by Charlie Hart
“No, my dear.” Marden sits in a creaking rocking chair, closing her eyes, her body turning to a hazy vision. “You may be able to alter the future with the touch of your hand, but what is meant to be will be, no matter how you try to bend it. Stop fighting it.”
“What does it mean, this ability?” she asks, kneeling before the woman. “Tell me.”
“Perhaps a gift, maybe something in your bones from the Gods,” she whispers. “An ability.”
“What good is it if we are all going to fade anyway?”
“Oh, sweet child, you won’t fade, your energy is much too strong. Your life force is intact, just trapped. You’ll be okay, once you figure out where you want to go” she whispers. “And isn’t that life? Having a choice and deciding how to use it?”
Tennyson shakes her head, as if not understanding at all.
“Don’t let fear dictate your present,” Marden adds, before fading away, her body gone, her soul dispersed. We don’t know if she went to the Underworld or the Elysian Fields. We only know she is no longer here.
“Holy shit,” Eric murmurs.
“It’s a scene we’ve seen hundreds -- thousands -- of times, but each time it feels like a loss,” Lennox says.
“How can you lose when you’re already half-dead?” Eric asks, frowning. He’s not from here, he doesn’t realize the life we live is real. Is ours.
“Maybe because you’re are still here, half-living,” I tell him, resenting the fact he had a life Earth-side at all.
“We’ve made lives here, the four of us,” South says. “Not a life like you had, or I had back on the surface, Lennox, but it’s still something.”
Tennyson stands, looking at the empty rocking chair. “It’s not full enough, though,” Tennyson says. “It’s not enough.”
Her words hurt to hear. “It’s still something,” I say.
“The witch said not to let fear dictate my present, right? Well, presently I am still alive.”
“Yeah,” Lennox says. “She said that after she told us you’ve been lying. That you knew we were dying and held that back. How could you, Ten?”
“Hey, hey,” Eric says, stepping off the table and moving between them. “We can’t fight. We have work to do.”
“Work?” Tennyson asks. “What work?”
“I need to get Harlow’s sister to the surface.”
“How will you know who she is?” I ask. “She might have already faded. She could be in the Underworld for all we know, or a soul buried in the Elysian Fields.”
“She hasn’t,” Eric says, adamant.
“How do you know?” South narrows his eyes. He still doesn’t trust this guy, and I don’t either.
Eric sighs and flashes Tennyson a misplaced smile. “I know because she is standing right in front of me.”
8
Tennyson
I would say Eric is full of shit, except when I touched him... something happened. Something deep in my soul.
We have a connection, whether the guys like it or not. And so, I want to hear him out.
“What do you mean?” I ask, looking for a place to sit. I have a feeling this might take awhile.
I don’t exactly want to sit in Marden’s rocker, considering she just faded. I choose a small velvet sofa and pull my cold feet underneath my legs. South sits beside me, and Lennox and Hawthorne sit in armchairs. Eric remains standing.
“I don’t have details, hell, it’s just a guess. But... you look like her, Tennyson.”
“The woman you love?”
He nods. “Harlow.”
“The Greek goddess?”
He nods again. “I know it sounds crazy, but you have to trust me.”
Lennox snorts. “We don’t have to do anything.”
“Okay.” Eric shrugs. “Fair enough. But Tennyson can decide if she wants to trust me. You don’t actually have anything to do with this.”
“Who the hell are you again?” South asks, his fists clenched.
Crap. “You guys, stop arguing. God,” I shout. “That’s why I can’t be with you, it’s the constant bickering.”
“That’s why?” Hawthorne asks. “Because we argue? I thought you said something about not loving us and never having had loved us?”
“Was that before or after she withheld the fact we’re fucking dying from us?” South mutters.
“I’m sorry.” I drop my head in my hands, feeling like a mess and a failure and like I just wish time would stop. But my heart is racing.
Any moment could be our last.
“Look,” Eric says, exhaustion lacing each of his words. “I already did this once, when my crewmates and I all fell in love with Harlow, but you need to do this on your own. I’m gonna find a bed before I pass out. I’m so fucking exhausted I don’t think I can physically leave this cottage until I regain some of my strength. When I wake up, Ten, you’re coming with me. I don’t care if your lovers want to join us, but we’re getting the hell out of here, understood?”
I sit up straight, shell-shocked by his words.
“Harlow had more than one... um... partner?”
“Yeah,” Eric says. “And they think I’m dead. So, nothing is going to stop me from getting back to my family. It’s not every day you get a second chance at life; at love. But I have it. And I’m not going to waste it. You guys should know that better than anyone. Stop fighting and start listening to one another. Life is fucking precious, so act like it.”
Then he storms out of the room, down a hall, and slams a door.
The living room is silent.
That just got real, really fast.
I’m holding my breath, scared to speak. Scared to... what? Live in the present?
Yes.
Because the present is this: I love three men who love me back, but they are all going to fade. And soon.
It terrifies me, having everything I want so close but knowing in my heart it’s not going to last.
I don’t know why the witch doctor came into my life for the last minutes of hers, but her words were clear: What is meant to be will be, no matter how I try to change it.
