Lance took a long drink of coffee before answering. “He didn’t want to put any more stress on you. He thought that since you were working so hard on school, he wasn’t going to add to that.”
“So he was looking out for me?”
He nodded. “That and he had this fear that you’d look at him differently once you knew. That you’d love him differently and he said he couldn’t stand the thought of seeing that on your face.”
Even more tears formed but this time I couldn’t stop them from falling. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Nothing would have been different. He was my dad. I loved him no matter what.”
“Maybe not. But you were the most important thing to Owen and he didn’t want to chance it.” He blinked a few times, which looked to me like he was trying not to tear up himself. “Did your mom finally tell you?”
“No.” I swallowed hard, then pulled the envelope out of my purse. “I found these when I was cleaning out his room.”
Lance opened the envelope and thumbed through the pictures, a grave look on his face. “I’m sorry. That’s not how you should have found this out.” He put the photos back in the envelope. “I came to the house a while ago to get some things so this wouldn’t happen. I assumed you’d come to the house eventually.”
“That was you?” I asked. “I came home one night and thought someone broke in.”
He nodded. “I had a key. I didn’t know anyone was there yet. It took me a long time to pull myself together enough to even make it there. I should’ve checked first.”
“Did you love him?” My voice cracked at the end of that question.
“More than anything in this world.” His voice wavered this time, and he broke down. He didn’t sob or draw attention to himself, but his shoulders shook quietly like a man that was heartbroken. I reached out to cover his hand with mine. We’d both lost him. But in my case, I’d had Mom then Zac to help me through. I wondered if Lance had anyone close to help him.
“Did you two go on any vacations?” I asked.
“Yes. Though not a lot of them,” he answered. “As you know, he spent most of his off time with you.”
“What was your favorite one? And did it bother you that he came to see me so much?”
“Favorite vacation was to Mexico. It was just so relaxing which we both needed, and it was the last one we took.” He drank from his cup again. I’d noticed him doing it whenever he sounded on the verge of tears. “And no I it didn’t bother me. Owen wouldn’t have been Owen if he wasn’t the kind of dad that he was.”
“I wish we all could’ve spent time together,” I admitted.
“Me too.”
Three coffees and two hours later, I was exhausted from the emotional toll this was taking on me. There really was only so much ground we could cover in one meeting. There were still a couple of things I had to know in case I never saw this man again.
“How did you find out?” I didn’t need to elaborate on what I meant.
“Your mother called me.”
“Mom?
“I’ve never met her. We weren’t having game nights behind your back or anything. But she and your dad were still friends, so he’d told her about me. How much, I don’t know. But obviously he’d told her enough for her to reach out when he died.”
It was like Lance knew I now had a complex about being leaving me out.
“I have kind of a weird question,” I said. His eyebrows raised as he waited. “Um… ” I needed s deep breath to calm my nerves. “When I was cleaning out his closet there were some… um… women’s clothes. If you and he were together… ”
I let that fall off into the world. I didn’t want to ask. I also didn’t want to be the one to tell Lance that Dad had a girl on the side. However, Lance didn’t look that surprised.
“OK”—he took a deep breath—“Laney, your dad should have told you he was gay. He should have told you about me. But you have to trust me when I say that there are some things a daughter doesn’t want to know about their dad.” His eyes settled on me and somehow, I knew he wasn’t hiding anything from me. That he’d tell me if I pushed him.
But did I want to?
“Did he have a girlfriend? Like was he bi?””
Lance’s jaw locked as he said, “No.”
“Well, then I don’t… ” If this was something I wouldn’t want to know about my dad that meant it had to be something to do with sex. So my dad, or Lance must’ve worn the dresses for roll play or something like that “Oh, god,” I groaned. “They were his?” I asked.
He gave me one quick nod. That was going to take some time to sink in. If there was a limit to how much shock a person could experience in a given time, I had found mine.
“I would’ve cleaned those out. I swear I would have, Laney. But I couldn’t bring myself to enter that house until I did. I was a mess and barely getting off the couch.”
“I can relate.”
“My mistake was not calling your mother to see if you’d come to the house yet. I should’ve done better.”
“It’s not your fault,” I told him honestly. “You didn’t need to be worrying about me or the clothes then.” I did believe that, too. Lance needed to take care of Lance for a while.
He rose from the table and I followed. He walked me around the corner to my car, those pictures clutched tightly in his hand. But I had to say something before I got in and drove away. Dad would have wanted me to.
“Hey, Lance.” He turned back to me. “I don’t know if you have anyone close, but if you ever need to talk about Dad or whatever, you can call me. Anytime.”
His lips moved into a tight line and that familiar shimmer returned to his eyes.
“Thank you, Laney. And you call me for anything.” Lance took the three steps needed to wrap me in a warm hug. Like my dad would have. They really were a lot alike.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zac was sitting on his front steps when I pulled back in my driveway. He had to have heard me arrive, but he didn’t move from his position, leaning his arms on his legs, his head hanging into his hands.
