by Janice Hanna
He thought about what his father had said that night in the barn, about how it would be better to walk through a bad courtship than a bad marriage. How many people married only to discover they did not love the person after the fact? Well, he was not going to be one of them. Georg could not marry a woman he didn’t love, and he could not be convinced to love Adeline when he did not. And no matter how hard he prayed, the Lord would not deliberately send him into the arms of the wrong woman.
True, from all external appearances, they were perfect for one another. And they even shared a like faith, something critical to a couple’s survival. Still, when he gazed into her eyes, he didn’t get that gripping feeling in his heart that he expected to have. He didn’t wake every morning thinking only of her. He didn’t fall asleep every night with her name on his lips.
In short, he didn’t love her. Oh, maybe he could learn to, in time. He was certainly attracted to her, after all. But love? No, love was something so much deeper. Love was what he felt for Belinda Bauer, and it couldn’t be traded for anything in the world. In fact, he wanted to share his heart with anyone and everyone who would listen. He wanted to stop the stranger passing by and tell him about Belinda’s blue eyes. He wanted to climb to the rooftop at Stanzas and holler his feelings to the masses. In short, he wanted to make his feelings known, regardless of the cost. For only in making them known would he be completely honest...with himself and with Belinda.
The things he’d just said to Peter now stared him in the face. He was in love with Belinda, and there would be no turning back. Every step would be calculated and carefully prayed through. Surely the Lord had his future planned out. I know I can trust You, Lord.
As he drew near the school, Georg caught sight of Myles Lott on the front steps with an armload of books. He called out to him. “Myles? Need some help with those?”
Myles looked up. “Actually, yes. I saw you coming and decided to bring them out to you.”
Georg laughed. “My learning days are over, Myles. At least, classroom learning.”
“Oh, the books aren’t for you.” The schoolmaster smiled. “I’ve been putting together the books and lessons Adeline’s younger sister will need when she arrives. I thought it might be wise to go ahead and get these to Adeline now so that she can tutor Catherine as soon as she gets here. The earlier, the better; otherwise, the child will lag behind the other students. She will feel out of place.”
“Ah, I see.” Georg stopped cold. “Well, about Catherine...”
“Yes?”
Georg sighed. “Myles, I’m not altogether sure she will be coming after all. In fact, if I had to guess, I would say it’s not going to happen.”
“Really?” To his credit, Myles didn’t ask any questions. However, Georg could see the curiosity etched in his brow.
“Yes. I, um...well, I have not yet declared my intentions to Adeline,” Georg said. “And, in fact—”
“Oh, I spoke with Adeline just this morning,” Myles said with a perplexed look on his face. “So don’t fret over that. She has told me that Catherine is to arrive Friday on the train, just in time for the camp meeting this weekend. She knew you would be thrilled to meet her. She will start class the following Monday.”
“W–what?”
“Apparently she’s been quite lonely for her sister. I don’t blame her. I’m sure it’s difficult to be apart. So Adeline sent for Catherine and the governess. They will arrive on Friday, as I said. At that point, the governess will stay a few days to freshen up before returning to Boston.”
“And Adeline?”
“Well, I assume she will stay on with her sister and...well, marry. Isn’t that the idea?”
When Georg responded with a sigh, Myles placed the stack of books on the railing and turned to face him. “I sense a problem, Georg.”
“Yes, a large one.” Georg shook his head, unsure of what to say next. “To be quite honest, I have decided not to...” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Oh dear. I can’t do it, Myles. I can’t marry her. It would be deceptive. I’m not in love with her.”
“Georg, I’m sorry.” Myles paled. “I feel as if I’m somewhat to blame. I told Adeline that Catherine would fall behind if we didn’t get her into the classroom in short order. It’s so difficult for a child to get caught up when they miss the first month or two of school. But I never dreamed this would happen.”
“It’s fine.” Georg reached over and took the books, his heart heavy. “Sooner or later I’m going to have to tell her. I—I can’t marry her, Myles. It would be wrong.”
