“You know I…” he said.
“It’s not that…” she said.
Then they both stopped. “You first,” she said.
“Oh. Well, I was just going to say that I got a call from the county prosecutor this morning,” Ben said. “Apparently they’ve made a deal with Chan Morris.”
Tess nodded, disappointed. She thought he was going to say something about their future—if they had one. They had spent a lot of time together since the night of the shooting—some of it in the hospital, some with Erny, and much of it alone, sharing their thoughts, their laughter and their feelings, complicated and passionate. She recognized what was growing between them—she could see it in the way he looked at her and feel it in her own heart—but neither one of them had said a word about what would happen when they had to part. Besides, there had been so many distractions. Like the upcoming trial, which had been very much on her mind, as well. “I know,” she said. “They called us, too. I’m kind of glad. I didn’t want to have to go through another trial. We know what happened.”
“Chan will have to allocute and the judge will require a full recounting. But you know that this means…”
Tess looked at him. “What?”
“Well, he’ll go to jail for life. The death penalty is definitely off the table.”
“I thought Governor Putnam was putting a moratorium on the death penalty in this state,” Tess said calmly.
“He’s announced it, yes. But it hasn’t officially gone into effect yet.”
“Why are you bringing up the death penalty?” asked Tess.
Ben avoided her gaze. “I wasn’t sure if you knew.”
“Is this a test?” she asked coolly.
Ben thought about it for a minute, then he looked at her directly. “I’ll tell you something, Tess. Chan Morris was my test. I thought about killing that man myself that night at his house. When he wouldn’t tell me where you were, when he implied that you were dead, it did cross my mind. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.”
“Well, I know you’re saying that for my sake,” said Tess. “The old ‘solidarity’ thing. I feel your pain, et cetera.”
Ben looked slightly embarrassed. “Maybe a little,” he said. “But it happens to be true. And I’ve been harsh on this subject. Self-righteous, you might say. So it’s only fair to admit it. I did think about killing him. Just to get even. Just to make him pay.”
“Payback,” she mused, thinking about Chan’s rationale for killing Phoebe. “Where does it ever end?”
Ben peered at her. “What does that mean?”
“It means that I hope Chan Morris lives a long and terrible life in prison. And that I never have to see his face again. But that’s the only payback I’m interested in. Nothing else makes sense. There’s been a lot of killing. And, as far as I can see, there’s been no justice in any of it.”
Ben nodded and they were silent again for a moment. “So, no trial. I guess that means you can leave at any time.”
“Yeah,” said Tess. She felt as if something precious was slipping through her fingers and she didn’t know how to stop it.
“You know,” he said, “this place used to be our summerhouse. When Melanie was alive. And after she died, I moved up here to…get away from it all.”
“Yes, so you said.”
Ben frowned. “I’m not sure it’s the right pace for me, though, this rural life. I don’t know. It was perfect at first. But then…well, I was thinking of maybe starting over again in a more…urban area.”
Tess nodded. “Back to Philadelphia?”
“I don’t know. How do you think I would like Washington, D.C.?” he asked.
Tess looked at him and saw that his face was pink. She felt as if the weight on her heart had turned into a balloon. “Are you thinking of moving there?”
Ben chewed the inside of his mouth. “How would you feel about that?”
Tess’s mouth dropped open. “Do you mean it?” She pulled back from him and searched his face for any sign of teasing. “Really?”
“I don’t want to crowd you, Tess. I know you have your job, and Erny.”
Tess shook her head. Then she put her arms around him and embraced him as tightly as she could until he let out a little groan of pain.
She let him go. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
He put his hand on his bandaged chest. “It’s just…this. Oh baby, wait until I get rid of this.”
Tess and Ben smiled into each other’s eyes and an unspoken admission passed between them that they were both imagining that day. Living for it, in fact. Tess could feel all her senses tingling at the thought. “I can’t believe it,” Tess said at last. “I felt so blue coming over here. At the thought of leaving you.”
“I can’t lose you. I can’t afford a mistake like that,” he said seriously.
Tess smiled. “Me, neither.” She nestled carefully under his good arm, her face against his shoulder.
“I think I’ll keep this place, though,” he said. “We’ll want to visit here.”
From the safety of her position in his arms, in his heart, she looked around the room. “I guess it has a lot of good memories for you,” she said. “I can understand that.”
Ben did not reply.
Tess looked up at the mantel and frowned. “You took down the painting of your…of the woman in the woods.”
Ben nodded. “Yeah.”
“I just want you to know,” she said, “that I’m not going to be jealous of your memories. I mean, you lost her and no one can really take her place in your heart.”
Ben frowned. “About that…” he said.
Tess heard the reservation in his voice and turned to look at him. “Ben?”
Ben sighed. “I need to tell you about that. It’s not exactly what you think.”
In his eyes she saw him struggle with something secret and painful that was coming to the surface. She was not afraid. “Tell me,” she said settling back down beside him. “I want to know everything.”
Stolen in the Night Page 30