I had the overwhelming urge to go over to him and share what I’d learned. He was close and convenient, not to mention the only person I knew for sure knew about my dad except Mom. He didn’t move or look at me as I dropped beside him on the step, careful not to touch him.
“I met Lance tonight,” I said. His head snapped up at that and he looked like he had a million questions. “I called him this morning. He had time tonight.”
“And?” One word was all he had for me.
“It was good. It was the right thing to do. He misses my dad like I do.” Inexplicably, a sob ripped from my chest. Zac straightened, placed a hand on my back, and rubbed in a circle, comforting me with that small touch. I got myself back under control so I could speak again. “The clothes were his, Zac.” He didn’t understand what I was saying at first. “My dad’s. They were his.”
“Say that again?”
“Apparently, Zac, my dad sometimes liked to wear women’s clothes. Lance didn’t go into detail and honestly, I don’t want him to.” Lance had been right on that, too. There were some things I didn’t want to know everything about.
“That’s… How are you knowing that?” He hadn’t removed his hand from my back when he’d leaned back against the steps.
“I don’t know. I think an obscene amount of alcohol will bring some clarity.”
Zac laughed behind me. “I can make that happen if you want me to.”
This time, I did look over my shoulder to find his gaze firmly on me. I was tempted. Somewhere in the previous week I’d decided to rebuild my life. Put things back in order. And that included Zac and Maddie if I could be sure that things would be different. I wouldn’t be on the outside again.
If I was going to forgive my mom, which clearly I was, she was my mom, after all, and I couldn’t hold a grudge against my dad because he was dead, then I should probably get past my hurt and anger over what Zac
and Maddie had done. The things they’d hidden from me.
“Better not,” I said. “I have to go early to try to get that damn truck over here and get the garage cleared out before I go crazy.”
He looked disappointed but didn’t try to talk me into having a drink with him. I was disappointed. But I also didn’t trust myself with him yet. It’d be too easy to fall back into how we were without having the conversation again.
I was barely back in my house when I received a text from Porter offering to pick the truck up for me. I immediately replied with a yes because I was terrified that I’d sideswipe someone’s car along the way or run over a small child or something.
The timing was odd, though, so I quickly pulled the curtain back to look next door to where Zac still sat. Within a few seconds of me sending my reply to Porter, Zac got a text and typed his own reply quickly.
He was still looking out for me.
Right at ten the next morning, Porter stood on my front porch alone with a big rental truck pulled right up to the curb. I’d dressed to work, as had he, in his low-hanging cargo shorts and black T-shirt. I had a pair of khaki Bermudas and a tank top on. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail.
“Hey.”
“Help is already in the garage. Show me what you want moved out of the house.”
Porter came in and I showed him the bedroom furniture, which he said they’d load first. So, while they did that, I started with the boxes in the garage. The least I could do was move them out to the front yard so they could be loaded after the furniture. It felt bittersweet to be finally getting this over with. It had to be done. Keeping everything did no good.
As I came around the side of the truck, a light box in my hands, one of the guys jumped out of the back and practically right on me. At least he caught me and the box before I hit the ground.
“Oh, shit, Laney. Sorry. I didn’t see you coming.” That was Zac.
“What are you doing here?”
“Porter said he needed help,” he said. I was about to protest, but he cut me right off. “Don’t say a word. Don’t even think about sending me away. I’m doing this and you’re going to let me.” I realized as he said it, I was going to let him help. And I was really happy about it, too.
With the three of us working, we had the truck loaded up and ready to go in just over an hour. I said that I thought Goodwill would have people to unload it, but after Porter hopped in the driver’s side and I climbed in the passenger side, Zac was right behind me, giving a firm shove so I’d make some room for him. That was how we rode, in silence, across town to donate my dad’s belongings.
It was weird watching them unload dressers that had been in that house since I was a kid. The bed I’d slept in until four years ago. Everything. Those items had to go either way. Even if I decided to keep the house, I’d want to upgrade anyway. If I budgeted, there would’ve been enough money to pay the property taxes while I was in school. Or I could rent it, but I hated the idea of someone else living there.
“You OK?” Zac asked while wiping his forehead with the bottom of his shirt. I hadn’t noticed him standing there.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “It’s just weird. I feel kind of… thrown off my axis, I guess. This has been coming all summer, but it’s still sad.” Zac took the two steps toward me until he could easily wrap me in his arms. The embrace was warm, the sweet smell of him filling my nostrils and making me wish we weren’t in such an effed-up situation.
“Aww… ” Porter snuck up on us.
“Shut it, jackwad,” I said, pulling back from Zac right as his phone dinged with a text. He just smirked and pulled the phone from his pocket. His face immediately fell.
“Hey, do you mind dropping me off before you take the truck back?” he asked after typing a reply.
“No problem.” Porter was already on his way back to the truck. I climbed in without asking where he was going. Porter seemed to know, though, because he took off without asking anything. How frustrating!
“Joe has a couple of things he needs me to do today.” Zac answered the question I hadn’t dared ask.
