But now that Mike is in my stupid shattered heart, Tony Garibaldi doesn’t do much for me. But he knows what tonight is about. He knows we are only going as friends. My guess is that Robert had filled him in on what had happened with Mike. Plus, I don’t think he seems quite ready to start dating after what he has gone through with his ex-wife.
Holly had filled me in on it, and it sounded like a mess. His wife had used Sophie, their five year old, as a pawn to get more money from him. At the end, the divorce was final, and he had paid her off so that he could have sole custody. From what Holly said, she was now living in Europe somewhere and never called Sophie.
Now this wonderfully sweet, gorgeous man is standing at my door and I smile at him.
“Shit Sabrina, you look…” he starts to say as his eyes roam my body from what seems to the tip of my head all the way down to my toes.
“What?” I start to worry, what if I only think I look good?
“Incredibly beautiful,” he says and my eyes go wide, and he smiles at me. “Crown’s going to go loose his mind.”
I stand straighter and frown. “He isn’t even going to notice me there,” I say and he only smiles wider.
“Babe, everyone is going to notice you. Come on, let’s go give these idiots something to talk about,” he says pulling my hand into his and we walk towards the Lincoln town car his driver is waiting in front of. He tips his head as he opens the door for me and Tony helps me in.
We get to the Beverly Hills Hotel and walk the pink carpet together. Surprisingly enough, Tony makes me feel comfortable and I even smile, as he whispers jokes into my ear, telling me stories about his daughter Sophie. He even tells me what some of the actors he has worked with are really like. He holds my hand the entire time, and surprisingly I don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. Being around Tony, even if we had only just met, feels like being around an old friend. My nerves at the thought of seeing Mike start to dissipate. Maybe tonight isn’t going to be so bad?
After the pink carpet walk and posing for photographers and Paparazzi, we head into the Crystal Room to go grab our seats. On our way to our table, I see him. Why are my eyes drawn to him?
He looks good. Really good. His hair is a little overgrown, showing more of the grey on the sides of his face, his goatee well trimmed. Wearing a black expensive suit, his black dress shirt open at the collar without a tie, he looks so good my heart hurts.
My face must have been a canvas for every emotion because Tony’s hand squeezes my hand and I look up to him. His brown eyes staring at the direction mine had been a second earlier. He pulls me close looking into my eyes, his warm hard body leans in and whispers in my ear.
“Crown is obviously the biggest idiot on the planet for letting you go. But he knows he’s an idiot. Don’t look now,” he whispers in my ear, his fingers tracing the skin where my neck met my shoulder. “He looks like he wants to kick my ass,” he says almost laughing and he steps back and winks at me. Something comes over me, and I laugh and smile, like I haven’t smiled in the last two weeks and, not able to help myself, I kiss him on the cheek.
“Thanks,” I say and he smiles, showing me his cute little dimples.
“Of course, come on, let’s go to our table.”
The night was flying by. I tried not to look for him, trying to pay complete attention to my date. We danced and ate, and enjoyed the wonderful array of desserts during the Venetian hour that Izzy Tizzy’s had been able to cater. To my delight it came out that Tony enjoyed his sweets more than I did. I enjoyed being around him and could see becoming friends.
The night was a complete success. The silent auction raising money for various Breast Cancer charities did well and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Even Gail Crown had smiled at me, but it probably had more to do with the fact that I hadn’t arrived with her precious son than the event.
As Tony and I sat at the table his production company had graciously bought, we all talked and laughed. They all made me feel comfortable and relaxed. After awhile, I excused myself to use the powder room.
The Crystal Room at the Beverly Hills Hotel was one of the most beautiful spaces I had ever been in, lavish and elegant in decoration. Crystal chandeliers that hung above added sparkle to the already beautiful room. Right before reaching the powder room, none other than the Wicked Witch of the West stood in front of me.
“Sabrina,” Gail says her face serious, but almost hiding an evil smirk. Even with how horribly she had behaved with me, I still think she looks beautiful. She is trim with an athletic body. She’s wearing a royal blue dress to highlight the good things about her body; she is a woman who knows what looks good on her.
