by Susan Stoker
Cheyenne couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Are you shitting me?”
Her mom immediately rebuked, “Cheyenne, watch your language.”
Cheyenne turned to her. “Are you shitting me?”
“Cheyenne Nicole Cotton, language,” her mom scolded her again.
Cheyenne turned back to Karen. “I can’t believe you said that. You’re supposed to be my sister. My flesh and blood. Do you know what they did to me?”
“You look okay to me. Jeez, Cheyenne, you’ve always been such a drama queen.”
Cheyenne shook her head and leaned toward her sister. “I invited you guys today because I wanted to try to get to know you better. I’ve always felt bad we didn’t get along. But I can’t believe you’d say something like that to a stranger, nonetheless your own flesh and blood. Those men you are busy feeling sorry for, hit me. They threatened me with guns. They scared the crap out of me. They strapped a fucking bomb to my chest and wouldn’t have thought twice about blowing me to bits. And you have the gall to sit there and tell me about how you feel bad for their families? That they had such hard lives that what they did was okay? The next thing you’re going to say is that you think the cops were in the wrong for shooting them.”
“I do,” Karen immediately returned, a hateful look in her eye.
Cheyenne nodded once. She calmly put her napkin on the table in front of her.
“Look, maybe we…” her mother began.
Cheyenne interrupted her mother. “I’m done. You’re cold, Karen. I have no idea how you got that way, but you are. I don’t know what I did to you to make you hate me so much, except for being born, and I don’t think I can take any blame for that. All I’ve ever wanted is a big sister I could hang out with and look up to, but you never gave me a chance. I don’t want to see or talk to you again. If you have more sympathy for a bunch of thugs than your own sister, you’re no family of mine.”
It wasn’t Karen that spoke up, but her mom. “Cheyenne, you can’t do that. You don’t mean it.”
“What do you think, Mom? Do you feel sorry for those guys too?”
“Well, it wasn’t as if the police gave them a chance to give up did they?”
“I’m done with you too,” Cheyenne whispered immediately, tears gathering in her eyes. “All my life I’ve tried to be good enough. I’ve done everything I could think of to make you feel a fraction of pride toward me as you do for Karen. But it’s obvious you don’t and can’t. So that’s fine. Don’t call me again. Just leave me alone.”
Turning on her heel, Cheyenne left the coffee shop. She beeped her car doors open and climbed in on autopilot. She wasn’t surprised when she didn’t see either her mom or Karen storm out of the coffee shop in pursuit of her. They were probably inside gossiping about her and reassuring each other that they’d said nothing wrong.
Cheyenne drove to the beach. She’d always loved the sound of the waves against the sand. It usually relaxed her, but not today.
She’d had no idea the media was airing “specials” about what had happened to her. She felt sick inside about the spin they were putting on the men who’d taken her and the two other women hostage. They’d terrorized her. Cheyenne honestly thought she was going to die and it had scared the shit out of her.
To think there were people who felt sorry for those men was sickening. That her own flesh and blood felt sorry for the men, was disheartening and made her feel more alone than she’d ever felt before.
Cheyenne sat facing the ocean on the stone wall that lined the parking lot. She’d been so happy. She’d just spent the last four nights in Faulkner’s bed and every single night, that week and when they’d been together in the past month, he’d made her body hum. He’d shown her how good “submitting” to him could be. She trusted him with her life.
Just when things were starting to look up for her, her own damn family had to ruin it. She should’ve known Karen would be jealous of the media attention she was getting, even though Cheyenne had always refused to speak to the press.
Cheyenne should’ve waited for Faulkner to have lunch with her family. She’d honestly thought she could work on repairing their relationship though. It was her mom. Moms were supposed to love all their kids equally, but her mom never had.
