He knew if he went to Vienna or Christian, they’d offer a sympathetic ear, but that came with a price. Vienna was predisposed to dislike Hunter; anything Derek might say about him would further taint her opinion. Which wasn’t fair. Hunter might be distant, but he’d never mistreated him. Derek didn’t want to trash his boyfriend, nor would he make it possible for anyone else to do so.
Christian, on the other hand, seemed to better understand the world Hunter inhabited, so he probably wouldn’t judge Hunter harshly. However, although Derek was finding it easier every day to confide in Christian, he still felt awkward about discussing his relationship with him. He wasn’t sure what assumptions Christian might have made about his boyfriend, but he knew Christian didn’t realize it was Hunter Congreve.
His cell phone vibrated, and he took it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw the 917 area code. “Hi, Davii,” he said.
“What are you wearing?” Davii asked.
“Sackcloth and ashes,” Derek said.
“Hot,” Davii said. “I have an afternoon free, tons of cell phone minutes, and I’m sitting in Central Park at Bethesda Fountain and thinking of you.”
“Weird,” Derek said. “I’m sitting at the Saturn fountain and wishing I had a gay man to talk to.”
“Incredible!” Davii said. “I happen to be a gay man. What’s up? Is the evil Natasha tormenting you again?”
“That’s a given,” Derek said. “But I’m actually brooding about Hunter and trying to make a decision.”
“About?”
“I’m thinking of asking Vienna if I can move in with her.”
Davii dropped his playful tone when he said, “Is Hunter still in Australia?”
“Yes.”
“Is this a breakup? If it is, maybe you should wait until he comes home. It doesn’t seem right to break up with him when he’s not there to have it out with you.”
“I don’t know if it’s a breakup,” Derek said.
Davii listened quietly as Derek told him about tricking with Mark, and about all the feelings and thoughts that had been churning inside him. He finished by describing the interchange he’d just witnessed in Starbucks. When Derek finally trailed off, Davii said, “Forget the trick. You and Hunter never discussed monogamy, so it’s not an issue. Derek, I may not have known you long, but trust me, anyone who knows you at all can see that you’re not some sulking boy toy. Besides, you have no idea what the story is on those two men. The old guy sounds like a pompous asshole. The young guy could be his employee, who was shopping for him. Even if your perception is accurate, they have nothing to do with you and Hunter. Agree with me, or I’m hanging up on you.”
“Don’t hang up,” Derek begged. “I’m listening.”
“If you think you’re doing Vienna a favor by moving in with her, don’t do it. She can stand on her own two expensively shod feet. If, however, you’re doing it because you’re lonely and you want some company while Hunter’s away, then tell both of them that. So they know it’s temporary.”
“But I’m not sure it would be temporary,” Derek said.
“Then it’s a breakup.”
“Just because I move out—”
“Don’t kid yourself. You can stay with Vienna, and that’s a temporary thing. But if you move out, you’re breaking up with him. I’m not telling you what to do, Derek, except to be honest with yourself. And with Hunter and Vienna.”
“Okay,” Derek said meekly.
“If you’re using the threat of moving out as some kind of ultimatum, that almost always backfires.”
“I’m not,” Derek said honestly. “I think Hunter has been ready for me to move out for a long time. He won’t stop me. I’m just not sure I’m ready to call it quits. If I were certain that he didn’t want me…or that things aren’t going to get better…”
Davii sighed and said, “You sound so confused. Why don’t you just tell Hunter that? That you’re confused. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what he wants. It’s his relationship, too. He needs to help you work through this.”
Derek didn’t feel too optimistic, since Hunter had never been the kind of man who talked about feelings or problems. If Hunter saw a problem, he took action. He didn’t worry and fret about it.
“If only I had a skill like you, and could run off with the circus,” Derek said.
Davii laughed and said, “It is a circus. I don’t think I’ve ever worked harder or had more fun. Sheila works with some bizarre people. Everyone I meet, I size them up three ways. First, by their appearance, ’cause that’s my job. Then, by what kind of story you’d start writing in your head about them. And finally, by how Vienna would diagnose them. I miss you guys.”
