by G. Benson
Sam had gone, if possible, much paler than normal. Her freckles stood out so obviously it was impossible to think Hayden hadn’t noticed them before. The paleness of her skin made her eyes incredibly green, and that made Hayden even madder, for some unknown reason. She said nothing.
The waiter appeared, putting their food down, and Hayden held Sam’s eye. Neither of them even acknowledged him. It smelled divine, yet her stomach felt filled with lead.
“I’m leaving. This is over. All of it.”
Hayden stood up. If someone could think so little of her, there was no way she would be able to sit near that person for a year and know that was how they thought.
Let alone freaking marry them. What had she been thinking?
She stood up, her cheeks hot, and left with the feeling of Sam’s eyes on her as she walked out.
CHAPTER 5
Hayden woke up still mad.
At work, she was still mad.
She tried not to be mad in the direction of her patients, but it didn’t really work. When she woke up, she’d thought there might be some kind of apology from Sam, but of course her phone had only had three game request notifications she needed to delete and a photo of Luce’s dinner they’d made at home. Which had looked much nicer than the protein bar Hayden had found in the pocket of her jacket and eaten angrily while half-watching TV.
Even while eating a free sandwich her patient had ordered yet couldn’t eat since they’d ended up having to fast for an operation, Hayden was still mad.
Like, so mad.
Sam had appeared in the ER and had walked past Hayden as if she didn’t exist. Again. And, okay, it wasn’t like Hayden was exactly being inviting, but was Sam really not going to do or say anything after last night?
Not that Hayden wanted her to. Even for two hundred forty thousand dollars.
That was a lot of money though.
No.
She bit into the sandwich and chewed ferociously, staring at the wall of the break room. Another nurse left without saying anything. Most likely, the angry bites and stony silence told him that Hayden really didn’t feel like talking.
The door opened and, despite her resolve to give all her attention to the wall, Hayden looked over. Luce closed the door and crossed their arms. Hayden took another bite and met Luce’s look.
“Okay. Seriously, Hayden. What is up with you?”
Hayden swallowed her mouthful. “Nothing.”
“Oh, totally. I can see that. You’re the epitome of calm.”
“I am.”
“You’re so mad you’re practically vibrating with it.”
“Okay. Yes.” Hayden gesticulated with her hands, the tomato filling from her sandwich falling on the ground. Great. Now she’d have to pick that up. “I’m angry.”
“What happened?” Luce had their soothing voice on. It always worked.
Hayden took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose. “Thomson is an ass.”
Luce raised that one stupid eyebrow. “So we’re back there?”
“We never really left there.”
“Even though you kept going out with her?”
“Two times. Two times is not ‘kept.’”
“Okay. Fine. What did she do?” Luce walked over to the coffee machine, switching it on with a wrinkle of their nose. The coffee in the nurses’ break room was notoriously sludge-like.
Hayden opened her mouth, then closed it. Tell Luce, or not tell Luce? It wasn’t fair to tell the whole story; parts of it weren’t hers to tell. Even if she was angry at Sam. But that didn’t mean Hayden couldn’t open up a little.
“She used the words just a nurse.”
Mug in hand, still waiting for the pot to fill with stale, gross coffee—even though it was freshly brewed—Luce spun around. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah.”
“What—but. What?”
“Yeah. That was my reaction.”
“But with an epic Hayden-style lecture?”
Hayden smiled begrudgingly. “Yeah.”
“Good for you,” Luce said sharply. “Why would she say that? Like, even if she thought that way, why would she say it to you? A nurse?”
Because she knew Hayden had been on a career path headed toward being a doctor. In pediatrics, if she’d had any say in it. But Luce didn’t know that. It involved too many other things, too much else that hit close to something she didn’t want to go into with people. Things that would make them give her that pitying look.
Kind of like Sam had last night. And she didn’t even know the half of it.
Hayden didn’t need pity.
She loved her job. Every word she’d said to Sam was one she meant. Every last one.
Luce was still waiting for an answer.
“She found out I was once in med school. And couldn’t understand why I would change that.”
“You were?”
“Yeah.”
When Hayden didn’t offer any more information, Luce, thankfully, didn’t push—one of the many reasons Hayden appreciated their friendship. “Okay. And she acted like you lost something huge from that?”
“Yup.”
“So, she sucks as much as you thought she did. No loss.”
Hayden forced a dry laugh. “Yeah. Exactly. No loss.”
Only two hundred forty thousand dollars. And a weird feeling of disappointment bubbling in her stomach that seemed to have nothing to do with the money, but more with the fact that she’d kind of assumed Samantha Thomson didn’t think like that.
“You okay?”
Hayden looked up from her hands to deep brown eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks. All good with you? Did you ask out Coffee Girl?”
“No. I sat on my couch after cooking dinner and binge-watched TV.”
“What series?”
“One with clones. It’s epic.”
“Should I watch it?”
“Definitely.”
“Text me the details, and consider it done.” Hayden looked at her watch and heaved a sigh. “Well, my break is over. I’ve got to get back out there.”