I pushed the three of them away, and then Marden and Eric entered our lives and told us in no uncertain terms to take what we have and enjoy it before it’s too late.
“I messed everything up,” I say, thinking back to earlier tonight when I told them I wanted to end the relationship. “I’ve been so cruel with your hearts.”
Hawthorne gives me the saddest smile. “Maybe you’ve just been scared.”
“It doesn’t excuse what I’ve done.”
“We’re all still here,” Lennox says. “You couldn’t have messed up too badly.”
His care for me makes me feel shitty, even though I know that is the last thing I know he intends.
“Why do you put up with me?” I ask, feeling like I’ve let them all down.
“Maybe because we’ve loved you since forever,” South says. “That’s what we tried to tell you yesterday.”
“But there are no guarantees,” I say. “We could have the rug ripped out from under us at any moment. And then I will be here, all alone, holding onto those memories.”
“Then why waste a minute?” Hawthorne asks. He takes my hand in his and laces our fingers together. I’ve held his hand a thousand times but never once has his touch made me feel so damn seen.
“One day can change everything.”
“I’ve never done this...” I tell them.
“Done what? Fallen for three guys at once?” South asks.
I shake my head. “I’m not hung up on that. The three of you have been my world for so long. We fit together, we’re a team. And for the time being, I can keep you from fading. So, maybe I have just been living in fear. Because I haven’t been ... I’ve never...”
“What is it, Ten?” Lennox asks.
“I’ve never had sex.”
Hawthorne opens his mouth. “But...” Then he frowns. “We thought.”
I shake my head. “You gu
ys assumed so much about me.”
“But all those times,” Lennox says. “You never?”
I lick my lips. “I know I’ve played a role in giving you a certain impression.”
“Why?” South asks. “Why would you want us to think...”
“Because I wanted you to think I was off limits.” I exhale, knowing they deserve the truth. “If I gave you the impression I was hooking up with different guys, I thought it would keep you from wanting to hook up with me.”
“Why would you want us to stay away?”
“Because I know how this is going to end. And I can’t bear to lose you. Maybe it was dumb to think this was how I should protect my heart because the truth is, you already have my heart.”
“We do?” Hawthorne asks, his voice hushed as if my answer means the world to him.
“I do. You know I do. I’m a total bitch most of the time because I’m just so freaking scared. Scared of losing the men I love so damn much.”
I feel the room lighten. Hawthorne, Lennox, and South all offer me sincere smiles that melt me.
South clears his throat. “Remember earlier tonight, when we offered to help under one condition?”
I nod, my chest expanding as I realize the truth. Tonight, my deepest desires just might come true.
I now realize that one night with the men I love is better than a thousand nights filled with regret. With longing. If I’m here long after they are gone, at least I will have this memory to hold onto.
“You stay with us tonight, remember?” South asks, getting up from his chair and pulling me to my feet.
“I remember.” He holds my face with his hand, his strong palm cupping my cheek. I stop breathing, the anticipation practically killing me. My body awake and at this moment, my heart is his.
“Good,” he tells me, his lips so close to mine. “Because I’ve been waiting to kiss you for years.”
And then he does.
9
Lennox
She is more than a woman I care about.
She is my world.
Or what is left of it.
I spent my childhood holding on for dear life, in a hospital bed, fighting cancer that started in my stomach and reached my brain.
I died, having never really lived.
Then I came to Styx. The place you visit before you move on.
Apparently, my soul took one look at Tennyson and decided otherwise. I met her and began living for the first time in my life.
In Styx, I can run and fight and laugh and love. In Styx, I can do the things my Earth-side body never had the privilege to experience.
When Ten first said I was fading, it wasn’t a shock. I felt it, the shift in my body. I knew.
But to have her say it aloud hurt. I don’t want to feel pain. I haven’t for years, not since I died and came here.
Life on the surface was one surgery after the next; life in Styx was a never-ending dream. We’d push the boat down the river and swim, we’d play cards all night and drink moonshine until dawn.
This is more than I ever imagined I’d get. So, even if it’s fleeting, I’m holding on to the time I have left.
This time with Tennyson.
And now, I watch her kiss South, and a longing stirs within me. God, I want this girl. Have always wanted her.
Have always loved her.
Ever since she found me on the riverbank, scared, uncertain, alone. She took my hand and showed me the room she and Hawthorne had found for themselves. Mattresses on the floor and a makeshift kitchen. Nothing much, but it was life. And that is more than I thought I’d find when I saw the light.
“South,” she whispers, her mouth pulling apart from his, her fingers trace his lips and his eyes are filled with a hunger.
But damn, I’m hungry too.
I stand and pull Ten to me, knowing I may never get the chance to kiss her perfect lips again. But that right now, I have her and she wants me, and I need it, and so I kiss her.
A hand is in her hair and a hand is on her waist, drawing her to me, needing our hips to line up, my body to press against hers.
“Oh, Nox,” she moans through the kiss. Her hands are on my face, she is filled with desire, the same way I’m filled with want for her.
“God, I love you,” I moan, taking more, taking everything.
