by G. Benson
Like right now.
She threw herself into the shower and into the comfort of her bed. Sadly, she set her alarm for only a few hours from now, the idea being that she’d make herself get up after a nap so that, hopefully, she’d sleep kind of normally that night; but getting up after only a few hours always hurt.
Really, this was how she’d gotten into this mess—being wide awake at a ridiculous time, thanks to night shift, and stumbling across Sam’s ad.
She quickly grabbed her phone and sent her sister a message. Phone away, she dropped her head back to her pillow. Maybe she could sleep forever. That was her last thought before her alarm was ringing what seemed like two minutes later. The backs of her eyelids were surely layered with sandpaper. Blearily, almost knocking her phone off the nightstand, she pulled it in front of her face.
She’d been asleep for four hours.
“Ugh.” She threw herself backward onto the bed, nestling among the pillows with a thump. Almost immediately, her eyes drifted shut again.
With strength that deserved a medal, she opened them and sat up.
She felt hungover. Kicking her blankets off, she frowned and looked around. No Frank. He’d abandoned her.
She pulled her glasses on, and the room came into better focus.
But where was he? He barely left her room, except to find his food and litter tray. She quickly pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie, as well as a thick pair of socks. It was only one p.m. Eight hours until it was an appropriate time to go back to sleep. God, this sucked.
She needed coffee.
Running her fingers along the wall of the corridor, Hayden walked down and emerged into the living space and jumped.
Sam was sitting on the giant sofa.
No, Sam was sitting on the giant sofa with Frank next to her, curled in the fold of her knees. Hayden felt her mouth drop open. Sam looked up from her book.
“Good afternoon.”
Everything was blurry, even with her glasses on. “Uh, hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Like the dead.”
“You don’t want to sleep more?” Sam asked.
Hayden shook her head. “I want to sleep tonight.”
“Ah. I can sleep anytime, anywhere.”
Narrowing her eyes, Hayden walked into the kitchen. “Rub it in.” She paused and frowned at her cat. “And you—since when do you like people?”
Sam looked down at him, her hand rubbing the top of his head. Frank even tilted his chin up for Sam to rub under it. Hayden could hear his purring from across the giant room.
“Does he not normally like people?” Sam asked.
“I think he only barely tolerates me. I’ve hardly ever seen him like that.”
His face was smug. Stupid cat. In fact, they were both far too self-satisfied. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Hayden snarked.
“I have the day off.” Sam continued to scratch Frank’s head. “You know what shift work is like.”
Did she ever. Hayden cocked her head at the coffee machine that was covered in more buttons than the defibrillator at the hospital. There were knobs. And levers. And compartments. Did it have a manual?
And then Sam was next to her. Hayden jumped.
“Would you like me to make you a coffee?”
“It’s okay. I can, uh…make one.”
“Okay.” Sam turned to leave.
Hayden spun so fast loose hair whipped her in the eye. “No, wait.” Sam was supposed to follow Hayden’s response with “are you sure?” so that Hayden could politely acquiesce to her ministrations, wasn’t she? “I changed my mind.” She tried to look both sheepish and useless. “Could you? Please? I have no idea how this works.”
Sam turned back right away. “Okay.”
Hayden stood tugging on the ends of her sleeves in the middle of the huge kitchen, as Sam pulled out cream and milk and coffee from the fridge. When she turned around and Hayden was still standing there, she raised her eyebrows.
“Go sit down. You look like you’re about to fall over.”
“Thanks. I’ll ignore the part where you implied I look like shit.”
As she walked to the living room, Hayden heard Sam sigh. She fell down on the sofa next to her cat, who looked at her as if she was a bad replacement. Nice.
“That’s not what I said.” Sam’s voice filtered over from the kitchen area.
Hayden didn’t bother to answer as her eyes drifted closed again. Blindly, she rubbed circles on Frank’s head. He didn’t purr as loudly as he had before. Bastard.
