by V, Krissy
In his other hand he firmly grabs hold of his erection as he is trying to find my pussy. I'm dry because I'm not turned on and he forces himself inside me. It hurts, and I scream at him "STOP" but he doesn't listen. I decide not to fight him. There isn’t any point. It will only make it worse. So I just give up and let him finish what he started.
He just keeps pounding into me, groaning. "Tasha that feels so good, you're so tight, you're mine, mine, mine!" and then I feel him cum. Thank god it's over, I have tears dripping off my chin. I need to talk to my Mum. Felix might let me go to bed now that he has assaulted me, I really need to get away from him and ring my Mum.
He leans against me not releasing my hands "See how good we are Tasha, we fit together perfectly" I don't know what planet he just stepped off but he needs to go back there because none of that was good for me. "Answer me Tasha, tell me it was good! TELL ME!" he shouts in my ear.
I start squirming and don't say anything, he brings one hand down and takes my chin between his fingers and says "SAY IT TASHA"
I shake my head because I can't say it. Before I know it he has slammed my head against the wall with a thump and then he pushes me around so that I'm in front of him with my hands held firmly behind my back. He marches me over to the couch and roughly pushes me over the top of it, my bare arse in the air. What is he going to do to me now?
"Say it Tasha say we are good together" he's so angry he's spitting on me, at this stage I just want him to kill me so that I don't have to go through this again, no such luck. He smacks me on the arse and I scream, he does it again.
"Do you know how many times I've wanted to smack your arse, do you Tasha?" he keeps doing it and then he starts to play with my arse, slowly spreading my cheeks and then running his finger around the rim. "Even this is mine Tasha every single millimetre of you is mine" with that he pushes his finger inside and I cry out, but I don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurts me.
He's moving his finger in and out at a quick pace and then he takes his finger out, he bends down and licks the rim with his tongue and pushes his tongue inside a small way. When he pulls his tongue out he spits on my arse and then starts rubbing it onto my rim. I don't know what he's doing but he's grunting while he does it. _
Just as I think things can't get any worse he takes hold of his cock and pushes it into my arse. The pain is unbearable and I can't help myself I scream. I scream so loud he says "Shut up Tasha or do you want me to fuck your mouth to shut you up" I know he would too. So I stop screaming and just sob silently. When he finally cums he says "Now every part of you belongs to me Tasha I love you" I can't say it back, I just can't. When he pulls out, he falls on top of me and I flinch and try to pull away. “When will you realise that you need to do what I say and not fight me Tasha. It will make life much easier”
He stands and pulls his jeans up and then he pulls up my panties and jeans too. He then slaps my arse and walks away. I run upstairs into the bathroom and lock the door. I curl myself into a ball and sob. After about 15 minutes, I start running a bath, then I turn and look in the mirror. My cheek has a huge bruise on it and its swollen and starting to throb, I look through the bathroom cabinet to see if I have any painkillers there, no such luck they are on my bedside table. Will I leave the sanctity of the bathroom or will I stay here? I opt to stay, give Felix chance to calm down, if that is ever going to happen.
Finally, the bath is run and I strip off my clothes and step into the boiling water. I feel so dirty and abused, I just want to be clean. I take the loofah from the shelf by the bath and scrub all over my skin until it is bleeding. Only then do I start to feel clean. I lay down in the water and slowly sink under it and hold my breath for as long as I can and then I jump up gasping for breath. After I have scrubbed myself and I feel satisfied that I’m no longer dirty, I lay back down and cry.
I must have fallen asleep because when I awake with a jolt. The water is cold, I don’t want to get out but my body is starting to look like a prune, all wrinkled and I’m cold.
Once I’ve dried myself off. I wrap myself in my dressing gown which is hanging on the back of the door, I pick up my clothes and I walk across to my bedroom and put my pyjamas on. I open the drawer and take out the pain killers and my sleeping tablets, I still have a glass of water from last night, but I don’t care and just swallow them.
I contemplate taking all of the sleeping tablets at once, just so that I don’t have to deal with Felix again. I know that isn’t the solution but right now I don’t know what the solution is! I remember my clothes so I go over to them and throw them into the bin, I never want to wear them again. Before I put them in the bin I remember my phone is in my pocket, what good is it anyway? No one would believe me if I told them. I check my phone and see another text from Caleb, god I don’t need this right now!
“Are you ok?”
I turn the phone off because I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I can’t deal with this anymore. I thought maybe that by me telling Caleb it would make it better for me, but even if I tell him, what can he do? Nothing! He can’t do anything to make it better for me! Not even Mum can make it better, I’m not sure I can tell her, I know I should, but she doesn’t really need to know. Felix will get better, I’m certain he will. I know that I just need to deal with it myself, I’m strong, I can get through this! I climb into bed and curl into a ball and hope the drugs take effect soon because I don’t want to remember any of this. I can feel myself getting tired and I allow the darkness to swallow me up and I hope that I never wake up!
Chapter 18
ALL OF A SUDDEN I hear someone screaming and I jump up with a start, I look around the room, and then I realise it's me that is screaming.
