by G. Benson
Across the room, in his hammock, Frank blinked at her and Hayden poked her tongue out at him.
“Thanks for the wine,” Clemmie said, picking up her glass.
“You bought it.” Content that the table looked good enough, Hayden met them all over at the kitchen counter. “So, thank you.”
Sam took a long sip of hers, and Hayden tried not to smirk. Instead, she sidled close until they were side by side. Opposite them, Luce put their elbows on the counter, and Clemmie settled close to them.
“What’s for dinner?” Luce asked.
“Hayden made baleada.”
“Sounds delicious,” Clemmie said. “What is it?”
“It’s like a taco, but Honduran style. My abuela’s recipe, though hers are always better. Luce mentioned you’re vegetarian?” At Clemmie’s nod, Hayden continued, “Great. They’re with beans.”
“Thanks.”
“I really love the apartment.” Luce straightened and picked up their glass. They walked away, and Hayden closed her eyes for a second when she saw them walking straight for the photo on the wall. “And I love this photo.”
“Thank you.” Sam’s voice sounded so genuine, and Hayden opened her eyes. Luce had their back to them all, staring at the photo.
They tilted their head. “You look really happy.”
“My favorite is the one on the TV.” Sam took a sip of wine, and when Hayden turned to look at her, Sam’s gaze quickly flicked to Luce.
Was it her favorite? Well, it could be her favorite without it meaning anything intense. It was a really nice photo. Clemmie walked to the television and picked it up, Luce standing next to her. They tucked their chin on her shoulder, both of them looking down at the photo. They matched, standing there. Their posture folded around each other. Clemmie relaxed back into Luce, and the sight was adorable. Which worked well, because when Luce looked up at her, Hayden must have been smiling.
“Is it your favorite too?”
Hayden shook her head. “No. I like the one on the wall.” Sam’s eyes were back on her now; Hayden could feel it. But she kept her gaze on Luce. “I like that we’re smiling. It’s not serious or overly…wedding-y.”
Luce grinned at her, and Clemmie looked up too, the photo still in her hands. Shaking their head, Luce said, “I still can’t believe you got married and didn’t invite anyone. Namely me.”
“Leave them alone, Luce. They’re happy. You can tell from the photos they didn’t want a traditional wedding anyway.”
Yup. Hayden really liked Clemmie.
Hayden stuck her tongue out at Luce. Sam slipped her arm around Hayden’s waist, and Hayden was tight against her, her hand over Sam’s on her hip. Their wedding bands would be right next to each other. “Yeah, Luce.” Hayden rubbed it in. “Leave us alone.”
Sam’s weight against her was comfortable.
They eventually sat down, food dished up and Frank still glaring at them from his cat tree.
“How is good ol’ Frank settling in, Hayds?” Luce asked.
“Oh, he’s in heaven.”
“He loves me.” Sam reached for her wine. “And Hayden’s jealous.”
“I am not!”
Luce cackled. “Oh, they who protest too much.”
Hayden grumbled, stabbing at her food. “I’m not protesting too much.”
Clemmie grinned at her over the table. “You kind of are. You went high-pitched.”
Hayden narrowed her eyes, making sure it looked playful. “Just as I was starting to truly like you.”
Too quickly, considering Hayden would rather not do this at all, Sam nudged Hayden with her shoulder. Hayden looked at her with raised eyebrows. Sam lifted her own and looked pointedly at Luce and Clemmie. Oh. She wanted to do the “yay, we’ve made four months” thing. Her eyes were really green tonight. Their faces were close at the table, and the freckles over her nose looked charming. Hayden had drunk too much wine.
“Are you two having a married eye conversation?” Luce asked.
Hayden whipped her head around. Luce and Clemmie were watching them, amused.
“No,” Hayden said.
“A little,” Sam said.
“Okay, fine, yes.” Hayden reached for her glass. “We just wanted to say that, well—” Hayden slid her arm around the back of Sam’s chair. “We’ve been married for four months today. Thanks for being here.”
