If only

by Cherise Sinclair

  “You’re welcome, Sir.” Watching her trot away, he shook his head. Her smile had been one of the sweetest he’d ever seen, but her dark eyes said watch out for pranks.

  He looked forward to the upcoming scene with her fellow mischief maker, the imp named Sally. Propping his feet on the coffee table, he watched Vance work with a newer Dom, showing the knots best for rope bondage. For the past couple of hours, they’d wandered through the main room, helping out, answering questions, even demonstrating. Part of Z’s purpose in establishing the Shadowlands had been to provide education to the BDSM community, and the Masters were expected to put in their time. He and Vance would start as dungeon monitors next month.

  He checked the clock. Sally should be getting off duty about now. Galen caught Vance’s attention and tilted his head toward the bar.

  Smoothly, his partner finished his instruction and walked over. “Time to pick on a sassy brunette?”

  “That’s the idea. If you run down the girl, I’ll get my toy bag from the locker room and meet you in the back.” Anticipation was a swift stream in Galen’s veins.

  “Good enough.” Vance grinned.

  A few minutes later, Galen walked across the main room to the far side. Murmurs of low conversations, sounds of sex, the slap of a hand on flesh were louder than the music coming from the front. Tall containers of plants divided the sitting areas into secluded niches for aftercare and quiet talks.

  It was like wandering through a maze.

  At the sound of Vance’s rough voice, Galen headed in that direction.

  His partner had found an unoccupied area with a leather couch and two comfortable chairs. On her knees, Sally waited, her hands on her thighs, her back straight, gaze down. Vance sat on one of the chairs.

  “Very nice,” Galen said.

  After her initial start of surprise, she relaxed. Her lips softened in a submissive’s deep-rooted pleasure at receiving approval.

  By God, she was pretty. He bent, tilted her chin up, and took her lips—not demanding, but wanting a taste of the sweetness that was Sally.

  And she gave it to him.

  Moving away, Galen set the bag down. They didn’t expect to use any toys, but the bag held water and chocolate and a blanket.

  “Time to start,” Vance said. “Remove your clothes, Sally.”

  “Um.” She glanced around as if expecting to see bondage equipment magically appear. “This isn’t a scene area.”

  “No. It’s not,” Galen said agreeably. He took a seat on the couch.

  She rose, taking a step back so she could face them both. Confrontational—or defensive?

  “I prefer to play in the regular areas,” she said.

  Galen exchanged a glance with Vance. Wasn’t it a pleasure to keep this one off balance, little Miss Sassy who’d ruled over less experienced Doms.

  “This spot is better for what we have in mind,” Vance told her.

  Her eyes narrowed. She was obviously considering how far she could push them. Damned if he’d figured her out. Despite her impertinent behavior, she was submissive. Given no choice, she’d relax into giving up control.

  “Clothes off now, Sally. Not next week.” Galen leaned back and extended his legs.

  After a long hesitation, she stripped off her almost see-through skirt and the scarf she’d wound around her pretty breasts. She wasn’t a big woman but was solidly built. Amply padded with a curvy ass, heavy thighs showing she had some muscle underneath. He smiled as she bent to pick up her clothes. Jiggly, lush ass—Vance’s favorite kind.

  As for Galen, he simply liked women’s bodies. Skinny or lush, muscular or soft. Full breasts or thimble-sized.

  Naked—beautifully naked—Sally set her hands on her hips and frowned at Galen.

  “Is that posture one Master Z teaches the trainees?” Galen asked levelly.

  Her face flushed, and her arms dropped. “No, Sir.”

  “There’s a relief,” Vance said.

  Galen had to suppress a laugh at the flashing anger in her expression. “Come and sit on my lap.”

  Her mouth flattened. She really didn’t like them, did she? Then again, he doubted her feelings were personal. She wouldn’t like anyone who’d punished her as they had—and she wasn’t going to enjoy what they’d planned for tonight, either.

  With obvious reluctance, she seated herself on his thighs. He let her sit there, rigid as a pissed-off cat. Probably as dangerous.

  “Now what?” she asked.

  “We’re going to talk a bit, Sally.” Vance pulled his chair closer. “Nothing painful.”

  “Lean against me, please,” Galen said. He enjoyed the hell out of making her comply with his voice alone.

  Without relaxing a mite, she shifted until her shoulder met his chest.

  “You smell good, pet. Like springtime.” He put his arm around her back, holding her still so he could rub his jaw along her neck and inhale the clean fragrance. Almost like green apples. “What’s the name of your perfume?”