Pulling her feet up onto the wall in front of her, Cheyenne linked her arms around her shins and put her cheek to her knees. How long she sat like that she had no idea, but eventually her butt went numb and she had to move. Stiffly she released her legs and let them fall to the ground. She wasn’t ready to leave yet, but knew she’d better get in touch with Faulkner. He’d wanted her to call him when she was done with lunch, but Cheyenne hadn’t wanted to talk to him, or anyone else.
She walked to her car and grabbed her phone out of her purse. She walked back toward the beach and set off down the sidewalk until she got to a part of the beach that wasn’t as crowded. She kicked off her flip-flops and wandered into the sand. Finding a place that seemed as good as any, she sank down.
She turned on the screen to her phone and winced. Three texts and a phone message. All from Falkner. The fact that even with what she’d said, neither her sister nor her mom had tried to get a hold of her, cut deep.
She looked at the texts first.
Just checking in. How was lunch?
I haven’t heard from you. Call me.
CALL ME.
Somehow, even though it was written, she could sense Faulkner’s irritation with her. Cheyenne really didn’t want to listen to the voice mail from him. He was probably pissed at her. She couldn’t deal with someone else being pissed at her.
Scrolling through her contacts, Cheyenne hesitated over Caroline’s number, then clicked “send message.”
One night after dinner, Faulkner had taken her cell and programmed in all his teammates numbers. He’d even added in all of the women as well. She’d protested, telling Faulkner that she didn’t even know them, but he’d ignored her and done it anyway.
Then, bizarrely, he’d pointed to one name he’d put in her phone and told her seriously, “If you are ever in trouble and can’t get a hold of me, call Tex.”
“Tex? Who is that? Is that another nickname for one of your teammates?”
“Tex is a former SEAL who lives in Virginia. He can find anyone. It’s a long story, but suffice it to say, he’s had a hand in helping us protect all of my friends’ women at one time or another. I’d trust him with my life. He’s got connections we can’t hope to have. Just promise. Okay?”
She had.
But this wasn’t a situation where she wanted to talk to a stranger, and she wasn’t in trouble. She just needed a friend. She quickly typed out a text.
Hey Caroline, it’s Cheyenne. U around?
The response came almost immediately.
Hey C. what’s up?
Suddenly Cheyenne didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know why she’d texted Caroline in the first place.
Cheyenne? U ok?
Yeah. Got a sec to talk? Can I call?
Of course.
Cheyenne took a deep breath. She had to start somewhere. She liked Caroline and the other women and she needed a friend. She hit Caroline’s number and waited for her to pick up.
“Hey, Cheyenne.”
“Hey.”
“Seriously, are you okay?”
“Yeah. I need some advice.”
“Let me guess, about a certain SEAL we both know?”
“Yeah.” Cheyenne let out her breath. “I think he’s mad at me,” she whispered, not knowing why she was whispering.
“What’d you do?”
“I was supposed to call him, and didn’t. He sent three texts and the last one was all capital letters.”
Caroline laughed. When Cheyenne didn’t join in, she sobered. “Hey, you’re serious aren’t you? Look, I piss Matthew off all the time, but he gets over it.”
“I don’t want Faulkner to yell at me,” Cheyenne’s breath hitched. “I’ve had a bad day. But t
he longer I wait to call him, I know the madder he’ll get.”
“Where are you? You aren’t home are you?”
“No. I’m sitting on a beach watching the sun go down because I’m a wuss. I can’t go home because he’ll find me and yell at me. He’s…he’s bossy. And I…fuck. This is embarrassing.”
“I get it, Cheyenne. We all know Faulkner is a lot more intense about his bossiness than the other guys are. But, Shy, he won’t yell at you if he knows you’ve had a bad day.”
“Everything has been so good between us. I like the way he is…the way we are…I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Listen to me. These SEALS are intense. They’re big, bad, and brash, but as I told you when you were at my house, inside they’re big teddy bears. All you have to do is be honest with him. Tell Faulkner that you’re sorry you didn’t call but you needed some time. Then apologize for it and let him make your day better.”