Her lips are as soft as I expected, but sweeter too. Mint julep lingering on her lips, her tongue finding mine as our kiss deepens.
It’s strange, finally getting the one thing you never thought you’d have, the thing you’ve dreamed about for so long.
I won’t waste this moment, won’t take it for granted. I pull Tennyson closer to me, and we fall into the couch, her in my lap, her body humming with heat.
Running my hands over her skin makes me dizzy, she is everything I’ve ever wanted. Funny and crass and gorgeous and good.
We’re four lost souls, but we’ve found the way home in one another.
Still, I am aware of South and Hawthorne’s eyes on me, and I pull back from the kiss, looking into Ten’s eyes. “What is this going to look like?” I ask her, knowing the other two are going to want what I have right now. Tennyson in my lap.
“I want all of you,” she says, looking vulnerable for the first time in her life.
“Now?” I ask, looking over at Hawthorne and South. They watch us solemnly; they understand the weight of all of this -- we are all we’ve got. If we fuck this up, we’ll have nothing to carry us into the final hour.
We can’t lose one another.
She nods. “Unless you’re scared?” Her lips turn up, and damn, they turn me on. God, her smile makes me wish we had forever.
“I’m not scared,” Hawthorne says, moving closer, now on the floor and pressing his forehead against Ten’s back, his hands wrapping around her waist. South moves closer, sitting beside me on the couch, reaching for one of Ten’s hands and holding it.
The moment feels holy, somehow sacred, here in the middle of Styx, in a small house tucked away in the swamp, the four of us are giving ourselves over to our deepest desires. And I know that’s intense, using words like that, but it’s how I feel.
“I just love you so much, Ten.” I clench my jaw, feeling such a stir of emotions inside of me I feel like I could fucking fall apart with her in my arms.
“Don’t cry,” she whispers. “You’re not dead yet.”
I nod. “I never want to lose you.”
“We can’t think like that,” Hawthorne says. “We have to be here, now. Knowing there might not be a tomorrow.”
“Fuck,” South says, looking down at his hand that holds Tennyson’s. His is fading, that of a ghost. All our eyes are fixed on what isn’t there, the room is hushed as Ten’s shoulders begin to shake.
“I’m such an idiot,” she says, pulling South’s hand to her lips. Kissing his knuckles as if begging them to come back into focus. They don’t. “I should have told you how much I wanted this ages ago.”
“You’ve really wanted us for ages?” Hawthorne asks, pulling himself up to the couch, on the other side of me.
“Since forever.” She twists her body so she is straddling me, the hem of her dress pushed to her hips and my erection is pressed hard against her. The room is filled with so much heat it’s a fucking inferno.
She turns, leaning into Hawthorne, and she kisses him. Their mouths inhale one another, his hands in her hair, and South moves his hand to her ass as if needing to feel her body as badly as I do. She pulls back from the kiss, her breasts heaving in her tight purple dress. I want her out of it so bad; want her in nothing.
It’s time to take a leap of faith the way only a best friend can. We are safe.
“So, what are we waiting for?” I ask, lifting her chin to meet my eyes. “We’re in love and fading fast, but the night is ours.”
10
Tennyson
I’m on Lennox’s lap, and this night is mine for the taking. I slip off the leather jacket, not feeling exposed, just being see
n. If I think too deeply right now, I’m scared I’ll fall apart.
I’m not dead.
Then why in the hell am I here?
I don’t know what Eric means when he says I’m Harlow’s sister. The closest thing I had to a sister was my cousin named Lark. She was my best friend in the whole world. It was just her and I, and there was no one named Harlow. No Greek gods as fathers. Our family consisted of my mother and aunt, who were witches, but certainly not goddesses.
But if I’m alive, then maybe there is truth to his story.
Lennox pulls my lips towards his again, and I stir with desire, running my fingers through his thick black hair.
“You’ve really never done this?” he asks.
I shake my head as his lips crash back against mine. Next to me, South presses kisses up and down my arm, he kisses my skin like I am something precious.
Hawthorne lifts my ass ever so slightly, moving the dress up over my hips altogether, and as Lennox and I kiss, I feel his hand move under the waistband of my panties.
I love how my men are so comfortable with one another; the fact that Lennox’s hard shaft is close to Hawthorne’s hand doesn’t seem to deter them. Instead, Hawthorne’s fingers reach low against my pussy, and I moan as he touches me.
A thousand shocks of pleasure course through my body as Hawthorne touches me lightly. South pulls down the zipper of my dress, and I lean back, needing to stand. Needing to get out of this dress altogether. I need more: all of them. Now.
They stand too, tugging off shirts.
We’re going from zero to one hundred... but are we really? They’ve known me forever and I them and all of us have been fighting for survival since we came to this place.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” Hawthorne says, stepping toward me, and lowering the straps of my dress, letting it fall to the floor. I’m not wearing a bra, my body is before them, and what they see is what they get. What I’m giving. Everything.
I inhale, knowing everything is about to change. Knowing it already has. And Hawthorne knows me so well; tears prick my eyes knowing this may be our only time together.