When Clay took the box from his SUV, she saw that it held trophies. She glanced at Clay speculatively, but she didn't ask any questions. He didn't explain.
Ben's mother looked relieved to see them when she answered the door. She waved them to the living room. "Maybe you can change his mind. He won't listen to us. He won't even send in the applications."
"Did something happen?" Paige asked.
"His last few physical therapy sessions haven't gone well and I think he's given up. His father and I don't know what to do for him." She gestured toward the sofa. "Make yourselves comfortable. He's in his room. I'll get him."
Clay set the box on the coffee table. Then Paige watched him pace the room like a caged lion. Thunder boomed outside and the trees shook with sudden gusts of wind as night fell early. The weather seemed to match the turbulence inside Clay. He looked like a thundercloud ready to burst.
Paige crossed to a large aquarium along the side wall of the room. Hoping to distract Clay, she said, "Come look at this."
Clay listened for footsteps on the stairs. Not hearing any, he did as she bid him.
"Look at the anemones. Aren't they beautiful?" The pink and white sea creatures waved their tentacles with the flow of the water. Set against dark rocks, they looked other-worldly. There were a few fish, orange and bright blue, but other sea creatures fascinated Paige more. She pointed to one in between two rocks. "That looks like a feather duster. And there's a blue starfish. This must be a saltwater aquarium. I wonder if Ben set it up. This could be why he did so well on the survey in science, if this type of thing interests him."
Clay ran his hand distractedly through his hair, and Paige knew the last thing he was thinking about was aquariums. How she wished she could read his mind.
Thunder cracked again outside and she jumped. The storm was adding tension to an already tense situation. What was Clay going to reveal? Some of the past she knew nothing about? What could be making him so agitated?
Finally, they heard footsteps. But only Ben came into the living room. He didn't look pleased to see them.
Paige tried for the lighter touch. "I hope we didn't interrupt anything important."
"Nope. I was just playing computer games." Ben glanced uneasily at Clay. "I wish you hadn't come. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind."
Clay's anger was palpable as he went to the coffee table and picked up the carton. Then he crossed to Ben and dumped the contents at the boy's feet. "Look at these, Ben. Each and every one."
Ben didn't dare refuse. He hunched down and examined one after the other. His eyes grew wide. "They all have your name on them. For track. Most of them are for first place." Ben gazed up at Clay. "You won all these?"
"That's what my family tells me."
Ben balanced one in the palm of his hand. "They tell you. I don't get it."
Neither did Paige. But she stood by silently, watching and waiting. Her hands shook because she had the foreboding that whatever Clay was going to reveal was no small confidence.
Clay picked up another trophy then put it back on the pile. "My father says I trained every day, that I worked hard, that I wanted to win as much as he wanted me to win. But I don't remember."
Ben's face was incredulous. "You can't remember winning these? What were you, spaced out on steroids or something?"
Paige sucked in a breath. Is that what Clay couldn't tell her? That he'd been hooked on drugs? But she was a doctor. She could understand--
Clay shook his head. "No drugs, Ben. I don't remember the trophies, I don't remember the races, I don't remember my sixteenth birthday, or my fifteenth, or any before that. I don't remember kissing a girl for the first time, learning to ride a two-wheeler, my mother taking me trick-or-treating, or my sister's dance recital when she was ten. I don't remember anything before my accident and I never will."
After a stunned silence, Ben's exclamation came out as a slow whistle.
In shock, Paige could only stare at Clay and try to understand what he had gone through, what he was still going through.
Clay's feet were spread apart, as if he was bracing himself for their reaction.
Ben sank down into a wing chair. "You didn't remember your mom or dad?"
Clay stood perfectly still, his arms straight and rigid at his sides. "Or my sister, or my name, or my favorite foods. Not the house I grew up in or the condo I rented."
"Jeez!"
"Ben, I'm not telling you this to impress you. I want you to know how bad an accident can be. Besides not remembering everyday things, I couldn't read or write or do math. I had to learn everything all over."