Hayden turned her head, and she was eye to eye with Sam, their noses almost brushing. Sam smiled, and Hayden echoed it without thinking. She closed the gap, their lips grazing before Hayden kissed her properly. When Sam’s lips moved, ever so slightly, Hayden deepened the kiss, their lips parting. Losing herself, Hayden hummed, quietly. It was more indulgent than usual, lingering. Something tingled from her lips and down her spine, pooling in her stomach. Sam pulled back and turned to Luce and Clemmie, leaving Hayden with warmth in her belly and wondering how Sam acted so easily.
And also wondering when she’d become really, really attracted to Sam.
When Sam had turned back to the others, it had left Hayden with the image of Sam’s ear, and she wanted to move right into her space and brush her lips right under it, against the softness of her neck. And not because Luce was watching and they needed to put on a show. And not because it had been a long time and Hayden felt lonely—or was hurting, or was emotional.
She really wanted to kiss Sam the person. Not Sam her fake wife.
“Aw! Here, here!”
Her mouth dry, almost breathless, Hayden turned to face her friends, cheeks overheating. She raised her glass with them, and they all clinked them together. Her arm was still over Sam’s chair, and Sam leaned lightly into her side. Hayden’s head spun, that low heat in her stomach giving off a throb.
Well. This was new.
~ ~ ~
The next morning, Hayden lay in bed, looking unseeingly up at the ceiling, her legs twisted in the blankets. She would wait until Sam had left for work to get up. Hayden had the day off and was really grateful for that.
Until it left her alone in the house with her thoughts.
She wasn’t so grateful anymore.
How long had she been attracted to Sam? She’d been ignoring it since they’d got back from Florida, hadn’t she?
Had brushed it off.
Hayden was an idiot.
She took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. But that didn’t help the weird, hopped-up nerves in her stomach. It was as if discovering this attraction had turned Hayden into some kind of turned-on teenager.
She contemplated a run. That could help. Burn off some of this energy ticking in her bloodstream. Or she could get up and eat breakfast, go for a walk to find a café that looked nice to sit in, and call her sister.
That sounded like a better idea.
Hayden sat up and went to stand, one foot still wrapped in the sheet and she tripped her way out of it, slamming her knee into the bedside table.
“Shit! Ow!”
Frank ran out from under her bed, pelting away, his fat little belly jiggling.
“Frank! Come back.” Cursing, Hayden rubbed her knee.
She had a quick shower, figuring her hair could survive a third day without washing it. She’d do it tonight. Probably. She pulled on layers. Christmas was only three weeks away, and it looked like red and green had thrown up all over the city. Luce and she were sending constant photos back and forth of the most outlandish decorations. Luce had thus far won, with a caption that read “an elf took too many drugs and then exploded in here.”
When her toast was ready and she had a coffee in hand, Hayden stared at Frank as he slept in his tree and mulled her predicament over.
So. She was attracted to her wife. That would be considered a good thing to most people. This was not an everyday situation, however.
Well, a crush was nothing. Wait. Not even a crush, an attraction. She was an adult. She could deal with this, even if the entire thing was embarrassing. No doubt Sam saw her as a means to some kind of end Hayden
still didn’t understand. Even if they were kind of close now—friends, really—she probably looked at Hayden like some kind of childish cousin.
She saw her brother as really young. Hayden was only six years older.
Taking a too-big bite of her toast, her gaze fell to the picture on the wall. It set off an ache low in her belly. Yup. Just attraction. Not a crush. That would be silly.
Why? How had this happened? Sam was rude and arrogant and had no bedside manner.
But she was also stunning and witty and calmed Hayden’s mother down when Hayden was left flailing. She cupped Hayden’s chin as if Hayden was something breakable when her lip was split and aching. She cried over patients she failed. She put up with her joker of a younger brother with an affectionate roll of her eyes.
She had eyes so green they could have been digitally altered and freckles that Hayden wanted to memorize, to trace her fingers over and figure out all they ways they could come back together. In the photo, Hayden could see the fanning of laugh lines around Sam’s eyes, a sight that set affection roiling in her gut.
