I swallowed, “Okay.” I agreed. I could do that. I just had to close my eyes and imagine that it was Gina… Easy.
Only it really wasn’t easy because as I stroked his cheek, something that Gina absolutely would not let me do – she hated anyone touching her face – I didn’t expect any sort of response from him but he was quite clearly an extraordinary actor because he nuzzled against my hand and tipped his face up to me to welcome the kiss. Fuck. I didn’t know what to do. He was too damned pretty for a guy. Hell, it didn’t even look as if he shaved yet. What the hell was I doing?
I was thrown into utter confusion. Focus, Gerard, Focus!
I squeezed my eyes shut and hoping that I landed the kiss in the right place, I brushed my lips lightly across his. The little moan in his throat sent instant heat to my groin. Holy hell. This was far too intense already. What the hell was going on? This was a whole new experience for me. I had no idea if his arms were supposed to snake up my body to my neck, at the same time as he ‘went for it’ but that was exactly what happened anyway. He pulled my head down and kissed me like a starving man at a feast. Wow. He was incredible. His tongue was warm and felt amazing against mine as he licked into my mouth with wild abandon. I’d never been kissed so well in living memory. Finally, finally I managed to will myself to pull away. Fuck me, that had been one intense experience. “Fancy a drink?” I asked a little hoarsely, “We could go and get a beer.”
He shook his head, his cheeks slightly pink and his lips a perfect cherry red. “Uh, thanks for the offer but they won’t serve me anything other than a soda – they saw our passports, remember?”
I nodded, feeling slightly relieved that I was going to be able to put some distance between us for an hour or so. “Well, I need something a little stronger than that.” I scrambled off the bed and grabbed my hoody. I really needed a drink. Something profound had happened to me when our lips touched and I had no idea what to do about it…
Chapter 5 – Epiphany…
Jason
Holy fucking shit. Kissing Gerard had been incredible. Absolutely incredible.
As soon as he left the room, I grabbed my mobile phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found Kelly. Kelly had been the one I’d taken to see Tangled – we’d been friends ever since and most people thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend – but we totally weren’t. We were, however, the best of friends and told each other everything – and asked each other’s advice about the mysteries of love...
“Jay?” Her sleepy voice came through the receiver, “Do you have any idea what time it is, sweetheart?”
“I know. I’m sorry… but I really need to speak to you. I’m like, totally freaking out here.”
“What’s the matter?” She was immediately concerned, “What’s happened? Oh, fuck’s sake, Jay – you didn’t miss your plane, did you?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.” My time-keeping was questionable at times but I wasn’t that much of a douche that I couldn’t catch a plane… “But you know this movie I’m doing with Gerard Sinclair?”
She laughed, “How could I forget? The big romance with your biggest man-crush of all time?” She teased, “Uh-huh, I know.”
Pointedly ignoring her comment about Gerard being my man-crush, I ploughed on, “We just did one of the scenes – neither of us could sleep...” How the fuck was I supposed to be able to sleep having him next to me all night? Why had Jack only booked one room? What the fuck was he playing at?
“One of the kissing scenes?” She asked with a very definite giggle in her voice.
“Yes.” I ground out, “One of the kissing scenes.”
“And?”
“And I don’t know what happened. It was weird.” It was incredible. I’ve never felt so alive…
“Weird?” she asked.
“Yes, weird.” I insisted. “Something happened, okay.” Something happened to me when we kissed. It was like he awakened something deep inside of me and now I have no idea how to switch off the feelings again.
“You got hard, didn’t you?” She said, “You got hard from kissing him?”
Fuck. How did she know me so well? Nonchalance, Jay, nonchalance… “Yes.” I said completely forgetting about being nonchalant in my overriding panic about my new situation, “What the fuck is that all about?”
She sighed, “Oh, Jay,” she said, “Isn’t it obvious?”
Not to me it isn’t no! Tell me woman! “Do tell?” I asked, going for sarcasm in an attempt to hide the fact that I was totally freaking out.
“You’re gay, Jason.” She said as if she was explaining something difficult to a small child, “Your first crush was Flynn Rider. You’ve had a crush on your co-star from the first time you ever saw him in a movie too. How has this never occurred to you before?”
It wasn’t occurring to me now, “Fuck off.” I said, “I am not.” Oh, shit. Why have you been ignoring this your whole life? Oh, yeah, that’s right – you’ve got horribly homophobic religious freaks for parents…
“Was the kiss good?” she asked slyly.
Holy shit, was it? I’d never been kissed so well in my whole life and I may have kind of lost myself in it. Did I actually pull his head down at one point to gain greater access to his mouth? Uh, yes. Yes, I did… “Objectively, I guess it was pretty decent.” I hedged.
“Better than you’ve ever had before?” she probed.
Yes, but that didn’t mean I was gay. I’d just never been kissed by someone who knew how to kiss like he did before, that was all… “Not necessarily,” I lied.
“Honestly?” She asked, sounding surprised. This was the problem with Kelly. She knew me too damned well and she could always get me to spill my deepest, darkest secrets.
