by E. E. Burke
Ross caught the tray before she spilled the contents on the floor.
She stared at him—actually, at his bare chest—then blushed and turned away. “I’m sorry…I wasn’t expecting you to be out of bed yet. Pardon me for barging in. I thought you might be hungry and thirsty. You’ve been running a fever and—” She took a deep breath.
He stopped her before she sucked up all the air in the room. “Thank you, Mrs. O’Shea, for the food and for your hospitality. I’m feeling much better.” Actually, he felt like he’d been run over by a mule team, but that was an improvement over roasting in hell, which was what he’d dreamed had happened. “This bowl of…oatmeal…looks delicious.”
He must be starved to have thought oatmeal smelled good. The coffee would help. He set the tray on the table by the bed and went back to his clothes.
She turned slightly, keeping her back to him. “Is there anything else you need? I’ll come back later to collect the dishes. Susannah cleaned your clothes, she got out the blood and sewed up the hole, I don’t know how she did it, but you can hardly tell.”
He examined the white shirt—true enough, the flaw wasn’t immediately obvious—then pulled the shirt over his head and buttoned it. “Where is she?”
O’Shea’s wife peeked over her shoulder, but didn’t turn around. “She’s… I’ll let her know you’re up and around. She wouldn’t leave your side for days, and was so relieved when the fever broke.”
“Days?”
“You’ve been here, let me count…” She looked up as though an adding machine were installed on the ceiling. “Seven days.”
“Seven?” He would’ve guessed no more than three. “She must be exhausted. I hope she’s resting.”
“Yes… If you’ll excuse me.” The petite woman inched out the door.
“Wait, what happened to McLaughlin?”
“The soldiers shot him when he wouldn’t give up his gun.”
Ross wasn’t brokenhearted, but he would’ve preferred that his assailant was taken alive. Killing, unless it was a rabid dog, didn’t solve anything. “How did the town react?”
O’Shea’s wife stopped and finally turned to face him, her expression solemn. “The men I’ve talked to say they’re relieved, honestly. Bill was…unpredictable. He had a big grudge against everybody he thought was rich, and he never could keep his mouth shut. I’m surprised he shot you. But I think he might’ve been embarrassed when they dragged him outside, and he lost his good sense, and…” She shook her head. “Tis a pity.”
While she talked, Ross fetched the cup of coffee, each sip reviving him a bit more. He’d eat the oatmeal for now and get a steak later. “I’ll bring these dishes down on my way out.”
She looked alarmed. “You can’t leave. The doctor thinks you should stay abed for another two weeks.”
“That old sawbones also thinks amputation is the cure for every grazed limb. Thank you, but I’ll take my chances.” Ross set the coffee cup down and went to work on the oatmeal.
His hostess left with a worried frown.
When he’d finished, he took time to wash up using a ceramic basin and a slice of soap, and pouring water over his head until his hair felt mostly clean. He rubbed the bristly scruff on his face, but didn’t see a razor, so shaving would have to wait.
A few minutes later he left O’Shea’s place, sore and a little weak, but steady on his feet. As he passed men on the sidewalk, they stopped him, shook his hand, and wished him well. A crusty old farmer halted his wagon in the middle of the street to let him pass, and even waved. It wasn’t his birthday, and his appearance wasn’t changed that much. What had happened?
He stopped in front of his office where a sign had been posted to the door. “Applications for the position of land agent will be accepted until June 30.”
His stomach knotted, forcing the oatmeal into his throat. He’d been let go, and while he was out of his head with fever. The bastards! No wonder everyone was being so nice. They were wishing him well on his way out the door.
Flushed with fury, he turned the knob and flung the door open.
Susannah, who’d been sitting at his desk writing something, jerked her head up. Her eyes widened. “Ross!”
His anger dissolved in a rush of joy. Seeing her there, waiting for him, made losing his job seem a minor inconvenience. He smiled and held out his arms. Good God, he needed a hug.