This could not end well.
Hayden grabbed her phone off the counter and started typing a message to Luce. Then stopped.
She was panicking, and she couldn’t even talk to her best friend about it.
Or her sister.
She couldn’t speak about it because, according to them, of course Hayden was attracted to Sam. This wasn’t new. She had no one to have a freak-out at. Everyone thought they were happily married.
Except Jon.
Hayden considered that option, her phone held against her chest.
Jon knew the truth. And Sam clearly trusted him to keep a secret; he was the only person who knew.
But Jon was also Sam’s brother.
Okay, so over the last month especially, Hayden had hung out with him a bit. He appeared for a beer on the sofa some nights, often when Sam wasn’t even there. She liked him. He was what she imagined any younger brother would be like: a bit of an idiot, but nice enough. And he was clearly protective of Sam.
So, no. No telling Jon, then.
Hayden’s phone buzzed in her hand, and she squealed and dropped it.
Frank didn’t even move.
Clucking her tongue at herself, she scooped it off the floor. No cracks. Lucky. She opened a message from Sam. She rarely ever sent messages. She kind of hated her phone. She had to be attached to it for work.
Can we talk about Christmas when I get home this evening?
Hayden sent an affirmative.
Christmas? What about it? Sam already knew Hayden was working. She’d managed to get last year off, which meant this year was definitely a no go. Sam was working too, as far as Hayden knew.
They’d be kind of spending Christmas together.
Maybe with some eggnog and Christmas lights, glowing from the tree neither of them had bothered talking about putting up. Mistletoe.
No. No romantic, kissy thoughts.
No thoughts of if we just drink enough wine… No. None of that.
This was a business deal. One for money. She’d given up her lease officially ages ago. She couldn’t make a mess of this now. She needed the apartment for the next however long this went for. She needed the cash. This deal had to work out.
And then with the money, she’d figure out what the heck to do. How would she explain to her family she’d come into some money to really set their mother up? Or, more importantly, divorced a woman they now all liked and Hayden had convinced them she was deeply in love with?
Hayden’s head was hurting.
She put her dishes away and grabbed her coat, wrapping a scarf around her neck and adding gloves for good measure.
The air outside was bitingly cold, wind whipping her hair around her head where it spilled out from under her beanie. Her cheeks and nose lost feeling quickly, yet she walked around for an hour, her feet pounding the pavement and her thoughts clashing wildly in her head. She needed to get rid of this idea. Maybe if she could say it to someone she’d realize how insane it was, and she could laugh about it and move on. Hayden and Sam. It made no sense. Hayden needed a date. Or to get out and flirt with someone.
Except that wasn’t what she wanted to do, at all. She wanted to fall into Sam, to lose herself in those kisses they occasionally shared. To pull back those layers Hayden was getting a glimpse of and see what else lurked beneath. To find out what made her sigh, and moan. She wanted to know what made her laugh as much as Hayden’s nephew calling himself “Danger Fart” did.
Because over the last several months, Hayden had learned so much, but it had only left her wanting more. She had learned so much, but also so little all at the same time.
Hayden stopped at a small café. The blast of warmth quickly had her stripping her layers off. She ordered a coffee and slipped into a seat by a window, away from anyone else. She called Sofia and tried not to sound like she wildly wanted to sleep with the woman she’d fake married and introduced to them all as her real wife.
Talking to her sister was nice.
Hayden had been trying harder to answer her calls and call her sometimes. And over the last few weeks, they’d talked about a home. About eventually moving her mother somewhere more secure. She’d started trying to wander more and more. Abuela was getting worried.
Their concern left a knot of worry in Hayden’s throat.
But at least they were talking about it.
They were all worried about how to pay for it. There was talk of selling the house and using that money, and Hayden continuing to pay what she was already contributing. Even with that, though, the care they could afford was on the lower scale. And if they sold the house, Abuela and Sofia and Javi still needed somewhere to live.
