“I love you,” he blurts.
I suck in a sharp breath before crossing my arms over my chest and stepping away from him. His brows draw down into two angry slashes and he tilts his head. He obviously realized what he just said. For just a moment I let myself hope that he meant it. I let myself believe that he really does love me. I let myself be the fool I’ve been telling myself I would not be. I remind myself, just as I’ve been doing daily, that I don’t need his love and he’s not a good man. Soon enough, I’ll have a little person more than willing to love me and no one will ever take him or her away from me. The thought of Kaelen sends an arrow straight through my heart, but I push it to the back of my mind.
“You gained . . .”
His words trail off and his eyes go wide as he staggers back a few steps.
“Tell me that’s my child you’re carrying,” Nico demands.
I blink slowly. Say what now? I follow his line of sight and realize that in pulling away from him, I showed him exactly what I didn’t want him to know. My crossed arms have pulled my sweater tight against my stomach and my pregnant state is no longer hidden. Well shit.
“Tell me, little mouse. I need to hear the words.”
He never asks for anything, always demands. I know he isn’t asking to see if the baby is his or not. He’s completely confident that it is. He just wants me to say the words. I nod my head.
“Words, beautiful.”
“I’m pregnant. It’s your child I’m carrying.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
It’s not a question, but I shake my head anyway. I would have been hard pressed to tell him today, but I would have stood my ground. I didn’t want him to know.
“You don’t trust me anymore.”
He’s good. I give him a nod this time. He turns his back to the case and before I get a chance to dissolve into tears at his rejection, he looks over his shoulder and speaks.
“How far?”
“Fourteen weeks.”
“Will you sit with me?”
He lowers himself to the floor. Slowly as though standing is just no longer a viable option for him. I beg my feet not to move, but they don’t listen. Instead, they glide straight to him. Jesus, I’m willingly going to a child murderer. What is wrong with me? I make my way around the cases and when I’m close enough he takes my hand and helps me to the floor. We sit leg to leg and hand in hand as he tells me exactly what happened the night his two-month-old daughter died.
“She’d been sick. Running a fever. Janae took her to the doctor the week prior for a checkup and they’d said Tylenol and Motrin for any fevers, bring her in if it got higher than 102. She was so tiny and so hot. I didn’t think we should wait, but I wasn’t there when Janae took her the first time, so I waited. I stayed up with her, holding her as her little body finally started to cool down. It took forever, but the medicine had finally kicked in. I thought she was just sleeping at first. I had her on my chest and she wasn’t really moving anymore. I remember sneezing and thinking that should have woken her up because normally it’d scare her out of her sleep. She didn’t move though. She didn’t move though. She was just . . . limp.”
His grip on my hand tightens and he looks toward the storefront window.
“Janae had gone to bed, so I woke her up. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew we needed to get to the hospital. By the time we got there, Shayla barely had a pulse. Turns out, Janae had been giving her the wrong dosage. Too much.”
A single tear rolls down his cheek. If he notices it, he gives no indication. He just keeps speaking.
“Instead of giving her ¼ of a teaspoon each dose, she was giving her ½ of a teaspoon each time. There was a point where the doctor told us we never should have given her any medicine at all. It’s not recommended for babies that young. You’re supposed to bring them to the doctor. She’d been giving her Tylenol every four hours since six that morning, six doses by the time we brought her in. She’d accidentally given her an overdose.”
He takes a deep breath, wipes his face then looks at me.
“Janae hasn’t been the same since. She had a hysterectomy without telling me, but she let us keep trying for a baby. She started having mood swings; fell back and forth between depression and happiness. She wouldn’t get out of bed one day, wouldn’t even respond. I took her to the hospital and that’s when they told me. When I found out, I still felt responsible for everything. If I’d gone to the doctor with her, I’d have known. I could have prevented it. I could have kept her from feeling like she had no other choice than doing what she did.”
I shake my head, but he ignores me.