“Well, let’s do this...” Myles took the books from him, offering up a sympathetic look. “You just go on home and pray about how you’re going to do that. I will take the books and talk with her as if everything were moving forward as planned. The Lord will show you what to do. You’re a good man, Georg, and you will do the right thing.”
“Yes. Though I’ve often wondered why the right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do.” Georg sighed. “But go ahead. Take the books to Adeline. I plan to talk with her this weekend, anyway. And it sounds like Catherine is already on her way, so nothing I could say at this time would change that.”
“True.” Myles pursed his lips and released a sigh. “If I’ve learned anything over the past few weeks, it is this: life is filled with hard choices. And some of them can have disastrous results. To marry the wrong person...” He shook his head. “To do so would be a crime against the heart.”
Georg nodded. So Myles had recovered from his near miss with Marta Schuller. Perhaps he wasn’t as embittered as folks thought. In fact, he looked downright peaceful about the whole thing.
Then again, people who followed the leading of the Spirit usually had peaceful looks on their faces, didn’t they? Georg smiled, realizing just how true that was. No matter how difficult, he would follow the leading of the Lord. He would tell Adeline the truth. Somehow...someway...God would honor it. And peace would surely follow.
Chapter Twenty-two
The following Saturday, people came from all over Kaufman County for the annual camp meeting. Folks arrived in wagons, in buggies, and even on horseback to set up camp for the big event.
This was always Belinda’s favorite time of year, one she looked forward to. It was so nice to see folks from the various churches—Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, and so on—come together, laying all differences aside. Women, men, and children converged upon Poetry, ready to meet the Lord in a new and different way. He never failed to disappoint! Year after year, as believers met together, the Spirit of the Lord fell on the group. Tears. Repentance. Joy. Followers could find a little of everything at the camp meeting, and all of it straight from heaven. Truly, Belinda found these meetings to be among the most invigorating of her life, and she wouldn’t trade them for anything.
On Saturday evening, the festivities got underway on the grounds with singing and lots of food. Samuel Bromstead pulled out his fiddle and played a toe-tapping version of “When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder,” one of Belinda’s favorite hymns. Ella sang out in a voice so pure, Belinda felt closer to heaven than ever. After that, several sang in groups, entertaining the crowd until the sun went down. Belinda sat with her family, of course, paying particular attention to Corabelle, who seemed a bit off-kilter this evening.
“Are you not well, Corabelle?” she asked, growing concerned when her sister-in-law refused to eat.
“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just...” She shook her head then focused on the singer.
Belinda turned to James. “I’m worried about her, James. She hasn’t been herself lately.”
“Well, perhaps she’s overworking herself at the hat shop, then,” Belinda’s mother said. “I’ve been concerned that it might be too taxing to care for both a business and a home. I have given my thoughts on this from the beginning, and I won’t mention it again after tonight. But I have to wonder if a woman was meant to do so many things at once. Caring for a husband and children was always plenty
time-consuming for me.”
“Ah. Perhaps you are right.” James nodded and gazed tenderly at his wife. “We have given some thought to asking Sarah Jo if she would help out at the shop, provided that she’s willing. Corabelle will need to trim back her hours.” The corners of his lips curled up, and eventually his whole face lit into a smile.
“Why?” Belinda asked, a hint of suspicion now creeping in. “What is at the root of all this?”
“Oh, well...” Corabelle grinned.
“I’m going to be a father,” James said with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Are you sure?” Mama clapped her hands together and let out a squeal.
Corabelle nodded, her cheeks now duly flushed. “Very sure. Went to see Doc Klein yesterday. I was feeling a little under the weather and suspected...well, anyway, my suspicions were true.” She giggled. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Belinda’s heart practically sang at the news. “Oh, Corabelle, this is wonderful! I’m going to be an auntie!”
