Finally, overwhelmed emotions having turned numb in order to protect herself, she climbed into bed to lie there unable to sleep until Sami knocked on her door. Depressed and not caring who it was, she didn’t answer, but a moment later Sami walked in and made his way over to her bed.
He stared down at her. “Tierney?”
“Leave me alone.”
He eased the blanket off her face and frowned. “What happened? Where’d Jax go?”
“Anywhere but near me,” she mumbled, yanking the blanket back over her head.
“What?”
The numbness suddenly gone, she shoved the covers away with a frustrated sigh. “He left.”
“What?”
“He said he couldn’t be around me and needed to go. He went back to Spokane.”
Sami shook his head and climbed onto the bed beside her. “Why? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Am I really so horrible?” Her eyes began to tear up.
“What? No! No. And Jax doesn’t think so, either,” Sami said, his voice gruff now.
“Well you’re wrong.” She sniffed and buried her head back into the pillow, then felt Sami’s hand resting lightly on her back.
“No, I’m not. Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but Jax is crazy in love with you.”
Tierney snorted. “Yeah—right.”
“Seriously, I see how he stares at you. I have no idea why he’s been fighting his feelings, but I know my brother, and he loves you more than anything,” he said.
Tierney wished that were true, but knew better. “Yeah, so much he can’t stand to be around me.”
“No, Tierney. Shit! I want to pound some sense into him,” Sami ground out in frustration and then pulled her into his arms. “I’m so sorry.” He held her against his chest.
After a minute, Tierney managed to pull herself together and looked up at him. “How did everything go at the club? Find out anything?” she asked, changing the subject.
“We waited for Sin to show up—she never did. Soroyan finally said he planned to stay in the city and I should go.” With an arm still around her, Sami stretched out on the bed. “When I got home, Kyrian told me Jax left, and I found Thaniel worried about you,” he said.
“Shit, I forgot about Thaniel. He must be starving.” Guilt flooded her at wallowing so far in her own self-pity, that she’d forgotten all about the Were-leopard.
“Nah, he helped himself.” Sami smiled with pride and Tierney was glad Thaniel was finally comfortable enough to find something to eat.
“Oh, good.” Tierney closed her eyes, but Sami wasn’t about to let it go.
“So, something’s going on with Jax. Did you try calling him?” he asked, but his words angered her, and reminded her of Jax rejection once again.
“Now why would I call him?” Anger began to stir.
Sami had the good grace to look chagrined. “Sorry. Look, you and Jax share a bond,” he sighed. “I thought I understood, but I didn’t, not till—” Sami trailed off and she knew he was thinking of the woman from the day before.
“I’m sorry, Sami,” Tierney whispered, anger suddenly gone in the face of his pain. “We’re both a mess, aren’t we?”
“I feel like a part of me is missing,” he said.
Tierney swallowed, knowing exactly how he felt. “You want to know what the saddest part is?” she asked, meeting Sami’s eyes and blinking back tears. “I had just decided to wait for him to figure out his feelings, and if he didn’t feel the same way about me, well, I would let him go.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “But then he—” Jax had kissed her and held her in the living room. “Anyway, doing that is harder than I thought, and after he said he was leaving, I just lost it. I told him if he left that we were done.”
Sami’s arm tightened around her in understanding. “I’m sure he knows you said that because you were hurt.”
Tierney shook her head, dread consuming her that she had set something in motion that couldn’t be undone. “No I meant it, and he knows it.” She sighed and thought about Jax. “You know, I want him to be happy—more than anything. He’s never been happy. With what Marcius did, and I can’t imagine what he witnessed in our village, but I know he’s still trying to protect us from it.”
“What do you mean?” Sami asked.
Tierney thought about what she had seen in Jax’s head. “When I connected to his mind during his Awakening, I found a younger Jax. And oh Sami, it was so heartbreaking. He thinks he’s responsible for not saving our mothers.”