She leapt up, excitement coloring her cheeks, and rushed over. When he crushed her against him, and she embraced his sore waist, he couldn’t help a sharp intake of breath, but he held onto her because it was worth it. He might never have held her again if McLaughlin had thought to aim before firing.
“Are you sure you should be up and around?” She drew back and looked him over with concern. “The doctor said—”
He drew her against his shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “I’m surprised I’m alive, with you letting that sawbones work on me. Maybe that’s why they posted my position.”
She embraced him again and released a soft sigh. “They’re fools. The men were talking about what a good offer you made, and everyone’s accepted it. I have all the outstanding claims organized so you can sign them.”
“Darn right I’ll sign them. That’s the last thing I’ll do before we get married and I take you and Danny home to Texas. Where is the little rascal?”
Susannah withdrew her arms, and it seemed she would back out of his embrace, if he’d let her go. “Danny is with Rose out at the farm. It’s better for him to have somewhere to run around instead of being cooped up here, or getting into trouble on his own.”
She applied light pressure against his chest and tried to push away. “Ross, I need to tell you something.”
“Tell me later.” He was sure it wasn’t nearly as important as nibbling on the smooth edge of her ear. “We’ve got some catching up to do before we meet with the preacher.”
She pushed harder, and broke his hold on her. He gripped his aching side, confused by her behavior and the wild, anxious look in her eyes.
“I can’t marry you.”
He shook his head, certain he hadn’t heard her right, or maybe she’d gotten spooked when he was shot. He had to take a deep breath to relieve the tightness in his chest. “You promised.”
“No, you promised to take me to Texas. I didn’t promise to go.”
No more games. He bolted the door and then hauled her to the back of the office, to the room where he’d been sleeping on a cot while she stayed in his rail car. They would have this out privately, once and for all.
He grasped her arms and looked deep into her eyes. “You said you’d promise me anything. Promise to marry me.” He didn’t give her time to think about it; she thought too much as it was, and that was the problem. Cradling her face in both hands, he kissed her.
The moment his mouth covered hers, she sealed her lips. Undaunted, he caressed her face with his thumbs and teased her lips until she opened to him. Unconditional surrender, that was the only kind he would accept. He tasted her and breathed in her scent, a faintly floral perfume, womanly, and as fragrant as spring in the Texas hills. If he had to hogtie her and throw her over his shoulder he would, but he wasn’t letting her get away.
All the sudden, she began to kiss him with an urgency bordering on desperate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and plunged her fingers into his hair, holding him. Now she ravished his mouth. Soon, he would be the one who surrendered.
If that’s what she wanted, for him to show her he belonged to her, body and soul, that’s what he’d do—right here, right now, on this cot in the back of his office.
Ross groaned as he slid his fingers into her hair and tightened his hold on her. The pain in his side seemed to lessen, or his mind was occupied with other things. His heart drummed and his body grew taut as the blood rushed to his groin.
She whimpered softly, a sound of distress that seemed to come from the depths of her soul, and the realization that he might’ve frightened her cool
ed his lust. He shouldn’t have pounced on her like a predator. He’d come to find her to reassure her.
He stroked her hair, whispering against the side of her head. “I adore you, Susannah Braddock. I know I’m not an easy person to love, but—”
“Ross, no. Don’t…that’s not…” She gripped his coat and dropped her forehead against his chest. Her shoulders lifted and she started shuddering, and at that point, he realized she was crying. Her tears wet his shirt and scalded his heart.
“For pity’s sake, tell me what’s wrong.”
“Goddard,” she said on a long breath. “My name is Susannah Goddard.”
* * *
Ross continued to stroke her hair. “What happened? Why did you change your name?”
Susannah lifted her head, looking up at him with tears streaking down her cheeks. Misery lodged in her chest and the pain was unbearable. “I took the name Braddock because that’s Danny’s father’s name. But it isn’t mine. We weren’t married.”
