by Diana Palmer
And J.C., who seemed so self-contained and controlled, was quickly running out of self-control. She felt his breathing go quick, his heartbeat rough in the silence that was broken by the murmur of voices on the television and the heightened breathing that accompanied growing passion between the two people on the sofa.
He turned her under him, his mouth going suddenly to cover one soft, pert little breast.
He was shocked when she caught his head in her hands and pushed it away. Her eyes were wide and full of fear.
“What is it?” he asked, looking down to appreciate the soft pink flesh with its hard mauve peaks.
“S-sorry, it just sort of surprised me,” she whispered.
“I won’t bite you,” he teased huskily. “I only want to draw you into my mouth and taste you,” he added as he bent again. “God, this is sweet!”
She stopped protesting. She hadn’t known quite what to expect, but this was far different from her expectations of intimacy. His mouth was warm and slow and hungry. He suckled her and she came off the sofa, desire washing over her in a hot tide of oblivion.
“Oh...gosh!” she bit off, arching up and shuddering.
“Baby,” he whispered unsteadily as he eased down over her. “Baby, I want you so much! Feel me...!”
He was between her jean-clad legs, and all she could manage was a faint hesitation. She wanted him. Her body burned. She ached all over.
There was just an instant when she could have drawn away, stopped him. But his fingers unfastened the zipper down the front of her jeans and slid inside, under her cotton briefs, to a place no man had ever touched.
She shuddered as he teased her body, incited her to recklessness. In her passion, she bit him on the shoulder, hard, as the need exploded in her like fireworks.
“Oh, God...!”
He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He kissed all the way down her body, carrying her clothing away bit by bit, piece by piece, until she was totally nude. She didn’t care. The air felt good on her body. She was so hot. So hungry. She needed...more.
He managed to undress himself in between intimate touches. She’d been reluctant until tonight. He wasn’t going to give her a chance to refuse him. He’d die if he had to let her go. His body was throbbing with its anguished need. It had been a long time since he’d had a woman. He’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted Colie right now.
It was a miracle that he was able to fumble something to use out of the bedside table. He didn’t usually keep the necessary item there. He got it in place between kisses that grew hotter and deeper by the second.
He felt her hesitate, but he imagined he was going too fast. He tried to slow down, to his credit. He kissed the inside of her thighs, feeling her arch and cry out at the intensity of erotic ardor he was showing her.
He touched her intimately, feeling her response. She was ready for him. Odd, how tight she felt. But he was too far gone to worry about that. He knew he was rushing her. But it would be all right.
He went into her quickly, containing her faint cry of shock, one big hand under her hips, lifting her to the thrust of his body.
“Oh, baby, it’s so sweet,” he ground out against her mouth. “Never this sweet, never with anyone!”
She heard the words, but through layers of pain. Was it supposed to hurt this much? She’d read books, but they weren’t explicit enough. She tried not to fight him. Surely it would stop hurting. She did want him. It was her first time. Did he know?
She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid. She knew he expected her to be experienced. He’d said as much in one of their earlier conversations. He’d be livid if he knew the truth. He’d probably throw her right out of his life.
So she took a deep breath and let him have her. He cried out with the pleasure. She was happy that her body was giving him so much joy, she only wished she could share it. But she felt torn and uncomfortable.
At least it didn’t take a long time, she wasn’t sure she could have managed not to start crying.
He drew away from her and fell onto his back, letting out a rough, shuddering sigh. “I thought I was going to die, it was so good,” he whispered roughly. He dragged her against him, wrapped her up in his arms. He kissed her eyelids, closing them. “Thank you,” he added huskily. “I know you weren’t ready for me. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s all right,” she said, hiding her discomfort. It was heaven to have him hold her like this, to be tender with her. It was like a narcotic. She closed her eyes and curled closer. “I love being with you like this,” she whispered huskily.
His arm contracted around her. He didn’t say it, but he felt it. There was a connection between them that he’d never experienced. His women were sophisticated. They demanded, instructed. This one loved anything he did to her. It made him feel a foot taller.
But it worried him that he’d lost control with her. She needed more time, and now he was wasted. She probably realized that. Some men could go all night, but he couldn’t.
“Next time,” he whispered, “we’ll go slow. I promise.”
Her heart jumped. So he wasn’t disappointed with her lack of response. She felt relief and guilt, and disappointment, all at once. Guilty, because good girls didn’t do what she’d just done. Relief that he still wanted her. Disappointment because there wasn’t any pleasure, beyond foreplay. Was that what sex was really like? A buildup to a big letdown? She was far too shy to talk to him about it. And there was nobody else she could talk to. Maybe there were books...
“You’re very quiet,” he remarked, kissing the top of her head.
“I’m happy,” she said softly.
So was he. In fact, he’d never felt more at peace. He rolled over and brushed his mouth over her face, her eyelids, her nose, her soft, swollen mouth.
