I nodded, “Do that.” I agreed.
Chapter 14 – Never be the same again…
Jason
It was pathetic of me to be counting the hours until we saw each other again. He was going to forget all about me as soon as he got home and back to the beautiful Gina. Of course he was. What the hell would he give that up for? Not for me, that was for sure… I was just going to turn up in his home town and make him uncomfortable.
I’d been too damned eager to initiate something that, for me, was everything and for him, was probably kind of nice but not necessary for his future happiness and wellbeing.
It was ridiculous of me to think that he was perfectly straight – of course he wasn’t when he could do all of that with me – but neither did it make him gay… and it certainly didn’t make him mine.
*
A tear rolled down my cheek and then another and another. Fuck. Man up, Jay…
But it was so hard. I missed him so damned much.
I missed him so much I didn’t think I could bear it. I was physically in pain with it.
But I had to bear it because there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it – I lived in New York and he lived in London. And it wasn’t like I was never going to see him again – we’d see each other once the tour kicked off to promote the movie.
But it won’t be the same. That annoying little voice in the back of my mind piped up, Next time you see him, he’ll have been with her again. He’ll probably have her with him. It’ll be in London and you’ll have the eyes of the world on you – and everyone is going to know that you’re fucking in love with him and they’ll all feel sorry for you because he’ll be loved up with Gina.
I covered my eyes with my hand and groaned. I knew it was true. Fuck it all to hell, I would honestly catch the next plane to London if I didn’t already have another work commitment as soon as I stepped off the plane in New York.
I was absolutely exhausted with my current work schedule – the only silver lining at this point in time was that at least I wouldn’t have to deal with my parents for too long between arriving home and leaving again. No awkward questions about the film and what had possessed me to take such an ‘evil and deviant’ role. Oh, I knew what was coming when I got home – and that was why I was so glad to be leaving again only hours later.
After this movie, I was officially moving out. I’d absolutely had enough of living under their roof and their regime. Besides, once the extended trailers were out there, ‘Jayrard’ was really going to take off – it was gaining momentum already. Christ, the questions were going to be awkward – everyone on social media that had seen the trailers, it seemed, wanted us to be lovers. I had no idea what they’d seen blossom between us but I’d indulged myself in watching a couple of them, and I’d got to admit, I really did look totally loved up – of course, I was supposed to but even I couldn’t be sure if it was all down to good acting skills or if I’d just allowed myself to put a little too much of myself into the role…
Well, it was too late to worry about that now, all the filming had been done and it was now being edited – making sure there weren’t any bits on show that weren’t supposed to be, sorting out the continuity – which wouldn’t be so terribly difficult, a lot of the movie had been shot in sequence so the editing of the beginning had already been started…
Well, whatever – it was up to the production guys now. I was just counting down the days till I saw Gerard again.
My phone buzzed with a text message, making me jump violently since I was totally in a dream on the subway home. This was what was so great about being back in New York. I was pretty much invisible here. No one gave me a second glance as I made my way home.
Home. New York itself felt like home – but the house I lived in with my parents and my much younger sister? Um, not so much… Bethany was too young to understand how restrictive her life was going to be – but I knew all too well. Nowhere on earth could feel this claustrophobic and stifling.
Home, I’d come to understand over the last couple of months, was wherever Gerard was, be that in a crappy motel room, a car on a sort-of road trip from LA Airport to San Francisco, or even on the film set (which was actually Jack’s house, so was actually pretty homey but still…)
Everything felt right when I was with Gerard. Right now, though, heading towards my family home, everything felt wrong. I was missing him so much I wanted to die, and I was dreading my parents’ overwhelming disappointment in me, which wasn’t fair, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt was exactly what was going to be levelled at me.
I opened the message. It simply said “missing you already.”
I smiled as I typed one back, “Right back atcha, big guy.”
Seconds later it was time to get off and make my way through the crowded platforms to the exit. I was back in my home town… Time to see the family.
I took a deep breath, hoisted my back-pack onto my bag and headed for the suburbs.
*
“Jason? Is that you?” I heard my mother’s voice coming from the kitchen as I tried to close the door behind me as quietly as possible. Still hadn’t mastered stealth, then…
She was no doubt baking something delicious – she always was. To the outside world, she was the epitome of ‘perfect wife and mom’ and to be fair, she generally was, but I liked to think that I knew her a little better than the outside world did, and I also knew that she could be manipulative when she wanted to be.
“Hey, Mom.” I called through, “I’m just heading for a shower – I feel dirty after all that travelling.”
She shot out of the kitchen in the blink of an eye, “Surely that can wait. We haven’t seen you for weeks.” See what I mean? She just had a knack of making me feel guilty for simply breathing.
I grimaced but I wandered down the hallway towards the kitchen where she was stood in the doorway, her arms out in welcome to me. I could smell the baked goods and knew she’d been making shortbread. My mouth watered. I might get a piece if I got to them before we started discussing the film…
“Your father is very disappointed in you.” She looked at me with vague despair and something else – was that disapproval? Whatever…
I shrugged, “Figures,” I muttered, “He always is.”