Sadness shone in Sami’s eyes and she nodded. “Later, he killed that man trying to hurt us, and after everything else—” Then, realizing how her words must sound, she winced. “Sorry Sami. Marcius hurt you too, I didn’t mean to make it sound like it only happened to Jax.”
“‘S okay. I wasn’t abused anywhere near as bad as Jax,” Sami said.
Tierney caught the heavy guilt in his voice and glanced up at him. “What happened to him? Before Marcius brought you both back. You told me a bit, but—” She stopped speaking when Sami blanched and grew still.
“I’m not sure of everything that happened, but Marcius—” Sami shuddered. “The asshole sold Jax to these two creepy, bald men.”
Tierney didn’t know the details, but she did know Jax had been held captive. Her soul cried as Sami hugged her tighter, like he needed her strength.
“I tried to hang onto him, but Marcius yanked me away and Jax started to fight. Marcius threatened to hurt me if Jax didn’t go quietly.” Sami closed his eyes and she could almost see him crying for his brother. “He stopped fighting immediately.” Sami gulped. “I waited, day after day, for him to come back, but he didn’t. After six months, it was hard to keep hoping. I, I thought I’d never see him again.” Sami’s voice broke, and Tierney clutched him tight.
“How did he end up back with you?” she finally asked. She knew someone had rescued Jax, but again, not much else. Heart thundering in her chest, she thought of how scared they both must have been, but couldn’t let herself think about what the men did to Jax. She ached for the little boy he’d once been.
It was a long moment before Sami finally answered her. “I told you how Jax and I used to go looking for food?”
Tierney nodded, remembering him telling her how Marcius always forgot to feed them, and they would go looking in dumpsters behind restaurants. “Yeah.”
“Well, a large man named Little Toni found us one day and took us to his club. We were scared and didn’t know if we could trust him, so we waited outside in the alley and he brought us a large bag of food. He ended up feeding us about four, five times a week,” he said and Tierney wished she could thank the man for his kindness. “Little Toni brought Jax back to us and threatened Marcius, told him to pack our shit and bring us back to you and Zander.”
Tierney said a little prayer for the man. “He knew me and Dad?”
“He did. At first, we thought it was coincidence that Little Toni had found us, but now I don’t think so. I have no idea how he knew Jax needed rescuing, or about you and Zander,” Sami said and Tierney hugged him tighter. “I’ll never forget how pale and lifeless Jax was when Little Toni carried him back into our apartment.” Sami shuddered and Tierney could sense the guilt inside of him.
“He waited while we packed our stuff, then carried Jax out to the car. He laid him in the backseat and when I got in, the blanket on Jax slipped. He was covered in scars.” Sami swallowed as he remembered that day so long ago.
Tierney’s heart heaved as she remembered the scars she’d felt, along with the glimpse she’d gotten of them. Scars that her dad kept her from seeing when Jax had first been brought back.
“Shit, Tiern. They hurt him so bad. We aren’t supposed to scar, so why did he?” Sami asked, horror in his voice and they were both silent while they both remembered that day.
“I know you’ve probably seen them, but his scars are why he always wears a shirt …even swimming. He didn’t want you to see them.
At least now his dragon covers his back, but the rest of him—” Sami paused and Tierney felt his anger surge. “I’ll never forget how Marcius ranted the whole way back here, saying that Jax didn’t deserve love, and that he was damaged goods. He just kept going on, and on. I screamed at him to stop. I didn’t care what he did to me. He just needed to stop—but he didn’t.” Sami’s shame seeped into her as he spoke. “Marcius always treated me with indifference, but for some reason, he hated Jax. I don’t know why. It kills me, how he hurt my brother and I—” Sami stopped speaking and closed his eyes for a second. “I should have stopped it!”
“Sami, there wasn’t anything you could have done,” she said. As he stared down at her, the pain and guilt in his eyes floored her. “Shhh, no, you couldn’t do anything to stop it,” she said, wishing she could make him believe, yet knowing he wouldn’t. He looked so lost as he remembered the past. “Gods, Sami, I’m so sorry.” Tierney squeezed him, thinking about two little boys who deserved so much better.