"You didn't remember anything you learned in high school or college?"
Lightning flashed outside the picture window and the lights flickered. Clay restlessly shifted on his sneakers. "No. That's why I didn't go back to engineering. I spent three years relearning everything. But the hardest part was that I changed. I was not the Clay Reynolds everyone knew. The outward appearance was the same, but not the person inside. Many people couldn't accept that, Ben. I didn't care about rock climbing anymore, I didn't want to sit in a office ten hours a day, monetary success wasn't a goal. Each and every day became a discovery of something I didn't remember, something new and wonderful. But not many people could share that joy."
The magnitude of what Clay was saying hit Paige and her knees wobbled. She sank down on the edge of the sofa.
Clay glanced at her quickly, frowned, then turned back to Ben. "You don't have to start over, Ben. You can make up time and go on. You've spent six months at physical therapy and you think you should be good as new. I spent three years rehabilitating my shoulder and my mind and I still couldn't regain what I lost. I still wake up some mornings, look around, and try to imagine or pray to God that someday I'll have a glimpse of what life used to be. That I'll remember my mother holding me, or Trish fighting with me, or my dad telling me he was proud of me."
Paige was aware of the catch in Clay's voice. She studied his profile, the protective set of his jaw, the serious lines on his brow, and she wanted to hug him more than she wanted to breathe. But he wouldn't accept that here.
He usually only spoke of his sister, not his father or mother. What had his accident done to the family? Is this why he made short visits home? Wanted no pictures sitting around? Paige always heard the strain in Clay's voice as he spoke of his father. What was their relationship now?
Ben asked Clay, "What about your friends? Did they stick by you?"
"No. At first they expected me to remember. Just like my father, they waited for me to remember. But they got tired of waiting. We didn't have anything in common. I had a girlfriend at the time of the accident. But at the end of six months, she wanted out. I couldn't remember her or what I used to feel. We were strangers getting to know each other again. She'd liked the idea of a future with an electrical engineer, but at that point, I still couldn't concentrate enough to read an entire magazine, let alone decipher the technical vocabulary of engineering."
"Women are fickle," Ben muttered.
"Women are no different from men. My male friends didn't stick around, either."
Ben lifted his head. "So you do understand."
"I more than understand. I had to move away from my family because everybody looked at me like I was a freak. Even tabloid reporters got wind of it. They heard the word 'amnesia' and they came running."
"Were you in the tabloids?"
"Ben!" Paige protested. She knew what this recital must be costing Clay, and for Ben to ask curious questions seemed almost cruel.
Clay's gaze found hers and seemed to search her. He brushed her protest away with his hand. "It's all right. Yes, I was in the tabloids. At least some made-up story was that the reporter got from one of my neighbors who didn't know the facts."
"Your picture, too?"
"Yes. Somehow the reporter managed to get it. At that point everything was still so new, so confusing. The photo was lousy, but good enough for most of t
he people in the town to recognize me. You talk about fingers pointing, Ben. I couldn't go to the grocery store, the movies, without people whispering behind their hands and giving me stares like I was from another planet. I moved here, I started over, because I'd had enough curiosity, gossip and rumors for three lifetimes."
Paige sucked in a breath, remembering what Clay had said about the grapevine in Langley.
"Did you know anybody when you moved here?" Ben seemed to have one question after another and was asking them all. She hated to see Clay go through the inquisition but this was the purpose behind his visit--to give Ben insight.
Clay answered Ben without hesitating. "No one. And I thanked God for that." He ran his hand over his face. "Do you get what I'm telling you, Ben? You lost the dream of football. I lost my whole life. Do you think I never wanted to quit? Do you think I didn't want to hole up in my room, brooding about life's unfairness? I can remember not wanting a future. Not caring at times if I had one."
Ben looked puzzled. "So what made you keep going?"
