by Alla Kar
My phone sat like an elephant beside me on the bed while the TV cast a dim glow over my bedroom. There was no doubt that I needed to call my mother, but I didn’t want to. I’d ignored her for a year. I didn’t want to hear her ask me to come home. I was afraid of what I might find when I did.
Sighing, I dialed her number before I lost the urge. She answered on the third ring.
“Hello.”
“Mom,” I said softly. I hated that my voice sounded so soft because she hated it. Speak louder, Josephine, she always said.
But not this time. “Josephine. I’m glad you finally called. I e-mailed you two weeks ago,” she snapped. Her southern accent is deeper when she’s angry. Hell, I would know.
I pulled at a piece of unruly blond hair and grimaced. And I thought things were starting off so well. She never ceased to prove me wrong. “I’ve been busy and it was buried in a ton of e-mails. If you would have called—”
She snorted. “Like you would have answered.”
Silence. We both knew I wouldn’t have. Hearing her voice tell me that dad was dying would have made it worse. She didn’t care that he was dying. She’d shown us that my senior year when she was caught underneath some guy. Loving Dad was a thing of the past for her. This was just something she had to do because no one else would.
“What’s wrong with him?” I finally asked.
Mom’s breath hitched and I swear I heard a sob, but she swallowed it back down. I must have misheard. “He has Ischemic Heart Disease. The doctor gave him a month and a half. But now it’s down to a month.”
A month? The breath I was about to take lodged in my throat, sending me into a whirlwind of coughs. I had one month to make up for an entire year of silence. To make up for a lifetime we wouldn’t have together. A month to tell him how sorry I was for blaming everything that happened on anyone other than myself. I did this to me. I should never have trusted him.
“Josephine,” Mom said. “You need to come home. I know you don’t want to, but—”
“I’m coming home,” I sputtered out. “I’ll be on a flight tomorrow.”
Mom hesitated like she wasn’t sure if I was serious. “Be safe,” she said before hanging up.
My phone slipped from my fingers and landed softly beside me. More tears pulled at my eyes and I felt myself slip backward onto the bed as my body became numb.
There was nothing left in me to break.
Chapter Two
Josie
Something tickled my feet, but I was too tired to move. I had stayed up most of the night, crying into my pillow. Once I realized I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, I packed my suitcase. I’d only fallen asleep three hours before.
“Josie,” someone whispered.
I knew by the smell of cigarettes and that raspy voice that it was Samantha. Opening one eye, I stretched my arms above my head. Samantha’s face was coated in glitter from brow to chin. Her belly shirt and go-go boots told me she’d just gotten in. Go-go dancing wasn’t her first choice to pay the bills, but neither of us complained when those tips started rolling in.
She threw her purple wig to the floor, revealing a nest of brown curls. “What the—” she said, picking up one of the wads of Kleenex that littered my bed. “Is something wrong with my Sookie?”
I sat up straight, feeling my puffy eyes with the tips of my fingers. “Yes,” I said, looking into her eyes for the first time. Bags hung underneath each painted eye, and her frown told me I looked as bad as I felt. “I’m going home. My mom called.”
Samantha arched a brow. She knew the relationship between my mother and me was rocky.
“My dad is dying,” I choked out.
Samantha’s arms flew around me. “I’m so sorry, Sookie. Are you okay? God, that’s a stupid question. When are you leaving? Do you need me for anything?”
I relaxed into her arms. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. When I moved from Arkansas to California, I was as lost as a damn goose trying to get around. But then I met Samantha in freshman calculus. She took me under her wing and, three weeks later, rented me the empty bedroom in her apartment. We’d been best friends ever since. “I’m leavin’ at two. I just need a ride to the airport.”
She nodded against the crown of my head. “I can do that. In the meantime, how about some pancakes?”
I pulled away. The thought of eating made my stomach turn but I couldn’t say no to that hopeful face. “Pancakes sound nice.”
Fifteen minutes later, after I called the diner and told them I had to take some time off, we sat at our small kitchen table eating buttery pancakes.
“How long are you going to be gone?” she asked. She’d taken off her makeup and looked like an actual person now. Her high cheekbones and full lips were bare, and she’d never looked prettier. She was one of those girls who didn’t have to try to be gorgeous—she just was.
I shrugged, pushing the pancakes around on my plate. “They said he has a month. So I guess I’ll be gone a month.”
Sam’s frown deepened. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I can’t believe this is happening to you.” She kept her eyes on mine and I could see she wanted to ask something else.
“Go ahead and ask.”
The corner of her lip rose into a small smile. “I know you have to go, of course, but wasn’t there a reason you hadn’t gone back in the first place? I mean, you never really told me why you didn’t want to go home.”
More pain assaulted my chest, and it took everything in me not to burst into tears. I hated feeling so weak and helpless, but the memories were dancing at the corners of my vision, taunting me.
And all because of him. Because I’d fallen in love with a person that unlovable. Heartless. That’s the only reason I could think of why he would leave me. Alone. He’d been my anchor for an entire year. I’d spent a year in the woods, each night letting him hold me in that deserted treehouse of his.
