He thought she’d let go of him, but she didn’t and he timidly studied the two large males. Jax was tall, but Sami was taller, at least as tall at Real, though not as bulky. Heart thudding, Thaniel stayed close to Tierney as she followed Sami out of the room. She led him through the dark, crowded basement and up the stairs while Jax followed a little distance behind them as if he realized how nervous Thaniel was around him.
When they reached the kitchen, Thaniel blinked and then released the breath he’d been holding. Just being out of the dark hole made him feel so much better.
He was beginning to think everything might be fine until they entered the living area. The coppery stench of old blood hit him like a kick to the chest. His eyes took in the rust-colored stains and spatter on the walls, wrecked furniture, and carpeting. He shuddered. It was obvious another battle had been fought since the one when he first arrived; the one that landed him in the basement. Plus, when Real came to see him, he told Thaniel that the wolves had cleaned up the evidence of the massacre of their original alpha.
Thaniel swallowed as he took in the latest destruction, wondering if any of it was Real’s blood. Somehow, he knew this was only weeks old, which was around the last time he’d seen his friend or anyone else.
The coppery stench invaded his senses. Suddenly overwhelmed, claws seared at the tender flesh inside of him. It was his leopard fighting for long overdue freedom.
Tierney asked when he’d last eaten and his stomach cramped with renewed hunger pains. He let out a gasp and sucked in an even deeper breath, which made the situation worse. In a fraction of a second, whatever tenuous thread of control he held, completely slipped away.
No. No. Not now! His gaze darted around the room and back to Tierney. This was why Real had brought him to Justin. If only Justin hadn’t died, then maybe he’d have taught Thaniel the control he needed. He swallowed, fear enveloping him. He didn’t want to go through this awful ordeal ever again, but he didn’t see how he had a lot of options.
When the Were-wolves had told him the collar he wore would prevent him from changing, he hadn’t believed them at first. He’d quickly learned his lesson. At first, they enjoyed goading him into losing control, but then they slapped the collar on him, proving they were correct. How long had it been since he last shifted? Why he ever thought he’d be okay without that collar, he didn’t know.
Just the thought of shifting into his beast in front of the people who had freed him, made him feel sick and terrified of hurting someone.
“Thaniel, try to slow your breathing,” Tierney said, and he could feel her desire to help him.
This can’t be happening! “I … I can’t,” he said, his panic growing.
“Yes, you can,” Tierney encouraged and laid her hand on his arm. “You can.”
Thaniel stared at her lips, then into her eyes, mesmerized. There was something about this female in front of him—her gaze and her touch. Calm settled over him, enveloping him. “I did it,” he whispered, shocked.
It didn’t last. He began to tremble as his beast roared inside of him. “No, no, no,” he mumbled. Panic flared again and he moved away from Tierney. “You should have left me downstairs,” he said, then yanked the hoodie off and dropped it to the floor.
“It’s okay, Thaniel. Try to relax,” he vaguely heard Tierney say as Jax pulled her back to stand beside him and Sami.
A cry escaped his throat. “I—I’m sorry,” he whispered as the first bolt of pain ripped through him. He dropped to the floor on all fours, hating what he knew was about to happen.
His bones cracked and stretched, twisting his body into impossible positions as he shifted into his beast. It was every bit as painful as the other times he’d shifted. That hadn’t changed.
He wanted to shout at Tierney to run, get away—fast, but he could no longer speak and no longer had any control. The wolves had kept him locked where he couldn’t hurt anyone, but now he was no longer contained.
He had just completed his shift when he felt a feather-light touch inside of his mind and was completely stunned to find Tierney there, in his head.
At first, his beast didn’t like the intrusion, but it wasn’t long before Tierney worked some sort of magic, leaving Thaniel amazed when he and his beast finally merged into one being. It was something Real had told him he needed to do, but he had no idea of how to go about it, not that he wanted to merge with his beast. Still, now that he had, it felt good, even right, somehow.
Then there was Tierney’s smile. It was like a bright ray of sunshine directed at him. It entered his heart, and happiness spread through both him and his beast, making him feel languid. Until the front door of the building swung open.
Thaniel's leopard jumped to his feet as a large, dark-haired, predatory-looking male, who smelled of wolf but not Were, walked inside with a fierce scowl on his face. This man was every bit as large as Real. Thaniel never thought he’d see anyone scarier than his friend, but the male in front of him made Real pale in comparison. With his senses screaming to run, he hissed and started to move away when his gaze landed on Tierney and her friends.
For the first time in his life, a feeling of protectiveness filled him and his leopard began to advance on the large intruder until a painful wave of power swept through the room. Every bone in his new body tensed up and he couldn’t move. Suddenly, everything the Were-wolves had done to him flashed bitterly through his mind and a pitiful cry escaped him as he cowered back in fear.
He wanted to tell Tierney that he was sorry, that he couldn’t protect her, or anyone, when she whirled around on the large male. He watched, awed, as she put the predator in his place before making him leave a moment later.
Shaking, Thaniel tried to hold still when Tierney crouched in front of him.
“You’re okay. Soroyan won’t hurt you. You’re safe,” she said into his mind before reaching out to him.