“That’s no way to speak about your father.” She said sharply.
I looked up at her holding her gaze, “But true.” I said.
She looked upset, “Oh, Jason,” she said, “I’m sure he doesn’t mean it.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Doesn’t he?” I asked, “Seems to me he means every nasty comment he levels at me. He couldn’t be pleased with me if his life depended on it.”
She frowned at me, “But a movie about a gay couple, Jay?” she asked, “Do you have to antagonise him?”
I sighed, “Mom,” I said, searching her face for a clue that she wasn’t as disgusted by it as Dad was, “Is it so abhorrent to him?”
She nodded, “It’s wrong.” She said.
I shook my head, “It’s not.” I argued, “Love is love. It’s a really beautiful story.”
She shook her head, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She said, “Just drop the subject.”
I shrugged. Fine by me…
Chapter 15 – No going back…
Gerard
I got home and kicked off my shoes.
Flopping down on the sofa, I closed my eyes and sighed. It was good to be home. It was going to be even better when Jay arrived and I could spend a few days with him, showing him around.
My phone buzzed. I looked down. Gina…
Oh, Fuck. I was going to have to tell her about me and Jason.
I opened the message. “Are you home yet? We need to talk.” I blinked. Yeah, we did. But why did she think we did? What had she been up to in my absence?
I grinned. I’ll bet she’s met someone, I thought, and good for her because I’d fallen for Jason, hook, line and sinker and there was no way I was going to be ab
le to pretend to still love her when I was totally in love with Jason…
I had to tell her the truth, though. I couldn’t let her think it was all her fault we’d broken up.
I texted her back, “Sure.” I put, “I’m home now. Pick up a Chinese takeaway on the way home from the office and we’ll catch up.”
She arrived within twenty minutes which told me she had something to get off her chest. I didn’t want to push her though, so I waited.
“I’ve met someone.” She finally blurted out after our food had arrived and we were sat in front of the telly.
I nodded, “I’d guessed as much.” I said with a smile, “So? Is he a nice guy?” He’d better be…
She nodded, “He’s amazing.” She gushed, “He works for the same company as me, so we’ve got loads in common…”
I tuned out a little as she prattled on about how fabulous this guy was. I wasn’t jealous – just dying to see Jason again and if I’m honest, a little bored with her company.
Jason was just so adorable – and so entertaining to be around. He had a vibrancy that was hard to match. I just loved him. It really was as simple as that…
“So, how was filming with the magnificent Jason?” she asked, making me jump.
“Oh,” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. He made me happier than anything else in the world, “It was great.”
She raised an eyebrow, “And kissing him?” she teased.
I nodded, “Again – great.” I said, not even trying to suppress my grin.
Her jaw dropped, “What?” she asked.
I blinked, “What?” I repeated.
“Did you two get it on?” Her eyes were wide.
I shrugged and shot her an incredulous look. She’d read the script. She knew what we had to do… “Of course, we did.” I said, “We had to for the movie.”
“No.” she shook her head, “I meant after the cameras stopped rolling.”
I just smiled, “Would you be angry with me if I said yes?”
She shook her head, “I’d be rather relieved, actually.” She said, “Because then I wouldn’t be the only one who was tempted away from our relationship.”
I chuckled, “We got on really well.” I said, “And I’m not in the slightest bit angry with you for finding someone to love. You deserve better than me.”
She sighed, “I do love you, Gerard.” She said, “But you’re more like my brother than my lover.”
I nodded, “I know.” I said, “I know.”
“And how do you feel when you’re with him?” she persisted.
I shrugged, “We get on really well.” I said firmly, “Let’s just leave it at that, huh?”
I flicked on the TV and found myself looking at our director, Jack, being interviewed about his up-coming sexy movie that was rumoured to clean up at the Oscars.
“How were Gerard and Jason to work with?” The smarmy interviewer, whose name was Ian, asked.
He smiled, “They were absolutely perfect for the parts.” He said, “Perfectly in tune with each other – we were blessed.”
Ian raised his eyebrows, “In what way?”
He shrugged, “Their chemistry,” he said, “It was unique.”
Warming to that rather telling piece of information, Ian wasn’t about to let it drop, “We’ve seen a couple of trailers – and I have to admit, it looks incredibly sexy.”
Jack shrugged, “It’s a beautiful love story,” he said, “We waited for the right actors to finish other projects…”
Ian jumped on that one, “Really?” he asked, “Is that something you always do?”
Jack nodded, serious all of a sudden. “I have an idea in my head when I’m casting – and I knew who I wanted for Henry – and I knew who I wanted for Sasha. The fact that they got on really well made the whole thing so easy – they spent all of their time with each other, hanging out together for the entire two months.”
Ian was grinning all over his face, “Wow.” He said, “Sounds like they had chemistry off set, too…”
Jack mumbled something, getting a little flustered. We hadn’t flaunted our relationship in front of the others, so even if he suspected that there was something between us – he didn’t know…
I flicked the channel over. I’d heard enough.
