He was so deeply rooted in his family, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, not to mention how involved he was in the lives of the people in town, the players on his team and even her own sons, that she knew Joe was not a man who could even comprehend the actions of Gary or his parents.
Knowing Joe was so totally outraged, appalled and, yes, even shocked by what Gary and his parents had done to her, not only validated her own feelings toward them, but also made her realize just how wonderful a man—no, a person— Joe was. A rare and unusual person who truly understood the real meaning of the word family.
And for some reason, the knowledge made the yearning deep inside her grow.
“Joe, they didn’t simply approve of it, they encouraged it,” she admitted quietly. “They were certain if Gary left me alone to fend for myself, I’d be forced to ‘come to my senses,’ as they put it, and do what they asked.”
“That’s nothing short of emotional blackmail,” Joe snapped. Not to mention cowardice on her husband’s part.
“Yeah, I know.” Mattie shrugged. “But it didn’t work.” Her chin lifted defiantly. “I adamantly refused to even consider their request.” She shrugged. “I’ve been blessed with an incorrigible stubborn streak, Joe, and when I make up my mind about something, especially something I felt this strongly about, there’s no way anyone can change my mind. I was going to have my baby, or babies, as it turned out, whether they liked it or not, and I didn’t care what they did to me, or what they put me through. I was not going to buckle under and give in to their ridiculous demands.”
“Good for you, Mattie.” He dropped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Good for you.” He resisted the urge to wrap both arms around her tightly, to stand between her and anything that would try to harm her or the boys. “Okay, now tell me the rest. What happened after Gary abandoned you and the babies and moved back in with his parents?”
Lacing her fingers together even tighter, Mattie glanced down at her hands and carefully prepared to tell him the rest.
“Two months before the twins were born, I was struggling to take proper care of myself, and the babies, and still hang on to my job even though I was sick as a dog and big as a house. The doctor warned me about twins coming prematurely and wanted me to stay in bed the last three months, but it just wasn’t possible.”
“Wait a minute, Mattie. What about your aunt Maureen? Couldn’t you have gone to her for help?”
“I could have,” Mattie began slowly. “But my aunt had moved to Paris years ago and had a very successful gallery there, not to mention a life and friends. I knew if I told her what was happening to me, she’d abandon everything in her life to help me with mine.” She glanced up at Joe. “And I couldn’t do that, Joe. I simply couldn’t. Aunt Maureen worked a lifetime to garner the reputation she now enjoys both in Europe and here in the States. I couldn’t ask her to give all of that up simply because I’d made silly, foolish choices.”
“I understand, Mattie.” And he found he did. It was just like Mattie to consider someone else’s life, wants and needs ahead of her own. Which also explained why she wasn’t used to sharing any part of her life. How on earth could she expect anyone to be there for her when her own husband hadn’t been?
Swiping at her nose, Mattie flashed him a brave, wan smile, then continued. “Anyway, Evelyn Maguire—Gary’s mother—called me at work one afternoon, hysterical. Gary had been killed in a car accident.”
She heard how flat and emotionless her voice sounded, as if it were echoing in a long, dark empty room. She wished she could dredge up some emotion for the loss of the man she’d once been married to, the man who had fathered her children, but she couldn’t.
Gary had killed every ounce of love and affection she had for him long before his fatal car accident.
She lifted her face so she could see Joe’s beautiful features. She needed to see him right now, needed to know he was right here by her, and that she wasn’t alone.
Perhaps it was silly. But she’d been alone through this long, awful ordeal, and had never had anyone to unburden herself to. Now that she did, she realized that it had built an invisible bond between them, a bond that seemed to draw her closer to him.
She had to swallow before continuing. “Gary’s parents had bought him some fancy sports car for his birthday. He loved to race it, and he loved to drink.” She shrugged, realizing she felt nothing inside for the man she’d been married to. Nothing. “He just happened to do the two together one too many times. He was killed instantly.”
“Mattie, I wish I could say I was sorry, but it’s hard to dredge up any sympathy for someone who was so downright cruel to his own wife and children.”
“Once Gary died, his parents had a change of heart.” She glanced up at him, and gave in to the temptation and allowed herself to lean against him and accept his comfort. She’d never realized how much she’d missed, or how wonderful it was to be able to share something like this with another.
“What do you mean a change of heart?” Joe searched her face, not certain what on earth was coming next. Although after what she’d just told him, nothing else would surprise him.
“After Gary’s death, they encouraged me to go through with the pregnancy.”
“Because they wanted custody?” he guessed, and she nodded.
“Gary was their only child. With him gone, my children were all they had left of him. From the moment Gary died, up until today, his parents have never stopped trying to get me to give custody of the boys to them.”
“Are you telling me these crazy people first wanted you to terminate your pregnancy because their irresponsible son wasn’t man enough to be a father, then after his death, they wanted you to go through with the pregnancy and then give the child, or rather, the children, to them to raise?”
Mattie sighed. “Yep, that’s about it,” she admitted, watching as a myriad emotions crossed Joe’s face.