“How do you take your coffee?”
“Tiny dash of milk, no sugar.”
Sounds wafted from the kitchen: the grinder for the beans, something that sounded like it heated up milk. She could almost be in a café. Except that here was warm and comfortable, and no terrible people were around her.
Just awkward Sam and Hayden’s traitor of a cat.
“Here you go.” The quiet words tugged her out of an almost sleep, and Hayden sat up. She went to rub her eyes but instead hit her glasses. Sam, standing over her with a coffee, failed to hide a smile.
“Thanks.” Hayden took the coffee and had a sip. It was splendid. She sighed contentedly. Loudly too.
“You’re very vocal with your enjoyment of things, you know.”
Hayden chuckled as she took another sip. “I’ve been told.”
She almost choked the second she realized what she’d said, warmth flooding her cheeks. She turned to look at Sam, who had sat at the other end of the giant sofa. Her cheeks were red, but she looked thoroughly amused, her eyes dancing.
“Is that so?” Sam asked.
“Can we pretend I didn’t say that?”
“No.” Sam’s lips were twitching.
“Please?”
“No.”
Hayden sighed and lay back against the sofa. “That’s very cruel.”
They settled into silence, Hayden taking sips and trying to wake up properly, Sam with her laptop and tapping away at the keys. It was strange to sit there in Sam’s house, and it was even stranger to sit there with her in it. Her ring glinted as she typed. Hayden’s clinked against the porcelain of her cup as she took a sip.
Her tired brain hurt. This situation was so bizarre. Also, the silence wasn’t awkward, even after their weird non-argument days ago.
“Did the money transfer okay?”
Hayden rolled her head to look at Sam. “Hm?”
“The money I transferred through the day we signed?”
“Oh. Yeah. I checked and forgot to confirm with you, what with the craziness of night shift. Thanks.”
“Good.”
Hayden closed her eyes, and Frank’s purring slowed down as he fell asleep, warm against her leg. It wouldn’t be long before she joined him.
“Your coffee’s spilling over the edge.”
Hayden opened her eyes and looked down at the coffee she gripped against her chest. Sam was right; it was about to tip everywhere. She took a sip, and another immediately after.
“Good coffee. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Sam cleared her throat, and Hayden looked at her. She didn’t take her gaze off the screen. “Are you doing anything tonight?”
“I was going to meet Luce at seven for a drink, then crawl into bed and hopefully sleep for twelve hours.”
“Do you sleep okay after night shift?”
“The first night, yeah. The second and third, not really. I end up scrolling my phone in the early hours.”
“Is that how you found my ad?” Something about Sam’s tone made it seem she was joking.
“Yeah, actually.”
Sam looked up sharply. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I thought it was a joke.”
Sam glanced down at the ring on her finger and back up. “And now you’re here.”
“Yup.” The eye contact went on until Hayden finally broke it and looked at her coffee. “I’m still kind of mad,” she admitted.
“Sam?”
Sam looked up, her fingers pausing.
Hayden sighed. “Want to come with me to the café to meet Luce properly? We should really get it over with.”
Sam’s expression didn’t change, but she did swallow noticeably. “Okay. Though I have to be somewhere and will finish up after seven. I can meet you both there?”
That was good. Hayden could warn Luce to not be weird.
“Sounds fine. I’ll send you the location of where we’re going.”
“Okay.”
Sam snapped her laptop shut and put it on the coffee table. “I have to go. I’ll see you then?”
“Yeah.”
Sam grabbed her bag and disappeared out the door. Quick exit indeed. She didn’t strike Hayden as one for long goodbyes. Or, apparently, any goodbye at all. So Hayden grabbed her phone, which was flashing with a reply from her sister.
They were going to video-call in ten minutes. Hayden took a deep breath. She could do this. She quickly drained her coffee and rinsed the cup out in the kitchen before placing it in the sink. Frank sprawled out on his back on the sofa, watching her from across the room.
