people before and lived to regret it. It wasn’t a mistake he was willing to repeat.
The raw physical pull between two people couldn’t be the cement in a relationship. There had to be more, something much deeper. They had to be able to communicate on an instinctive level.
Yes, Alle was vocal in her needs. She was willing to tell him what she wanted, but what if reality didn’t quite coincide with the fantasy? What then? What if his version of rough was too rough? Was she truly prepared for what she was asking for? She hadn’t been prepared for the spanking he’d given her when they’d first met, even though she’d begged for it. A couple of smacks and she’d been kicking and begging for mercy.
On the other hand, she’d been only too willing to return for more.
He thought about warming her cheeks again now, of her bent over, her hands finding purchase on the side of the bathtub, while he counted smacks and made the pert cheeks of her arse turn red.
Once they were scarlet, he’d lower the shower head and direct the spray to where it stung the most. Then he’d hold her, soothe her, and because this was all in his head, he’d fuck her pretty pink arse until he came right inside of her.
In his fantasy version, everything was perfect. Spent, after the raw intensity of it, they’d cuddle in the bathtub and slowly talk one another down from the high, before going at it again in the bedroom over the table, and against the window and on the floor. He’d make her dr
ive herself wild with that silly little vibrator she’d had in her purse. Then he’d fill her and give her a proper ride. The sort that left carpet burns on your shoulders and bite marks on your thighs.
Anticipation of all those things, made his cock grow stiffer. Spook palmed it with both hands. One took up the rhythm at the base, while the other made a slow glide up from the root to the tip and then circled the head.
A few brief strokes with this thumb across crown and he’d come, yet he held off making them. He might like inflicting pain, but lately he was just as much of an anticipation junkie.
“Do I get to watch the money shot?”
“Fuck!” Spook’s eyelids snapped back. He glared through the frosted glass and clouds of steam at Xane standing in the doorway, drinking him down with those blasted devil’s eyes. “How the hell did you get in here?”
Xane flicked what Spook took to be a duplicate key card at him. “The lady on reception was very understanding about the mix up and our need for copies of one another’s keys.”
“Ow!” Spook complained as the plastic scored a line along his leg before landing over the plughole. He bent to retrieve it, to prevent it blocking the flow of waste water. “You told her we were lovers, didn’t you?”
Xane rotated the ring through his lip. His eyebrows briefly rose. “I may have implied something of that sort, yeah.”
“Bastard.”
“Aw, Spook, you know I’d do you if I wasn’t taken,” Xane said, faking hurt. He cracked a wide smile. “And if you weren’t so fucking uptight.”