My heart is racing and I’m sweating! I look over and Felix is staring at me. “Oh my god Tasha, are you ok? You don’t look great, what can I get you? Do you need any medication? Are you going to be ok?” he reaches out to push my hair off my face and I jump out of bed screaming.
“No, no, no get off me, leave me alone Felix, please don’t touch me” I curl into a ball in the corner of the bedroom. I can feel my heart racing so fast and I’m sweating, all I feel is fear!
Felix gets out of the bed and comes over to me, he kneels down in front me, making sure he doesn’t touch me and then he starts crying “Tasha I’m sorry, I just feel that I’m going to lose you now that I have you and I can’t live without you. I don’t know what I would do without you, you are my life, my love, my heart”. He looks at me, but I really don’t know what to say. For the first time, I feel nothing when I look at him!
I know it’s the middle of the night so I stand up carefully, making sure I don’t touch Felix and I walk over to my bedside table and take another sleeping tablet, just to help get me through the rest of the night. I then walk out of the bedroom and into the spare room and climb into bed. I’ve never slept in the spare room before, I’ve always slept with Felix, but tonight I don’t want to be anywhere near him. I’m asleep almost instantly and I don’t wake up until 11am on Sunday morning.
When I wake up, the first thing I notice is that it is so quiet, not a radio nor a TV is on, so I get out of the bed and walk out of the room. I walk to my bedroom and open the door, the room is empty, but all my perfumes and ornaments are broken into small pieces on the floor, the lights are smashed and I can see blood on the mirror and it is shattered. What happened in here after I left last night? I don’t know if I want to know or not! Where is Felix? What did he do? I start to get worried about him, I hope he’s ok! I don’t want to be near him, but I don’t want him to be hurt either. I walk over to my bedside table and take out my pain killers, my face is screaming in agony. I take two of them and take my phone out of the drawer, then I turn and walk down the stairs to see if everything is ok downstairs.
Everything seems to be ok and I walk into the kitchen and see Felix asleep with his head on the kitchen table. I walk past him trying not to wake him, but as I go to move past him, his han
d flies off the table and catches my arm. I flinch and start to pull backwards, but he pulls me closer to the table, I start to cry “Felix no please don’t, I’m in so much pain, please. I can’t take any more!”
He slowly lifts his head and lets go of my arm, “I only wanted to see how you were this morning, did you manage to get any sleep? How is your cheek? I see you cleaned it up. You’ll be able to hide that with make up, it’s only a bit swollen” he tries to reach out and touch my cheek, but I turn my face. I don’t want him to touch me, especially where it hurts so much after what he did to me!
I walk past him and put the coffee machine on, I’m in dire need of a shot of caffeine, the sleeping tablets always make me drowsy in the mornings, particularly as I took some in the middle of the night too. “Do you really want me to answer those questions Felix? I don’t think I can! What happened in the bedroom?”
“I was so angry with myself when you went into the other bedroom. We’ve never slept in separate beds since we got together and I never wanted that to happen to us. I guess I got angry and took it out on the bedroom. I’m sorry Tasha, I love you” he says with remorse. I can’t believe he’s really sorry, he’s just saying it.
“Felix what have I done to make you act like this? It's just so not like you. You’re going to push me away if you keep doing this” I can’t look at him, I don’t want to look at him right now.
“I’m going to have my cup of coffee, then I’m going to tidy myself up and I’m going for a walk, I expect you to clean up that mess upstairs because I can’t bear to look at you or the mess right now” I turn towards the coffee machine and pour myself a coffee and then go back upstairs before Felix can say anything. I get dressed and put a little bit of make up on to cover my bruise, then I go back down the stairs and out of the front door. I slam it shut! I walk down the street and wander into the park. I sit on the swings and try to reflect on the way my life has changed in a few short months. Why is he behaving like this? What did I do to him to make him want to hurt me? I know that he would do anything to protect me and keep me safe and yet he is the one I need saving from.
I think I must have sat there for an hour or more and then I remember my phone in my pocket. I look at it and see numerous missed calls from Felix and a couple of voicemails. I ignore them, I have a text from Kammie telling me that she and Luca went out the previous night and had a good time. I’m delighted for her and send her a quick text to let her know that I’m happy for her, I don’t tell her anything about Felix, she doesn’t need to know.
“So when are you coming over for a girls night Tasha?”
“Not this week Kammie, I have my two interviews. Maybe next week ok?”
“Yeah that’s fine, just don’t be a stranger. Love you”
“I won’t. Love you too”
I’m sad because I want to talk to Kammie, but I don’t really want anyone else to know what is happening in my marriage, everything would turn nasty if I tell someone who is so close to me and then I would have to deal with the issue of them not believing me and I’m not sure I have the strength for that right now. I decide to walk for a bit and see where it takes me. I hear my phone beep again and take it out of my pocket to see who it is. It’s Caleb.
“Tasha are you ok? Please answer me, I’m getting worried, I can’t think about anything else, please!”
I want to answer him, I really do, but I don’t think it’s the right thing to do after what happened last night.