“I think I’ve heard just about everything now.” Joe shook his head. “And how on earth could they even think that you’d turn your own boys over to them?” Joe shook his head again. “Talk about reckless, irresponsible parenting. Your former in-laws could be the poster children.”
“I know, Joe. They’ve done just about anything you can think of to get me to change my mind. When the boys were first born, they offered me money—”
“You mean they tried to buy your sons?” he asked, appalled once again.
“Well, I’m sure they wouldn’t put it that way, but that’s what it amounted to.”
“Good God.”
“I, of course, refused. I desperately needed money to support the three of us, of course, but not that bad. I used the small amount of life insurance Gary had left me, and of course the monthly Social Security I received from Gary’s death, because the boys were still minors. I made up the difference working at night from home.” She sighed. “I did the best I could, but Evelyn and Bob Maguire have never stopped pressuring me to turn the twins over to them to raise.” She hesitated a moment. “Just today, Evelyn accused me of being selfish for wanting to raise the boys myself.”
“Today?” he asked with a lift of his eyebrow. “Is that why you were crying this afternoon?”
She nodded, then sighed. “Evelyn called a few days ago and I returned her call today from the gallery, and was sorry I did. Once again, she chastised me for leaving the kids with my aunt while I worked, and for being selfish for not turning the boys over to them, since she believes they can do a better job raising them, and give them more than I ever can.”
Stunned, Joe merely stared at her in the flickering candlelight for a moment. “This woman had the audacity to call you selfish?” Temper laced his tone, making his words clipped and sharp.
“Yeah,” Mattie said with a weary sigh, rubbing her temple. Just thinking about her phone call this afternoon was enough to bring back her stress headache. “She reminded me again that she and Bob can give the boys so much more than I can.”
&nb
sp; It hurt Mattie to have to admit it was probably true. The Maguires were very well off financially and could probably provide the boys with material things she’d never even thought of or considered. But she knew that material things didn’t compare to unconditional love, a mother’s unconditional love.
“So, they can give the boys things, so what?” Joe’s gaze caught and held hers. Something deep and dark flickered within the depths of his eyes. “Based on their history and the way they raised their own son, they can’t give the boys the important things, like morals, values and character.” Joe shook his head, his anger building.
His temper was a fearsome thing when unleashed and ran toward cold, unbendable steel. He rarely allowed it free rein simply because he knew how ferocious it could be, but now he didn’t even bother to try to rein it in. His feelings toward the twins’ grandparents were strong, very strong, and he knew it would do no good to try to control his temper, not on this issue, or with his feelings for these people.
“How can you even speak to them after the way they’ve treated you?”
Mattie smiled. “Because, Joe, in spite of my feelings, they’re still the boys’ grandparents.” She glanced down at their hands. “And family is very important to me. I really don’t have anyone else but Aunt Maureen, and I thought it was best for the kids to at least know their grandparents, although lately I’m not so sure about that.”
“Well, Mattie, you’re a better person than I am. I’m not so sure I’d be so generous if I’d been the victim of these people’s terror tactics.” He was thoughtful for a moment, watching her. “Is that why you moved from Chicago?” he asked. “To get away from them?”
“Partially,” she admitted. “I wanted to get away from the Maguires’ constant pressure, but I also wanted to move somewhere the boys and I could have a real future. I needed to finish my degree but I also needed to work while I was doing it. My aunt gave me an opportunity to do both. When I told the Maguires I was moving, they were absolutely beside themselves. It really was awful,” she remembered, chewing her lower lip. “But I knew it was best for the twins and I. But I did promise that the boys could spend at least one weekend a month with their grandparents. That seemed to appease them somewhat.”
“But they still haven’t given up on pressuring you to give them custody?”
“No,” she admitted with a sigh. “They haven’t. I really don’t think they ever will, Joe.”
He sighed, then shook his head. “Mattie, I’ve got to tell you. I don’t have a clue how on earth you’ve endured this kind of treatment.” But it certainly explained why she was so mistrustful of people, especially men, and why she was so very, very cautious about letting anyone interact with her children.
“I have to admit, if it had been me, I would have put as much distance between my in-laws and myself as I could possibly get. They really don’t deserve to be part of your life or the boys’, not after what they’ve done and continue to do to you and your sons.”
“Perhaps,” she admitted hesitantly. “But, Joe, I do feel some sorrow for them.” She glanced at him. “They lost their only child and they have to live with that for the rest of their lives, knowing their only son is gone. As a mother, I cannot even begin to fathom or comprehend how they deal with that. It has to make you just a little…crazy, don’t you think, to lose a child?”
“Well, I’m not a parent yet, but I see what you mean. Still, that doesn’t excuse their behavior.”
“No, Joe, it doesn’t.” She smiled and reached for his hand, closing her own over it. “But it helps me to remember that, when they upset me so much I just want to…scream.”
He shook his head. “Mattie, I thought I was too old to be surprised by anything, especially a woman, but you’ve totally surprised me.”
“Me?” She drew back. “Why on earth have I surprised you?” She smiled. “I haven’t done anything any other mother wouldn’t have done.”