"My sister, my mother, the drive inside me that wouldn't let me give up."
Ben dropped his head to his chest. "I don't know if I'm as strong as you are."
Clay took a few steps closer to Ben's chair. "Look at me, Ben."
The teenager brought his eyes to Clay's.
"You're as strong as you want to be. You've come this far, you have people who care about you, and you have no one peeking in the window to see how you're doing."
Along with lightning and thunder, rain spattered the windows at first lightly, then with steady force. For the moment, it was the only sound in the room.
Paige could see that the last half hour had been rough on Clay. His expression was strained, his hands tightly closed. She hadn't had enough time to absorb it all yet, but one emotion pushed against all the others. Hurt.
Why hadn't Clay trusted her enough to confide in her? Had he been afraid she'd go spread his story across Langley? He'd said as much once. His lack of trust hurt, mostly because she'd had to find out like this, not when they were alone. If it weren't for Ben, would Clay ever have told her about the amnesia? Could love grow when there was no trust?
Ben looked at Paige, then back at Clay. "So what you guys are saying is that I should get a life."
Paige tore her thoughts from Clay and concentrated on Ben. "You can't isolate yourself from the world. You have to envision what you want and go after it."
Clay added, "If you want to date, you have to ask girls for dates. And if you want a successful future, you have to do what you can to get it. Can you honestly see yourself as or working at a convenience or sporting goods store the rest of your life? Is that enough of a challenge?"
"You work in a store."
Clay gave a wry smile. "Score one for you. But I also own the store. I do the PR work, the managing, some of the repairs. I'm my own boss."
"I don't know what I want," Ben muttered.
Paige rose and went to the aquarium. She was taking a stab in the dark, but it was a one worth taking. "Did you set this up?"
"Yeah. I have three more up in my room. One saltwater, two freshwater."
"This is beautiful, Ben. I heard they're not easy to get started or keep."
He shrugged. "It just takes time. There has to be the right filtration to meet the demands of the fish."
She smiled at his technical use of the language that had come out so easily. "Your counselor told me you show a high aptitude in science."
"I do this for fun. I like to read about marine biology, coral reefs. I guess that's why."
Clay picked up on Paige's idea. "Work should be something you like to do, something that interests you."
There was a different light in Ben's eyes as he studied the aquarium pensively. "The counselor mentioned studying biology, but I don't know."
Clay nodded. "Think about it. Think about what you want to be doing five years from now, ten years from now."
Ben mumbled, "Maybe I can look over some of the college brochures."
The lights flickered again as the wind whooshed and rain beat against the house.
Clay's eyes were shadowed as he looked at Paige. "We'd better get going."
A flash of lightning illuminated the sky, a crack sounded, the lights went out as sirens blew.
Ben's mother came into the living room with a flashlight. "You're welcome to stay until the electricity comes back on."
Paige could only see Clay's shadow, tall and broad by Ben's chair. She couldn't see his face, but she could feel his coiled energy and wasn't surprised by his answer.
"Paige, if you're game, I'd rather leave. Shep won't be happy with the lights out and the thunder booming."
She was fairly certain Clay was more agitated than Shep right now. He wanted to go home--to a home where he could withdraw from a nosy world. She suspected he'd said everything he had to say, everything he could say, and if he stayed, he might have to answer questions that brought back more turmoil and pain.
Even driving in a storm, she could trust Clay, despite the fact he didn't seem to trust her. "We can leave now. If we wait, the streets could flood."
Mrs. Hockensmith went to the hall closet and felt for something along the side. "I only have this golf umbrella, but it's better than nothing."
"I can bring the trophies by your house sometime," Ben said. "I'd like to look at them again, if you don't mind."
Clay's answer was gruff. "I don't mind." He took the umbrella and waited for Paige by the door.
Paige touched Ben's shoulder. "Think about what Clay said."
She saw him nod.