She braced herself for an outburst as Ross drew back to look at her. He was so close she could see the striated colors in his eyes. Not one solid shade of blue, but varied shades, which shifted depending on his mood. The color darkened as he searched her face. His gaze reflected surprise—yes—but she could see disappointment, too.
She felt stripped bare and desperately wanted to hide. Now he knew what kind of woman she was, and that she wasn’t the kind he wanted. How he must hate her.
He brushed a damp strand of hair away from her cheek. She wished he would slap her instead. His tenderness raked coals across her conscience.
“Tell me what happened.”
She turned away and left his arms because she couldn’t look him in the eye while she told him the sordid tale. The room where he’d been sleeping had only one window, and it was so grimy the light barely filtered through. He’d given up his nice sleeping quarters, had given her a job, and he’d even given her land for a church. She wouldn’t let him give her more, certainly not his future.
“I met Daniel Braddock at a party when he was home on leave. I was seventeen, and he was nineteen. We fancied ourselves wildly in love. We met in secret because I knew my father wouldn’t approve of the match, and the night before Dan left to return to his company, he vowed he loved me and would come back and take me away so we could be married. Being foolish and impetuous, and too willful for my own good, I gave myself to him.”
They had both been innocents, and she had loved him as only a young heart could love. She drew tiny stick figures in the window grime, and wiped them away with her fingertip. Their story had ended before it ever really started.
“He said if I discovered I was with child, I should write to him and he would come back immediately and marry me, that he would desert his post if necessary. I believed him.”
“He abandoned you?” Ross’s voice came from right behind her.
She had wept tears of grief and anger, and had feared Dan had forgotten her, which she now knew wasn’t the case. It helped knowing that.
“I don’t believe he ever received my letter. I remained in seclusion and saw no one until Danny was born. Within days, my father informed me of Dan’s death, and said he’d gotten in touch with the family and they had agreed to take the child. He told me I had to”—her voice cracked—“give up my baby.”
“So that’s what you and your father argued about,” Ross mused.
The swirling storm in her chest gathered momentum and she hugged her arms as she went back to that desperate night. “I asked to hold Danny one last time. After I fed him and he was sleeping, I wrapped him up in a blanket and slipped him into a satchel, then crawled out the window. One of the servants helped me and I was able to get away.”
“I fled to Philadelphia because I’d heard there were factory jobs available. I didn’t want to risk going into New York. My father would’ve found me too easily.” She looked over her shoulder, another guilt-ridden glance. “I’m not from Philadelphia. I grew up in Albany, New York. My father does own a bank, but he’s also a merchant in livestock.”
Ross appeared surprised. Because she’d lied about her hometown, or her father’s wealth, or because he was astonished she’d been able to escape? For the first two years, she’d been terrified of being found out. After that, she was too busy to be worried.
“You worked a job in a factory with an infant?”
“There were other women who worked there, and we watched each other’s children when our shifts were done.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t marry earlier.”
So that was the reason for his surprise, she hadn’t turned to a man for help. Heavens, what man? She looked back at the window, again unable to face him out of embarrassment. “I didn’t know anyone when I arrived at the factory, and the men I met afterwards only wanted to give me money in exchange for…favors.”
Ross’s hands came to rest on her shoulders. Why was he touching her? He knew she wasn’t immune to him. He also knew there could be nothing between them. “You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known. You’re also the most stubborn, though that’s a good thing too. Stubbornness kept you going; it helped you survive. But you don’t have to do this alone anymore. Marry me, Susannah.”
Disbelief rooted her to the spot, then a burst of joy shot through her. Her heart wouldn’t stop quivering. He would marry her…still? Even knowing she wasn’t proper? She wasn’t even pure. Why would he offer such a thing?
He squeezed her shoulders gently. The reassuring touch communicated far more than words, and it stopped her heart. Ross was in love with her. God help him.