“Oh, God.” I put my hand over my eyes. She was right. It hadn’t been a man-crush at all. It was all falling into place. I really was gay – and I’d fancied my co-star for literally years. And now I’d gone and done the most stupid thing by taking this part – and now I had to do gay love scenes with him for the next eight to ten weeks and I was going to be sporting a semi, just like I was right now, all of the fucking time… What the fuck was I going to do? Kill me, God. Kill me now… “Oh, God. I’m gay.” I said faintly.
“I knew we’d get there one day, friend.” She said smugly, “Goodnight, sweetie.”
The line went dead.
Chapter 6 – Jet-lag…
Gerard
I stared at my glass of beer, watching the bubbles rising from the bottom of the glass to the top. I must have sat there for at least ten minutes before I actually moved my hand and picked it up for a sip. What the hell had that been all about?
It was supposed to have been a practice run through a scene – and it was – only it was so much more than that...
Instead of just doing the run-through, I found myself getting so lost in the kiss that I forgot where I was and who it was I was kissing.
Liar. A little voice in the back of my mind whispered, you knew exactly who you were kissing…
I groaned. Yes, I did. And it was intense. So much better than I’d ever had before. His lips… Fuck, they were so soft and warm and inviting.
Kissing Gina just wasn’t the same experience at all. She didn’t like kissing all that much. She always pulled away before I could get into like I’d gotten into it with Jason.
I tried to compare the kiss to my co-star in the last film I’d done but it was impossible. For starters, Jason had no facial hair to scratch up my lips. That was the thing I’d really not liked about filming ‘Running to the Boss’. My co-star had designer stubble for the part and it had given me a really sore face since I’d been clean shaven for the entire film.
It hadn’t just been the softness of Jason’s lips though. It had been the breathy little moans that had escaped him as the kiss deepened, the way he’d licked into my mouth – the intimacy and naturalness of the act, almost as if we’d been kissing each other for years. Fuck. It had made my body respond faster than it
did when I kissed my girlfriend. But why? I’d never felt anything like this for a guy before.
It must have just been the long journey. Jet-lag. That’s what it was.
I downed my pint and headed off back to our room. He hadn’t seemed to be freaked out by it and I was embarrassed that I’d virtually bolted from the room. I’d have to pretend nothing had happened – because, really, nothing had…
I opened the door and crept inside. It was dark in the room and I could just make out the shape of Jason in the far side of the bed. Fuck. That was my usual spot in a double bed… Oh, well. He wasn’t to know that, I guess…
I was just stripping down to my boxer shorts to sleep in when he snapped the light on and turned over, “Do you wanna try that scene again?” he asked.
I blinked in the sudden light, “Um, no.” I said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea – we’re both tired and it’ll be a long drive tomorrow.”
He nodded, looking a little crestfallen, “Oh, okay.” He put his hands behind his head and I couldn’t help noticing his hairy armpits. For some reason that made my cock twitch. Weird. “I guess that makes sense.” He added, “I’ll just have to wait until we get to scene six…”
I blinked. Did he want to kiss me? I opened my mouth to ask but then clamped it shut again. I got into bed and lay down with my back to him. I shut my eyes but instead of giving in to sleep, all I could think about was how close he was lying next to me. I could hear my heartbeat in my ear as I lay on my side and it was beginning to become unbearable. I shuffled onto my back but that only made it easier to hear his breathing – and that only made it unbearably clear that he wasn’t asleep either.
“Gerard? Are you still awake?” He whispered in the darkness.
I grunted a reply that was supposed to send a message loud and clear to him that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. He, of course, steadfastly refused to acknowledge that. God, the kid was annoying.
“I can’t sleep,” he said on one of those incredibly disturbing breathy sighs of his, “I’m too excited about our road trip tomorrow.”
I huffed a laugh, “Road trip?” I scoffed. “We’re only driving to San Francisco. It’s no more a road trip than driving to the seaside from where I live.”
He shifted so he was lying on his side facing me. He had his head propped against his hand as he leaned on his elbow, “Seaside?” he smiled and cocked his head to one side. “that sounds so cute.”
I grinned, “You know what I mean, don’t you? The coast.” I said. Was it known differently in the US?
He nodded, “Right, well, okay but you’ve got to remember that I grew up in a little village on the outskirts of New York and apart from a couple of visits to Long Island, I’ve never been on a beach holiday. Believe me when I say that, for me, this is totally a road trip.”
I smiled. He was cute, I’d give him that. “Well in that case, you need to get some sleep, huh?”
He sighed and flopped back down onto his back, “I’m trying.” He whined.
“Try harder.” I said, feigning a yawn that I should have been feeling – but totally wasn’t.
I closed my eyes and tried to force myself into sleep. There was silence in the room for about ten seconds before he spoke up again.
“Do you think Jack made us do this road trip to kind of like, make us closer for the movie or something?”
I had no idea. I’d never worked with Jack before but I knew he had some unorthodox ideas so I wouldn’t put it past him.
He also didn’t see anything wrong in full frontal nudity, which had earned him quite a reputation and had made me raise an eyebrow when my agent, Lawrence had mentioned an up and coming movie that he was considering me for. I’d never expected that enquiry to ever come to fruition.