“And I’m going to be a grandmother!” Her mother looked thrilled at the prospect. She leaned Belinda’s direction and whispered, “Do I look old enough to be a grandmother?”
“No. Not even close,” Belinda whispered in response. In fact, her mother looked finer than most in their late forties.
“Oh, we have to get busy, Belinda. We need to help Corabelle set up the nursery. There are booties to knit, samplers to embroider, little dresses to smock.” On and on her mother went, talking about the various things the baby would need.
Corabelle beamed and Belinda watched her, mesmerized. So, they were going to have a child. What would that be like, to discover you were going to have a baby with the person you loved? To nurture and care for that little one together, raising him—or her—to love the Lord and to love their neighbors as well?
Her heart twisted at the very idea. She looked at Corabelle with new eyes, seeing her for the first time not just as a beautiful young woman, not just as James’s wife, but as a mother.
“You are going to need help at the shop,” she said, coming to life. “I wonder if I could cut back on my hours at Poetic Notions so that I could be available to you part-time.”
“I doubt Hilde could manage without you these days,” Mama said. “Now that the town has grown like wildfire, the mercantile is filled to overflowing most of the time, is it not?”
“Yes.” Belinda chewed on that idea. “Asking Sarah Jo is the perfect solution. She’s particularly thrilled with the hat shop, so she will likely be tickled with the proposition.” She did have to wonder, though, if Sarah Jo would sweep in and take over the place.
Mama rose with a smile on her face. “I’m going to visit with a few friends. Corabelle, do you mind if I share the news, or would you like to do that yourself?”
“Oh, I don’t mind a bit.” Corabelle offered up a shy smile. “You’re going to be a grandma! This is a big moment for you.”
“I am! I’m going to be a grandma!” Hannah Bauer scurried through the crowd, stopping to tell folks.
Belinda sat with Corabelle, still thinking about Sonnets and Bonnets. Soon another thought came to mind. “Oh, I know how you can rectify the situation with your store! Cassie Bly! She wants to open a sewing shop, where she will make dresses for the ladies. Why not combine forces? Let her take the empty spot next to Sonnets and Bonnets and open a wall between the two. That way you could have two stores in one. Dresses and hats go hand in hand, after all.”
“Wonderful idea!” Corabelle said, looking pleased at the suggestion. “I’m surprised I didn’t think of it myself. That is the perfect solution.” She paused for a moment and then said, “Of course, I would still need someone to help with my side of the store. Asking Cassie to handle both would be too much in the end. I’ve given some thought to asking that lovely young woman, Adeline, to help me.”
“W–why?” Belinda looked at her, stunned. “I can assure you, she will not be interested.”
“Oh?” Corabelle gave her a curious look. “How do you know?”
“She told me all about her plans, and they do not include running a shop. She is quite old-fashioned in that respect.” Belinda peered through the crowd until she saw Georg and Adeline seated with his family. “I do not think she will ever merge love and shop-keeping.” In that moment, Belinda saw someone unfamiliar sitting next to Adeline. A girl, probably eleven or twelve. A pretty little thing. Who is that? She squinted to get a better look. I don’t recognize her. “Hmm. That must be Adeline’s sister over there.”
“Oh, yes, it is.” Corabelle nodded, a smile now lighting her face. “Have you not met her? Her name is Catherine.”
“No. When did she arrive?”
“Just yesterday,” Corabelle explained. “Georg and Adeline fetched her from the train depot yesterday afternoon. She will start school on Monday, I hear.”
In that moment, Belinda’s heart sank to her toes. “So, it’s true. Adeline is staying.”
“Well, of course.” A look of concern came over Corabelle at once. “Does this trouble you?”
Belinda pushed aside the tears that threatened to rise and turned her head. Oh, if only she could speak the truth. If only she could tell Corabelle all of the reasons why she’d secretly hoped Adeline and Georg would sever their relationship.
She happened to glance across the campgrounds and caught a glimpse of Georg passing a cup of cider to Adeline. The beautiful young woman looked up at him with such tenderness that Belinda at once felt overcome, both with jealousy and guilt.