“Instead, I was at the gym. I was still clinging to demons left by my dad. Wanting to follow in his footsteps and doing whatever I could to make him see I was capable. Janae and Shayla suffered from it. I felt like I owed her. Like I was obligated to make up for lost time. The loss of our child. I promised her that I wouldn’t leave her. I told her we could get married. She was happy then. Excited by it all. She planned the wedding, but after a while I knew she was slipping again. I knew something was wrong, but she wouldn’t talk to me. She kept saying she was fine. She wasn’t though. I waited two hours at the church before I accepted she wasn’t coming. It was nearly a year before I heard from her again.”
He pauses and looks at me.
“She sent me a text the night you first showed up at the gym. I never encouraged her. I never reached out to her. I did my best to ignore her without setting her off. From the moment I saw you and my dick finally started working, I knew I was a goner. I knew she didn’t stand a chance.”
“Your dick stopped working?” I know this is not what I should be focusing on, but good Lord! For all of that to just . . . not work? That’s just sacrilegious.
He shakes his head and chuckles. “Another time.” He takes my face into his hands and pulls it closer to his. “I just need you to know how sorry I am that I let you down, disappointed you. I should have answered your questions when you asked. I should have reassured you. I shouldn’t have been worried about who told you anything. I think I already knew before she even confessed. I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this alone because I was such a jackass,” he says and drops his hand to my stomach.
“She lied,” I murmur. I’m daring to hope. I want this so bad. All of this was based on a lie that I could have easily cleared up had I just not ran.
“She lied,” he confirms.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?”
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. He knows exactly what I’m referring to and the smirk he’s wearing tells me he knows I want to hear him say it again. “I need you back home, little mouse.”
“On one condition.”
“I love you. I’ll say it as many times as you want me to if that’s what it’ll take. I want you. I want us. I want everything. With you. Only you.”
“That’s good to know, but it’s not what I was going to say.”
“Then tell me. I’ll do whatever you want me to.”
“Upgrade to a double stove for your kitchen.”
His eyes bulge and he stares at me as though I’ve grown another tit.
“A double oven? Like one stove with two ovens? They actually make shit like that?”
So what if he’s kitchen appliances impaired. We’ll let him handle the fighting while I handle the cooking. He’s mine and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. “I love you, too, Nico.” I pull his face down to mine and give him a kiss that conveys every single emotion I feel right now. Hope. Love. Happiness.
“YOU NEED TO leave. Now. Before you’re spotted by someone you don’t want to see.”
I hear Petra speaking before I make it to the reception area. She’s usually not so loud, but whoever she’s kicking out must’ve pissed her off. Thinking back to some of her previous encounters makes me laugh, but as I round the corner and see who she’s speaking to all sense of humor vanishes. Con
nor. When he spots me he gives me his full attention and a broad smile breaks out across his face. It’s been years since I’ve seen him smile like that and have it directed at me. Instinct has me wanting to shrink away from him, run as far away as I can, but I also don’t want to turn my back to him.
“Hello, Lee. Ya look as lovely as ever,” he says.
He takes a step toward me and just like old time, I brace. Fucking brace. So much progress and I’m instantly reduced to this again. His fingertips glance across my check and then Petra is there.
“Keep your shitty hands away from her,” she scolds as she slaps his hand away.
He continues to smile, not even sparing her a glance. I fist my hands in my sweatshirt and drop my eyes to his chest.
“I think it’s time we spoke, Lee. This conversation is long past due.”
I still hate that nickname. I want to tell him no, but I have no voice. I can’t even shake my head to offer a denial.
“I figured this would be much harder. I thought I’d have to negotiate more, but I see none of your guards are in attendance.”
I grip my sweatshirt tighter, but quickly loosen it. There’s no telling how he’d react to my pregnancy. I peek up at him and see that he’s looking around the area of the gym that he can see. I look away before his eyes come back to me.
“I have something you want.”
I doubt that very seriously, but I don’t tell him that.