Gina was staring at me, “Oh, my God.” She said, “You totally got it on with him.” She said, “I knew it.”
Chapter 16 – London…
Jason
“Gerard!” I yelled, spotting him waiting for me across the arrivals lounge. “Gerard!”
He turned as he heard me and the beaming smile on his face made me want to melt into a puddle of goo on the floor.
He started walking towards me. “Jason!” He called, “It’s so great to see you.” Without a care in the world of who might see us together, he scooped me up in his arms. Swinging me right around on the spot, he leaned in and kissed me on the end of my nose, “You’re so fucking cute.” He murmured, “And I can’t wait to get you back to your hotel.”
I grinned, “Me either.” I said, reaching out and pulling his cap down over his eyes playfully.
He chuckled as he readjusted his cap, “God, I’ve missed you.”
I looked around him, “You’re alone?”
He nodded, “Uh, yeah.” He said, “I’d rather it not be mentioned to anyone else – but Gina met someone else while I was away filming.”
My jaw dropped, “You’re single?” Oh, my God. This was the best news ever.
He smiled and nodded, “Not for long, I hope.” He said, gazing into my eyes.
I smiled back at him. He wanted me. He really wanted me. “No,” I said quietly back to him, “Definitely not for long.” We’d be in each other’s arms and totally naked in a matter of hours.
*
“This is where you’re staying?” Gerard looked around the lobby of the hotel with a slightly dubious expression.
I smiled, “Uh, yeah.” I said, “What’s wrong with it?”
He shook his head, “It’s a bit of a shithole.”
I grinned, “I’m a struggling actor.” I said, “I have to stay in the shitholes – I can’t afford the Ritz.”
He smiled, “You’ll be able to after ‘Heaven Sent’ puts you on the world stage with your Oscar for best supporting actor.”
I shrugged, “Yeah, maybe.” I mumbled, looking at my feet.
Gerard took hold of my chin and gently tipped my face up so he could look at me, “Have you any idea how popular you are?” he asked, looking at me as if I was the most precious thing on the planet.
I nodded, “I guess.” I said.
He laughed, “You’re adorable.” He said. Looking around the lobby he shook his head, “You’re not staying here.” He said flatly, “Why don’t you just come and stay at my place instead?”
I raised my eyebrows at him, “Don’t you think that’ll get the reporters’ motors running?”
He shrugged, “I don’t really care.” He said, “They can’t see through my blackout blinds. I live in a two-bedroomed apartment five floors up – they’ve got nothing on us, Jay – nothing but speculation. We can deny everything until we want to tell them – if you ever do want to tell them.” He added, scratching his neck and looking a little uncomfortable.
“You’re sure?” I asked. I really wanted to go and stay at his place. It was far more appealing than staying in the shithole hotel.
He smiled and nodded, “Come on.” He said, “It’s not far. We’ll take the tube – no one’s gonna recognise us.”
He was right and we were able to get back to his house without anyone so much as shouting our names.
“Come on in.” Gerard opened the front door and stood aside to allow me to go in ahead of him.
I was a little scared that I was going to come face to face with his ex. “So, has Gina moved out already?”
He closed the door behind him and put the chain on the door, “Yeah.” He said, “She moved all of her stuff out when I got back. We t
alked and she told me she’d found someone else.”
“Did you tell her about us?” I asked. There was no way…
He bit his lip, “I wasn’t going to.” He said, “But she got it out of me in the end. She just wouldn’t stop going on about us getting it on together and in the end, I cracked and told her that we really had fallen for each other.”
I nodded, “Wow.” I whispered, “I didn’t think you’d do it.” I honestly thought he’d forget all about me once he was back to his real life. This was intense…
He shrugged, “It was the truth.”
I smiled at him, “I’ve been dying to see you.”
He smiled back at me, “Same here,” he said, “How was your meeting with Zac Myers?”
I shrugged, “It was fine.” I said, “We start shooting in September.”
“Brilliant!” he said, gathering me in a hug and kissing the side of my head, “I knew you’d get that part.”
I knew it too but it still made me glow to have him say so. “Thanks.”
“Would you like a coffee or something?”
I shook my head, “I just want to get you naked.” I said boldly, “Right now.”
His grin was mesmerising, “Oh, my God.” He said, “So do I,” he grabbed my hand and pulled me through to his bedroom, “Make yourself at home.”
Chapter 17 – Perfection…
Gerard
I watched as he pulled his jeans down. My mouth watered as I saw how turned on by me he was. Oh, my God... I’d never wanted anyone more in my entire life. “God, you’re perfect,” I groaned.
He looked up at me and smiled, “Oh, yeah?” he asked, looking pleased with himself that I was losing my shit over him, as he stripped his clothes off, “You’re looking pretty hot yourself.”
He stood in front of me, with only his boxer shorts left on. I let my gaze wander all over his beautiful body. He was even more beautiful than I remembered him. He had a total six pack going on, which had been developing nicely while we were filming, but was now complete. He was, in short, absolutely gorgeous…
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