  “Be Delicious,” she muttered.

  He chuckled. “Sounds like an invitation to me.” When he nibbled the top of her shoulder, she jumped.

  Vance lifted her legs onto the couch and slid his chair close enough to rest his hand on her thigh. They wouldn’t tie her down. But she was a small woman, and their large sizes and positions would give her the feeling of imprisonment.

  Now, the true point of this not-scene would begin. “I heard you’re going to get your Master’s degree. In what?”

  Her disbelieving stare made him smile. She acted like a mouse cornered by a cat that didn’t immediately pounce.

  Galen waited.

  “Um. Computers.”

  “A master’s in computers?” Vance prodded. “That’s vague.”

  Her cheeks darkened slightly. “Master’s of Digital Forensics.”

  Galen blinked at the unexpected answer. The girl was not only smart, but she might be pointing her sights at criminology. “Why that?”

  “It’s interesting.”

  “What exactly interests you?” Vance asked.

  “Oh please, I’m not going to talk computers with someone your age. You probably think a mouse pad is where a rodent lives.” She scowled at them. “Is this an interview or what?”

  “No, it’s a conversation between two Doms and a rude submissive,” Galen said, barely managing to keep from laughing.

  She froze as if shocked to be called on her behavior. After a second, her head bent. “I’m sorry.”

  SALLY FELT GALEN’S warm hand stroke her shoulder. She’d annoyed him, but he still handled her gently.

  And under his slow touch, her body responded in a way these Doms achieved far too easily. To her unease, Vance moved her legs apart before running his palm up and down her outside thigh.

  Two men at once. She’d enjoyed threesomes in the past, but…not with these two. They were—

  “So, trainee, what kind of a Dom are you looking for?” Galen asked as if not too interested in her answer. He seemed more engrossed in the way his fingers ran over her collarbone. Her nipples tightened as if begging to be touched as well.

  Vance moved his hand higher on her thigh so his fingers dipped into the—dammit—wetness of her pussy. A brush against her clit made her jump.

  She tried to move away.

  “Stay still, pet,” Vance warned as he pressed a finger up inside her. His thumb rested beside her clit.

  Biting her lip, she didn’t move, although her center quaked like force screens were disintegrating. Shields up, Scotty.

  “That’s a good girl,” Galen said. Approval turned his voice to velvet.

  When he cupped her breast, she realized they’d restrained her in an incredibly intimate fashion.

  “Look at me, sweetheart.” Vance’s sapphire eyes met hers. Held hers as he slowly pulled his fingers from her pussy and then thrust deeper.

  Despite Sally’s anger at them, heat blossomed in her core.

  “Galen asked a quest
ion. Answer him.”

  Question? Oh, right. Vance’s thumb pressed into the flesh above her clit, so close to where it would really feel good. Question. “Um, I don’t want a Master-type Dom.” I don’t want a Dom at all. Not anymore. “Not if he needs a real slave. I like to play.”

  “A Dom just for some fun times in the bedroom? To tie you up and fuck you but not dominate in any other way?” Galen plucked her nipple, then recupped her breast as he waited for her answer.

  Her body shimmered with heat. Damn them, they were doing this to her again. She tried to remember what she’d once desired. Before Frank. It didn’t really matter though. She could say anything. “Just for the bedroom.”

  Vance slid his fingers in and out. “Odd. Her pussy lie detector says she’s lying.”

  Sally stared at him. “You can’t—can’t tell anything like that.”

  “The technique isn’t one we’re allowed to research.” Vance smiled. “But it works fine.”

  He couldn’t possibly tell if she lied. “Let me go.”

  “No, I don’t think so.” Galen played with her breasts. The center of his palm was more calloused than Vance’s. Because of the cane?

  She realized her not inconsiderable weight rested on his legs. “Let me up.” When he lifted his eyebrows, she lowered her voice. “I’ll hurt your leg.”

  His hand stopped moving for a moment, and then he shook his head. “No, you won’t. The damage is already done—you’re not going to make it worse.” He smiled and touched her cheek. “I’m glad to know you care.”

  “I don’t.” Angry she’d been so stupid, she tried to push his hand away. Shoving an eight-foot Wookiee would be easier.

  “Haven’t you ever wanted a Dom at home to worry about you?” Vance asked. “To spank you for not carrying your cell phone? To push you to try harder? To force you to share what’s bothering you?”

  Yes. At one time. Back when she was naive. Now, she really didn’t. “No.”

  “Z did a piss-poor job of training you. I had a wife who lied constantly, and I have a low tolerance for it,” Vance said with disgust. “What part of honesty don’t you understand?”

