by G. Benson
“You really did.”
Hayden finally sipped her coffee. “A little?”
Luce grabbed a grape from Hayden’s tray, and considering the circumstances, Hayden didn’t think she should even be grumpy about it. “Hayden,” they said, “we spoke about it before Christmas.”
So much had happened since then. The words that would give that away to Luce built in Hayden’s throat, pressed against her tongue. Hayden wanted to spill them out all over the table and not even care what she left behind for the entire hospital to see. But she and Sam had gotten this fake marriage this far, had gotten through Christmas, and Sam had her lawyer dealing with the process for the inheritance thing.
They couldn’t mess it up now.
“Uh…”
Luce huffed. “Clemmie’s photography exhibition opening?”
“Oh!” Hayden straightened. “I do remember it. I do. It’s—” she turned sheepish “—it’s tomorrow.”
“So glad to see you’re with me.” Luce’s voice was deadpan, and Hayden flashed them a sheepish smile. “Are you still coming? You said you and Sam were in.”
“Yes, yes of course.”
Hayden tried to look natural while inside trying not to die. Maybe Sam would be working—no. Hayden had seen her roster on the fridge the other day. They were both free from seven. Maybe Hayden could avoid mentioning it… No. Because then Luce could mention it to Sam. Or Clemmie. Clemmie and Sam often chatted when Sam bought coffee. Apparently, they were almost friends.
“Great.” Luce brightened. “It’ll be a fun night. There’s bad wine, but it’s free. And cheese.”
“Two of my favorite things.”
“I knew that would sell it for you.” Luce paused. “Hey. I haven’t seen you much, and didn’t want to ask over the phone. Are you okay?”
“What? Me? I’m fine.” Hayden’s voice was far too high. She cleared her throat. “I’m fine.”
That eyebrow was back. “Are you sure? You’ve been, I don’t know, quiet?”
“I can be quiet.”
Luce just shook their head.
“Luce.” Hayden smiled as naturally as she could. “I’m fine.”
“Really? Because…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. You seem down. And you’re not with Sam very much.”
Damn it, Hayden thought she’d managed to keep it normal-looking.
“And, well, she’s in the ER sometimes when I don’t think she needs to be, and you make yourself scarce,” Luce added.
So, Hayden failed at subtle avoidance, it seemed. Had Sam really been there when she didn’t need to be? “I think you’re imagining things, Luce.” Hayden swallowed down her internal panic. “Sam and I are fine, really. It must have all been a coincidence.”
“Okay.” That was not the voice of a friend who believed her. Luce stood up. “I have to run. But I’ll text you the address, okay?”
“Great. I’m looking forward to it.”
Luce left and Hayden sagged into her chair. Well. An evening out with Sam. It would be good for their married image. Not that Sam was going to enjoy it. She’d been avoiding Hayden like the plague, no matter what Luce thought. Not that Hayden had been doing much better. Or, well, at all better. Would Sam even want to go? She didn’t have much choice, though. Both of them needed to put a bit more effort into their public-appearance side of things, especially now that the ball was rolling toward Sam getting the inheritance.
Hayden plucked her phone out of her pocket.
Did you remember Clemmie’s exhibition opening is tomorrow?
The reply back was fast. Sam must have been at lunch too.
Yes.
That was super conversational, Sam, thank you. Really painted the picture of her interest in the event. Hayden huffed and typed a reply.
Do you still want to go?
The salad on her plate was wilting. It had started that way, but still, Hayden stabbed at it half-heartedly as she waited for Sam’s reply.
We told them we were going.
Hayden narrowed her eyes at the phone. This really was so helpful. The rest of their text conversation was going to be painful if it continued like this, so Hayden decided to get it over with.
Wonderful. So, shall we leave from the hospital when we both finish? Say 7:15 p.m. at the entrance?
See? Hayden could do upper-class indifference with the best of them. She chewed on her soggy lettuce with too much vigor and watched her phone. It lit up seconds later.
Yes.