He blinked at her, amazed that she’d stood up for him. Leaning forward, his beast sniffed her hand. Smells so good … Unable to stop the urge, he rubbed his face against her hand and, the threat forgotten, he began to relax. I like this.
Tierney scratched under his chin, making him purr, and for the first time, he really didn’t mind his new skin. In fact, it felt so good that he grew drowsy. His eyes started to slide closed.
“We need you to shift back now,” Tierney said, but he didn’t want to.
A moment later she asked again. This time the shift was painless and he waited as she covered him with the blanket.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Human once more, Thaniel tried to understand everything that had just happened.
Suddenly self-conscious and once again unsure under their gaze, he sat up but kept his eyes lowered as he grabbed the hoodie and pulled it back on. Who are these people? How did she get into my head like that? It was incredible and unnerving and made him question what they wanted with him. Thaniel wrapped the blanket around himself—as if it would offer any protection. Finally, taking a deep swallow, he raised his eyes to Tierney. “What are you?”
How had this purple-eyed female in front of him managed to calm both him and his leopard? Trust didn’t come easily to him and yet, somehow, she’d done just that and more. His leopard loved her.
He thought about what else she’d done. Something he himself hadn’t been able to do in the four months he’d been a monster. She helped him forge a connection. He could still see it in his mind and while it was only a tiny one, anything to start working with his leopard instead of against it had to be good. Especially if it could prevent the beast from completely taking over.
Tierney didn’t answer him. “Come on, let’s get you some food,” she said, and just the thought made his stomach growl.
Embarrassed, he expected them to laugh at him. That’s what the Were-wolves would have done right before they knocked him around, taunting and then teasing him with the offer of food, only to take it away again.
No one laughed. In fact, they loo
ked sad as they led him outside to their car where the predator waited. Thaniel hesitated as he neared the man.
“He won’t hurt you,” Tierney reassured Thaniel, motioning to Soroyan.
Still, he gave the guy a wide berth and then swallowed in trepidation at the older, black, four-door car. But the idea of food overpowered everything else and he finally climbed inside, eyeing the door handle. I can always jump out if I need to. Yeah, and as if they wouldn’t catch you if you tried! Swallowing deeply, he closed the door.
Chapter Eight
Just A Dream
THANIEL SAT TENSE while Jax drove to the nearest fast food drive-through and put in a huge order. Thaniel assumed it was meant for all of them, and was stunned when Jax turned and began to pass everything back. A giant smoothie was passed to Thaniel first.
“Here ya go, buddy,” Jax said before he handed Tierney the rest of the food to hold.
Thaniel caught Jax’s deep blue eyes staring at him before he turned back around. Holding the smoothie in trembling hands, his gaze skittered to the brown paper bags Tierney held. The aroma of hot-off-the-grill burgers, crisp fries, and the assortment of other stuff made his belly growl loudly, filling him with disgust and shame. He hated having to rely on someone for something as simple as food.
Once again, no one said a word, though the air was thick with tension. Thaniel wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. Then Tierney pulled a burger out and held it out to him. Thaniel didn’t even notice as Jax pulled away from the drive-through window and over to an empty parking spot—he only had eyes for the food in her hand. Was this really happening, or was it just a dream?
As the car was shut off, the silence was deafening and Thaniel could feel Tierney’s compassionate eyes boring into him as he tentatively took the burger from her. He had to fight to hold back the tears that threatened to have him crying like a baby.
Then a gentle hand landed on his arm in a caring touch, which only threatened his control even more. Saliva filled his mouth as he fought to peel the paper aside, but he was shaking so badly his fingers were all thumbs.
“Here, let me help,” she said, and quickly unwrapped the best-looking burger ever. He felt like a helpless child and couldn’t stop the slight whimper that escaped as he raised the mouth-watering food to his lips.
Once started he quickly devoured everything Tierney handed to him. While he ate, Thaniel went over all that had happened since these people had entered his prison. He had so many questions and no idea where to start.
Then he wondered about Real. The last time he saw him, Real claimed he’d reached out to a friend for help in extracting Thaniel from the Were-wolves clutches. “Do you think Real is dead?” he asked.
Tierney looked like she wanted to say something but hesitated, and it was Sami who answered. “We hope not.”
Not letting anyone see how those words affected him, Thaniel turned back to stare out the window. “That’s okay. Everyone leaves,” he muttered.
They asked him a few questions about the wolves and he learned they were looking for a wolf, who wasn’t a Were, named Toren, along with Tierney's father. They figured Toren had been taken when the last battle in the Were-wolf den had gone down.
“Maybe that’s what happened to Real,” he said, and they agreed he could be right, especially when he told them that was the last time he’d seen his friend.
Then, against his protests, they bought him some clothes and took him to their apartment to clean up.
“This is where we stay when we work in Spokane,” Tierney explained.
He was happy Soroyan stayed with the car as they went into the building, but then Jax pressed the button for the elevator and Thaniel grew nervous at the thought of being in an enclosed box.
Luckily, it was a really large elevator. Not wanting his new friends to know how nervous he was, Thaniel bit down on his fear and listened to their easy banter. The teasing between the three helped relax him even more, and he was shocked to find a smile tugging at his lips as they joked with each other. By the time they arrived on their floor, he was fine.