“Kaelen has been crying nonstop. Constantly asking for his mommy. It truly breaks my heart to have to tell him she doesn’t want him anymore.”
My eyes find his as those words leave his mouth. Evil. Pure and unsullied, the look in his eyes is able to get my muscles working. I take a step away and stare at him, unable to comprehend his reasoning. What could I have possibly done to deserve this much animosity?
“Maybe if you stopped chasing after other men and came home to your husband and child, Kaelen wouldn’t have to keep asking for you. Then again, I’m tired of hearing his whining. No telling what I’ll do to him once I reach my breaking point.”
“You’re not her husband, dipshit,” Petra says.
He smiles again, then backs away, never taking his eyes away from me. “What . . . what does that mean, Connor?”
“Sixty seconds, Lee.”
I watch as he exits the building and climbs into a car illegally parked in front of the gym. The window slides down and he taps his watch as he watches and waits. He wouldn’t hurt Kael, would he? He’s just saying that to get me worked up, right? He probably doesn’t even have him. Malia wouldn’t let him have Kael again, right? Wrong. She would. She would give him anything he asked. I think back to that day on the stairs. He would definitely hurt Kael. The fact that he’s here, willing to face Nico on his turf and declaring himself as my husband when everyone knows he’s not, lets me know just how much more unhinged he’s become. I tear my eyes away from him and look to Petra.
“Fuck, no, Bay. Take a step towards that lunatic and I’ll scream for Nico,” she says as she grabs my shoulders.
He won’t hear her. He went to the showers just before I headed to her. She starts to speak again, but then her eyes trail to something behind me.
“Jax! Hurry!”
I don’t look back to see how close he is. I know that even without knowing what’s going on, he’s already moving. I grab her face and make her look at me.
“I’m sorry. You know I have to. Tell Nico my GPS is still on.”
As a joke, I think, Nico made sure the GPS locator on my phone was up and running. He said it’d make it a lot easier to find me the next time I disappeared on him. I bet this isn’t quite what he had in mind.
I SHOULDN’T BE doing this. I know it was irrational to leave with Connor and I should have just called the cops, I didn’t know where he held Kaelen. I would rather face Connor’s wrath and try to save Kaelen than let him be hurt. Connor said nothing for the entire 45-minute ride. I fully expect to see Malia when I step inside the house, but she’s not here. There’s barely anything here: a table with one chair, a television sitting on the floor in a corner, and a pile of suitcases.
“We won’t be here long. I just need to make sure our plane is good,” Connor says.
I blink at him. Plane? “Are you . . .where are you going?” I knew he was out on bail and I knew he would try to flee the country, but I thought the DA would have enough sense to make him surrender his passport.
“We, Lee. We’re going. You didn’t think I’d leave you behind did you? You didn’t really expect me to let another man have my wife, right?”
I shake my head, wanting to tell him I’m not his wife, but he takes it as an answer to his questions.
“Good. We’re leaving for Scotland soon. You can take him if you want. Or leave him. His crazy ass mom will come for him soon enough,” he says, gesturing his hand toward the bed in the middle of what I think is the family room.
I follow the motion, expecting to see Kael, but there’s no one. I guess I should have given Malia more credit. Connor is obviously the crazy ass. And me. Especially me. More of a dumb ass though. He threatened Kael and I came running. Like an idiot. And now he’s going to make me go with him to Scotland and I’ll never see Kael or Nico again. I cover my face. There’s no stopping my tears and I really don’t want him to see me cry.
“What are ya doing, lass? Isn’t this what you wanted?” he asks sounding genuinely baffled.
“I wanted my child. I wanted you to leave me alone. I wanted you to realize we’re not married. I’m not your wife. I’m not going anywhere with you. You lied to get me here. I should have known better.”
“I didna lie ta ya, Lee. Open yur fucking eyes. The lad is there and yur my wife. Ye always will be.”
