Emma pressed her lips together, trying to contain her tears. She hated crying. She didn't want to cry in front of Kyle. She didn't think she ever had and she didn't want to start now. But there was no stopping the tears from eclipsing her cheeks.
"Okay," she said with a small nod. "Okay."
His lips curled up. "Okay," he agreed with a nod. "So now what?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, tilting her head to the side, causing the tears to run down her cheeks. Kyle stepped over to her so he could wipe her tears away.
"Do we stay the way we are?" he asked, kneeling down so he was roughly level with her from her position on the hospital bed. "Do I propose? Do we move in together? What's the next step? I've never done this before."
Emma snorted. "I haven't, either," she said, looking with wide brown eyes. "I don't want you to marry me because I'm having your child, Kyle. I want to marry you because we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives."
"Do you honestly think I'd propose if I didn't want to be with you?" he asked raising his brows.
"I think you're notorious at doing the right thing," she told him, a small smile on her lips. "No matter what that is."
He pressed his lips together, biting back and smile that would have eclipsed his face and taken her breath away. He always did that, always seemed to prevent himself from showing when he was happy, but she could read him easily.
"That may be," he told her, "but I'm serious."
"I know," she agreed with a nod. "And you have no idea how much I appreciate that, Kyle. But I don't want this pregnancy to be the reason why you proposed to me. If you want to marry me in the future, I'm open to it. But I promised myself I would never let something else be the reason why I was stuck to someone for the rest of my life. Whether it's kids or history or... I don't know. And I don't want to put you in that same position." Kyle opened his mouth to say something but Emma interrupted, reading him clearly. "I'm not saying you don't want to marry me. I'm not saying that at all. But I want you to ask me because you've been planning to ask me or because the moonlight in my eyes just moves you or because the fireworks are going off at Disneyland. Not because you just found out we're going to have a kid together."
Kyle pressed his lips together to keep from saying anything. He seemed to take her words into consideration before nodding his head. He picked up his eyes to look at her and she saw the understanding in his sky blue eyes.
"I get it," he said, "but I do want to be part of this, Em. I want to be the one to hold your hair up while your puking in the toilet because of morning sickness. I want to watch as your boobs grow the size of melons. I want to run your aching feet and rub cocoa butter on your belly so you don't get stretch marks."
"Stretch marks are genetic more than anything," Emma pointed out.
"Well, I'll love you no matter what," he said, waving the thought away. "I don't want to miss a minute of it."
"That's good, Kyle," she told him, "because morning sickness has definitely hit me and it doesn't come just in the mornings."
"So..." He pressed his brows together. "How can I be part of this?"
Emma tilted her head to the side. "What, exactly, are you asking, Kyle?" she asked, unsure.
"If moving in is too much," he began hastily, his cheeks turning red. He couldn't look at Emma, which Emma found completely endearing. "Maybe you could stay over a few nights a week. When the baby is born, I would hope that you would consider moving in..." He shook his head. "I feel this is coming out wrong."
"Em." He picked his eyes up so they locked with hers and she could easily read the sincerity in the sky blue irises. "I've wanted you to move in after our first six months together. I just didn't want to bring it up because we hadn't talked about it and I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. If you had told me to wait six months to have sex with you, I would have. Because you're worth it to me. If you told me you just weren't looking for a serious relationship, I would take what I could get until I couldn't take it anymore." His blue eyes flashed into hers, his long fingers curling into fists. "I'm at the point where I can't take it anymore, Em. Something about us, about this -" he gestured between them, stopping his pacing so he could face her in order to emphasize his point - "it has to change. I want it to change - I need it to change. But I can't force you to change how you feel about me."
"You don't have to," she told him. "I promise, you don't. Kyle, I'm crazy about you, too. I've pushed you away because I'm afraid you'll leave. I know you've given me no reason to think that way but I'm being honest." She looked away, taking a breath. "My mom left when I was three. I've told you this. And I told you it didn't matter, that I had moved on, but the truth it, I'm not over it. I don't think I've ever gotten over it even though I think I have. And it's an issue I'm going to struggle with for a very long time. The only constant in my life is my dad. That's the way it's always been. Even my college friends and I have grown apart just because that's the natural progression of life. I don't want that to happen to me and you, Kyle."
"But pushing me away isn't going to help either," he pointed out. "I want to be there for you, Emma. I want to prove that I'm not like your mother or your friends or your ex-boyfriends. I'm going to stay. And I would stay, whether or not you're pregnant. But you have to be willing to give me that chance."
Emma nodded and Kyle stepped to the side of her bed so he looked over her.
"I know," she told him. "I know." She pressed her lips together. "I don't know how I feel about moving in right away. This pregnancy is a huge change in my life and it's something I'm still getting used to. But..." She rolled her eyes up to meet his. "But I'm open to it. I need that to be enough. For now."
Kyle rubbed his lips together and nodded his head. "It is," he told her. "I need to know that we'll be honest and upfront with things from now on. No matter what, we need to be able to trust each other."