When Cheyenne didn’t say anything Caroline continued. “Oh, Shy. What happened?”
“I…don’t…I can’t…”
“Okay, you don’t have to tell me. But please, let Faulkner know where you are. He’s probably worried sick about you. It’s how they are. Do you want me to call him?”
“No, I’ll do it. I just needed…a pep talk I guess.”
“I’m so glad you called me. Seriously. Call me anytime you need to. I can’t promise to be able to explain half the things these guys do, but we can at least put our heads together and try to figure it out. And just so you know, when the guys get sent out on a mission, we all get together and get completely drunk the first night. It’s our own brand of a support group.”
Cheyenne giggled, as she supposed Caroline meant for her to.
“And we’re still going shopping one of these days. I promise to get the girls together sooner rather than later. Okay? You’ll come with us?”
“Yeah, I think I’d like that. Thanks.”
“Okay. Cheyenne? Call Faulkner and let him know where you are. Trust him to take care of you. It sounds like you already trust him to do so at home…”
Cheyenne knew what Caroline was getting at, and blushed.
“Trust him in the light of day too. He needs that from you.”
“Okay. Thanks, Caroline.”
“Anytime. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Okay, Bye.”
“Bye.”
Cheyenne clicked the end button and stared down at her phone. The message waiting icon mocked her. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t listen to Faulkner’s message right now.
Arguing with herself for a good five minutes, Cheyenne finally bit her lip and opened the text app. She needed to at least text him.
Hey. Sry I didn’t call
The response was almost immediate.
Where are you?
I’m ok.
Shy, where are u? I’m worried about u.
Cheyenne looked at the latest message from Faulkner. He’d used shorthand. He never used text language before. Was he really that stressed out?
I’m at S Mission beach. I’m ok. There r a gazillon people around. Was about to head back.
Stay put. I’m on my way.
Plse don’t be mad.
I’m not mad.
I shld hve waited 4 u 2 go 2 lunch with me.
It’s okay. I’m not mad.
Promise? I can’t deal with mad right now.
Shy, I’m not mad. I’m worried as hell. I just want to get to you.
Ok. Drive safe. I’m ok.
I’ll be there as soon as I can.
Cheyenne took a deep breath. Just connecting with Faulkner via text was enough to make her feel a bit better. She looked down at her phone and contemplated listening to the message he’d left. Nope, she couldn’t do it yet. She’d wait until she felt better. Stronger. She curled her arms around her drawn up legs again, her favorite position lately, and waited for Faulkner to come to her.
Chapter Thirteen
Dude’s hands shook as he drove toward South Mission Beach. Cheyenne was right, it wasn’t secluded, there probably were a gazillion people around, but he still worried about her. He’d been upset when she hadn’t called after her lunch should’ve been over, but that only lasted about five minutes. It wasn’t like Cheyenne to let him worry or to not contact him. Concern had taken over the anger quickly.
Obviously the lunch with her family hadn’t gone well. Dammit. Dude had a lot more experience in dealing with disappointed parents than Cheyenne did. He’d wanted to be there to be a buffer, to make sure they didn’t say anything cutting. His instincts had obviously been right on. Something had happened.
Now Dude only wanted to get to Cheyenne and comfort her. Whatever it took. He’d been so relieved when Caroline had called him and told him she’d just talked to Shy and that she was okay. She’d told him briefly about how Shy had wanted to call him, but had waited, then the longer she waited the more she thought he’d get angrier and angrier. The thought saddened Dude. It was obvious they needed to have a talk.
Cheyenne’s need to please ran deep, but Dude didn’t want her afraid to talk to him for any reason. And he certainly didn’t want her to be scared of him, of how he’d react to anything she’d tell him.
After the longest thirty minutes of his life, Dude pulled into the parking lot at South Mission Beach. It wasn’t as crowded as he’d seen it in the past, which he was thankful for. It meant he could easily find a place to park. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Cheyenne.