Hayden growled at her phone, then looked up to see if anyone had heard. No one had. She jammed it back in her pocket and dropped her fork on her plate. Her appetite was gone. She might as well get back to work.
Sam was infuriating.
~ ~ ~
“Are you ready?”
Hayden turned and almost swallowed her tongue. Sam was standing in suspenders and a white shirt. With tailored pants. And suspenders—there were actual suspenders, cutting straight black lines down her shirt. With her short hair, she looked like a nineteen twenties lesbian. Not that it had been a fun time for anyone, really. But wow, did Sam carry the fashion well.
“Yeah.”
Her throat was actually dry. It was strange, to be facing each other after a couple of weeks of avoiding exactly that. As much as Hayden had enjoyed that night, she wished she could take it back. She had been enjoying the ease with which they’d started to move in each other’s space: the conversations they’d started to have, the smiles over coffee, Sam curled on the sofa in sweats and with sleepy eyes and Frank.
Ever since that night, it had been weeks of awkward.
Hayden pulled her coat on and wound her scarf around her neck. Sucking in a breath, she held her hand out. They were in public, after all.
Sam’s eyes were intent on her own, and she took her hand, fingers entwining together. Hayden’s ring pressed into her finger, and she hated that the sensation wasn’t uncomfortable.
They headed outside and slid into a taxi. Their hands slipped apart, and Hayden wanted to reach over and pull Sam’s into her lap but didn’t know if she should. Actually, she knew she shouldn’t. And, frankly, that sucked.
Once Sam gave directions, the taxi pulled out, and Hayden couldn’t sit in this kind of awkwardness for the rest of the night.
She managed to wait ten minutes. “So, how was your day?” The taxi was dark, but Hayden turned to look at her anyway, watching the streetlights play over Sam’s face. Her expression was hard to read in this light.
“Good.”
When nothing more was forthcoming, Hayden replied, “Right. That’s…good. Mine was busy. We had three strokes come in today.”
“I know. I saw two of them.”
Conversational. Once more. “How did the older lady’s surgery go?”
“Well.”
“She live?”
“She did.”
“Sam.” Hayden let the annoyance creep into her tone.
“Yes?”
“Do you have any other responses?” Sam didn’t even react to the repetition of her own words from months ago. Hayden huffed. “You could try and, I don’t know, talk more.”
Hayden might not have been able to see Sam’s face clearly, but it was impossible to miss the flash in her eye as they narrowed. “So now that you want to talk, I’m expected to?”
Hayden’s mouth dropped open. “Now that I want to talk?”
“I think I spoke quite clearly.” She looked back out the window.
“What do you even mean by that?”
Sam’s head whipped around, and Hayden almost pulled back at the hard look on her face. “What do I mean? You’ve been quite clear in not wanting to speak with me.”
“That’s—that’s not true.”
“I thought you didn’t like lies, Hayden.”
“Oh my God, Sam, you—”
“We’re here.” The cab driver didn’t even turn around to speak to them. He was probably too scared to after
listening to the hissing frustration in Hayden’s voice.
Hayden fished out the money, and when Sam went to interject to pay, Hayden sent her a dirty look that actually worked. Sam got out of the car with a face like steel.
They stood outside a funky building, people already spilling out the door. Anger flashed in Hayden’s veins, and she took in a deep breath. Tonight was not the night to let that get the better of her.
But Sam was really so infuriating.
And then Sam was beside her. Jazz filtered out, fairy lights outlining the windows. Their sides brushed, both of them standing too straight.
“Clemmie has done well,” Sam said.
Hayden sucked in a breath. She could tell from Sam’s voice that she was frustrated and trying to push through it. Hayden could play that game too. “She has. She was invited to show months ago, Luce said.”
“This is her, what, eighth exhibition?”
“Mhm.”
“She’s starting to get noticed.”
“And I’m starting to get cold.”
Fingers brushed Hayden’s again and, after a moment’s hesitation, she linked their hands together. “Shall we go inside, then?” Sam asked.