“I don’t pretend to understand Jax’s demons, or why he acts the way he does, but I think, for some reason, he’s scared. I think he’s terrified of you finding out what happened to him. And I know you never would, but I think he’s scared you’ll reject him. For whatever reason, I think he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of you,” he finally said.
Tierney wanted to believe him, but was afraid to. “I don’t know. I mean, what if he doesn’t love me the same way I love him?”
“No, no way. Please Tiern, don’t give up on him. I may be wrong, but he needs you, and you’re a fighter. Don’t give up. You need to go after what you want.”
Tierney sighed. She wanted to do what he suggested, but Jax had rejected her—again. Could their kiss have scared him enough to make him run? From what Sami said, it just might have. She ached to go after him, but if she did and Jax told her he didn’t want her, it would destroy her. Yet if she didn’t, she’d regret not finding out the truth.
“Okay, Sami,” she finally whispered, praying he was right but now she was even more worried about why Jax had tried to extract a promise from her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Missing
TIERNEY HUGGED HER DUCATI, as she raced into the city the next morning. She was almost there by the time the sun finally drenched the earth in color. But self-doubt mingled with worry, and by the time she arrived at the door of their apartment, she was a nervous wreck. On the one hand, she was afraid Jax would tell her to go away. On the other, she suspected there was more going on, and that could be worse.
She steeled herself and knocked, deciding to wait for him to answer, rather than use her key.
But she waited and waited, until finally, with a growl, she shoved her key in the lock and let herself in. “Jax?” she called, even though she didn’t sense any sign of life. Heart pounding, she made her way down the hall to his room. Maybe he’s asleep … Tierney stopped in the doorway. His bed, neat and tidy, showed no signs of anyone having slept there.
She walked back to the kitchen and noted that the coffee mugs from two days ago, still sat on the drying matt. She checked the bathroom to see the towel Thaniel had used still hung on the rack. The place appeared as they had left it the other day, meaning Jax never came back here.
With her instincts now screaming that something was wrong, she pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Jax’s number. His cell went straight to voicemail. Meticulous about keeping his phone charged, Jax never turned it off, even though he didn’t always answer. She called Sami, waking him up.
“Where are you?” he asked groggily and she could hear him stretch.
“I’m at the apartment. Jax isn’t here and hasn’t been here.” She tried not to freak out, but Sami’s sudden silence didn’t help.
“Well, he could have stayed somewhere else, did you try calling him?”
“Like where? And yes. His cell went straight to voicemail.” She tried not to think about her dad’s phone doing the same thing.
“Shit. All right, I’ll check into his cell usage, but you need to come home,” he said.
Tierney swallowed deeply, suddenly scared. “I’m on my way.” Her whole body vibrated with fear as she hurried out the door. Nothing added up. That little niggling doubt that had tried to get her attention when Jax climbed into his car without meeting her eyes, screamed that he was in trouble. She should have listened, but she’d been too hurt by his words to pay attention to her instincts. Stupid, so stupid!
At home, Tierney rushed inside to find Sami pacing the kitchen, waiting for her.
“His phone’s dead, or off like Zander’s,” he said.
Tierney shivered with a sense of deja vu. No. Please … He can’t have been taken too. Distracted by questions racing through her mind, she jumped when Thaniel silently eased into the room.
“Sorry.” He glanced from her to Sami. “Are you looking for Jax?” They both nodded. With fear in his eyes, he swallowed. “I heard him on the phone, yesterday. He sounded really angry.”
“You did? He did?” Tierney blinked, wondering who Jax had been talking to.
“I didn’t mean to listen. I went to get some water and, the phone rang. Jax picked it up and then he was yelling. He was so angry. He said something like Marsy us.”
“Shit—Marcius.” Tierney remembered Sin’s memory and wanted to smack herself.
“That’s it.” Thaniel nodded.
“Marcius is mine and Jax’s father,” Sami said with heavy disdain.
“Did you hear anything else?” Tierney was desperate to learn more.
