by K. A. Hunter
“Are you okay?” I asked, gently setting my hand on the steering wheel.
“Hmm?” He looked at me like I’d taken him out of a trance. “Oh yeah, I’m just trying to figure something out.”
I was curious if it was something we’d already talked about. “Anything I can help with?”
He kissed my knuckles tenderly as we turned onto Lake Avenue, where the gym was located. “Nah. Just stuff I’m trying to sort out.”
Oookay. That didn’t help. “Such as?”
He grimaced and let go of my hand, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m trying to think of a way to convince Dante to cancel the fundraiser this year.”
My head jerked back. “The one you guys talked about over dinner a few weeks ago? Isn’t that event in San Francisco?”
“Yeah.”
I blinked at him, unable to understand why he would want to do that. “Doesn’t it bring in a lot of money for the battered women’s organization you guys run?” I’d been in awe of them the night they told me about it. I’d known I was lucky to have them in my life, but that night brought my respect for them to an all-time high.
“It does, but Jules,” his eyes turned grave, “it’s not safe to travel right now.”
“Not safe for who?” Me, I was sure. But was it also not safe for them?
His expression was completely serious. “For you.”
“You want to stop this event because of me?” I shook my head. There was no way I’d let that happen. “No. You’re not asking Dante to cancel it. Too many women rely on the help. You guys go, I’ll stay behind.”
He was quick to answer as he pulled into his spot and parked. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“Then we’ll all go. You can’t cancel an important fundraiser because one guy is after me.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to face him, ready to argue my points.
His deadpan expression quickly fell into the reassuring softness of the man I had grown to have faith in. I knew he was having a difficult time grasping that someone wanted me dead. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want me to deal with issues he could take care of himself, including the emotions he was trying to conceal right now.
“Holden, I’ve been given a second chance at life, a few times now. I’m not going to stop living or ask anyone around me to. If I did that, then he’d win. He may not have killed me, but I’m sure he’d be just as happy to see me huddled in a corner, living in fear because of him. Not happening.”
“How do you keep such a positive outlook?” He chuckled and shook his head.
I actually laughed out loud. “Are you kidding me? I’ve always focused on the worst part of every situation. You’re the one that made me believe in possibilities.” Corny but true. Just being around him brightened me up. Even when he was about to work my ass off at the gym.
He brought my palm up to his chest as he rested his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. I felt his erratic heartbeat under the thin material of his t-shirt. “Do you know how much I love you?”
It took me a minute to let his words sink in. “Did you just say…you love me?” I couldn’t believe I was even saying it out loud. I knew my feelings for him, but I didn’t know he was there yet.
His face became serious as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “Yes.” He pulled my hand, inviting me to climb over the console and sit on his lap. My knees ended up in an awkward position on top of his thighs, and I stared at him dumbfounded.
Grabbing his shirt in my fist, I searched his face for any hint that he was lying, but I saw nothing but genuine love. And a little bit of uncertainty because he knew it was hard for me to believe him.
It took a moment, but I finally let my body melt into him. “Nobody’s ever told me that before. As terrifying as it feels sometimes, I love you, too.”
He swiped a few loose strands of hair out of my face as I licked my bottom lip in anticipation. “Oh, baby girl,” he sighed. “I’m honored to be the first to ever tell you that I love you. I’m also planning on being the last.” He raised his eyebrow in silent meaning.
Then, leaning in, he kissed me. Our breathing picked up as desire pounded through my body. I couldn’t get enough of him. It didn’t even matter that we were right outside his place of business. We both seemed to forget where we were.
His fingers threaded through my hair while he devoured my mouth. I lifted my legs and scooted forward until his hands grabbed my hips to stop me. He broke free from our kiss, closed his eyes, and leaned his forehead against mine, attempting to catch his breath. Tears stung my eyes as rejection stabbed my heart, but I touched my puffy, tingly lips with my fingertips to remind myself that he had just told me he loved me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, swiping his thumb across my cheek.
“If you love me, why don’t you want me?” Embarrassed, I covered my face with my hands.
“Look at me, Jules.” He moved my hands out of the way. “Sweetheart, why would you think I don’t want you?”
I sniffled. “You keep stopping me whenever I try to touch you.”
Tension built in the creases around his eyes and mouth, and he let out a long sigh. “Oh baby, I’m struggling so hard to be gentle with you. You’ve been through so much. I’m trying to show you that I want all of you. Not just your body.”
Swallowing back a choked sob, I nodded as I took in his thoughtful words. “I already know our relationship means more than just sex, but, Holden, I’m not fragile. I won’t break, and I need reassurance that you want me as much as I’ve been dying to have you.”
He dug his fingers into my ass cheeks and yanked me toward him until I was pressed against his hard erection. “This is how much I want you.”
Holy shit. An involuntary moan vibrated up my throat. I’d been craving this physical intimacy from him, but even now, I was afraid he’d pull away too soon.
His lips grazed my collarbone as our quick breaths filled the car. “You do that to me. The moment you walk into the room, bat those beautiful eyes at me, pucker your lips, and fuck me, those soft breaths you make near my ear and on my neck drive me insane. I nearly lose all control when your skin even brushes against mine and every damn night when you wiggle your sexy ass into me while you’re asleep.”