Clay went out on the porch and opened the umbrella. Paige took his arm so she could stay close to him. It was stiff, as tense as he was. The umbrella didn't do much good. The wind slapped them with rain as they ran to the SUV. Clay opened the passenger's door, holding the umbrella as she climbed in. She didn't even have time to say thank you as he slammed the door shut and hurried to the driver's side.
Tossing the umbrella into the backseat, he shook the raindrops from his arm. "We'll go to my place and see what the conditions are like before we attempt to go to Doc's."
"Doc's not home," she murmured. "He went to his sister's and is staying the night." Paige suspected Doc had left to give her time alone to think about Clay, her mother, and Africa.
Clay started the engine and switched on the headlights. As they drove down rain-drenched streets, Paige remembered a similar drive after their day at the amusement park. But they'd arrived home at the end of the storm. This one was just beginning.
Their headlights and the flashes of lightning were the only illumination. The roads looked eerie with the streetlights dark, no lamps blazing in the houses they passed. The wind swept tree branches across the streets. As Clay headed out of the residential section, a cluster of branches suddenly flew at Paige's side of the windshield. She gasped.
Clay swore. Then he muttered, "We'll be home soon."
Instead of being comforting, his words made Paige's stomach flip-flop. And what would happen once they were there alone? Would he talk to her? Would he tell her what he was feeling? Or would he hold on to his silence for protection and as soon as the storm subsided, take her back to Doc's?
She studied him in the shadows. His body was rigid, his broad shoulders held stiff as he looked straight ahead. From the glow of the dashboard, she could see both of his hands tightly enclosing the wheel. She wondered if he ever let his guard down, if he could every truly relax. From the sounds of it, that only happened with Trish and his mother.
No past. Lord, Paige couldn't imagine how to handle that. To think back and have...nothing. Yet again, maybe that's where Clay got his forward-looking attitude. There was no looking back. That's why he could play and work and thoroughly enjoy himself. Except where she was concerned.
The question again came back to haunt her. Why couldn't he trust her? Had something else happened that Clay hadn't told Ben? What about the woman Doc had m
entioned? Where did she fit in? And what about Clay's father?
Paige had so many questions. But she couldn't ask them.
Clay had to open up to her on his own.
The heavy rain quickly raised puddles. Some covered half the road. When the night shrouded one pool until Clay was on top of it, the SUV sloshed through the water. She heard Clay's sigh of relief when the engine didn't stall out.
A few minutes later, he turned down the lane and parked next to the front walk. "This is one time when I wish I'd built a garage."
"I won't melt," Paige commented.
Clay turned off the windshield wipers and headlights and they sat in the darkness. Paige had never felt closer to Clay, yet so far away. The rain closed them in. She could smell the faint trace of Clay's shampoo, see his large shadowy outline, hear his breathing. She waited for him to say something that would open a door between them.
All he said was, "Let's get out of this."
Her hand trembled as she reached for the buckle on her seatbelt. The catch wouldn't open.
He undid his seatbelt and heard her fumbling with hers. "Problems?"
Her voice seemed to desert her as the emotions from the evening gathered in her throat.
His hand covered hers. "Let me."
While she soaked in his warmth, the comfort of his touch, he asked, "Paige?"
She pulled her hand away so he could help.
He pressed the button and the seatbelt retracted. So did Clay as he moved away from her and opened his door. "Stay put," he commanded.
Grabbing the umbrella, he jumped out and came around to open her door.
Paige didn't touch him as they hurried to the front porch under the umbrella. She couldn't see his face as he closed the material and leaned the handle against the house. Shep began barking as Clay dug in his pocket for the key.
He opened the door and Shep stopped barking. Clay let Paige precede him inside. She stood in the darkness as Shep rubbed his head against her leg.
Clay went to the kitchen. "I'll get a flashlight and some candles."
She heard him open a closet, pull open a drawer. A cupboard closed. Metal clanked against metal. She saw a small glow of light. Careful not to run into furniture in the dark living room, she went to the kitchen.
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