However, the inside of their apartment had him treading cautiously once more. The place was huge, nicer than anything he’d ever seen before, and intimidating. In fact, he fearfully looked behind him to make sure he didn’t leave dirt marks on the floor, as Jax led him to a large, modern bathroom.
“You can shower and change in here.” Jax handed him a bag of clothing and then went and pulled a couple fluffy black towels out of a cupboard and handed them to Thaniel as well. “There is shampoo and conditioner, a brush and the hair dryer,” Jax said, pointing the items out. “We’ll wait in the kitchen.”
Jax began to walk out, then he hesitated and turned back. “Take your time,” he added, before leaving Thaniel alone in the spotless, shiny black-and-white room.
Thaniel eyed the separate tub and shower. What he wouldn’t give for a bath. But no. No matter what Jax said, these people were waiting for him, and besides, he didn’t like the idea of being so vulnerable.
Steeling himself, Thaniel trembled as he eased the door shut. He hated to be closed up in any room. Even one he locked from the inside, as he had no doubt that any of them could get in if they wanted to. Still, he could hardly shower with the door open. At least if it was locked, he’d hear if they tried to come in. That would give him some warning.
He bit his lip. Really, if they had wanted to hurt him, they could have done so. Taking a deep breath, he locked the door and then waited, expecting someone to come and bang on it, demanding entry.
Nothing happened. Letting out the breath he’d been holding, he turned and surveyed the bathroom. Then he walked over and carefully set the towels and clothing on the vanity beside the sink. Everything was so sparkly clean. Purposely not looking in the mirror, he glanced back at the door. He cocked his head to listen. He could hear the low murmur of voices in a room at the other end of the apartment.
They won’t hurt you. You can do this. He let the blanket he’d been clutching drop to the floor and then pulled the hoodie over his head and set it beside the other clothing.
Heart racing, he turned to the shower stall. There was a floor mat hanging over the top. Pulling it down, he set it on the floor, then slipped into the large stall and turned the knobs until the water was steaming hot. Scared that this was a dream and he’d wake any second, he stepped under the spray and sucked in a deep breath. The burning water stung his skin and felt heavenly, making him sigh and close his eyes. How had he gotten here? He’d been ready to die, willing his body to shut down. He’d just wanted it all to end, and it had, but not in any way he would have ever expected.
Steaming hot water ran down his head, face, and body and it wasn’t long before he felt himself relax. Eventually, he moved the tangled strands of hair out of his face. The water scoured him as it attempted to wipe away months of blood and grime. It didn’t do much for the shame and disgust he felt inside.
Thinking he’d never felt anything so good in his life, Thaniel still worried that this would end. Though did he care if that was the case? He’d been ready to die. He could just enjoy this moment, glad to have experienced it before he gave it all up.
No. He’d just been given a reprieve, a tiny taste of something, and he was no longer ready to go. It won’t last! So what? He’d still hang on as tight as he could. Enjoy what he had while he had it. And if it isn’t meant to be? Then he’d deal with that when that time came.
He took a deep shuddering breath, and suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed, he slid to the tiled floor to sit under the steady stream of hot water. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. For so long he’d been fighting to survive.
Through all the pain he'd endured from his mother, the ability to cry had long ago been beaten out of him. Not even when his body and soul had been battered from Elianna's attack, or the Were-wolves, had he shed a single tear. Yet now, for some reason, moisture prickled the backs of his eyes.
Thaniel
drew in some long, deep breaths and then let them out slowly in an attempt to calm himself. For the first time in years, he didn’t feel like he had to fight and while he knew better than to let his defenses down, a tendril of hope had worked its way to his heart. It scared him as it wound around and held him captive.
Finally he stood back up, grabbed the shampoo and began to wash his hair. Then he washed it again. And again.
Still it remained a matted, snarled mess. If he could find scissors, he might even cut it. Then he shuddered at the thought. Unsure what to do, he glanced over at the bottle that Jax called conditioner. Maybe that would help.
He remembered his mom using conditioner, but he’d never been allowed to touch anything of hers. Rubbing the creamy stuff in, he marveled at how silky his hair began to feel. It certainly made the tangled strands more manageable. After adding more conditioner, he was able to run his fingers through the mess.
Even more amazing, it stayed silky even after he rinsed the conditioner out. Then he used the bar soap on his body, cleansing himself of all the blood and grime, but no matter how clean his skin appeared, he still felt everything that had been done to him. It was etched bone deep and no amount of scrubbing would make it go away.
Finally, he set the soap back down and just stood under the spray. He pushed all the nightmares away and thought about the three people waiting for him. He hated the idea of turning the water off and facing them. The shower had felt so amazing. Yet regardless of what Jax said, they were waiting and he’d already taken too long. The last thing he wanted to do was make anyone angry with him.
After drying off, Thaniel ran his fingers over the new clothes Tierney and Jax had bought him. He didn’t remember when he’d last worn new clothes. Even in the foster homes, they had given him hand-me-downs. Then on the streets, it was whatever he could find in dumpsters.
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