Holy-fucking-hell. I was so ready for this.
I felt his body throbbing under the thin material of my yoga pants, setting my skin on fire. My desire began to take over, and I didn’t care where we were, I wanted him. Needed him.
My lips had just touched his again when the sound of a car horn pulled us out of our lust-induced haze. We both glanced over, realizing Marcus was staring from his SUV parked next to us.
I buried my face in Holden’s chest, embarrassed but still aroused. “Holy shit, I forgot he was there. He probably thinks he works for the horniest people around.”
Holden threw his head back, laughing his ass off.
“It’s not funny.” I pulled away and smacked his chest before opening his door and stumbling out of the car. “And you’re the one that’s going to have to walk into work with a hard-on.”
He barked an even louder laugh as he stepped out. “I totally forgot about him, too.” But that grin of his made it clear that he didn’t care. “And you can just walk in front of me.”
Men.
I gave him a dirty look. The mean kind of dirty, not the hot kind of dirty like we were a few seconds ago. “Well, let’s get this ass whooping over with.”
I suddenly felt his hand on my butt, and I turned to see him smirking at me as he said, “Speaking of asses…”
Like most days, today I trained with Christina while Holden watched, instructing us on which moves to take next. But I was getting tired of the same prearranged maneuvers and knew, when push came to shove, I needed to learn how to fight on instinct. Choreographed moves were not going to help me if I was ever in a real fight.
I was so glad that Christina was always working whenever I worked out at the gym. We’d gotten
really comfortable with each other over the small amount of time we’d known one another, and she agreed that I needed to be pushed harder. So whenever Holden stepped out, she’d show me more aggressive moves. She didn’t hold back either and even knocked me on my ass once or twice.
I still needed to learn more, but for once in my life, I felt physically strong. And even though I was a long way from being able to take down someone bigger than me, I might actually have a chance of protecting myself if I was attacked.
Although I hadn’t worked with Dante yet, I’d studied his moves when he sparred with Holden and Vince. Just like with everything else, he was smooth and calculating. Rarely did he get caught off guard. If I was ever going to get to the point I needed to be at, I would have to somehow enlist his help.
I’d just finished my post workout shower, gotten dressed, and was on my way to the gym offices on the second floor when the heaviness of what I was about to do weighed on my shoulders.
Somehow Dante and his lawyer, DeSoto, had convinced me to proactively settle everything with April and her uncle’s insurance company. I didn’t understand why at first because I’d been trespassing the night of the fire but apparently since I was hurt on their property, they had to include that in their claim. I swear, the law is so ass-backwards, and I felt like such a fucking backstabbing weasel agreeing to the meeting. They didn’t owe me anything, but I wanted to be done with all of this shit.
DeSoto arranged for us to meet in the conference room on the second floor of the gym where he also planned on having them sign a nondisclosure agreement. I’d been lucky enough to avoid being on the news since the only pictures available of me were taken the night of the fire and only showed my face covered in blood and soot.
I was told that this would all be resolved immediately and that today’s meeting was just a matter of signing papers since I had no interest in negotiating back and forth. I didn’t feel like I had a right to any money in the first place, but would take his advice.
Until I saw April standing in the reception area on the second floor, I had no idea if she would be here. It was the first time I’d seen her since before the fire, and she looked worn out. I couldn’t even imagine what she’d been going through.
She looked up at me, seemingly unsure how to react. The older man I assumed was her uncle wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer while giving me the evil eye. Thankfully, Holden stepped up behind me and mirrored her uncle’s actions, letting them know I wasn’t alone either.
Both lawyers introduced themselves and shook hands before Holden led us all to a private conference room down the hall. The room was cool, but as the door closed and we took our seats, a thick tension filled the space. I hated the fact that everyone was here because of what had happened to me. If I could go back in time and spare April from all of this, I’d do it in a heartbeat. If Holden knew what I was thinking, he probably would’ve reminded me that I’d gone through much worse, but I still felt guilty.
I glanced at April and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
She gave me a bewildered expression, but let it go as the lawyers began to ramble. I tuned them out, figuring they’d include me when I was needed. If it hadn’t been for Holden’s occasional soft touches bringing me back to the here and now, I would’ve stared out the picturesque window and watched the busy traffic on the street below the entire time.
It was finally time for us to sign the documents when April’s uncle, whose name I never caught, decided to give his two cents. “I still say she has some nerve asking for any money at all.”
I gulped as Holden’s palms came down on the tabletop.
April touched her uncle’s arm delicately. “Please, Uncle Joe. We talked about this. Don’t make it more difficult than it already is.”
Straightening his jacket, he huffed, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this on top of everything else.”
On instinct, my head lowered, and I closed my eyes. “I’m really sorry. For everything.”
Holden bent over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t be. This is not your fault.”
I heard the scratchy sound of a pen on a sheet of paper before it was pushed in my direction. My hand shook as I looked down at the ridiculous dollar amount. Never in my life had I possessed that much money at one time, but I just couldn’t accept it with a clear conscience. “This figure isn’t right. Can you draft another piece of paper?”