But it had – and it was this movie. It had only been allowed to go ahead, however, because the full-frontal nudity had been excluded. I was quite sure he’d still have those parts filmed, just not used, as they were still in the scripts we’d been sent. And they were giving me quite bad anxiety the more I thought about them – because I was quite certain I wasn’t going to be able to do the scenes without getting aroused. “No idea.” I said shortly, “Go to sleep.”
He sighed again, “Can we just go over some lines or something?”
I snapped the light back on, “Fine.” I said, pretending to be annoyed but actually quite relieved to have a break in the tension I was feeling.
“I really liked scene five when I read it.” He said, “Can we do that one?”
I nodded. Scene five was one of my favourites too. I was the first time the two characters realised there was something between them…
*
“Wow,” Jason breathed after we’d totally nailed the scene, “That was great.” He looked at me with shining eyes.
I nodded, slightly mesmerised by him, “It really was.” I agreed enthusiastically, “Now, let’s get some sleep.” Before I grab you and start kissing you again…
He hesitated, “Gerard?”
“Mmm?”
“Did you, uh, did you…” he was absently twisting a finger around and around one curl that was next to his ear and I was kind of fascinated with watching him, “oh, never mind.” He turned away.
No. You can’t turn away from me, I’m not done looking at you yet, “Did I what?” I asked.
He turned back and looked up at me with those bluer than blue eyes, “Did you freak out about the kiss as much as I did earlier?” He’d gone so red it had reached the tips of his ears, which was endearingly cute, to say the least.
I laughed with relief that it wasn’t just me who was getting freaked out, “Yeah.” I admitted, “I really did – it was uh, kind of intense.”
“Is that why you left?” he whispered, looking so mortified with himself that I felt guilty for leaving now. It had been an intensely intimate and personal moment for both of us and I’d handled it really badly.
To be fair, I’d totally freaked out at the way it had made me feel. I’d never reacted like that to anyone before, never mind another man. Okay, so I’d been following his career with quite a lot of interest, but I’d been quite convinced that my interest in him was kind of second-hand and was really only down to Gina’s ravings about how beautiful he was and how talented.
The more I thought about it though, the more I was beginning to realise that okay, my interest had been piqued by Gina, there was no doubting that – but all the saved clips of his interviews and gifs of his movies were entirely down to me. I’d been quietly obsessing over him for months… Fuck. How had I not realised?
I nodded. I really didn’t want to start explaining myself but thankfully he didn’t seem to need that either.
He smiled, “Thank God.” He said, “I panicked so much I called my friend. She said she thought I was gay…”
I stared at him, “What did you just say?” I asked. Please God. Tell me I misheard him…
He went bright red, “She thinks I’m gay.” He said, “She knows I’ve always admired you…” his breathing was quickening as he spoke.
My jaw dropped. This was becoming kind of stressful, Fuck. I thought he had a girlfriend! In fact, I knew he did. Gina never stopped going on about his fucking girlfriend. So, who the hell was this friend he was calling? Shouldn’t he be calling his girlfriend? Fuck me. I felt old all of a sudden. These young kids these days – they just didn’t have relationships anymore. It was all blurred lines between best friends and lovers… “Is working with me going to be a problem for you?” I asked. Holy shit. This was getting worse by the minute.
He shook his head, “Oh, my God, no. No!” he insisted, “I’m a professional! I can handle this, I promise.”
I nodded. I was glad that one of us could because I was really beginning to think that I couldn’t… “I’ll uh, I’ll help you in any way I can.” I could step up and be a professional too. I could…
He nodded, “Thank you – that means a lot. Would you do me a massive favour then and kiss
me again?”
Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
I turned to him to tell him that I didn’t think that was such a good idea right now but he lunged across the bed at me and covered my surprised mouth with his own.
I found myself responding to him almost immediately. Fucking hell, he was good at this kissing lark. I’d never been all that into it before, but now... Jesus, I felt as if I could kiss him all damned night and still not tire of it. Making out with him through this movie was going to be easy – it was going to be when the movie ended that I was going to find it hard – going back to London, to Gina – who I loved but had never really felt passionately about, while Jason, who was beginning to make me question my whole life so far, went back to New York…
I pulled away, “This isn’t the best idea, Jason.” I said. Because I’m enjoying your kisses too damned much. They’re doing stuff to me that I don’t recognise… “We really need to get some sleep, it’s going to be long day tomorrow.” Okay, so it was an excuse. I just didn’t understand what was happening to me.
He nodded, his beautiful eyes looking up at me sleepily, “You’re right.” He said, “But I needed to get my head straight. Thanks for putting up with me.”
Putting up with him? Hell, if this was putting up with someone, I’d take it over anything else for as long as I lived. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable with the way I felt – albeit in a really uncomfortable way. His kisses had done something to me. They’d switched something on in me that hadn’t been there before. What I was going to do with that difference however, was something I hadn’t really worked out yet…
“Right,” I said, “I’ll uh, I’ll turn over then.”
He nodded, “Thanks again, Gerard.” He said softly, “I know I’m a big old pain in the ass.”
Heaven Sent. (Behind The Scenes Book 1) Page 3