“Oh.” Luce pouted and poured a cup of the too-thick coffee. “I was hoping you had more time before you finished.”
They plopped onto the sofa as Hayden stood up. “No can do, sadly. Too much to do, and I’ve already had my thirty minutes.”
“Sad. Drink tonight?”
No money. “I wish. Can’t, sorry.”
“Soon?”
“Of course.”
“Okay.”
Hayden gave an overly cheery wave and walked out, able to feel their gaze on her back.
As soon as she walked back into the ER, she was slammed with the bustle of it all. It was a steadily busy day, and as soon as one bed had cleared, it was filled with someone else. Even with the anger still boiling under her skin, Hayden was able to distract herself by moving seamlessly between patients and mostly shed the shaken feeling.
What did she care what Sam thought, anyway? The loss of so much money was the killer here.
She was thinking exactly that several hours later, typing at a computer to find her patient’s blood work results, when a voice interrupted her.
“Can I speak with you?” A pause. “Please.”
Hayden didn’t even need to look around to know who it was. “I’m busy.”
“I know. But you’re always busy. I’ve tried to come up to you multiple times today, but you were always occupied. Now was the only time that seemed appropriate.”
Hitting print on the blood report, Hayden logged herself out of the system and spun the office chair around. Sam was standing several feet away, hands in her lab coat pockets and looking strangely unsure of herself. She had a little furrow between her brows.
Several expressions in as many days. Who’d have thought?
And she’d been trying to approach Hayden all day? How had Hayden not known that?
“I don’t have anything to say,” Hayden said.
“That’s fine, as
I do. Give me five minutes.” Sam visibly swallowed, though her expression stayed the same: no hint of anything, except that little crease in the middle of her brow. “Please.”
Two pleases. Impressive.
“Fine.” Hayden stood up. “Five minutes.”
Sam nodded and turned, leading the way to one of the treatment rooms filled with medications and dressing equipment. Eyes followed them, and Hayden resisted the urge to frown at the people who were watching without even trying to hide it. Apparently, people had already started to notice they were spending time together. Too bad it was when Hayden had definitely decided against the whole thing.
Sam entered one of the rooms in the far corner that tended to be less frequented. Hayden followed her through and closed the door. A metal table sat in the middle, used for making up antibiotics and other such things, and Sam turned, resting her fingertips on the surface.
Those smudges under her eyes were more prominent.
Hayden crossed her arms and didn’t care if she was the image of defensive.
“I’m sorry.”
Hayden blinked. But Sam was still there, her eyes boring into her. And she had, apparently, spoken those words.
“What?” Hayden asked.
“I apologized,” Sam said. “But I can say it again: I’m sorry.”
“Oh.”
It didn’t look like she was joking. In fact, Sam looked as serious as ever.
“I…” Sam sighed and broke eye contact, looking down at her fingers pressing into the steel. “I didn’t mean what I said the way you took it. Though, with reflection, I can see that it sounded like that.”
“Oh.” Hayden was as eloquent as ever. But this was really not what she’d expected.
“I was simply thinking of the money, for you. Of how you could be in a different situation now, financially. I didn’t really understand how you got to be where you are now.” She furrowed her brow, still not meeting Hayden’s eye. Like this, Sam looked younger. Or maybe it was that she looked different. “I don’t like not understanding things. Sometimes I can be abrupt or too pushy when I’m trying to get an answer. I get very…focused on the need to know why or how. And I forget to measure my words.”
She still hadn’t looked up. But every word sounded thought out. Almost as if she’d mulled on them all night and day.
“Oh.” Hayden needed to say something more. “Okay.”
“I did not mean to imply that being a nurse was less.” Sam looked up, and even after the eye contact from before, her eyes were shockingly green. Clear and bright. Sincere. “I should have thought about my wording more. I often make that mistake.”
That boiling anger in Hayden was barely even warm now. When had that happened?
“So?” Hayden asked, trying to measure her words more. “What did you mean?”
“In our world, nursing is paid less. Doctors, eventually, make more. We were talking about money. My just was in reference to this situation, not the occupation. Without nurses, hospitals would fall apart. Every word you said last night was true. I don’t disagree with any of it.”
“Oh.”
“Do you have any other words?” Sam’s lips were quirking up. At the throwback to the comment the day before, maybe. Or perhaps in relief that Hayden wasn’t laying into her again.
So Hayden caved. She smiled, finally. “I do. Okay. Thank you for your apology.”
“You’re welcome.” The words were almost stiff, but the smile on her face was less hesitant. “I have a question.”
“Yeah?”
“Did you mean it? That the whole thing is off?”
Hayden took in a deep breath. “I did when I said it. But… Now, I don’t know.”
“Okay.”
“Are you still interested?” Hayden asked.
“Yes.”
“Maybe I am too.”
“Okay.” Sam said it as if everything was decided now. “Maybe, if you’re interested, we can repeat dinner. Hopefully more successfully this time.”