“I miss you, too,” Derek said. “I promise not to whine every time you call.”
“It’s all going to work out,” Davii promised.
Derek hoped he was right, but he had butterflies in his stomach when he went to Hunter’s office a few minutes before eight that night. Riley was on the phone; he pointed to the receiver with a nod to let Derek know he was already talking to Hunter. Then he waved him toward Hunter’s office. When Derek went in and sat behind Hunter’s desk, Riley got up and mouthed, “It’ll be just a minute,” then closed the door.
Derek turned and stared toward the lights of Terre Haute, thinking about what a tactful, discreet assistant Riley was. He knew some people, including Juanita, didn’t like him. But Riley had always been pleasant to Derek. Maybe, like Natasha, Riley was just hard to work for. For all Derek knew, when Natasha was away from work, she was a million laughs. That impossibility made him smile. Hunter’s phone rang, and Derek swallowed and picked it up with a soft “Hello.”
“Derek? Riley said you need to talk to me. I’ve got five businessmen waiting in the next room for a lunch meeting. Could we do this later?”
“I don’t think so,” Derek said, sure he’d lose his nerve if he had to wait a few more hours.
“All right,” Hunter said. “Hold for a couple of minutes, and let me send them on.” Derek waited, then Hunter said, “Still there?”
“Yes.”
“You have my undivided attention. What’s the crisis?”
His question set Derek’s teeth on edge, but he said, “Why haven’t you responded to my e-mails? I’ve been asking you for days to call me.”
“I haven’t read your e-mails, so I didn’t know. I’m swamped here, Derek. If it’s urgent, you could have called me.”
“I can’t get the time difference straight,” Derek said. When Hunter didn’t say anything, Derek figured he was about to run out of patience. He tried to remember what Davii had told him and said, “I’m really confused.”
Hunter sighed and said, “It’s eight P.M. there. That makes it noon the next day here. Just add sixteen hours to whatever time it is there, and—”
“I’m not talking about time zones,” Derek said. “I’m talking about us. I don’t understand where we are.”
“Have you been drinking?” Hunter asked.
“No! I mean our relationship. I feel like things are…” Derek trailed off, noticing a file folder on Hunter’s desk that was marked SYDNEY. Without thinking, he opened it and looked at the top page, a copy of an e-mail.
Hunter,
I am approving your request to go to Sydney, since you insisted that you can clear your schedule for between one and three months. You are not my first choice for this assignment. I will be closely monitoring your performance there. As I outlined earlier, the situation is complicated and will require delicate handling of all personalities involved. I’m expecting at least a sixty-hour work week from you. I realize that you will want to enjoy the country, but you are there on business, not pleasure. Keep that in mind at all times. I also understand the necessity of building goodwill. If you can show me a reason for combining leisure activities with business, I’ll sign off on same.
Randolph Congreve
Derek’s first reaction was distaste that Mr. Congreve used his f
ull name when signing e-mails to his son. Then, feeling like his ears were ringing, he read the first two sentences again. Hunter had asked to go to Sydney. He hadn’t been sent there. His father hadn’t even wanted him to go. It was clearly Hunter’s idea.
“Have we lost our connection? Derek? Are you there?” Hunter demanded in an impatient tone.
“I’m moving out,” Derek said. Before Hunter could respond, he hurried to say, “I’m moving out of the hotel. Tonight. I’ll leave my credit cards and my checkbook in the apartment. You can close the bank account if you want to. I haven’t used it in a while, so there are no outstanding checks. If you don’t mind, I’ll take all my clothes with me. I need them for work. I won’t take anything else. Just my personal stuff.”
“Stop,” Hunter said when Derek paused to take a breath. “You are not moving out. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m moving in with a friend,” Derek said, ignoring him. “I won’t have the computer account anymore, not that you read my e-mail anyway. But you have my cell phone number, and you know where I work, if you have some reason to call me.”