Lord, forgive me. I can’t let my mind wander like that.
“Oh, Belinda...,” Corabelle whispered, drawing near. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Belinda shook her head and shushed her sister-in-law at once. No point in alarming James or the others. Her secret would be safe with Corabelle, surely. She strained to see through the crowd, to see Georg’s face. She had to know what he was thinking about Adeline’s sister coming to Poetry. Did the idea of settling in with a ready-made family excite him? Had he forgotten all about his friendship with Belinda? Moved on to greener pastures?
Obviously he had made his intentions known to Adeline; otherwise her little sister would not be here. With those intentions clearly stated, Belinda could not now—nor ever—bother with wondering what he might be thinking or feeling. It simply wasn’t her business. And yet... Lord, I’m going to need Your help with this. I don’t know if I can get past this without it. In fact, I know I can’t.
At this point, several fiddlers stood and made their way to the front, where they began to play another rousing hymn. Everyone rose to their feet, clapping their hands and singing along.
Belinda looked out across the crowd, determined to remember why she’d come—not to fret over Georg, but to focus on the Lord. To get His perspective on the details of her life. To hear whatever messages He might speak to her this fine weekend. How could she do that if her thoughts were otherwise engaged?
She drew in a deep breath, intent on listening only to the voice of the Lord, not her overactive imagination. Surely this latest bout with envy was unwarranted. It was just a sudden reaction to the idea—however skewed—that Georg was intended for her. This silliness had lasted long enough. If she wanted to maintain her status as a skilled matchmaker, it was important to see Georg and Adeline succeed as a couple. And surely if the Lord had any matrimonial plans for Belinda, He would reveal them in His own time and in His own way.
Somehow, this revelation lifted a load from her shoulders. She offered up a silent prayer, asking the Lord to forgive her for going so far out of her way to discourage Adeline during those first few days—complaining about the heat, mentioning the insane asylum, and, oh, so much more. These things all seemed so foolish now, but what could she do about it, short of asking the Lord to forgive her?
As the lively music drew to a close, one of the singers from Terrell stood and began to sing one of the great hymns by Fanny Crosby, a melody quite familiar to Bel
inda. Still, she could not help but draw parallels as the mighty chorus of believers began to sing together:
Jesus, keep me near the cross;
there a precious fountain,
free to all, a healing stream,
flows from Calvary’s mountain.
Belinda closed her eyes and listened to each word, thinking about how far she’d wandered from the Lord’s leading of late. How she’d gotten ahead of Him on so many occasions during the past few months. Still, He somehow, mercifully, made all things right again, turning her blunders into something beautiful. Weren’t Corabelle and James a fine example? And what about the Reverend and Marta Schuller? Weren’t Prissy and Charlie Grundy a delightful couple? And who could argue the fact that Bucky and Katie Sue were blissfully in love? Yes, the Lord had certainly taken her messes and straightened them out just fine.
With her heart and mind renewed, Belinda now sang the chorus with great abandon.
In the cross, in the cross,
be my glory ever;
till my raptured soul shall find
rest beyond the river.
That last line, of course, made her think of the hours she’d spent at the edge of the creek, pouring her heart out to the Lord. He alone saw her deepest cries. And He alone knew her recent struggles. How she’d wrestled with her feelings for Georg. How she’d struggled to get past feelings of envy toward Adeline.
Belinda closed her eyes and listened as the next verse was sung.
Near the cross, a trembling soul,
love and mercy found me;
there the bright and morning star
sheds its beams around me.
She whispered a prayer, thanking the Lord for His mercy in her life. Again, her voice rang out, this time louder than before.
Near the cross! O Lamb of God,
bring its scenes before me;
help me walk from day to day
with its shadow o’er me.
The final verse was sung quietly, prayerfully. Belinda kept her eyes closed, still reflecting on the words.
Near the cross I’ll watch and wait,