“Maybe your issue was that you always knew you deserved a higher standard of living,” she told him.
As if in agreement, he wriggled onto his back and closed his eyes.
Hayden rolled her own and went to brush her teeth and wash her face, hoping the cold water would wake her up. She avoided the mirror. She already knew she looked like hell; she didn’t need to confirm it.
With her laptop in hand, she sat on the sofa. Her sister was already online. She pressed the call button, and the familiar music filled the room. Frank’s ear twitched, but other than that, he didn’t move. The image of herself on the laptop was at a hideous upward angle. She now had a thousand chins. Hayden couldn’t even care less. She did nestle back into the couch a bit more, leaving her legs up on the sofa and putting the laptop on her knees. She looked less terrifying now, but wow, her eyes were really red-rimmed.
The music cut off, and her sister’s image filled the screen. She was a darker-haired version of Hayden; her eyes the same chocolate color and skin the same dark brown. There were exactly twelve months between them, and sometimes they bounced back and forth between acting like the younger sister and the older sister. Technically, it was her sister who was older.
“Hayds.” Her voice was tinny through the speakers, but still the sound sent familiarity warming all over her.
“Sofia. Hey.”
Sofia was managing to look both really pleased to see her and pissed off at the same time. “It’s been a while.”
“I know. Sorry. I’ve been really busy.”
“So have I.”
“I know you have.” Hayden felt the frustration that had flared up with ease. “You know I know that.”
That pissed-off expression that Hayden knew was a mirror of her own when she used it faded. “Fine, whatever. Let’s move on from that. How’s work?”
“Busy. Hectic.” Hayden half shrugged. “I love it, though.”
“And your stupid cat?”
Hayden tilted the laptop so the camera fell on her laid-out, lazy, round cat. “He’s fine, as you can see.”
“He looks relaxed.”
The camera was back on her in time to catch the roll of her eyes. “He is. ¿Y mi sobrino? Is Javi there?”
“He’s got soccer this afternoon.”
Hayden chuckled, liking the idea of her four-year-old nephew playing soccer far too much. “Soccer? At his age? How much soccer do they actually play?”
“At the last match, three kids sat down and started playing some weird clapping game, and two ran headfirst into each other. The rest picked up the ball and ran around with it in their hands.”
Hayden laughed, Frank twitching next to her. “I’d love to see that.”
“If you came and visited, you could.”
And there it was. “I know, Sofe. I do.”
“Hayds, Mom and Javi ask for you all the time.”
The mention of her mother made Hayden’s stomach flip with guilt. And Javi. She never saw enough of him, and last time, he’d gone from toddler-slash-baby to little boy. Who knew that happened after four? “I’m sorry. The last year has been a real balancing act, trying to send enough money and manage here too.”
Plus, Hayden doubted her mom really asked for her that much.
“You know you could be living here. That would cut costs.”
Hayden’s jaw clench. And give up even more? Including her feeling of independence? “You know I wouldn’t cope.”
Sofia huffed. “True, fine. But you do need to visit.”
“Well. That’s kind of why I called.”
Sofia perked up, her face brighter. “You’re coming?”
“I don’t have anything planned yet, but I want to. I’ll have to get leave from work.”
She waved her hand in the air, dismissing that. “Yeah, yeah. Semantics. But you’re coming?”
“Yeah. But I have to tell you something first.”
Sofia’s eyes immediately narrowed. Her sister knew her too well. “You have your guilty face on.”
“I do not!”
“You do.”
Hayden huffed. “Look, I wanted to tell you and Abuela together. Is she there?”
“Yeah, I just didn’t tell her I was calling you so we could chat first.”
“Good plan. Could you call her in?”
Sofia turned. “Abuela!”
“Or you know, scream.”
“Shut up. You know she’s half deaf.”