April’s Uncle yelled out, “Are you shitting me? You want more than that?”
Holden squeezed my knee and gave me an inquisitive look as I replied. “No. I don’t want any money I haven’t earned. I only wanted the nondisclosure agreement signed.”
Everyone sat back in their chairs looking at me like I’d just lost my mind but the insurance company’s lawyer was quick to answer. “I actually just so happen to have one here.”
Why doesn’t that surprise me?
Holden leaned in. His expression wavered between surprise and pride. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” There was no question about it.
I looked over at DeSoto who was shaking his head as another piece of paper quickly slid in front of me. I really didn’t care what it said and blindly scribbled my own signature, before I got up. “Is that all you need from me?”
DeSoto nodded, freeing me from having to sit here and endure the dumbfounded look from April’s uncle. Holden and I didn’t quite make it to the door when April jumped out of her chair and dashed over, wrapping her arms around me.
“Jules, I'm so sorry about Sam. I wish I would’ve realized what a monster he was when I married him.”
I stayed stiff in her arms. I hadn’t expected her reaction, but I hoped we would someday be able to move beyond all the legal crap and maybe continue our friendship. I’d always liked her and hated the thought of us breaking ties because of that jackass.
She pulled back just enough to look at my face. It was the first time today that I could see the dark circles under her puffy eyes. “I really wish you would’ve told me you were in trouble. I would’ve helped.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for that, but I couldn’t tell anyone I didn’t have a place.” From where I stood, I watched Holden’s face tighten. I knew he would never understand why I kept that information to myself, but until you’re put in a situation like that, you won’t understand why someone would rather be homeless than beg for help.
April rubbed her eyes. “Let’s get together once everything settles down, but if you need any help between now and then please call me. I’d like us to be friends, Jules.”
I touched her hand timidly. “You call, too, if you need a friend.”
She smiled appreciatively, then headed toward the elevator to join her uncle and the lawyer.
Exhausted, I turned to Holden and placed my head on his chest. “How much longer do you need to be here?” Earlier, he’d changed into jeans and a nice shirt for our meeting, but I knew he still had work to do. As I’d told him in the car, the world didn’t stop just because shit happened.
“I promised a few more clients that I’d see them today.” He ran his hand up and down my back and kissed the top of my head.
Noticing Marcus close by, I said, “I’m worn-out. Can I just go home now?”
His jaw tightened. After a moment of him searching my eyes, I assume to make sure I really was tired and not trying to retreat into myself, he nodded and strolled over to Marcus. Holden whispered something to him while keeping his eyes on me.
Sighing, Holden called me over and held my hand as we walked to the elevator. “I’m not gonna lie, I don’t want you going anywhere without me, but I’m trying not to be overbearing.”
Overbearing? You? Never. I laughed to myself.
He stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “If you go in the backyard, please tell Marcus.”
“Don’t worry about me. I plan on locking myself in our room, taking a long bubble bath, then napping until I absol
utely have to get up again.”
A mischievous look crossed his face. “A bubble bath, huh?”
“Yeah. I’d invite you to join me, but Mr. Whitacre is waiting for you.” I snickered, knowing the sound of his seventy-year-old client’s name would douse his flames.
Throwing his head back, he barked out a laugh then shook his head. “Yeah, that’s one way to kill the mood.”
I looked to make sure Marcus was far enough away not to hear then whispered in Holden’s ear, “Hey, what kind of a girlfriend would I be if I let you walk around work with a hard-on twice in one day?”
“One that I can’t wait to get home to,” he growled back loud enough so only I heard.
I embarrassed myself by involuntarily squeezing my legs together. Holy shit, now I’m the one on fire.
His gruff chuckle told me that he’d felt my movements. Damn.
As I ran my hand across his chest, I said, “Seriously, you’ve got to go change and finish working. I’ll see you at home later.” I leaned in and gave him a good-bye kiss before stepping into the elevator with Marcus.
We stared at each other as the doors closed and all I could think about was that I hoped we really were on the same page as to what was going to happen when he got home.
After my relaxing, vanilla-scented bath, my skin was a hue of pink as I spread moisturizer across my heated flesh. Pulling on a comfortable white tank top and my new lace-up boy shorts, I climbed under the soft sheets and slept for the next hour.
For a moment, I thought I was dreaming as feather light kisses rained on my bare shoulder, arousing my senses. I’d only been asleep a short while, but my muscles were stiff from my work-out at the gym. Lifting my arms above my head, I stretched, feeling the lush blanket being pulled away. Holden suggestively groaned above me as my nipples responded and tightened to life from the smooth caress. That was enough to get me to open my eyes in time to see him staring down at my barely covered body, heating up under his intense gaze.
Hoping that this would lead somewhere, a sleepy, yet smoldering smile spread across my face. My cheeks blushed as he grinned while reaching back at his fitted t-shirt and pulled it over his head. The discarded shirt, softly landing on the floor, made my pulse quicken and my heart skipped a beat.