I’m in the parking lot. Where are you?
Her answer came immediately.
left dwn the beach.
Dude pocketed his phone and started walking. He found Cheyenne not too far down from the parking lot. She was sitting forlornly in the sand, watching the ocean, not looking for his arrival.
Not bothering to take off his combat boots, Dude trekked out to where his woman sat sadly in the sand. He stopped behind her and eased himself to the sand. He bracketed her body with his, knees on either side of her, and wrapped his arms around her. He rested his head on her shoulder and waited.
Cheyenne felt cocooned in Faulkner’s arms. He sat still and quiet behind her as he took her into his arms. She felt warm for the first time since she’d left the coffee shop that afternoon. She sighed. She needed this, she needed Faulkner.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey.”
“I should’ve called. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Shy.”
“No, it’s really not. I’m sorry if I worried you. I just…I thought you’d be mad. You asked me to call you and I didn’t. Then it all just snowballed in my head. The longer I went without calling you, the madder I thought you’d get.”
Her voice fell enough that Dude had to lean forward and turn his head to hear her.
“I don’t like it when you’re mad at me. Even though you haven’t really even been mad at me yet, I can’t stand the thought of you being mad at me. I think that’s what it was. I want to make you happy.”
“Shy…”
Cheyenne interrupted him. “And now, I’ve disappointed you. I don’t know which is worse really. Fuck, I’m not like this. I’m not a wuss. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I’ve had a bad day.”
Dude had enough of this. He scooted himself around until he was sitting at Cheyenne’s side. “Stop, Shy. I’m not mad and you didn’t disappoint me. You worried me. There’s a huge difference.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I know. But we need to talk about this. We should’ve talked before now and that’s on me. You aren’t used to this. I love how we are. I love how you do what I tell you in our bed. I can’t tell you what it means to me. I crave that. I need that. But outside the bedroom? No. I love the contradiction that is you. You’re not afraid to call out my friends when they say dumb shit. You’re brave enough to take on an entire police department when you have a bomb strapped to your chest. You’re compassionate enough to allo
w assholes to strap said bomb to your chest, just so two other people don’t have to go through that.”
He kissed the top of her head and continued. “I’m going to get mad, Shy. I’m probably going to yell at some point. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Don’t be afraid of me. Don’t be scared to tell me to fuck off. If I overwhelm you, tell me. Remember when I told you we don’t need safe words? It still holds, Shy. If you need me to back off, just say the word and I will.”
“You love me?”
“Yes. I know it’s soon, and crazy and I’m not even sure how it happened. I’ve waited for you my whole life. Not someone like you, but you. I know you don’t have the experience to realize this, but what we have in the bedroom is unique. Unique and special. It’s something I’ve never had with anyone else, ever. And it’s not just about the sex. It’s about who you are as a person. We’ve gotten to know each other over the last month and I like you Cheyenne.” Dude’s voice dropped. “I’m sorry your family disappointed you.”
Cheyenne’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “I should’ve known better, Faulkner. They’ve been like that my entire life. But when Karen told me she felt bad for those guys’ families, I lost it. I couldn’t believe she had more empathy for them than me. Me! Her flesh and blood. And Mom didn’t say a word in my defense.” After a beat Cheyenne said sadly, “I think I disowned them today.”
“Good.”
At Faulkner’s heartfelt comment, Cheyenne peered up at him.
Dude repeated himself. “Good. You don’t need that shit in your life. I’m your family now. Me and the guys. And of course their women.”
He paused. As much as Dude wanted to demand she return the words to him, he moved on. She’d say them when she was ready.
“We have to talk about today a bit more, Shy.”
“I won’t do it again, I swear. I know I have this need to please you, but hearing you remind me it’s okay to say no to you makes me feel better.”
“Did you listen to the message I left you?”
Cheyenne was quiet for a moment. Then she shook her head.
Dude tsked at her. “Listen to it.”