"You're right," Emma agreed. "I'm sorry for hiding things. For Broadway. I just..."
"I know," he said. "I felt that way about telling people about my hockey aspirations." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "We're in this together now."
Chapter 15
When she released from the hospital, she was told to see her OBGYN at her scheduled appointment the next day. Kyle should have been flying out with the team to Sacramento. Instead, he was sitting in the lobby with Emma, holding her hand and trying to keep the nervousness off of his face.
Seraphina had been extremely understanding. When he called her and asked for an emergency meeting that day, she rearranged her schedule to accommodate him. He left the hospital, promising Emma he would be back as soon as he was able and headed straight for Sea Side Ice Palace on Pacific Coast Highway, just across the street from the ocean. It was relatively empty save for a handful of cars parked in front of the team store, probably fans stocking up on playoff gear, considering it was the first time in their history that they had made playoffs.
Kyle parked close to the west club level entrance, which gave him quick access to an elevator that would take him to the administrative floor and right to Seraphina office.
As usual, her door was open and she was typing something up on her computer. When she saw Kyle lingering in the doorway, she stood and gestured at a chair in front of her.
"Hey Kyle," she said with a smile. "Please come in. Have a seat." She waited for him to do so before she slid back into hers. "What brings you in today?"
Kyle released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding in. He didn't know why but he assumed she was going to ask about his play, talk to him about everything he did wrong, and give him tips on what to do to make it right. Instead, she leaned back in her chair and kept a warm, open face that made him let down his guard slightly. Like he could trust her just a little bit.
"I know I'm scheduled to be on a plane in two hours," Kyle said, "but Emma is pregnant."
Seraphina’s brows shot straight up her forehead. "That's... wonderful?" She smiled but tilted her he
ad to the side. "This is probably going to come out the wrong way but this is a good thing, right? You guys wanted this?"
"We didn't exactly plan it," Kyle replied honestly, "but I'm..." He felt himself smile, which felt strange and unnatural. He wasn't much of a smiler; not that he didn't enjoy his job or wasn't happy in life. He just wasn't compelled to smile all the time. Until now. Until Emma, really. "I'm excited."
Seraphina beamed. "I'm glad," she told him. "You guys deserve it. How's Emma doing?"
"She's fine," he said. "There was a scare, though. I mean, she fainted because she was dehydrated. Everything's fine. The baby's fine. But her first doctor's appointment is tomorrow. And I want to be there."
"Of course, of course," Seraphina said with a nod, leaning forward and interlacing her fingers together, placing them on the surface of the desk. "Absolutely, you should be there. This is a big deal, Kyle. I do want you to know that people will say that we've benched you - made you a healthy scratch..."
"I don't care what they say about me," he muttered, his hands on his jean-clad thighs. "They've written about you and said worse things. You've managed to survive."
Seraphina shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head. "I suppose that's true," she said. "The difference being I'm a woman and they think they have a right to say nasty things about me while you're a player and they only write shit when you aren't playing up to their expectations."
Kyle nodded. "I know what's being said about me," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and meeting her eyes. "I had a fifty-two goal season last year - somehow, I still didn't get the freaking Hart Trophy. That's beside the point..." He shook his head. "I can be on top of my game for the eighty-two season games we play but I have two below-average games and suddenly they're talking about how I'm a waste of cap space, who would take my contract in a trade, that sort of nonsense." He shook his head and snorted. "I know it's part of the game. I get it. But it's not like I don't know I haven't been playing up to my standards, either."
Seraphina pressed her lips together. "Not to get all psychology 101 on you," she said, "but do you have any idea why you've been distracted lately. Is it because of the pregnancy?"
"I didn't find out until yesterday," he explained. "I have no idea why I've been playing the way I've been playing. I think..." He shook his head. "Emma and I weren't getting anywhere. Trust me, I want her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life. But she was holding back and I..." He sighed. "I can't hold back when it comes to the people I care about. But I also wanted to respect her boundaries and not push her to get more intimate than what she was ready for."
"Yeah," Seraphina murmured. "I've noticed Emma is pretty reserved. But that's not necessarily a bad thing."
"No, I know," Kyle agreed. "I guess I just didn't realize it had been weighing on me for this long. And I think it finally manifested itself in my play."
"But you worked it out," Seraphina pushed, raising her brow.
Kyle nodded. "We obviously have a lot more to get through," he replied. "It's not going to happen overnight. But that's okay. Because being with Emma is worth it. The struggles we're going to face, the comments people are going to make, we'll deal with it.
He paused, and tilted his head to the side. "How are you holding up? With the whole Phil Bambridge thing?"
Seraphina's lips cocked into a smirk and she leaned back in her chair looking like a cat who had caught the canary. "Well, you do know he released those photos of two people who are kissing, claiming them to be me and Brandon Thorpe, right?" she asked.
Kyle felt his own lips tug up simply because of her tone and the amusement flashing in her blue-gold eyes. "Of course," he said. "Bambridge won't shut up about you and rumor has it the owners of the Blackjacks are going to fire him any second."