Until one day—he vanished. Not literally, but emotionally. All those memories, stories, kisses—his touch. Those eyes. Everything had vanished from my life without as much as a goodbye. And as many times as I’d lain there, waiting for him to come back, he never did.
“It’s a long boring story, Sam. You don’t want to hear it.”
***
Samantha hugged me at the security check and pressed her cheek against mine. “You call me if you need anything and I’ll be there in a heartbeat, Sookie.”
I nodded into her shoulder, pressing my hands against her back. I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t want to do this alone, but I had to. This was my mess and my family. I’d slipped my big-girl panties on that morning and I was not taking them off. For anyone. “Thank you, Sam. I’ll call you when I land.”
I tugged my suitcase along behind me as I walked through security and dropped into a seat in the corner of my terminal. Half an hour to lift-off and nerves were already swarming me. I dug my phone out of my pocket, sliding my finger across the screen until I found the Facebook app.
It was the only thing that connected me with Arkansas. Strangers filled the seats around me, but I was locked on my friends list and the faces that haunted me. I clicked on my mother’s page and there, off to the side in the “people you may know” list, was him. Staring at the camera through heavy lids, his smile easy. The smile I’d fallen into so many times. The heartache in my chest erupted into jolts of pain that felt like nails driving into me.
My eyes drifted shut before I could help it and I willed myself not to think of home. To not think about him.
***
“Is this how you treat all your girlfriends?” I asked, smiling into the darkness of my blindfold.
Boone’s laugh echoed against the trees around us. “That’s a trick question and I refuse to answer it.”
I giggled. “Are we almost there? I’m startin’ to sweat.”
Boone’s hand came across my forehead and wiped the sweat beads from my hairline. “Patience, Raven. We’re almost there. You’re worse
than a five-year-old.”
“Says the man who watches the Disney channel.”
He scoffed. “I told you. It was on when I walked into the room and I didn’t feel like changing it.”
“Sure,” I whispered.
Boone abruptly stopped me and braced his hands on my shoulders. His minty breath hit my face and I licked my lips in anticipation. “Ready?”
A small sigh escaped my throat. “Yes.”
Slowly, he untied my bandana and pulled it from my eyes. I squinted from the setting sun but focused on the water in front of me. The small pond must have been on Cross property because I’d never seen it. Besides a few ducks swimming in a line, a boat with a picnic basket on the seat was the only thing on the water.
I smiled through the tears building in my eyes. “For me?” I asked.
Boone leaned down and rested his forehead against my own. “Who else would it be for, silly girl? You’re the only one that matters. I love you, Raven.”
I love you. I’d heard it so many times in my life, but that was the first time it had meant anything. My parents said it countless times, but I’d never felt it like I did with him. “I love you, too.”
He slid his hand down my arm to interlace our fingers. The boat rocked as I stepped inside. It was a small aluminum boat meant for fishing. But I didn’t care if it was a cardboard box because no one had ever done something so sweet for me.
Boone caught the side of the boat when he sat down and pushed us off into the middle of the water, which rippled around us toward the small shore. “Thank you,” I said.
Boone opened the basket and raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you should eat your sandwich before thanking me. No promises on it being any good.”
I giggled and took a bite of peanut butter and jelly. “It’s the best one I’ve ever had. You remembered I like more jelly than peanut butter.”
He grinned over his food. “I try.”
He did, and that’s what made him so different. The other boys I’d “dated” before didn’t care. It was all about status and trying to get underneath my shirt in the back row at the movies. Boone was different because he cared more than anyone before.
“I heard you got your acceptance letter to UCS?” he asked out of nowhere.
Dusting my hands off on my cutoffs, I glanced over at him. We’d talked about me going off to college before. It’d always been my dream to get the hell out of Dodge after graduation, but that was before Boone. “I did,” I said, watching his face.
He matched my gaze and finally cleared his throat. “Are you goin’ to take it, girl? You’re fuckin’ killing me. When I heard someone mention it at the store today, it took everything I had not to ask if you’re taking it. I’ve been freaking out all day.” He raked his fingers through his dirty-blond hair.
Grinning, I crawled over to him and took a seat straddling his lap. “Boone,” I whispered, running my fingers across his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere. There isn’t one thing in this world that could keep me from staying with you.”
Boone groaned and gripped the nape of my neck. “Baby, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I want you here with me. You leaving is not an option. And if it was, I’d follow you. All the way to fuckin’ California.”
My stomach twisted with butterflies. We’d already talked about how our families didn’t like each other. I’d withheld the fact that my dad had threatened to take my car away if he saw me with any of those Cross boys. He’d say it like they were disgusting when I knew for a fact they were anything but.
Dad would eventually find out, and I wasn’t sure how well it would go over. I’d be eighteen by the time we’d tell him anything. I loved my dad, but he was dead wrong about Boone.
Boone was my soul mate.
“Not happening,” I said, poking his chest. “I’m staying here with you.”
Boone grinned and leaned in to press his mouth against mine. His fingers guided me to a pace that slowly drove me crazy. One hand rested on my ass and pressed me down against him. All my hormones were going psychotic and we’d hardly started. “I can see it now,” he whispered into my mouth, his tongue doing wicked things that made me moan.