“Does it really matter to be seen out?”
“Yes.”
“Do I get an answer as to why yet?”
Sam shook her head. “One day, depending how this—” she waved a hand between them “—goes.”
“Fine. Yes. Dinner then. Tonight?”
“I have surgery.” Sam buried her hands back in her pockets. “Can you do tomorrow?”
“Okay.”
“Good.” Sam hesitated on something, her tongue running over her bottom lip. “Hayden. I’m not very good. At being social. I’m awkward. I don’t follow cues the way most other people do.”
“I’ve noticed.”
Sam dipped her head but held her eye. “Just so you know.”
“Okay. Refrain from insulting me, and we’ll be fine.”
Fine. Enough. Hayden had no idea how this was going to go, really. With the anger completely gone, she felt drained. And curious. Really, now. She did feel curious. Sam was a bit of a mystery, intriguing.
“I’ll try.” That smile was back, curving up one side of Sam’s mouth.
“Well, coming in here alone with a closed door will certainly have gotten noticed.”
“What?” Sam looked behind Hayden to the door then back to her face. Her eyes widened, hardly perceptible, but there. “Oh.”
Hayden smirked. “Shall we walk out while fixing our shirts?”
“Why would—Hayden!” Sam rolled her eyes, and the reaction was so natural Hayden chuckled. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Why? Everyone will be thinking it anyway. And that way, we can get that gossip mill really going.” She didn’t mean it. She was still unsure she wanted to go through with this at all, let alone get that rumor going. But still, the half-appalled and half-amused look on Sam’s face was worth it.
“I think that’s going a little too far.”
“We could mess your hair up.”
Sam started walking past her to the door, Hayden turning on her heel to follow her out.
“Very funny, Hayden.”
“I could rub lipstick on your neck.”
“You’re not even wearing lipstick.”
“Well that’d really get them talking, then, wouldn’t it?”
Hell must have frozen over, because Sam laughed.
CHAPTER 6
Opening her door, Hayden shouldn’t have been surprised at who she found. Luce was staring at her, arms crossed.
This was getting tedious.
“All right, you’ve been out with her, like, six times. And they’re just the ones I know about. What’s going on?”
With a sigh, Hayden stood aside and let Luce into her apartment. Luce walked through the door briskly, turned on their heel in the middle of the living room, and crossed their arms again. That one talented eyebrow was raised in Hayden’s direction as soon as she’d closed the door.
“What do you mean ‘What’s going on?’”
“What do you think I mean? I mean—” they waved their arms in the air “—I’m in the dark, and I hate that.”
Hayden smirked. “You’re hilarious when you’re all worked up.”
Now was the point, the time to really move everything forward. To start lying. To not pass this off as curiosity and friends anymore, but to commit to what Hayden and Sam had agreed on and to tell Luce they were dating. It had been two weeks.
Lies sucked.
“Okay. Fine, Luce. I like her.”
Well, very mildly true. Okay, barely true. But Hayden didn’t dislike Sam as much as she had. After being pushed into hatred after their first disastrous dinner, she’d left that behind pretty quickly and slowly eased toward not really minding her. Not that great, but it was something.
Luce’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“I like her.” Hayden held their gaze and shrugged. She’d rehearsed this in her head. She could sell it. “I don’t really know where it came from or how it happened, but I like her.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No.”
Luce’s arms fell to their side. “You? Like Thomson?”
“Sam’s pretty nice, and kind of funny. And, I don’t know, we click.”
All rehearsed. She’d said it out loud each night to Frank to try and get it to sound natural. Again and again. He’d started to walk away from her whenever she started.
“Sam?” Oh God. The incredulous look on Luce’s face was making Hayden waver. “What happened to ‘Thomson’?”
“That’s her name.”
“And you like Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“You like like her? Like, warm, fuzzy feelings?”
“Yeah.”
Luce walked backward until the back of their legs hit Hayden’s chair. They sat down heavily. “Oh.”
Hayden sat on the sofa opposite them. Well, this was going just as swimmingly as she’d figured it would.
“I mean, I can’t exactly be surprised.” Luce looked exactly that, however. “The last two weeks you’ve been going out with her a lot.”
Which Hayden had hoped everyone had noticed. They’d been getting looks since emerging from that treatment room together, even with their shirts perfectly tucked in and no lipstick in sight.
“I’m surprised you survived two weeks without saying anything.” Hayden bit back a smirk.
“I tried.” Luce fell back heavily into the sofa. “I was hoping you’d spill something.”
“And decided to give up not asking on a random Wednesday afternoon?”
Luce even managed to look sheepish. “I got bored. Plus, Tasha messaged me and said she’d seen the two of you out and asked if I had any gossip. Which, of course, I wouldn’t give her if I had, but I hated that I wasn’t even lying when I said no.”
“Well, thanks, I guess.” Hayden stood up. She needed a distraction from the still-shocked look on Luce’s face.
Last week had been payday, so Hayden had actually been to the supermarket that morning. She had vegetables.