“I’ll be right back with your drinks sir,” she said and hurried away. Jax was the one who was really good with compulsion, while for Sami it rarely ever worked. It figured, can’t use it when he really needed it, but when he didn’t give a shit…
A few minutes later, the waitress was back with a tray filled with drinks, making Soroyan snort and shake his head. Sami ignored Soroyan, and paid the waitress then he added more nectar to everything and gulped back another couple shots. Unable to help it, he glanced Hellfire’s way then wished he hadn’t as she laughed and flirted with the two men. Sami turned away but as soon as she stood up with one of the guys, he was immediately aware. He tried to calm himself as they walked by and headed to one of the private dance rooms along the back wall. Dance, my ass! Sami had been aware of the couples coming and going from the rooms for the last hour and he knew very well what the rooms were used for.
“Were-cat…similar to Thaniel,” Soroyan commented, drawing Sami’s attention to him. Sami didn’t say anything. What the hell was she doing with a Were-cat?
With her prickly personality, he was surprised she’d have anything to do with them. Damn. Guess I was completely wrong about her. Brimstone was right. She is a bitch. She had to be, to flaunt another guy in his face after what they had done earlier. He fought to rein in his anger. That’s the type she’s attracted to?
Sami felt like his heart was dying in his chest. His next drink stuck in his throat and he was suddenly feeling sick, something he wasn’t used to experiencing. The darkness inside him continued to build and pain throbbed through him. Tossing back more shots, he tried to push it away. The alcohol, mixed with the nectar, was helping a bit since normally he’d be hiding somewhere cutting himself by now.
“I’ll be back,” Soroyan said when Sin peeked her head out the door and ducked back inside. Sami watched him walk away and tossed back another drink, finishing the latest batch. He waved the waitress over, and this time the waitress didn’t even hesitate when he ordered another round while the pain within him grew stronger. More dancers entered, and someone cranked the music up even louder. Rage, hurt, and the dark anguish pounded through him, building every second that Hellfire stayed in the back room with that mangy Were-cat. Gods, what did he ever do to deserve this? Even now, though it was faint, he could feel the soul deep connection to Hellfire pulling at him.
When she finally came out of the dance room, Hellfire zipped up her black leather jacket, glanced in Sami’s direction, and then quickly looked away. She appeared good and tousled as she hurried past and Sami could smell the Were-cat’s scent all over her. Hatred began to boil up inside him.
“C’mon, let’s go,” Soroyan said and Sami blinked up at him blankly. He hadn’t even noticed the guy walk up, his pain overshadowing everything. Sami downed the last of his shots, finished his last beer and with a nod, he stood and meekly followed Soroyan from the club and over to his truck. When Soroyan held his hand out for the keys, Sami looked at him.
“What?”
“I’m driving,” Soroyan said. After a second, Sami shrugged, handed over the keys and walked around to the passenger side door.
Once home, Sami met up with Tierney as he wove his way through the great room. She stared, obviously shocked at seeing him drunk. “Sami, are you okay?” When he didn’t answer, she stepped up blocking his way. “Hey, what happened?” she asked.
Sami shook his head and attempted to go around her.
“Sami!”
“Don’t wanna talk about it, ’kay? Just leave me alone.” Stepping past her, he headed for the stairs and his room.
“Did you at least find her?” Tierney asked from behind him.
Sami stopped, clutching the railing tight and with one foot on the first step. The pain wanted to swallow him whole. He closed his eyes as memories of the whole afternoon rushed through his head, ending with Hellfire coming out of that room at the club looking good and fucked.
“Yeah, I found her.” He could practically feel Tierney’s frown. As an empath, she could feel what others felt and while he was pretty good at keeping his mental shields up, he was pretty wasted right now. Sucking in a breath, he made sure his shields were tight before opening his eyes, and continuing up the stairs.
“Sami?” Hearing the worry in her voice, he knew that she was going to be persistent, especially if she thought he was hurting or in trouble. She would poke and push until he caved.
His heart feeling like Hellfire had ripped it from his chest, and the darkness seeping through every fiber of his being, made him pause but he didn’t turn around. “Just, please. For once, leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later, ’kay?” He held his breath, hoping she’d let it go.
It was a second before she said, “Okay, Sami, but you know Jax and I are here for you, right?”
“I know,” he said and continued to the top of the stairs.
“We love you, Sami,” he heard as he headed to his room. He knew that too, but it didn’t help the feelings of anger, hurt, despair, hopelessness, and the pain that coursed through him. In his room, he quickly closed the door and hurried over to his bed as spots began to creep into his vision. The alcohol had helped hold everything at bay, but now…now it was all back, worse than ever before. His skin tingled with power as he unbuckled his weapons and let most of them drop to the floor. Pulling his knife from its sheath, he sat on the edge of the bed and yanked his jacket off.
Close to losing control, his power hummed and he could feel his dragon screaming inside him. Eyes closed, he swiped the blade hard and deep across his wrist, watching as blood began pumping from his body.