Hayden’s felt dry-mouthed all of a sudden. This was going to suck. She really didn’t want to lie to her family. Avoid them, fine. Blame them for things out of their control sometimes, sure. Get frustrated as hell by them, completely.
But lie? No. She wasn’t him.
“¿Qué?”
The old woman’s voice reached her, and Hayden couldn’t help but grin. “Abuela!”
Her grandmother’s face appeared on the screen, hovering over Sofia’s shoulder. She lit up after she was done squinting at the laptop, her eyes bright and sharp.
“Alejandra.” Abuela’s voice was warm like syrup coating her insides and leaving her comforted.
“Abuela, are you ever going to call me Hayden?”
She never would, but it was almost a habit to ask now.
Abuela pushed at Sofia’s shoulders until Sofia rolled her eyes and stood up. She sat in the other chair right next to the one she’d vacated, that Abuela deemed too uncomfortable, and Abuela sat down in the comfortable one. Her lined face was still bright as she squinted at Hayden, intense.
“Why? Your name is Alejandra in the middle. Just because that gringo gave you that name does not mean I must use it.”
That, and Abuela loved that Hayden’s middle name was a tribute to her.
Hayden couldn’t even be mad. It would never change. “Fine, fine. Y ¿cómo te va?”
“You know I am practicing the English now. I teached you—”
“Taught,” Sofia and Hayden chorused.
She didn’t even miss a beat. “…taught you Spanish, now it is mi turno.”
“Your turn.”
“That.” She waved a hand in the air. “And we are fine here, the same. Como siempre. And how are you? Why you never call?”
Sofia was smirking, and Hayden sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been busy. Work’s been non-stop.”
“She said she’s coming to visit,” Sofia added.
Abuela’s face lit up. “Good. This will make your mamá very happy.”
“Where is she?” Hayden had been avoiding the question.
“She’s got swimming this afternoon,” Sofia said.
“Oh. Good.” Hayden smiled. “Is she liking it?”
“Loves it some days.” Abuela flicked her glasses from the top of her head onto her nose
and finally stopped squinting. They weren’t allowed to suggest she use them. She’d only had them a year, and she thought they made her look old. “When you come?”
“I’m not sure yet, but soon.”
She waggled a finger at the screen. “Until you have a ticket, I don’t believe you. Always ‘I’m coming, I’m coming,’ and then nada.”
Sofia was smirking again. “She also said she had something to talk to us about.”
Both stared at her through the screen. Hayden’s pulse was too quick, nausea bubbling in her belly.
“Well…”
How did she say this? Just spit it out? Ease them in?
Not tell them?
Sam’s raised eyebrows entered her head, and she sighed. That wasn’t an option.
She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, fallen loose from the sloppy bun piled on the top of her head.
“¿Qué es eso?” Abuela’s voice was sharp. That voice had struck fear in her as a child. Hayden froze, exactly like she had back then too.
“¿Qué?” she asked. “What is what, Abuela?”
Her grandmother’s eyes were like a laser beam; the camera’s stupid perspective made it hard to know what it was focused on.
“On your finger. What is that?”
Hayden’s eyes widened. As did Sofia’s. Both gazes were now focused on her hand. She held it out in front of her face, fingers spread. The damn ring.
“Mierda.” Sofia blurted out. “What is that?”
This was bad, because Abuela didn’t even admonish Sofia for swearing.
“Uh, well. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
That sick feeling in Hayden’s stomach hadn’t gone away. She would have to lie as little as possible. That’s how she would get through this.
No mientan a su familia. Nunca. Abuela had said it, once, years ago, her eyes fierce as she’d put a hand on each of her teary granddaughters’ shoulders. You don’t lie to your family. Ever.
Hayden wasn’t naïve. Of course you did sometimes. White lies and all that. But big lies? No. Lies in general wrapped you up, and you tugged at one thread and then another, and the whole thing fell apart.
So she’d lather it in enough truth.