Then again, I can’t help myself, he is someone who wants to make sure I’m ok, wants to look after me and right now I need looking after. I know it is the wrong thing to do, but I also know that I need someone to lean on too and Felix isn’t that person right now.
“Caleb, I’m sorry, things have been a bit mad around here. Thank you for worrying about me”
“Tasha of course I worry about you. Since you stumbled into my life, I can’t think of anything else. Tell me honestly, are you ok?”
“No, no I’m not”
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you”
“No you can’t do that, it will make things worse, please Caleb just talk to me, it will help to make me feel better”
My phone rings and I hesitate to answer it.
“Where are you, please let me help you Tasha!” Caleb says, and I can hear the worry in his voice.
“No Caleb, I can’t, but I like knowing that you worry about me. We will get coffee soon, but right now I have a lot going on.”
“Tasha, this is not about the coffee, this is about me wanting to help you, needing to know that you are ok. Remember I told you about fate, well I truly believe that we will meet soon. I’m here if you ever need rescuing ok?”
“Thanks Caleb, I know you are, talk soon ok, I’ll make sure to let you know I’m fine, then you won’t need to worry about me”
“I don’t think you really understand me Tasha, I will always worry about you, especially while you are in that house with that man. If I can’t drag you away from the house then I will keep checking on you and you need to get used to it.”
“I know Caleb and I can’t explain to you how much that means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are here for me when no one else is and I know that is my doing because I haven’t spoken to anyone about it, but I know you will listen to me”
“I will always be available to listen to you Tasha, remember you fell into my life for a reason. Now send me a message later to let me know you are home and you are fine, please Tasha” and then he hangs up.
I’m so confused, my life is taking a turn which I never expected and I don’t really know how to handle it.
My phone beeps with a message from Felix
“Please come home Tasha, I love you and I’m sorry, I’ll look after you I promise”
I start sobbing and decide that I have to go home and see Felix, I need him to tell me that everything is going to be ok. I need Felix to start treating me right, to show me he loves me because right now I think he hates me!
I walk slowly towards home and then as I go to open the door, Felix opens it from the inside, he pulls me into a hug and I can see he has been crying. “Babe I thought you weren’t coming back and you had left me. I even rang Kammie to see if you were there, she said she had heard from you and that you sounded fine, she said she would text if she heard from you again.”
“Felix why did you ring her, surely you knew I would come back. We need to work on some things, but I wouldn’t leave you” I can’t believe I said that, but I guess I must really mean it. I married this man because I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I’m not going to give up on that just because of a few mishaps, we can talk about this and sort it out. Right?
We spend the rest of the day talking and crying and by the end of the night Felix has agreed that he will go to see a doctor, it appears he is having anxiety attacks because he thinks I’ll leave him, although I’ve given him no cause to think that. He has apologised to me time and time again that he wasn’t himself at the moment and that he loves me, I believe him because I love him and I know he's not himself.
When we go to bed, Felix cuddles into me but doesn't try anything sexual thankfully, I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. After last night, it will take a while for me to be ready to have sex with Felix, I don’t really want him to touch me, but he hugs me and doesn’t move his hands up and down my body, they stay in one place all night.
Monday and Tuesday happen as normal, I manage to hide my injuries with a good bit of make up, so no one at work can see the bruises. After dinner on Tuesday night, we sit and start talking about my two interviews and realise that the first one is tomorrow morning, this is the one that Felix wants me to take; I’d prefer the other one, but I don’t tell him that.
Wednesday morning comes and once again, Felix has laid out my clothes for my interview, another trouser suit and a high neck blouse. I thought we had been getting somewhere with his trust issues, but obviously not.<
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Felix drops me to the interview himself and wishes me luck. When it is over he is there waiting to collect me and take me to work.
It’s like he doesn’t trust me or something. He wants to know where I am at all times. I’m happy to go along with it as long as angry Felix stays away. I don’t miss him!
Chapter 19
FRIDAY MORNING COMES AROUND quickly and I get up feeling great about my interview. As seems to be the norm these days Felix has laid my clothes out for me, it's easier not to say anything and just wear what he puts out. I put on my make up, making sure I put extra on my cheek because my bruise is very yellow, the swelling has nearly all gone but you can see the bruise without any make up on.
I drive myself into the city today as Felix has a meeting across town, I park near the Blue Eye Building. I walk into the building and make my presence known to the receptionist, the last time I was here I saw her name badge said Megan, she is really chatty, I really like her. Megan tells me to sit and wait until Helen, the HR lady comes to take me to my interview. I feel a bit anxious today and I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I really want this job.
Helen walks over and greets me, we chat as walk to the meeting roo where I will have my interview. The room is all glass and it feels as if everyone is looking at me, but I see her turn a round dial. She tells me that this is to the make the room private which Mr. Hunt likes when he is interviewing. "Take a seat Natasha, Mr. Hunt will be here in a few minutes. He has asked that I introduce him then leave you alone for him to conduct the interview and then he will call me in for the remainder of the interview" she says smiling at me.