“Jax threatened to kill him, and later he asked when and where.” Thaniel hung his head, ashamed at having overheard a private conversation.
Oh no. Tierney’s heart raced with fear. “What’d he do?” She didn’t expect an answer and didn’t get one. Suddenly pale, Sami sat down on one of the stools.
“Marcius. Do you think Jax would go meet him?” She stared at Sami in horror.
“Jax wouldn’t go anywhere near him if he didn’t have to. But, if he asked when and where—” Sami shrugged.
Tierney swore and ran a hand through her hair, pissed and filled with guilt. She should have told Sami and Jax about seeing Marcius in Sin’s memories. “Listen, Sami, I need to tell you something. I meant to tell you sooner, but I forgot.”
“What?”
She wondered if saying something earlier would have stopped Jax from going, or made any kind of difference? “When I saw Sin’s memories, I saw Marcius meeting with Arlow.”
At her words, Thaniel frowned, but she couldn’t deal with him at the moment, although she knew she’d have to have a talk with him soon.
“What? No,” Sami groaned and rubbed his face with his hands.
“I’m so sorry, I meant to tell you,” she whispered.
“Even if you’d told us before, I doubt anything would have stopped him. Whatever Marcius said—is what made him leave,” Sami said after a moment.
Tierney took a deep breath before telling him the next part. “Also, Jax tried to get me to promise not to follow him.” She stared at Sami, whose eyes widened in understanding. “I feel stupid for not figuring out what he was trying to do sooner.”
“Well, when someone is telling you they don’t want to be around you, I can’t imagine it’s easy to forget what they are saying, and concentrate on what they’re not saying,” Sami said with understanding.
Thaniel stood silently watching them, and though Tierney knew he had no clue of what they were talking about, she wasn’t up to explaining.
“Ah,” Thaniel interrupted, looking nervous as he caught their attention. “Jax also called M-Marcius a traitor.”
Sami nodded wearily. “Marcius is the traitor. Sure explains a lot—the asshole.”
“So how the hell do we find Jax now?” Tierney tried not to let her fear get the better of her but it wasn’t easy.
Sami shook his head. “Dunno. I’m attempting to trace where he last used his cell. I got nothing wi
th Zander’s phone, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get the same results. If we’re lucky, Jax didn’t turn his off as soon as he left.”
“If we’re lucky.” She groaned.
Sami stood up. “I’m going to go check my programs.” But before he could start out of the room, his gaze landed on her choker and he hesitated. “Do you think Kyrian told the truth, about the soul stones?”
Tierney touched her choker, and the stones pulsing with life made her wonder and hope. “No idea.”
“Well, if Kyrian’s right, and Jax is your soulmate—” Sami didn’t finish but Tierney understood. “Then one of these is for him.” she said, but how could she use them to find Jax? “I’m going to go talk to Kyrian.” She glanced at Thaniel. “Hey, why don’t you come with me?”
Surprised, Thaniel nodded, and Tierney called Kyrian. Then they walked over to the picnic table to wait for him. They didn’t wait long. A minute later Kyrian stood in front of them, in human form and Tierney wondered what kind of powers or abilities he possessed. “Thanks for coming,” she said, and then explained what they believed had happened to Jax. “Can you help me use these?” She fingered her choker.
“May I touch?” Kyrian asked.
Tierney swept her hair out of the way. Reaching out, Kyrian rubbed each glowing stone. He cocked his head, as if listening for something, and then glanced at her. “This one is for Sami. He’s close by and not in any … physical distress.” He held the stone between his fingers.
Tierney frowned at his emphasis on the word physical. “What about the others?” She almost wished she hadn’t asked when sorrow flickered in his eyes.
“These two aren’t too far away. I’m sorry, they’re in physical and mental distress, and this one here, the faint one, is too far away for me to pick up much.”
Shit! Tierney fought her rising panic. She needed to find them, and the fourth stone just had to be her brother.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Kyrian said, and she eased down onto the seat of the picnic table.
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