“I should take you home,” he whispered. “You can have the bathroom first.”
“Thanks.”
She was grateful that the room was dark. Apparently he wasn’t one of those people who liked the lights on. She wasn’t, either. It was embarrassing now that the hot passion was gone, to be nude with him.
She dashed into the bathroom and closed the door. There was blood. Not a lot, but enough that she knew why it had been uncomfortable. Wasn’t there a barrier to be gotten through the first time? That was probably why it had hurt. Maybe next time it wouldn’t.
She cleaned herself up and dressed. When she got back in the bedroom, he was dressed. The lights were on. He looked uncomfortable.
“I’ll drive you home before I shower,” he said. He hesitated, took her by both shoulders and grimaced. “You should have told me, Colie.”
Her heart raced. So he did know that she was innocent...!
“If I’d known your period was starting, I would have waited,” he added. “I’m sorry.”
She felt relief and something else, something worrying. Maybe he didn’t care about being the first. It would be better not to tell him. Not now.
She forced a smile. “I’ll tell you next time,” she promised.
He bent and kissed her tenderly. “Sweet girl,” he whispered. “I’ve never enjoyed anything as much as tonight.”
“Me, too,” she lied, pressing close. Well, she had enjoyed the tenderness. It was just the other part that was uncomfortable. Maybe she could get used to it.
“Let’s go.”
* * *
HE HELPED HER down from the SUV and stood with her for a minute before he spoke.
“There’s a new cartoon movie playing downtown,” he remarked. “Since we’re going to be best friends for a few days, we might as well pig out on the cinema,” he added with a grin.
She laughed. “I’d like that very much.”
“Me, too. I’ll call you.” He dropped a light kiss on her lips and
went back to the SUV. He left without a wave or a backward look. Same as always.
Colie hesitated before she opened the door. She hoped that what she’d done didn’t show. She felt such guilt. Her father would be disappointed in her. It would prove what he’d already said, that J.C. was corrupting her.
On the other hand, she could keep it from showing. And J.C.’s assumption gave her a defense.
She went inside, bending over slightly and groaning as she hung her purse beside the door.
“Colie?” her father asked gently, approaching from the kitchen with a cup of black coffee. “Are you all right?”
She grimaced. “Cramps,” she said huskily. “I need to lie down.”
“You poor kid,” he sympathized. “Got something to take for it?”
She nodded. “My usual over-the-counter stuff. It works. But I’m going to bed.”
“How was the meal?”
She didn’t turn. She laughed. “He can cook,” she said. “He took me home for venison stew. It was wonderful. He said his grandmother taught him to make it.”
“Venison stew,” her father sighed. “I remember the taste of it myself.”
“Good night, Daddy.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
She made it to her room without him noticing that her life had taken a new route. She got clean pajamas and underwear out of her drawer and went straight to the shower. She could still smell J.C.’s cologne on her. At least she’d managed to keep her distance so that her father wouldn’t notice. But, then, he’d just assume that she’d kissed her boyfriend, not that she’d been intimate with him.
It was the first of many white lies she was going to have to invent if she kept seeing J.C., and she couldn’t stop. She was more in love than ever. Whatever happened, she couldn’t give him up. Not even if her conscience flayed her nightly.
CHAPTER SIX
COLIE FELT DIFFERENT, more mature, more in step with the world. Now, when she watched movies on television or entertainment news and she heard about couples living together, it didn’t shock her. In fact, she envied them. She wanted to be near J.C. all the time.
Since they’d been intimate, it was almost an obsession, to be with him. Even if she just heard him on the phone and he said only one or two words. Apparently he felt the same way, because he met her for lunch just about every day and they went to movies all the time.
Then, a week after they’d been intimate, J.C. grew insistent when he took her home with him for steak and potatoes, the only other dish he could cook well.
Colie was nervous about it, because it had been so uncomfortable the first time. But she knew that if she started drawing back, J.C. would leave. She was certain of it. He liked her, of course, but more than that, he was hungry for a woman. She didn’t have any illusions that he wouldn’t stray if she refused him.
So she didn’t refuse him.
As he’d promised, he took longer with her. But her body, still recovering from the shock and pain of the first time, was uncooperative. She loved the foreplay. He was very skilled, and she enjoyed the feel of his mouth on her bare skin, the touch of his hands intimate on her. She gave every indication that she was enjoying it as much as he was.
That was, until he penetrated her. She ground her teeth together and tried to relax, but it was almost as uncomfortable as it had been the first time.
J.C. didn’t notice. He was starving for her. It had been a week of agony, while he tried to occupy his mind and keep it off the delicious hour he’d spent in bed with Colie. Now, here she was, soft and warm and eager, and he went over the edge almost at once. He tried to slow down. He couldn’t. It had been a long time between women. His body was totally out of control.
