I thought I noticed a peculiar smell:
Of course it’s still cooking — or doing something.
I must go and investigate.
[Starts to leave the room]
EDWARD. For heaven’s sake, don’t bother!
[Exit CELIA]
Suppose someone came and found you in the kitchen?
[EDWARD goes over to the table and inspects his game of Patience. He moves a card. The doorbell rings repeatedly. Re-enter CELIA, in an apron.]
CELIA. You’d better answer the door, Edward.
It’s the best thing to do. Don’t lose your head.
You see, I really did leave my umbrella;
And I’ll say I found you here starving and helpless
And had to do something. Anyway, I’m staying
And I’m not going to hide.
[Returns to kitchen. The bell rings again. EDWARD goes to front door, and is heard to say:]
Julia!
What have you come back for?
[Enter JULIA]
JULIA. I’ve had an inspiration!
[Enter CELIA with saucepan]
CELIA. Edward, it’s ruined!
EDWARD. What a good thing.
CELIA. But it’s ruined the saucepan too.
EDWARD. And half a dozen eggs:
I wanted one for breakfast. A boiled egg.
It’s the only thing I know how to cook.
JULIA. Celia! I see you’ve had the same inspiration
That I had. Edward must be fed.
He’s under such a strain. We must keep his strength up.
Edward! Don’t you realise how lucky you are
To have two Good Samaritans? I never heard of that before.
EDWARD. The man who fell among thieves was luckier than I:
He was left at an inn.
JULIA. Edward, how ungrateful.
What’s in that saucepan?
CELIA. Nobody knows.
EDWARD. It’s something that Alex came and prepared for me.
He would do it. Three Good Samaritans.
I forgot all about it.
JULIA. But you mustn’t touch it.
EDWARD. Of course I shan’t touch it.
JULIA. My dear, I should have warned you:
Anything that Alex makes is absolutely deadly.
I could tell such tales of his poisoning people.
Now, my dear, you give me that apron
And we’ll see what I can do. You stay and talk to Edward.
[Exit JULIA]
CELIA. But what has happened, Edward? What has happened?
EDWARD. Lavinia is coming back, I think.
CELIA. You think! Don’t you know?
EDWARD. No, but I believe it. That man who was here —
CELIA. Yes, who was that man? I was rather afraid of him;
He has some sort of power.
EDWARD. I don’t know who he is.
But I had some talk with him, when the rest of you had left,
And he said he would bring Lavinia back, tomorrow.
CELIA. But why should that man want to bring her back —
Unless he is the Devil! I could believe he was.
EDWARD. Because I asked him to.
CELIA. Because you asked him to!
Then he must be the Devil! He must have bewitched you.
How did he persuade you to want her back?
[A popping noise is heard from the kitchen]
EDWARD. What the devil’s that?
[Re-enter JULIA, in apron, with a tray and three glasses]
JULIA. I’ve had an inspiration!
There’s nothing in the place fit to eat:
I’ve looked high and low. But I found some champagne —
Only a half-bottle, to be sure,
And of course it isn’t chilled. But it’s so refreshing;
And I thought, we are all in need of a stimulant
After this disaster. Now I’ll propose a health.
Can you guess whose health I’m going to propose?
EDWARD. No, I can’t. But I won’t drink to Alex’s.
JULIA. Oh, it isn’t Alex’s. Come, I give you
Lavinia’s aunt! You might have guessed it.
EDWARD and CELIA. Lavinia’s aunt.
JULIA. Now, the next question
Is, what’s to be done. That’s very simple.
It’s too late, or too early, to go to a restaurant.
You must both come home with me.
EDWARD. No, I’m sorry, Julia.
I’m too tired to go out, and I’m not at all hungry.
I shall have a few biscuits.
JULIA. But you, Celia?
You must come and have a light supper with me —
Something very light.
CELIA. Thank you, Julia.
I think I will, if I may follow you
In about ten minutes? Before I go, there’s something
I want to say to Edward.
JULIA. About Lavinia?
Well, come on quickly. And take a taxi.
You know, you’re looking absolutely famished.
Good night, Edward.
[Exit JULIA]
CELIA. Well, how did he persuade you?
EDWARD. How did he persuade me? Did he persuade me?
I have a very clear impression
That he tried to persuade me it was all for the best
That Lavinia had gone; that I ought to be thankful.
And yet, the effect of all his argument
Was to make me see that I wanted her back.
CELIA. That’s the Devil’s method! So you want Lavinia back!
Lavinia! So the one thing you care about
Is to avoid a break — anything unpleasant!
No, it can’t be that. I won’t think it’s that.
I think it is just a moment of surrender
To fatigue. And panic. You can’t face the trouble.