He snatches my hands away from my face and there, peeking out from beneath the bed, are the most beautiful little eyes I’ve ever seen. My munchkin. I’m so distracted by the sight of him, I don’t realize how close Connor has gotten.
“Ya gained weight, Lee. I didna think I’d like it on ya, but it looks good.”
One of his hands circles my breast and I jerk away. He jerks me back to him, arms slipping around my waist and crushing my body against his. He lowers his head, intent on kissing me, but stops short. We stare in silence for a beat before he steps away and looks down at my stomach.
“You wouldna,” he whispers in disbelief while shaking his head. “No. You wouldna.”
He looks helpless. Lost. I actually feel a stab of pity for him.
“You wouldna do that,” he says, head still shaking in denial.
I say nothing, but motion for Kael, who’s begun to climb from beneath the bed, to go back. He pauses, then shimmies back to his spot.
“You wouldna,” Connor roars just before he lashes out.
His fist connects with the side of my head and Kaelen cries out as I stagger into the wall beside me.
“How could ya do this ta us?” he yells.
I feel his hands grabbing at me and once they find purchase, he tosses me through the air. I land in a heap next to the suitcases. Hearing the thump of his boots as he moves closer to me gives me the adrenaline spike I need to make myself get up, but it’s not fast enough. Just as I pull myself up to my hands and knees, I see his booted foot headed toward my midsection. Past instincts battle it out with newfound ones. Brace. Block. At the though of him harming my child, I know bracing isn’t an option. Throwing myself to my side I’m able to take the hit in my ribs instead of my stomach. He goes right back in for more, all the while screaming about me betraying him. The second kick is swift and agonizing, but on the third, I catch his foot. He pauses, briefly stunned by the fact that I dared to fend him off. By the time I think to try to move away, he’s decided that stomping is a better idea. He jerks his foot away from me and I roll into the fetal position as he brings it down. It lands on my shoulder. My head. My elbow. My hip.
Kael cries out again and I hear his little footsteps as they race across the floor.
I’m consumed by dread and when I look up, it intensifies.
“Leave my mommy alone! Don’t hurt her!”
His little body wraps around Connor’s leg and his face turns red with the strain he uses to try to keep Connor from kicking me again. Connor grabs a handful of his hair and lifts him. Kael’s arms and legs flail wildly as he tries to free himself.
“She’s not ya mathair. She’s a lousy, worthless cunt,” Connor yells.
I roll to my side, determined to get to my feet and get him away from Kael, but my left arm protests the movement. I cry out and Connor’s attention trains on me. I watch, heart bleeding, as he tosses Kaelen aside. He whimpers as his little body smacks into the wall then crumples into a head on the floor. He sits up dazed and confused, crying and not knowing what to do as he looks around, searching for help that I’m not sure I can give. Connor grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me up before slapping the side of my head and calling me a stupid worthless cunt again. I try to duck my head and pull away from him, but he doesn’t let go. I don’t dare try to block his hits. My arms stay cradled around my stomach because I know sooner or later he’ll try to hit me there. With my eyes squeezed shut I don’t see the hit coming, but I definitely feel it. His fist slams into my nose and without thought I bring my hand up. The wind escapes me in a tortured oomph when that same fist slams into my chest. A door opens and for a moment I think I’m safe, but then I hear the accents.
“I will not kill ya bairn, lass. Only you,” he declares.
“Mac-peathar! Wha’ have ya done, lad?”
Mac-peathar. Nephew. His uncles are here. That would explain his plane idea. They’re financing this private trip. When he releases me and turns to address them, I stumble my way to where Kael still sits crying. Every move I make hurts. Fire bright agony burns through me, but I cradle my stomach with one hand and pull him to me with the other. He clings to me and I listen as Connor tells his uncles why I deserve to be treated this way. They remind him of what they suspect his dad did to his mother, their sister, and the disappointment is evident in their voices. It changes nothing though. They will do whatever he wants them to because he and Rory are the only connection left of their sister.
Heart of a Savage Page 18