“Derek, I can’t get into this with you right now. Go back to our apartment, and I’ll call you as soon as I’m free.”
“Believe me, you’re free,” Derek said. “By the time you get back from Sydney, maybe we’ll both feel like talking. Right now, I don’t have anything else to say.” He hung up, then stared at the phone, aghast. He’d never hung up on Hunter before. And he’d made his declaration about moving out without even talking to Vienna. Which meant that right now, he was basically homeless.
He closed the folder on Randolph Congreve’s e-mail and took a deep breath. He had to keep his composure in case Riley was still outside. He didn’t want anyone to see him fall apart.
When he finally walked out of Hunter’s office, Riley was gone, and everything was turned off and put away. Derek made sure the office door locked behind him, then he walked to the elevator. His hand hesitated in front of the UP button, which would take him to his floor. Or rather, to Hunter’s floor. He hit the DOWN button instead.
It was still early enough for him to walk through the mall to the Galaxy Building without checking in with security, so Derek left the Congreve and walked toward Vienna’s. He kept his eyes straight ahead when he passed Drayden’s, fearful that if he had to speak to anyone he knew, he’d start crying.
He took the elevator to the eighth floor, then rested his head against Vienna’s door, reluctant to knock. If she’d be mad at him for showing up without calling, she’d have a lot more to get mad about soon after letting him in. But of all the people he could run to, somehow Vienna seemed like the one he needed most.
He knocked. After a minute, he heard a rustling on the other side of the door. She was probably looking through the peephole and weighing the wisdom of letting him in. Then the door opened, and Vienna said, “Job or boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend. How do you know when you’re having a nervous breakdown?”
“Is this a professional consultation, or do you need a friend?”
He just nodded, and she pulled him into the apartment, leading him to the sofa and pushing him down. She then handed him a box of Kleenex, turned off the television, brought him a bottle of water, and disappeared toward her bedroom. When she came back, she’d changed from the silk robe she’d been wearing into a pair of jeans and a sleeveless sweater that looked so soft it made Derek want to bury his tear-stained face in it. She dropped next to him and put on a pair of socks. Finally, she sat cross-legged on the sofa, facing him.
“I can’t talk yet,” he said.
“My parents didn’t think I should marry Kevin,” she said after a pause. “They said he was wrong for me. When we got divorced, even though he was a cheating snake, my mother treated me like it was my fault. I guess for marrying him in the first place. In some ways, I was in the same boat as you. I’d made Kevin my whole world. I had professional acquaintances, but I didn’t have any close friends that I could talk to. While I was hearing a lot of ‘I told you so’ and coping with the end of my marriage, I was facing professional censure, possible loss of my license to practice, and assault charges.”
“You assaulted Kevin?”
“The other woman. I guess Davii didn’t tell you everything. We’ll save that story for another time. My point is, I needed to feel like somebody was on my side. I know what it’s like to have your feelings and thoughts colliding around inside you like bumper cars. Your emotions can shift a dozen times in a day. The last thing you need to hear is somebody else’s view of who’s at fault. So all I’m going to say, as your friend and as a psychologist, is that I’m on your side, Derek.” She noticed his disgruntled expression and said, “What?”
“Your breakup is a lot more exciting than mine.”
She gave him a half-smile and said, “Everybody loves somebody else’s misery. I should know. I loved my hundred dollars an hour.”
“Damn. Is your friend rate cheaper?”
“You’re covered under the Drayden’s plan.”
“Good. Otherwise I’d have to stay with Hunter to afford leaving him.”
“You’re leaving him?”
“Can I move in with you?” Derek asked.
She blinked, then said, “You’re not even going to work up to that? Drop hints? Woo me?” When he shook his head, she said, “There’s no room service here, Derek. No maid service. No wakeup calls.”
“I don’t think I need any more wake-up calls,” Derek said. “I’ll pay half of everything.”
“When would you move in?”