EDWARD. No, it is not that. It is not only that.
CELIA. It cannot be simply a question of vanity:
That you think the world will laugh at you
Because your wife has left you for another man?
I shall soon put that right, Edward,
When you are free.
EDWARD. No, it is not that.
And all these reasons were suggested to me
By the man I call Riley — though his name is not Riley;
It was just a name in a song he sang …
CELIA. He sang you a song about a man named Riley!
Really, Edward, I think you are mad —
I mean, you’re on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
Edward, if I go away now
Will you promise me to see a very great doctor
Whom I have heard of — and his name is Reilly!
EDWARD. It would need someone greater than the greatest doctor
To cure this illness.
CELIA. Edward, if I go now,
Will you assure me that everything is right,
That you do not mean to have Lavinia back
And that you do mean to gain your freedom,
And that everything is all right between us?
That’s all that matters. Truly, Edward,
If that is right, everything else will be,
I promise you.
EDWARD. No, Celia.
It has been very wonderful, and I’m very grateful,
And I think you are a very rare person.
But it was too late. And I should have known
That it wasn’t fair to you.
CELIA. It wasn’t fair to me!
You can stand there and talk about being fair to me!
EDWARD. But for Lavinia leaving, this would never have arisen.
What future had you ever thought there could be?
CELIA. What had I thought that the future could be?
I abandoned the future before we began,
And after that I lived in a present
Where tim
e was meaningless, a private world of ours,
Where the word ‘happiness’ had a different meaning
Or so it seemed.
EDWARD. I have heard of that experience.
CELIA. A dream. I was happy in it till to-day,
And then, when Julia asked about Lavinia
And it came to me that Lavinia had left you
And that you would be free — then I suddenly discovered
That the dream was not enough; that I wanted something more
And I waited, and wanted to run to tell you.
Perhaps the dream was better. It seemed the real reality,
And if this is reality, it is very like a dream.
Perhaps it was I who betrayed my own dream
All the while; and to find I wanted
This world as well as that … well, it’s humiliating.
EDWARD. There is no reason why you should feel humiliated …
CELIA. Oh, don’t think that you can humiliate me!
Humiliation — it’s something I’ve done to myself.
I am not sure even that you seem real enough
To humiliate me. I suppose that most women
Would feel degraded to find that a man
With whom they thought they had shared something wonderful
Had taken them only as a passing diversion.
Oh, I dare say that you deceived yourself:
But that’s what it was, no doubt.
EDWARD. I didn’t take you as a passing diversion!
If you want to speak of passing diversions
How did you take Peter?
CELIA. Peter? Peter who?
EDWARD. Peter Quilpe, who was here this evening. He was in a dream
And now he is simply unhappy and bewildered.
CELIA. I simply don’t know what you are talking about.
Edward, this is really too crude a subterfuge
To justify yourself. There was never anything
Between me and Peter.
EDWARD. Wasn’t there? He thought so.
He came back this evening to talk to me about it.
CELIA. But this is ridiculous! I never gave Peter
Any reason to suppose I cared for him.
I thought he had talent; I saw that he was lonely;
I thought that I could help him. I took him to concerts.
But then, as he came to make more acquaintances,
I found him less interesting, and rather conceited.
But why should we talk about Peter? All that matters
Is, that you think you want Lavinia.
And if that is the sort of person you are —
Well, you had better have her.
EDWARD. It’s not like that.
It is not that I am in love with Lavinia.
I don’t think I was ever really in love with her.
If I have ever been in love — and I think that I have —
I have never been in love with anyone but you,
And perhaps I still am. But this can’t go on.
It never could have been … a permanent thing:
You should have a man … nearer your own age.
CELIA. I don’t think I care for advice from you, Edward:
You are not entitled to take any interest
Now, in my future. I only hope you’re competent
To manage your own. But if you are not in love
And never have been in love with Lavinia,
What is it that you want?
EDWARD. I am not sure.
The one thing of which I am relatively certain
Is, that only since this morning
I have met myself as a middle-aged man
Beginning to know what it is to feel old.
That is the worst moment, when you feel that you have lost
The desire for all that was most desirable,
Before you are contented with what you can desire;
Before you know what is left to be desired;
And you go on wishing that you could desire
What desire has left behind. But you cannot understand.
How could you understand what it is to feel old?
CELIA. But I want to understand you. I could understand.
And, Edward, please believe that whatever happens
I shall not loathe you. I shall only feel sorry for you.
It’s only myself I am in danger of loathing.
But what will your life be? I cannot bear to think of it.
Oh, Edward! Can you be happy with Lavinia?