“Gail. Have you enjoyed yourself tonight?” I ask trying to be gracious.
“Yes dear, everything seems to have come off without a hitch, even if the help did decide to play Cinderella,” she says looking down at me. I honestly just feel exhausted. I feel bad for this woman. Her husband seems to be so unhappy when he is around her, and her son is too scared to grab hold of a shred of happiness. Maybe he’s afraid every woman would be like his mother? The bad girl in my head whispers in my ear and I smile.
“Yes, well as you know Laney took over the nights’ responsibilities. Mr. Garibaldi bought the last table and asked me to accompany him.”
She looks at me and smiles, but even smiling I know she is going to say something mean. “I see I had you pegged from the start, a true gold digger,” she says tilting her head, her eyes full of amusement.
“Thankfully you aren’t my son’s problem any longer, and God help poor Anthony. I should probably talk to his mother. Give her a fair warning about you and all your baggage. Didn’t I tell you that my Michael was a smart boy. He would see that you couldn’t really offer him anything other than… a dead man’s complications. But at least my son had his fun, right?” Part of me just wants to slap the evil smirk off her face, and the other part of me just stands completely still, still able to hear his voice in my head, the fact you already have three kids, all that shit together is a lot of baggage. My heart hurts.
“Gail!” a deep voice thunders behind us and we turn to see Walt Crown standing there. His face is furious turning red, and I notice Gail’s back stiffen.
“Apologize!” he demands and if looks could kill, I’m not sure which one of them would go down first.
“I most certainly will not apologize to the help!” she yells.
“Now Gail! APOLOGIZE!” he says grabbing her arm.
A couple of people around us are starting to pay attention to us and not wanting to create a scene, I look at Walt and say, “there is no need Mr. Crown.”
“Yes there is. After what Patrick did to you…” His voice is deep and a little strained. I can see a mixture of anger and sadness swirl in emotion in his pale blue eyes. Mike looks so much like his dad is all I can think. Everything they communicate can be told without words, just one look at their eyes.
“It’s all in the past Mr. Crown. Plus, it wasn’t your fault, not your burden to carry,” I say with a small smile, meaning every word.
“Is that how you bag them in, acting like this sweet, sickeningly annoying bitch?” Gail snarls, and if possible Walt’s face goes even redder.
“I apologize for my wife Sabrina, seems that she forgot to pop a pill with her martini lunch this afternoon.”
Gail glares at him and looks at me, as Walt drags her out of the Crystal Room by her elbow. I can see people whispering back and forth to one another as they point at me, and all I can do is wish that there was a big black hole that would swallow me up as I feel everyone’s eyes on me. Long fingers tap my shoulder and I turn to face Robert Montgomery with a sympathetic smile.
“Let’s dance pretty girl.” His voice is light but concerned. I look behind him and I can see Holly looking worried and I try to smile at her. They had heard the whole thing, and she had probably sent Robert to dance with me, to save me from everyone’s stares.
He leads me to the da
nce floor as Al Green’s How can you Mend a Broken Heart starts to play, and I smirk at the irony.
“She’s a hateful old cow, isn’t she?” he says into my ear as he pulls me in close, his Irish accent light, barely there, but soothing none the less. I can’t trust myself to speak, so I just shrug.
“You know, when she met me, she hated me too. She thought Hol and Mike were perfect for one another.” He leads me back and forth to the songs’ slow tempo, my heart feeling heavier. “When that woman has something set in her mind, heaven help anyone in her way.”
“She’s just worried about her son,” I say softly, almost in a whisper staring directly at his shoulder, not letting my eyes look around to search for Mike. I’m trying desperately to keep it together and not cry.
“My wife, she’s a concerned Mum. You pretty girl, I have seen you with your little ones, and you are a concerned Mum. Gail on the other hand is a bloody cow who doesn’t know when to shut up.” He pulls my face up to his.
Robert Montgomery is a wonderful man. He’s kind and sweet, a great father, and I’m happy that Holly had found that with him.