“Okay.”
And Hayden didn’t look at her. Because, even with her annoyance, looking at Sam wasn’t a safe thing to do. Though here, in public, she was supposed to look at her wife with adoration on her face.
She was starting to get a headache.
They walked in and checked their coats, Hayden trying not to stare at Sam’s forearms, annoyingly sculpted and on display with her sleeves rolled up.
It should be illegal for her to wear suspenders.
“Hayden.” Hayden spun around at Luce’s voice. Their eyeliner was flawless, and they looked so happy Hayden felt some of her frustration ebb away. “You made it.”
Sam stood along her back, her left side against her, and Hayden felt her breathing hitch. “Of course I did.”
“Hey, Sam. Whoa. Nice suspenders.”
The chuckle was warm in Hayden’s ear, and she thought she might turn into a puddle right there. Which made her more annoyed. “Thanks. I like the tie and the black tutu skirt.”
Luce winked. “Me too.”
And now they were getting along. In what millisecond did that happen? Hayden needed a drink. Except not, because that meant drunkenness and confessing stupid things.
“Where’s the person of the hour?” Hayden asked instead.
“She’s over there.” As Luce jutted their chin in the direction over Hayden’s shoulder, the look on their face went completely, grossly smitten. “She’s super busy schmoozing, but she’ll grab you later. Want the tour?”
Luce took them around the space, and Hayden took a bottle of water with her. Sam declined a wine, and Hayden couldn’t help but wonder if it was for the same reason Hayden was avoiding alcohol right then: she didn’t want to say anything she’d regret. But in what way? Did she really regret that night?
Or was Hayden being completely egocentric, thinking it was about her at all?
It took all her strength to focus on the photos. Clemmie was talented. Hayden had no idea about any of it but was amazed at how Clemmie had blended the reality of photography with fantasy aspects. Following Luce around, it was obvious how proud they were of their girlfriend. They gesticulated wildly and dragged them both to their favorite pieces. At the back of the room, once they’d walked through everything, Sam slipped away to the bathroom and Luce rounded on her.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
Hayden took a second to follow the sudden change. “What?”
“You’ve been weird for weeks. And like, the two of you seem normal enough, but, well, is everything okay with the two of you?”
“If everything seems fine, why would you presume there was something wrong with our relationship?”
Luce was hiding something. Or was at least not saying what they were thinking. Hayden could tell.
“Look.” And there it was. Straight to the point as ever. But then they crossed their arms and stood closer. “It’s only—” They even lowered their voice. Something was going on. “I was at work yesterday, and some guy showed up while I was in the cafeteria. He was really friendly, said he knew you and Sam. But then he was asking all sorts of questions about the two of you. Your relationship, how long you’d been dating. I told him to get lost, and he gave me this card.”
Luce pulled a plain white card out of their back pocket, hand dipping under the skirt and to the black jeans they had on underneath, and handed it to Hayden. Simple black lettering spelled Ryan’s Investigations along the front, with a phone number on the back. “He said to call if I thought of anything I wanted to talk about. It was really, really weird, Hayden.”
All Hayden could do was gape at the card. So Sam’s parents had really hired someone to investigate their relationship. Could they do anything with that? Sam didn’t think so; all of this was a precaution. But their relationship was being seriously questioned.
At least it wasn’t hard for Hayden to act besotted. Not that this fact was all that consoling to her. “I’m sorry that happened.” Hayden tried to smile but knew it would be failing.
“Why? I’m fine. What I don’t get is why it happened. Are you two okay?”
Luce’s face was full of concern. All Hayden wanted to do was spill everything in this shadowy corner. To finally come clean and tell Luce everything and cap it off with the fact that Hayden was embarrassingly head over heels for Sam, and it was all a huge mess.
Instead, she said, “Yeah, we’re fine. This is to do with Sam’s family. But I can’t really tell you about it, since it’s not my stuff.”
Luce visibly relaxed. “But you two are really okay?”