Seraphina nodded. "I almost feel bad about that," she told him. "Almost. But then he opens his mouth in front of the media and says something else incredibly offensive, incredibly stupid, and then I don't feel so bad anymore." She shrugged. "Bambridge is actually the last thing on my mind. Right now, we're down two games and we're going into Sacramento's building. I'm more concerned about passing the first round of the playoffs without any other controversies coming to bite us in the ass." She leaned forward, pressing up her brows. "People hate us, Kyle. They don't think we're good enough to be where we are. They think we're a dirty team who fought and pushed and kicked and screamed into a seeded spot who miraculously won home ice advantage. And we are." She furrowed her brow. "Were gritty but we're not dirty. The refs have an inherent bias against west coast teams." She rolled her eyes and Kyle had to smother a laugh. "Anyway, don't quote me on that because I don't want some ridiculous fine for telling the truth." She interlaced her fingers and moved her body she rested her arms on the surface of her desk. "Kyle, I know you probably have tons of stuff running through your head. You're going to be a dad. That's crazy and amazing and scary! And your team is in the playoffs for the first time in its twenty-year history. That's crazy and amazing and scary, too! But I need one thing from you."
Kyle nodded his head. "Name it," he replied.
"Take as much time as you need for Emma and you and this baby," she said, her eyes serious. "We support you no matter what. I don't want you to feel pressure to return to the game if you aren't ready." She pressed her brows up. "But when you are here, I need your focus. I need you here one-hundred percent of the time."
"No, I understand," Kyle said with a nod. "I'm sorry my head hasn't -"
Seraphina put her hand up in order to cut him off. "I know you have a lot going on," she said. "I respect that. I sympathize. Don't take this the wrong way but as your boss, I don't care. As your friend, I do. But you're an adult. An adult who now needs to figure out his commitments, prioritize them, and let us know. We're here to support you but I have no sympathy for martyrs." She furrowed her brow gently. "Do you understand?"
Kyle nodded his head. "Yes," he said, standing up. He stuck his hand out and Seraphina slid gracefully into a standing position and shook it. "I understand. Thank you."
Seraphina nodded. "Any time," she told him. "Now, get your shit together and congratulations."
Kyle couldn't contain the small grin on his face if he tried.
--
"What are you doing here, Kyle?" Emma asked as she watched him make her way over to her in the somewhat empty lobby of the third floor of the Kaiser Building.
"I'm here to support you," he told her, taking a seat before placing his hand over her stomach. "Both of you."
Emma grinned, though it was rather strained on her face. "I appreciate it," she said. "We both do. But you have to get to John Wayne to catch a flight in the next half hour. I'm early for the appointment and if you're with me, you won't catch your flight."
Kyle shrugged, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and tugging her closer to him. "I've already talked to Seraphina," he told her. "I think a break would do me good and help refocus my mind."
"No."
He furrowed his brow. "What do you mean, no?" he asked her.
"I mean, you have a team that needs you," Emma told him, a determined glint in her hazel eyes. "I am and I've always been a strong, independent woman who respects your travel job and trusts you implicitly. I can handle this on my own. And I will video tape everything. Everything. Or, if there's wifi on the plane, we can skype during the appointment so you won't miss anything. But you will miss the most important game of your career if you don't show up."
"And what makes you think this game is my most important?" he asked.
"Because," she said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, "this is the game where you get your head out of your ass and you start playing the way you've been playing this whole season. This is the game where you start earning the Hart trophy. But it won't happen if you're here."
"But what if I want to be here?" he asked, though his voice wavered.
She nearly smirked. She had him.
"Kyle," she sai
d, leaning toward him. "With me, you can have both." She nodded toward the door. "They need you more than I do right now. Trust me, when I'm giving birth, I will require your presence but right now, go. Be with your team. I'll be right here waiting for you." She placed her hand over her stomach. "We both will."
Kyle hesitated another moment and then placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips.
"I love you," he told her when he broke apart. "More than you'll ever know...." And with that, he took off.
Chapter 16
Emma wanted to get this over with.
Kyle texted her a few hours ago, informing her the plane had just landed. Her father was ordering pizza and chicken wings, having invited a couple of co-workers over to his place for game three. And Emma was sitting at an outdoor cafe in Lake Forest, waiting for her mother to show up.
After her appointment - where she was surprised she reared up when she heard the heartbeat of the child growing in her stomach - she sent Kyle the recording, knowing he probably wouldn't get to it for another couple of hours. It was absolutely astounding, seeing that little blob with the vibrating heart beat and in nine months, it was going to turn into a living, breathing human child. She couldn't believe it even though it was science. Even though - if everything lined up the right way - that was how biology worked.
It was still hard to remember that she was pregnant - except during the moments when she was hacking up her stomach, usually some time during the evening. Her stomach was still flat and from what she read, it probably would stay that way for the next three to four months. She had talked to her doctor about dancing, and while Emma had to amend certain moves - especially those that involved twisting her stomach - she was clear to dance during her pregnancy as long as she felt good.
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