“Ah, now, there’s where you’re mistaken, Mattie. A lot of women would have simply caved in, given the Maguires custody and taken the money and run. Think how easy your life would be.”
“Easy?” She considered the idea, then laughed. “Maybe, but not richer, not fuller. The twins have given me things no amount of money could ever buy.”
“I know that. But that’s you. Some other woman might have taken out their anger on the boys and not let them see their grandparents.”
“I suppose so,” she agreed. “But what good would that have done, except hurt my own children?” She shook her head. “My job, as their mother, is to make sure I always put their needs ahead of my own and to make sure I take care of them as best as I can until they can take care of themselves.” She shrugged. “When they’re older, they can make the choice whether they want their grandparents in their lives or not. But that’s not a decision I’d ever make for them.”
“Yep, like I said, you’re pretty incredible.” He was quiet for a moment. “Mattie, thank you for sharing all this with me. For trusting me enough to tell me.” He glanced down at their joined hands. “I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, and now I understand why you’re so wary and suspicious of men—”
“I’m not—”
“Mattie.” His grin stopped her words. “Whether you realize it or not, you are, and I fully understand that. But as I told you the very first night, I’m not someone you have to fear. Not on any level. I’ll never do anything to hurt you or your boys.” With his hand still in hers, he drew her close, brushing his lips gently against hers. When he heard her soft sigh, felt the pressure of her trembling hand on his chest, he deepened the kiss, drawing her closer.
Mattie felt the sigh of longing whisper through her, tugging her heart, tangling her emotions.
She was certain Joe meant it when he said she didn’t have to fear him on any level, but Mattie knew better.
She couldn’t help but fear what he was doing to her scarred, fragile heart.
Chapter Seven
By the first of May, spring had abdicated its hold to summerlike temperatures, causing a heavy dose of spring fever for most of the residents of Healing Harbor, especially for Mattie, who was counting down the hours until her first semester of school and last final were over.
With her life, and almost every spare minute of her time totally dominated by baseball, she almost couldn’t remember a time when the boys hadn’t been involved in baseball. Or when Joe hadn’t been a daily part of their lives.
He spent several hours with the boys almost every evening after the official team practice ended. He’d have dinner with them, and then after dinner, he’d turn Mattie’s backyard into an imaginary ball field again, where the boys could practice and hone their baseball skills.
Joe had quite easily and effortlessly became a daily part of their lives, and Mattie had to admit, it was wonderful to be able to share part of her life with another adult.
If there was any fear about the boys getting too attached to Joe, it was offset by the positive impact Joe was having on their lives and their confidence.
Watching them play, and play so well under Joe’s tutelage, filled Mattie with such a sense of pride, she realized that introducing Joe into her sons’ lives had only had positive consequences.
If she worried about her own growing feelings for Joe, Mattie comforted herself with the knowledge that nothing could ever come of it simply because Joe was not interested in having a family of his own. He’d made that perfectly clear, and she wasn’t a woman who disregarded something a man seemed so sure of. So she felt confident that in spite of her growing feelings she was definitely on safe ground.
This morning, as she gratefully finished her macroeconomics final—the last exam of the year—Mattie slung her heavy book bag over her shoulder, bid farewell to a few classmates, then hurried down the steps. The university was not air-conditioned, and even though it wasn’t yet noon, the heat inside the classroom had been stifling.
With a sigh, she pushed through the heavy metal door
s, then glanced back at the building with a grin, feeling foolishly proud of herself.
She’d completed her first semester of school here, and now, only had two more to go to receive her degree. Yes, it had been difficult, she mused as she cut across the crowded campus and headed toward the student parking lot, but it had been well worth it.
She was now that much closer to her goal of securing the future for her and the boys.
Lost in thought, Mattie laughed at herself when she realized she must have gone down the wrong aisle in the parking lot. Her car wasn’t there. With a sigh, she shifted her book bag higher on her shoulder, then double backed the way she’d come, darting through rows of cars.
After going up and down several aisles, Mattie began to frown. Yes, she’d been terribly distracted this morning, worried about her final and a few minutes late, but surely she couldn’t have forgotten where she’d parked her car.
After twenty more minutes of searching, Mattie found the aisle where she’d parked. She’d parked next to a car-repair shop’s van, one with a dented front bumper. She remembered it only because she’d thought it was funny that a car-repair shop wouldn’t bother to fix its own vehicle.
But the spot next to it, where she’d parked her battered little car, was empty.
“I don’t believe this,” she muttered, turning in a full circle and shading her eyes to check out the entire line of cars. Her car was nowhere to be found. “Who on earth would want to steal that piece of junk?” she wondered aloud, trying not to get upset.
Her car might indeed be a piece of junk, but it was her piece of junk, and the only transportation she had. With so much going on in her life right now, she couldn’t afford to be without a vehicle, nor could she afford to buy a new one just yet. Her new-car fund wasn’t quite full enough to handle a purchase yet. Another two months and several more commissions and she’d have enough money, but for right now, she didn’t.
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