“Don’t let her ruin your evening pretty girl, aye?” and I nod, but then shake my head and sigh.
“She was right about one thing though, he realized I was not worth the effort. Kids and all. They both called it too much baggage for him to handle.” The feeling of complete failure sets in. I wasn’t sure what I felt I had failed at, but that’s just how I was feeling. He steps back looking at me frowning.
“What do you mean? He said that to you?” He says shocked.
I nod and without thinking I say, “The night after we had gone to have dinner with his parents. That night she had said those things. I didn’t believe he could feel that way. Then the next night he called it off… he was…” I stop talking realizing the song has now changed to Alicia Keys’ a Woman’s Worth, and that I honestly shouldn’t be talking about this with Robert. It doesn’t seem like he wants to stop dancing, since all he does is change the speed of which we dance, still leading me around the dance floor.
“I don’t know what he said to you Doll, but Michael Crown can be a real idiot at times. Last time he was this big of an idiot, I got lucky,” he says smiling. “But that was because Hol was meant for me and I for her.” I nod at his words. Maybe there really is only one person out there for you, and mine, well he was gone from this world. Maybe Michael Crown is nothing but a headache in the messiness of the aftermath of Sean’s death. A lesson to be learned that I’m okay just living my life on my own without a partner.
“Whatever reason he said those things, I can almost guarantee he didn’t mean them,” he says gently.
My heart wants to hold on to his words of hope, but I’m just too tired.
He hadn’t came over to me all night. His eyes had never laid on mine when I had looked over at his table. When exhaustion hits, it’s overwhelming, and that’s how I feel. It isn’t failure, it is exhaustion. I am exhausted of my thoughts being so wrapped up in Mike and I. I just have to give it up. My mom is right. I have to pick, to fight or let go. I have to let go.
“He did,” I say in a semi-confident voice. I am sure Robert can tell I am trying convince myself more than him.
I remember every word he has said to me and how much each one had hurt. But I also remember how things had been. His actions. If actions spoke louder than words, then maybe he had cared and for whatever reason is pushing me away. Or maybe I am being naive holding onto false hope that the man I had thought I had been seeing actually exists, and that I haven’t been completely and utterly wrong about him.
“Pretty girl if that was true, that arse wouldn’t have been over at my house the last two nights crying like a little baby completely blitzed.” I look up at him.
Mike had been crying over me? If he was crying over anything these last two days, it sure hadn’t been over me. Then I notice a hand tap on Robert’s shoulder and we look. Tony’s handsome face is there smiling so big I can see his sweet dimples at either side.
“May I cut in?” he asks politely and Robert smiles and nods handing me over to Tony.
“Hey Beautiful,” he says as he closes in on me. Holding me close, I press my cheek on his chest. Why couldn’t I have fallen for someone like Tony? He has it together. He is a single dad. We get along. He isn’t broody and difficult. He is like Sean. Familiar. I know how to handle familiar.
“Hey,” I whisper. I can feel the tears of embarrassment starting to threaten. “I’m sorry about the scene, I hope I didn’t embarrass you,” I whisper.
“Not at all,” he says and I lean my head on his shoulder, his hand on my back softly. “I’m sorry that old hag did that. One thing money can’t buy Sabrina is class. Gail Crown is in a category of bitch all on her own,” he says softly as his hand does lazy circles at the center of my bare back, in a motion that brings comfort. “I still remember all the problems she caused Holly and Robert. She’s horrible.”
“Do you think…” I start to ask, but Tony interrupts me.
“That Crown heard? Yeah, last time I saw he was outside yelling at her,” he says. “And FYI in case Crown can’t get his head out of his ass about you, I want you to know that my mother would adore you!” he says with a charming smile and flirty wink, and I laugh.
I actually laugh in spite of the fact that people are talking about me, and that my heart’s broken; in spite of the fact that the man I have fallen in love with doesn’t love me, I actually laugh. And it feels great. Tony is genuinely a good guy and I really hope he will find someone worthy of him, and I really hope that we can be friends.
“Thanks,” I say.