Immediately, the pain and darkness started to recede but then it suddenly stopped. Crying out at the agony inside him, Sami looked at the wound on his wrist that was already closing. Heart pounding, he struggled to breath and choked when he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. What the hell? This had never happened before but he wasn’t surprised, he knew that at some point that cutting himself would stop working.
Sami dropped his knife in disgust as the darkness threatened to take over. His power surged and the whole room shook. No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening. He had no idea what would happen if his power took over. Having seen firsthand what Tierney’s power could do when she was out of control, he couldn’t handle it if he hurt anyone in the house because his power got away from him.
Reaching down, he picked up the blade and made two more swipes across his arm, each about an inch apart. Once again, the darkness began to recede but then stopped. At least he could breathe and see once more, and while his power continued to thrum, it wasn’t getting any stronger. Slumping back against his bed, he tried to let it all go. His heart slowed as a picture of Hellfire fighting the Weres this afternoon filled his head. Gods, she was amazing!
Moreover, watching her and Brimstone, as they whirled and dove at each other was mesmerizing but then when she sat beside him in his truck … The reminder of how it felt as her thigh rubbed against him was quickly followed with how she later looked as she stripped out of her clothes. The fire in her eyes…he hadn’t imagined that, had he? Didn’t matter now, none of it would ever matter anymore.
Their connection, the tether between them was left ripped and tattered, and his soul torn from his body. As everything became suddenly clear, he knew why this was happening. It was everything he deserved for what he did to his brother when they were kids. He’d never forgive himself for his part in Marcius’s evil doings.
Not for the first time, he wished he could end it all. Before, he didn’t dare leave Jax while his brother had been on his own road to destruction but now, Jax had Tierney. His life had changed, and he was like a completely different person. An image filled his mind of his brother hooked up to a machine, blood draining from the needle in his arm …
Opening his drawer, Sami pulled the bottle of blood thinners out along with the package of hypodermic needles.
Chapter Six
Agony
They had a strange relationship but it worked, and she hated the idea of Thaniel sitting scared and alone in the corner of his room downstairs. That was where he had spent each night the first week here, at least, until Tierney realized he was too scared to sleep. Gods, she’d felt so bad for not thinking about him earlier but she’d been so wrapped up in finding her father, and Jax.
Tierney lay back down and closed her eyes only to have them open again. It was as if something was calling to her and a feeling of foreboding filled her. Maybe it was her father. Suddenly, Jax sat straight up in the bed beside her.
“Something’s wrong,” he exclaimed at the same time that a loud anguished roar filled her head.
“What the hell?”
“I hear it too,” Jax said. Even Thaniel was sitting up, suddenly alert.
“I…oh shit. It’s Sami,” she said, suddenly certain and throwing her covers off.
“He’s home?” Jax asked as they all scrambled from the bed and hurried from the room.
“Yeah, but he wasn’t doing too well…” Across the hall, she shoved Sami’s door open and they all hurried inside, stopping short to look towards the bed. It was empty and still made up, though there was a dark stain on the cover. On the floor, his weapons lay scattered. Glancing towards the wall of computers and monitors, they saw that his chair was empty as well as the couch in front of the fireplace. “Sami?” she called out. “This isn’t like him.”
As Jax nodded his agreement, they all turned towards the bathroom hearing the sound of water running at the same time.
“Think he’s just having a shower?” Jax asked but Tierney shook her head. Dread was eating at her as she pushed the door open, and stepped inside.
“Sami!” She gasped, hurrying over to the shower stall to kneel in a pool of cold water. Sami sat slumped against the wall under the cold spray, unconscious. Blood pooled around him before washing down the drain.
“What the hell, Sami,” Jax shouted and jumped into the stall, turning the taps off then crouching beside his brother. “No. No, no Sami.” Jax pulled Sami into his arms while Tierney carefully removed the needles from each wrist—needles that Sami had inserted to allow his blood to continue to drain out of him. She watched, suddenly scared when his wounds didn’t close as fast as normal.
“Is he still breathing?” Jax asked, choking on his tears.
Tierney felt for a pulse, her heart in her throat until she finally felt a very faint one. “He is, but barely,” she whispered, her heart breaking for her best friend. She knew she shouldn’t have left him alone when he was acting so low when he came home earlier. Damnit, why had she listened to him? Fuck, if he dies…
“He’s lost a lot of blood.” She choked back her own sob as she looked up at Jax.
“Why? Why would he do this?” Jax asked, tears running down his face.
“I don’t know babe. He wouldn’t talk to me,” she whispered.
Thaniel crouched down in front of them and without meeting her eyes, held out a bunch of towels. “We should get him…dried off…and into his bed,” he said softly, his long blond hair hanging in his face.
Tierney swallowed and nodded gratefully at Thaniel as she took one of the towels. Glad to see the holes in Sami’s wrists had finally closed, she gently mopped at his hair then stopped. “We need to get his wet clothes off.”
“Right.” Jax took a breath and together, he and Thaniel pulled Sami’s shirt over his head and off. Then Tierney wrapped a towel around his cold body.
“Let’s get him over to his bed. It will be easier to get his jeans off there,” Jax said.