“Tonight? All I have is clothes. And bathroom stuff. Some CDs and DVDs. There’s not much to move if I leave my books there.”
“Davii packed everything of his and put it in storage. There’s nothing in his room but furniture and the residual scent of nag champa.”
“I like nag champa.”
“Me, too. Go get your stuff.” They hugged, then Vienna walked him to the door. “I’ll give you Davii’s key when you get back.”
“Okay.”
Derek got a pass from the guard in the Galaxy lobby and walked back through the mall to the Congreve. He felt a little surreal. When he went into Hunter’s apartment, he powered on his computer and wrote down all the e-mail names in his address book. He was sure Vienna would let him use her PC to open some kind of mail account and let his online contacts know his new e-mail address.
He didn’t want to think, so he didn’t allow himself to be still long. After packing his bathroom stuff, he went into his bedroom, looking with despair at all his clothes. He’d have to make more than one trip, which left his stomach in knots. He just wanted it over with.
When the phone rang, he froze. He wasn’t ready to talk to Hunter yet, but he picked up the receiver.
“Hi, Derek, it’s Liz at the front desk. Vienna is here to see you. Should I send her up?”
“Yes,” Derek said, simultaneously deflated and relieved. “It’s okay to give her the elevator code.”
He opened the door and stared down the hall. When the elevator door opened, Vienna and Christian stepped out. Christian was pushing one of the hotel’s luggage carts packed with suitcases.
“I figured you wouldn’t have boxes or anything,” Christian explained. “I’ve got garment bags, too, for your suits.”
“Put on some music, and let’s make this festive,” Vienna said. “Nobody should have to pack alone. Got any wine?”
“You guys are great,” Derek said. “Yes, I have wine. And if you want anything from Congreve’s renowned room service, this is your last chance.”
His spirits lifted while they packed, and he knew it wasn’t the wine. His friends had taken what could have been a miserable, long ordeal and turned it into an occasion. They were better than Hallmark.
Once everything was packed, Vienna brushed her hands together and said, “Is that it? Do you have linens? Towels?”
“I didn’t think of that,” Derek admitted.
>
“Borrow some from the Congreve,” Christian said. “You can return them when you get your own.”
Vienna and Christian loaded the luggage cart while Derek went into Hunter’s bedroom for the extra towels and sheets that Juanita kept supplied. Before leaving the room, he paused for a last look around. A picture of the two of them on the beach in P-town was on the dresser. He went over and picked it up, remembering the day it was taken. He wanted it, but he also wanted Hunter to be left with some physical evidence of their existence as a couple, so he moved it to his nightstand.
“Good-bye,” he whispered.
They made a noisy group going through the empty mall, and again Derek was grateful that they’d come to help him. He’d have felt like he was walking on death row otherwise. They had a couple of giggling mishaps, and by the time they made it to Vienna’s apartment, they were all giddy with exhaustion. They unloaded the luggage cart, and Christian told Derek he’d return it to the hotel. Once he’d gone, Derek and Vienna exchanged a weary look.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll unpack tomorrow,” Derek said. “I just want to take a shower and get to sleep.”
“I’ve got the bathroom first,” Vienna said. “Seniority.”
“I’ll make my bed while you’re in there,” Derek said.
She went into the bathroom, and Derek walked to Davii’s room—his room, he reminded himself, although he hoped that sleeping in Davii’s old bed would give him good dreams. When he opened the door and turned on the light, he got a surprise. They must have done it together, because a CD player sat on the desk, freshly cut flowers adorned the dresser, and the painting of the male nude that he’d seen in Christian’s apartment was hanging on the wall.
22
Children Should Be Shaken,
Not Stirred
Natasha had often mused that if she were given the opportunity to remake the universe—the larger one, not the mall—to her specifications, one of her first acts would be to eliminate dreams. However much psychiatrists touted them, dreams were a nuisance that not only disturbed sleep but hung around like a stray cat yowling to be fed, only to turn on you in the end.
Someone Like You Page 23