“I’m serious, she really would. I’d like us to be friends if we could too,” he says and looks at me with kind eyes making me want to sigh. Why couldn’t I have met him first?
“I’d like that too… Plus our kids are new BFF’s, so I think us being friends is a good idea.”
We silently dance for three more songs. He pulls my chin up with his finger and asks if I am ready to go and I nod just as I step back from him, bumping into someone behind me. Hard and hot body, I look up as I start to apologize.
“Oh my God I am so …” I start to say as I look up into Mike’s serious pale blue eyes. I can feel Tony’s body tense up behind me.
“Dance with me,” he says, his voice gruff and hard, but his eyes, his eyes are holding so many emotions that it hurts to look at him.
“We were just leaving Crown,” Tony says protectively.
“I wasn’t talking to you Garibaldi,” He snaps and then looks at me. “Please Sabrina, one dance,” he says, almost pleading with me. His eyes are filled with his own inner turmoil, and my heart aches.
I look at Tony then back at Mike and nod. Foolishly letting myself believe its so he won’t cause a scene. His hand quickly goes to mine dragging me into the center of the crowded dance floor as Rhianna’s Stay starts to play.
He gently pulls me in, and I try to keep some space between us, but he only pulls me in closer. The heat of his body makes me ache for him. His familiar scent makes my mind feel foggy. There’s so much I want to say, yet at the same time I am so furious at him I don’t even want to look at him. Even torn, I can’t seem to resist. I must be a glutton for punishment, because I look up at him. His pale blue eyes on mine makes something deep inside me tighten. God there is something about his eyes that mesmerize me. Entrance me. Like a snake charmer, he holds my gaze, not able to look away. His eyes tell so much, yet nothing at the same time. I search in his eyes for something, any kind of hint of why he would make it a point to dance with me. But like always he gives nothing away and it hurts.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath and immediately regret it. He is wearing the cologne I loved. Mixed with the scent of his own skin mixed with the soap he used, was potent stuff. It immediately makes me ache for him. The need for him surprises me, makes me angry at my inner bad girl, so I open my eyes and look at him.
Mik
e’s pale blue eyes are filled with something I just can’t place. He is serious, and I remember what it is like when he smiles. How I wish he would smile. But that isn’t my job anymore, not that it ever really was.
“Are you having fun?” I ask thinking how lame I sound. He is the one who had wanted to dance, he should talk to me. But I always gave him an out, and the big old idiot took it.
When would I learn that it shouldn’t surprise me. That he will never have this huge declaration of love. No he doesn’t love me, he has said just as much to my face none the less. My mom had been completely right. It is time to make a decision. I have to let him go. He doesn’t want me.
“Everything came out great. The committee is talking about working with Ritz Events again,” his voice is gruff almost strained, and I wonder if he is worried I won’t just go away.
“Laney will love the account,” I say with a small smile and he frowns.
“Wouldn’t you be the one…?” I know what he is asking and I shake my head.
“No. I told you Mike, after tonight you don’t have to worry about seeing me… I spoke to Laney…”
“Sabrina… don’t do this,” he says his eyes pleading and sad, almost like he is afraid?
Part of me hopes that he is asking me what my heart wants him to ask me, but I know better. I know better than to hope for something that won’t happen. For the first few months after Sean’s death, I would stare at the door and hope to see him walk in, but that was as impossible as hoping that Michael Crown would somehow declare he cared.
“I got a job offer,” I share, trying to sound excited about it. His eyes are serious almost scowling. “Perk Events in Seattle, it’s a great opportunity.”
He looks like he is thinking about asking a million questions. He clears his throat, “what about the kids?”
“I haven’t told them yet. Perk is flying me up for an interview this week, I leave Monday. If what they are offering is as interesting as what they have been hinting… who knows.”
It was true, it is a great opportunity. I would get to do the events I wanted, and with what I had saved, and with the cost of living lower over there and the sign-on bonus, financially it made sense. The thing was the drawbacks were huge. I wouldn’t have my family or my friends nearby. The kids would hate another move, plus my heart wanted to stay. My stupid silly heart. I can only think that maybe starting all over would be a good thing.
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