Susannah bit down on her lip to keep from declaring her love. She held her arms so she wouldn’t turn into his embrace and allow him to share her guilt. If she did that, she would be worse than a liar. She would cheat him out of his inheritance.
“You have to marry a proper lady, Ross. I saw the letter, and that’s what your father requires. If he’s anything like my father, he’ll look into my background and he won’t have to look very far to discover that I’m as far from proper as you could find. I’ve borne an illegitimate child, and I worked in a factory. You’ll lose your opportunity.”
His grip on her arms tightened and she heard him heave a sigh. “My father’s requirements aren’t worth a tinker’s cuss, as far I’m concerned. If I’d cared to follow his orders, I wouldn’t have left in the first place. If he’s willing to give over the reins, I’ll take them. But I’ll pick out the woman I marry. If she doesn’t suit him, he can go hang.”
She hadn’t thought she could love him any more, but his words made the love that already filled her heart swell to bursting. If she opened her mouth, she would start crying. Then he would take her into his arms and she wouldn’t be able to withhold her love. She had to resist, for his sake. Owning that ranch was his dream. She could see it in his eyes when he talked about it. How could she take that away from him?
Trembling, she reached over her shoulder and put her hand on his. From the start, she hadn’t been honest with him, and he respected honesty above all.
“I wasn’t going to tell you about the circumstances of Danny’s birth.”
“Something changed your mind?”
He might hope she would say she’d come to her senses after realizing she loved him. She closed her eyes, hurting worse than she’d ever hurt in her life. Maybe she would have told him the truth even if she hadn’t met Dan’s cousin. She’d like to think so, but it made little difference. If Ross married her, he would lose his inheritance. He might say it didn’t matter, but he wasn’t thinking clearly, and one day, he would regret his decision. The most loving thing she could do would be to let him go, so he could find a woman who wasn’t tainted, a woman whose heart wasn’t scarred, someone who could love him as honestly as he deserved to be loved.
“The night after you were shot, Danny met a soldier, Lieutenant David Braddock. He was Dan’s first cousin and they served together. He worked out who Danny was, and w
hat happened. He encouraged me to write to Dan’s parents. I knew he would if I didn’t.”
Ross didn’t speak for a while, but when he did, his voice was softer. “What are you trying to tell me?”
He must’ve realized by now what she was saying.
“You can’t trust me, Ross, because I haven’t trusted you. You asked, repeatedly, for my trust, but I couldn’t give it to you. The only reason I’m being truthful now is because I happened across a man who knows my secret, and I can’t be sure he won’t tell anyone. Don’t you see? By sheer luck you were spared another deceitful woman.”
Chapter 11
The next day, Susannah stayed away from the land office and the depot. Ross would be leaving on the afternoon train, and she couldn’t bear to be around when he boarded and rode out of her life forever—even if it was the best thing for him.
She trudged along behind Danny to the pasture where Ross had grazed his horses. About now, he would be loading them into a livestock car to make the journey back to Texas. She longed to run back to the depot and stop him from leaving, except she loved him too much to let him give up his future. In spite of what he’d told her, she knew he had his heart set on going back and taking over his family’s ranch. Marriage to her would ruin his chances. That’s what she had to keep telling herself. It wouldn’t stave off her grief, but it would help her go on.
“I’m gonna climb that tree. Will you hold on to Dodger’s leash?” Danny handed her the rope.
“Be careful.”
“I will.” He ran to the oak where she and Ross had sat during their picnic. Halting, she gripping the placket on the front of her dress. This gut-wrenching pain was as bad as what she’d felt when she had learned of Dan’s death. Then she’d thought for a time she would die. Ross wasn’t gone from this life, but as far as she was concerned, he was lost to her forever. She would never see him again.
Danny climbed to the lowest branch and reached for the next one. Good thing she’d purchased the kind of tough bibbed denims worn by the railroad workers, which she’d been told were impossible to tear.