EDWARD. No — not happy: or, if there is any happiness,
Only the happiness of knowing
That the misery does not feed on the ruin of loveliness,
That the tedium is not the residue of ecstasy.
I see that my life was determined long ago
And that the struggle to escape from it
Is only a make-believe, a pretence
That what is, is not, or could be changed.
The self that can say ‘I want this — or want that’ —
The self that wills — he is a feeble creature;
He has to come to terms in the end
With the obstinate, the tougher self; who does not speak,
Who never talks, who cannot argue;
And who in some men may be the guardian —
But in men like me, the dull, the implacable,
The indomitable spirit of mediocrity.
The willing self can contrive the disaster
Of this unwilling partnership — but can only flourish
In submission to the rule of the stronger partner.
CELIA. I am not sure, Edward, that I understand you;
And yet I understand as I never did before.
I think — I believe — you are being yourself
As you never were before, with me.
Twice you have changed since I have been looking at you.
I looked at your face: and I thought that I knew
And loved every contour; and as I looked
It withered, as if I had unwrapped a mummy.
I listened to your voice, that had always thrilled me,
And it became another voice — no, not a voice:
What I heard was only the noise of an insect,
Dry, endless, meaningless, inhuman —
You might have made it by scraping your legs together —
Or however grasshoppers do it. I looked,
And listened for your heart, your blood;
And saw only a beetle the size of a man
With nothing more inside it than what comes out
When you tread on a beetle.
EDWARD. Perhaps that is what I am.
Tread on me, if you like.
CELIA. No, I won’t tread on you.
That is not what you are. It is only what was left
Of what I had thought you were. I see another person,
I see you as a person whom I never saw before.
The man I saw before, he was only a projection —
I see that now — of something that I wanted —
No, not wanted — something I aspired to —
Something that I desperately wanted to exist.
It must happen somewhere — but what, and where is it?
Edward, I see that I was simply making use of you.
And I ask you to forgive me.
EDWARD. You … ask me to forgive you!
CELIA. Yes, for two things. First …
[The telephone rings]
EDWARD. Damn the telephone.
I suppose I had better answer it.
CELIA. Yes, better answer it.
EDWARD. Hello! … Oh, Julia: what is it now?
Your spectacles again … where did you leave them?
Or have we … have I got to hunt all over?
Have you looked in your bag? … Well, don’t snap my head off …
You’re sure, in the kitchen? Beside the champagne bottle
?
You’re quite sure? … Very well, hold on if you like;
We … I’ll look for them.
CELIA. Yes, you look for them.
I shall never go into your kitchen again.
[Exit EDWARD. He returns with the spectacles and a bottle]
EDWARD. She was right for once.
CELIA. She is always right.
But why bring an empty champagne bottle?
EDWARD. It isn’t empty. It may be a little flat —
But why did she say that it was a half-bottle?
It’s one of my best: and I have no half-bottles.
Well, I hoped that you would drink a final glass with me.
CELIA. What should we drink to?
EDWARD. Whom shall we drink to?
CELIA. To the Guardians.
EDWARD. To the Guardians?
CELIA. To the Guardians. It was you who spoke of guardians.
[They drink]
It may be that even Julia is a guardian.
Perhaps she is my guardian. Give me the spectacles.
Good night, Edward.
EDWARD. Good night … Celia.
[Exit CELIA]
Oh!
[He snatches up the receiver]
Hello, Julia! are you there? …
Well, I’m awfully sorry to have kept you waiting;
But we … I had to hunt for them … No, I found them.
… Yes, she’s bringing them now … Good night.
CURTAIN
Act One. Scene 3
The same room: late afternoon of the next day. EDWARD alone. He goes to answer the doorbell.
EDWARD. Oh … good evening.
[Enter the UNIDENTIFIED GUEST]
UNIDENTIFIED GUEST. Good evening, Mr. Chamberlayne.
EDWARD. Well. May I offer you some gin and water?
UNIDENTIFIED GUEST. No, thank you. This is a different occasion.
EDWARD. I take it that as you have come alone
You have been unsuccessful.
UNIDENTIFIED GUEST. Not at all.
I have come to remind you — you have made a decision.
EDWARD. Are you thinking that I may have changed my mind?
UNIDENTIFIED GUEST. No. You will not be ready to change your mind
Until you recover from having made a decision.
No. I have come to tell you that you will change your mind,
But that it will not matter. It will be too late.
EDWARD. I have half a mind to change my mind now
To show you that I am free to change it.
UNIDENTIFIED GUEST. You will change your mind, but you are not free.
Your moment of freedom was yesterday.
You made a decision. You set in motion
Forces in your life and in the lives of others
Which cannot be reversed. That is one consideration.
The Complete Poems and Plays of T. S. Eliot Page 31