Hayden would be able to afford somewhere amazing for her mother soon. And with the forty in her account, they could look at moving her in that somewhere amazing whenever they needed to.
If only Abuela and Sofia would agree.
“Okay. I get it, Hayden. We’ll talk more later. And how’s Sam?”
The question alone made Hayden’s breath hitch. “She’s fine. Good. Christmas discussions are happening.”
“Oh, great. Are you both working?” Sofia sounded muffled. Probably trying to cook while she talked. She was always doing several things at once, whereas if Hayden attempted that, she’d just hurt herself.
“Yeah, we are. She wants to talk about it tonight.”
“Will you be with her family, then? What are they like?”
“They’re—” a complete unknown “—fine. Her brother is nice. He’s twenty-one, so, you know, young. But I get along with him pretty well.”
“That’s a big age gap.”
“Mm. Accident, I think.”
“I imagine. Still, that’ll be fun.”
“Are you all having the normal Christmas?”
“Yeah. Low fuss. Mass with Abuela. Javi’s written his list.”
“He was so funny last year, yelling in the morning about how the reindeer had eaten the carrots we gnawed on before going to bed at one a.m.”
Sofia chuckled. “I’d forgotten that. I have the photo of you doing it, with wine in your other hand and scraping your teeth down the carrot to make it look authentic. I’ll just have to send that to Sam.”
“Why do you do these things to me?”
“Because I love you.”
“Lies.”
“Well, I do. We’ll miss you this year.” The joking tone faded to a more serious one.
Something clenched in Hayden’s stomach. She did love Christmas with her family. “I will too. You know how it is at the hospital. I had the holidays off last year, so this year was impossible.”
“Yeah, well, you can still look forward to Abuela trying to convince you that you just didn’t ask for the time hard enough.”
“Can’t wait. Now tell me about Javi’s present requests so I can send him something awesome.”
Hayden lost herself in conversation with
her sister, trying and failing to forget everything else.
~ ~ ~
Hayden was in her sweats on the sofa with Frank that evening, watching reruns of an old comedy show, when Sam came through the door. She was wan, clearly tired. Luce and Clemmie had left quite late the night before.
“Hey,” Hayden called from the sofa.
“Hi.” Sam smiled, and Hayden’s stomach lurched. Her plan to not let this get to her was already failing.
“How was work?” she asked.
“Long. I had an eight-hour surgery with Reeves.”
That wouldn’t have been pleasant. “That resident who talks nonstop?”
“That one, yes.” Sam put her bag on the counter and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. “He was finally quiet around the three-hour mark.”
“You mean you glared him into silence around the three-hour mark.”
“I did no such thing.”
“Oh please.” Hayden tucked her legs under herself, and Sam walked over, sitting close, her hand falling to Frank’s neck to stroke him. He purred. “You can’t not be aware of how powerful your glare is.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then why are you smirking?”
“I don’t smirk. Nor do I glare.”
“You do both, and you know it.” Hayden dropped her head against the back of the sofa. “There’s some pasta on the stove, if you’re hungry.”
Sam cocked her head, something soft in the curve of her lips, and Hayden wanted to fall into the look in her eye. “Thank you. How was your day?”
Oh, you know, just ruminating on how badly I want to kiss you.
Or how badly she wanted to push Sam back against the sofa and bite at her neck until Sam groaned her name. “Fine.” Her voice squeaked, so Hayden cleared her throat. “Fine. Relaxing. I didn’t have any obligations today, so I went for a walk, called my sister.”
“How was that?”
“Good. She’s coming around to the idea that Mom will have to go into a home. Slowly. It’s Abuela who’s fighting it.”
“She thinks she’s the best thing for her daughter.”
Sam looked at her as if she hadn’t just dropped a huge truth bomb. “Yeah. Exactly.” Hayden took in a deep breath, because Sam being understanding right now was not helping the whole…attraction thing. “Plus, you know, her idea is that no one looks after your family better than you do. To her, admitting Mom elsewhere is like being selfish. Family belongs with family.” Hayden swallowed. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “You wanted to talk about Christmas?”