Tierney watched as Jax carefully but easily lifted his brother, a man bigger and heavier than him, and carried him out of the bathroom. Just as gently, he laid Sami on top of his bed.
“Sami?” he called out and she knew Jax was desperate to hear his brother’s voice. “Sami? Come on, wake up buddy, please,” he said as he and Thaniel peeled off Sami’s wet jeans.
Tierney pulled the blankets back, noting the dried blood on the covers and one of the knives on the floor. She stepped back when Jax moved Sami, and tucked him under the covers. “He’s so pale…I wish he’d wake up,” Jax said, climbing up on the bed beside his brother.
“What if you give him some of your blood?” she asked, remembering how her dad used to give Jax his blood to help speed up his healing as she climbed up on the other side of Sami. Thaniel had begun to pick up all of Sami’s weapons and was carefully laying them on the coffee table by the couch. “I’d give him mine, but you know what happened the last time,” she said grimly. Jax nodded. “Yeah…”
She knew he remembered all too well, what happened the last time. She’d saved his life but triggered the Sevaris bond. It was a good thing they were soul mates for things could have been very awkward if they hadn’t been. “You and he share the same blood by your mother, I’m sure nothing will happen—other than him healing faster,” she said hopefully.
“Yeah, okay.” Jax nodded and Thaniel, without anyone asking, silently brought a knife over, and held it out for Jax to use. With a last worried look at Sami, Jax sliced his palm open. Tierney pulled Sami’s mouth open and Jax held his hand to his brother’s lips allowing his blood to drip onto his tongue until the cut finally healed. “First time I’ve even been grateful that I heal slower than the rest of our kind,” Jax said with a grimace.
Although Jax had thankfully begun healing faster than he used to, he still healed slower than both her and Sami. Tierney pursed her lips and cuddled up to Sami, willing him to live. While she hovered over Sami, she watched Thaniel. When he was done with the weapons, Thaniel hung Sami’s wet pants up then he glanced at the three of them from under his hair, turned, and pulling a chair up alongside the bed, he sat down. She knew he would wait with them.
It was a half hour before Sami finally began to rouse.
“Sami?” Jax and Tierney both waited anxiously until he opened his eyes.
Obviously confused, Sami looked from one of them to the other. “What are you both doing here?” he asked, then noticed Thaniel in the chair and frowned.
“You tried to kill yourself,” Jax said, his hurt and anger at his brother obvious in the low barely controlled tone of his voice.
At Jax’s accusatory words, Sami winced. “Sorry.”
“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say?” Jax asked, his voice began to rise as he became even angrier.
“Jax!” Tierney glared at him, effectively shutting him up. With a huff, Jax lay back down while Tierney smoothed the hair back from Sami’s face. “What happened sweetie?”
***
SAMI SO DIDN’T feel like talking. As his dark pain began to rise again, he steeled himself to fight it but at Tierney’s touch, it all receded. He let his eyes close as peace washed over him. It wouldn’t last, it never did, but Tierney always seemed to have a soothing effect on others and right now, he’d take what he could get.
All of sudden, Jax hugged him, startling him. “Please Sami, don’t do that again…I can’t lose you, please…”
The muffled words were like a punch in the gut made worse by Jax’s tears on his neck. Suddenly, as soothing as Tierney’s touch was, guilt still hit him hard and fast. “I’m sorry Jax. I really didn’t mean to. I-I was drunk and not in my right mind…the dark…” Sami closed his mouth, not able to say anything more as memories of Hellfire surged to the front of his mind, and his soul cried out for her. He sniffed back his own tears.
Jax pulled away, wiped his eyes, and stared down at Sami. “I love y
ou, bro, I can’t lose you—you understand? Whatever you need, whatever is going on, we’re here for you. Just, please, hang in there, ’kay?”
Sami swallowed and nodded, knowing there was nothing Jax could do, but Sami would never hurt his brother, not intentionally and he really hadn’t been thinking. “I’m tired,” he said, closing his eyes. It had been so long since he’d gotten any sleep that he quickly drifted off.
***
TIERNEY, JAX AND THANIEL watched Sami sleep, silently relieved that he was at least going to live. Tierney knew the others were feeling as unsure about what lay ahead as she was. Something drove him to do what he did, and Sami obviously didn’t want to, or couldn’t talk about it.
A little later she watched Jax get up and walk into the bathroom. Tierney glanced at Thaniel, who sat with his knees pulled to his chest and his head lowered. Although she couldn’t see his eyes, she knew he was watching. With a nod, she got up and followed Jax into the bathroom.
“Where did he get this?” Jax asked, holding up the package of needles and the empty bottle of pills. Tierney took the stuff from him and read the label.
“He must have picked this up the day we rescued you,” she said, meeting Jax’s horrified gaze.
“This wasn’t just an accident. He’s been planning this.”
Tierney nodded, her heart breaking for both Jax and Sami, for whatever nightmare he was going through. “I’m sorry babe.” Moving closer to him, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
“I can’t lose him, Tiern.”
Dracones Boxset Books 1-5 Page 42