“You sound almost disappointed.”
“No, no.” Luce grabbed her elbow and squeezed. “Not at all. Sorry. I just thought I’d figured out why you’d been weird the last few weeks. But I’m glad you and Sam are fine.”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
And of course Sam walked up right at that moment.
Luce grinned at her. “Good question.”
The card felt heavy in Hayden’s hand. Sam needed to know some guy was investigating them. Or maybe she knew? No, she would have told Hayden. But here wasn’t the place, in case she reacted badly or they drew any attention to the situation. Though Luce already knew something was going on.
Before Hayden could decide, she felt her phone vibrate in her bag. She crammed the card into her back pocket and pulled her phone out.
“Will you two excuse me? It’s my sister.”
Both nodded at her, Luce making a “go away, already” gesture. Hayden would have pulled a face, but she was too busy being distracted by Sam in those suspenders again.
She hit the answer button and raised it to her ear. “Sofia? Hey.”
“Hayden.” She sounded breathless. A catch was in her voice at Hayden’s name, and out of nowhere, the hair on Hayden’s arms stood on end. “Can you talk?”
“Of course.” Hayden stepped away. “What’s up?”
“Mom—Mamá is in the hospital.” Now Hayden’s blood ran cold. “She’s in the ER. She’d been asleep in the living room, and we thought she’d be fine. But she disappeared.”
“What? How long for? What happened?” Hayden tried to control the panic crawling up her throat.
“She was gone maybe thirty minutes. Less.” Sofia was crying, or at least tearful. That alone was jarring—Sofia never cried. Hayden had sobbed when their dad left, and Sofia had set her face into armor it took years to chip away at. “We found her, but she’d fallen. We have no idea where or how. She was just walking down the street with blood on her forehead and holding her arm.”
“Shit.” It was as if nothing else around her existed, until Sam stood behind her and Hayden relaxed back against her, one of Sam’s hands on her hip. “Is she okay?”
“She’s gone for a CT. They suspect a bleed. She may need surge
ry.”
“Sofia…”
Hayden had no words. No way of comforting her. There was no point saying that Sofia should have paid more attention. That first year, Hayden’s mother had ended up in the corner of the backyard within minutes and had no idea what she’d been doing there.
“Can you come?” Sofia’s voice was small. “I mean, I know you won’t be able to get a flight until tomorrow. And you work. But, I don’t know, could you?”
Hayden swallowed. “I should be able to. I have to call the coordinator, but for emergencies I may be able to get two days. And I’m off work after tomorrow, so I can probably come two nights. Can I call you back?”
“Yeah, I’ll be here.”
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Hayden hung up because listening to her sister’s voice crack like that for too much longer was going to make her crack herself; it already felt as if something had, something deep within her.
Hadn’t she been waiting for something like this to happen?
Sam’s warmth was still pressed into her back, and she turned, the front of their bodies now nearly together. It was hard to swallow, and she clutched her phone to her chest. Luce was to her right. Both were watching her, hovering, as if uncertain of what to do, and Hayden just wanted to drop her face into Sam’s neck. To breathe her in. To lose herself in something that wasn’t this sick feeling in her gut.
Had her mother been scared? Wandering around alone? Hurt? Had she hurt herself, or had someone else hurt her? Her coordination was going. Most likely it was the former.
“My mom’s in the hospital. She, uh, she wandered and was hurt. They think she’ll need surgery.”
Sam’s hands were on her biceps, her thumbs stroking the skin there. Hayden had to organize things, to call her coordinator and make sure she didn’t have to be at tomorrow’s shift. To book the flight and make sure Sam would look after Frank.
She would have to call her sister back. Brain surgery was a big deal. Not in her world, in the hospital, where it happened every day. But to her own mother?
Hayden didn’t like being on the other side of this. She never had.
“What can I do?” Luce asked.
Hayden shook her head. “I just have to call to get tomorrow’s shift off.” Were her hands shaking? Her voice definitely was. “I’m off for two days after that.”