He shuddered and cried out, the pleasure biting into him so hard that he thought he might pass out. She was still tight. He wondered why. She didn’t respond, or demand, as his other women had. She did whatever he wanted her to do. But he felt guilty, because he knew she wasn’t feeling the same pleasure he felt when he took her.
He lay beside her, calming slowly, his big hand tender in her hair as he held her beside him.
She didn’t like sex. She was certain of it now. But she loved J.C. Being close to him like this, having him be tender with her, was so wonderful that she accepted whatever he wanted to do to her, for the closeness.
An old adage came to her as she lay against him. Men gave love to get sex, and women gave sex to get love. It had never seemed as appropriate as it did right now.
“I hate being away from you,” he said out of the blue. “Even at night. Especially at night. I want you here, all the time.”
She caught her breath. “You do?”
His arm contracted in the soft darkness of the room. “Don’t you want to be with me all the time?” he asked.
“Of course I do.”
He drew in a long breath. “Your father isn’t going to like it,” he said curtly.
“It’s my life,” she began.
“Yes, it is. But choices have consequences.” He hesitated. “Colie, I’m not proposing marriage. You understand that, don’t you? I’m asking you to live with me. That’s all. And I’m not promising anything.”
She felt sadness all the way to her bones, but it was no use protesting. She loved him so much that she was willing to give up everything just to be with him. She knew that if their situations were reversed, he wouldn’t give up anything for her. He didn’t love her.
But if she lived with him, if she took the gamble, it might pay off. Look at how she’d won on the slot machines at the casino. If life was like that, she might get lucky. It was a pipe dream, but she wanted J.C. too much to refuse.
“I’d like that,” she said simply.
He let out the breath he’d been holding. “We’ll take turns cooking,” he promised. “And in case you wondered, there won’t be other women. I’ll never cheat on you.”
She laughed. “I believe you, about the blonde geologist.”
He chuckled. “I know. I’m just making the statement.”
“Thanks.”
He kissed her damp hair. “I’m going too fast with you, in bed,” he confessed. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone. It will get better,” he added. “I promise it will. I’ll learn to slow down, to wait for you. I want you to feel as much pleasure as I do. You give me the moon, Colie. I’ve never known such satisfaction.”
She smiled. “I’m glad.” She nuzzled closer. “You don’t have to worry about me. I love the closeness. I love lying with you like this. It would be more than enough for me, even without the other.”
That statement really worried him. She was as much as admitting that he didn’t satisfy her. He was going to work at his self-control. He hated cheating her.
“It will be get better,” he said again.
She just sighed and closed her eyes. “Okay.”
He smoothed over her bare back with his fingertips. He was frowning, although she couldn’t see it, in the darkness. He’d never known a woman who was so giving, so forgiving, so sweet and gentle. She was tender with him. His whole experience of women was with wildcats who didn’t want foreplay, didn’t want tenderness, they just wanted raw, carnal sex.
Colie was so different from them. Even the call girl, when she was fooling him, trying to play the innocent, had been demanding and hungry in bed. He was certain that Colie wasn’t totally naive, but she did give the impression of a woman who didn’t like sex. He hoped he could change her mind, make her feel what he did. It would just take time, he told himself. He could learn to slow down.
Unaware of his worrying thoughts, Colie nuzzled closer and enjoyed the feeling of oneness she got with him. She was going to live with him, be with him all the time.
Her heart fell. Her father wouldn�
�t rage and yell, nothing like that. But he’d be so disappointed in her. That was going to be the hardest thing of all. She’d toed the line her whole life. He’d blame J.C. for her downfall, when it was going to be her decision as much as his.
* * *
IN FACT, HER father said nothing. He’d known for some time how things were going.
“I said it before, but I’ll repeat it,” he said softly when her bags were packed and she was waiting for J.C. on the front porch. “I’ll always love you. Whatever happens, I’ll be right here if you need me.”
She hugged him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, fighting tears. “I can’t help it. I love him so much. Maybe he’ll change.”
The reverend, who’d heard too many sad tales that began like this and ended in misery, just sighed. “You can never tell,” he added.
He went back inside when he heard J.C. drive up.
J.C. helped Colie into the SUV and put her luggage in the back. He got in beside her, noting the traces of tears. He felt guilt all the way to his soul.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” he began.
She looked up at him. “I love you,” she said simply. And the pain and sweetness of it was in the sad, resigned smile she gave him.
He pulled her close for a minute. He was sure he’d never had a woman say those words to him, in his whole life. Only his mother ever had. His sweet, kind little mother who’d gone through hell with an alcoholic husband who resented her and her child for taking away his dreams of being a rancher.
“I’ll take care of you,” he said quietly.
“I’ll take care of you, too, J.C.,” she said, and felt joy like a living thing, flowing through her veins.
That, too, was new. He laughed as he started the truck. “I don’t really need taking care of,” he confided. “I never will!”
* * *
A WEEK LATER, burning with fever and so sick that he couldn’t hold his head up, he had cause to remember that brash statement.