“Ah,” I said without looking over at him because I could feel his eyes on me.
Porter and I were quiet on the drive back to the rental place after dropping Zac off. I signed everything I needed to, paid for the mileage and gave Porter the deposit he had to put down back, then we were in his own truck headed home. We were silent again until Porter took a couple of extra turns and started feeling chatty.
“So, are you two OK or what?” he asked, obviously talking about Zac and me.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
Porter scowled at me then looked back to the road. “Why the hell not? Laney, the last time I saw Zac this miserable was when you left.”
“You know I should be pissed at you, too, knucklehead.” I reached over to give him a little push.
“What’d I do?” He glanced from the road to me, then back again.
“You didn’t exactly stay in touch when I left.” Though he would’ve done anything Zac asked him to. Actually, Maddie and Zac put him in a really rough spot. “I think Zac would’ve told you that Maddie was pregnant before I left and you didn’t say a word.” I would’ve been upset with him about not telling me about my dad as well but I couldn’t be sure he even knew. But Porter definitely knew Maddie was pregnant. That was something Zac would’ve told him. Zac would’ve need someone to talk to and that someone wasn’t me. It had to have been Porter.
“OK.” He jerked us to a stop at the curb outside of my house. I was so caught up in our conversation that I hadn’t realized we were so close. “Let’s take this one thing at a time.”
He hopped out, his messy dark blond hair pushed away from his forehead by the wind. I hopped out after him. We didn’t stop until we were on the front porch.
“I’m sure my reason for not staying in contact with you is pretty much the same as Maddie and Zac’s,” he continued. “I couldn’t lie to you and it felt like not telling you about Dylan was lying. That’s why I didn’t even try, if you remember. I answered your call once, but that was it. Yes, I felt like an asshole, but it wasn’t my story to tell”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “As for knowing Maddie was pregnant, yeah, I knew. Zac told me the night he found out. But he also made me promise not to tell you. He threatened to kick my ass, actually, and while I don’t think he could do it”—that smirk rose on his face. I totally thought Zac could have—“I didn’t want to chance messing with this beautiful face.” He paused, letting everything he’d said sink in. “There’s something else I knew. I knew he wanted you back then—not that I let him know I knew.”
I shook my head and blew out a breath. “How would you know that? See, everyone keeps saying that Zac wanted me back then, but I’ve wracked every memory I have and nothing stands out to support that. I was his friend. The girl he grew up with. Basically a sister.”
Porter snorted. “Sister,” he said like he didn’t believe me. He puffed his cheeks up and blew out hard. “I made some… comments about you. About me perhaps wanting to do certain things to you.”
My eyes widened. No fucking way that was true yet my cheek heated at his words. All Porter did was laugh at my reaction.
“That’s gross, Porter,” I said. “You and I really did act like siblings back then.
“I was a teenager. I wanted to fuck everything in my path.” His laugh cut through my embarrassment. “Actually, I think I did fuck almost everything in path for a while and you are definitely not blood related.”
“Wow.” I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for making me feel special.”
“Laney, I suspected he had feelings for you, so I wanted to see what his reaction was. You’re hot, you’ve always been hot, but you’ve also been like a little sister to me as you said. Saying those things felt wrong but I had to do it to see if I was right.” He shuddered.
“We’re the same age.”
He waved his hand a
t me as if brushing off my comment. “Look at you. You’re literally half my size.”
Couldn’t argue with him there. “How did he react?”
“Remember the black eye I said I got from an accidental elbow to the eye while having sex with Hannah Milstad?” he asked. I nodded. He’d gone into a little too much detail on that. “Well, that actually happened, but she didn’t leave the mark. Zac did.”
I almost didn’t believe him but given that Zac and I had now had sex, I couldn’t really argue it either.
“OK, so I think I explained everything,” he said. “But what’s going on with you two now?”
I dropped down onto the top step and Porter slid in beside me. Zac obviously hadn’t told him anything. “Well, you know I came back here to clean out the house. Decide what to do with it.”
“Right but you act as if you might not live there after college when we all know you are. You’re back. We’re not repeating history.”
“That’s a whole other thing to deal with,” I told him honestly. “But when I was cleaning out Dad’s room, I found him pictures of him with a man.”
“And?”
“He was gay,” I told him.
Porter moved away from me and cocked his head to the side. “What?” So he hadn’t known.
“Clearly, you didn’t know but Zac did. He didn’t tell anyone. Including me.”
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.
“And I don’t mean during the dark years that we weren’t talking. I mean since I came back.”
“On purpose?” he asked. “Did he not tell you on purpose?”
I sighed. This was hard to admit. “No. He thought I already knew but it just brings up other shit from before. Like Zac cut me out of his life once and now I find something else he didn’t tell me. Is this how he is now? Am I just going to be on the outside forever? I don’t think I could stand that.”
Porter slid an arm around my back and pulled me into his side. It was warm and comforting and exactly what I needed right then.
“You don’t believe that, do you?” he asked.
I shrugged.
Last Good Thing (The Fallout Series Book 1) Page 17