He smiled. “There we’ll be—sitting on our front porch. You’ll be barefoot with your hair down. One of those sweet dresses you always wear. Kids running around our feet, and me beside you. Holding your hand in public and showing everyone that you’re mine.”
Tears formed in my eyes, but Boone shook his head and wiped away a stray tear. “No tears, though. You’re ruining my chances of getting lucky.”
I snorted and shoved his chest. “The odds are in your favor.”
His face turned sober, and he rubbed the pad of his thumb against the corner of my mouth. “Don’t leave me, okay?”
His lips pressed against mine again, and I shook my head. “Never.”
Boone groaned into my mouth and reached behind me. I felt as he jerked and then tossed something into the water. When I glanced back, the other seat was missing from the boat. It didn’t take long to realize he was making rooms. He lowered me to the floor and pressed himself between my waiting legs.
“This is my heaven,” he mumbled into my neck. “There isn’t one person that could keep me from you, Raven.”
I breathed him in and let myself go in the addicting taste of him. His fingers pressed harder into my skin, and his hips rolled against mine. He knew what I wanted before I said it or asked for it. The way he felt on top of me was the way I wanted to feel for the rest of my life. “Are you goin’ to have sex with me in this boat?” I asked, adrenaline rushing through me.
Boone bit my lower lip and brought his face level with mine. “No, Raven. I’m goin’ to show you how much you mean to me. I’m going to show you how in love I am with you. No one else, okay?” His brows furrowed, and his lips thinned. “I want you to promise me that you’ll stay with me. None of the boys in your class—”
I placed my finger over his lips and shook my head. “There isn’t one person in that school that makes me feel this alive. You don’t need to worry about anybody other than me. You’ll always be enough.”
Boone stroked the pad of his thumb down my face to my lips. “Well, in that case … ”
Those too-blue eyes shut and his mouth swept into mine. Just like he’d swept into my life—slowly, and then completely.
***
“Ma’am, it’s time to exit the plane.”
My head snapped up and my headphones yanked from my ears, landing on my lap. The plane was empty, except for the flight attendant standing over me with a patient smile. When had I gotten onto the plane? I didn’t remember getting up from my seat in the terminal. Oh, God. What’s wrong with me?
Smiling, I grabbed my things and exited the plane.
I was back in Arkansas. I was back to face all of my nightmares.
Chapter Three
Boone
“Dude, get your ass down here. You’re never gonna guess who’s in the hospital.”
I squinted from the top of the roof, holding the hammer against my knee for balance. “What in the hell are you talkin’ about, Jace? I can barely hear you.”
Jace held up a grease-smeared paper bag. It was lunchtime, not that my stomach hadn’t reminded me every ten minutes for the last hour. “Take your break. Come on.”
I glanced across the roof at my dad, who rolled his eyes and gestured for me to take my break. Sweat poured off of his forehead and his leathery skin showed just how many years he’d been a roofer. Carefully, I scooted down the roof and made my way down the ladder. Jace tossed me the sack, and I took my seat on the end of his tailgate. The ladder rattled as Dad climbed down. He groaned and wiped sweat from his brow.
“Okay, now what were you talkin’ about?”
Jace eyed my dad like he didn’t want to say anything, which was weird. Since when did Jace have a filter? “Mr. Sawyer is in the hospital,” he said. “He’s dying.”
What? My fingers loosened on my burger
, but I caught it before it slipped. Dad turned on his heel and pinned me to the tailgate with a look I remembered from my childhood. Now I understood why Jace didn’t want to say anything.
Mr. Sawyer and my dad weren’t the best of friends. Hell, they couldn’t stand each other. We owned land side-by-side that met in the woods. And then there was Josie.
“Jace, why don’t you keep your mouth shut, boy? Huh? Your momma ever tell you not to tell everything you hear?” Dad’s face was redder than before, his hands clenched. The words from my childhood were suddenly suffocating me.
We have rules, Boone, Dad would say. Stay off of the Sawyers’ land. Respect your elders. And stay away from that Sawyer girl. Three stupid rules that I’d had drilled into my head as a kid. And yet, I’d broken two of the most important ones.
“Sorry, Mr. Cross,” Jace said over his burger. “I just thought Boone should know. I mean, you know Josie is—”
“Enough.” Dad turned to me, the familiar blue eyes I saw in the mirror every day staring back at me. “The rules still—”
“I haven’t seen her in a year, Dad. Don’t worry about it.”
I didn’t want to talk about it. About her. About the Sawyers. It’d taken me eight months to stop dreaming about her after the incident. I had no intention of seeing the rage that would be on her face. She didn’t want to talk to me. I knew she didn’t. After what I did, I would be surprised if she didn’t spit in my face.
Dad stormed away with his lunch and disappeared around the corner of the house we were roofing. “Well, you know she’s going to come down. Her dad is dyin’.”
The pity on his face when I turned around made me squirm. “I don’t need your pity, Jace. I’ve been doin’ fine without her. And plus, I probably won’t even see her.”