  Her chin came up. “I honestly don’t want to answer your questions.”

  “No isn’t the answer we’re looking for.” Galen pinched her nipple, a short, painful reprimand.

  She winced.

  “You’re obviously comfortable with physical intimacy.” Galen ran his hand over her, proving his point. “Why are you so guarded with your thoughts?”

  “I feel left out and worried if you don’t tell me what you feel,” Vance said, apparently trying to demonstrate how to share.

  “I like you, Sally,” Galen said softly. “We’ve been watching you. Have wanted to play with you for quite a while. But we worry you. Why?”

  “Don’t give yourself airs,” Sally snapped. “I’m not worried.”

  “Lie,” Vance said softly. When his thumb brushed over her clit, she couldn’t help squirming.

  “I talked to the other Masters about scenes they’ve done with you,” Galen said. “They’ve realized that, although you submitted physically, they’d never pushed past your emotional defenses. Never reached your feelings. Normally, that’s not a concern since deeper emotions are best explored by a long-term Dom.”

  “Exactly. You’re not that, are you?” she muttered. How dare they talk to Cullen and Nolan and Dan and Raoul? The thought of them discussing her was…humiliating. Terrifying.

  “No, we’re not.” Galen pushed her hair off her forehead, then laid his hand along her cheek to stop her from averting her face. “However, you have a problem other subs don’t. You’re not honest or even revealing a hint of your emotions. That’s disturbing, pet.”

  “I think you’re overreacting,” she said. “Yeah, maybe I don’t meltdown after a scene like a PMSing teen without a prom date, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. I enjoy playing. What more—”

  “Enjoy playing?” Galen pinned her with those dark eyes again. “Then last week, why didn’t you tell Casey you weren’t getting anywhere?”

  The question was an unexpected bull’s-eye. She stiffened.

  “We’re not going to judge you, sweetheart,” Vance said. He sounded so…concerned. “Just tell us why.”

  “I don’t know.” She blinked away the dampness in her eyes, her stomach twisting uneasily. What was wrong with her? “I just couldn’t.”

  “All right, pet,” Galen said, his deep voice soothing. “Maybe you can make some guesses?”

  Neither of them was going to back off.

  Why had she let Casey continue? Usually, if a scene wasn’t working out, she’d annoy the Dom enough to end it early. But that evening… “I was just too tired to fight, I guess.”

  Galen’s eyes narrowed. “To fight? Why would telling a Dom you weren’t into a scene have to be a battle?”

  Her mouth opened. Closed.

  “You never do tell them if a session isn’t working, do you?” Vance asked. “Instead you prod until the Dom gets annoyed and lets you go.”

  Her cheeks felt too hot.

  “Why, Sally?” Galen hadn’t moved, and yet she felt as if he was in her face. “We’re here to listen to what you have to say.”

  His statement flattened her with its weight, compressing her chest and lungs. She couldn’t do anything right. Couldn’t even be a good submissive after so long. She began to fight Galen’s hold, and when he didn’t release her, she glared at him. “Red. Red, red, red. Let me go now.”

  Galen lifted his hands. Vance moved back.

  Sally jumped to her feet and snatched up her clothing.

  Before she could run, Galen gripped her arm. “You safeworded, so I’m letting you go, but pet, the problem you have won’t disappear. Talk with someone about this. Master Z, if no one else.”

  Never. “Just stay away from me. I don’t like you.” She glared at Vance. “Or you. Is that honest enough for you?” Wrenching her arm from Galen’s grasp, she fled.

  Chapter Five

  Sally used her thumbs to tap in the phone number to the Shadowlands, winced, and frowned at her hand. Every nail was bitten down to the quick…and now a bit past. Ugh.

  Sitting in the shade near the University of Central Florida’s reflecting pond, she tried to let the noise of the fountain calm her. Didn’t work. Even the stupid stubby St. Augustine grass annoyed her. In kindergarten, she and her best friend would roll down the tiny playground hill. But silky-soft northern grasses didn’t like Florida. No one would roll on this crap.

  She used her index finger on the small cell-phone screen. Got to admit, short nails made it easier to type. But she really should stop chewing on herself. She’d thought she’d gotten past the nervous habit in college. Did they still sell that nasty stuff you could put on your nails?

  “Sally, I’ve been worried about you.” The voice on the other end was deep, rich, and powerful.

  Damn caller ID and double damn the call hadn’t gone to voice mail. Sally rolled her eyes. And didn’t that make this a typical Monday? In a totally crappy month. In fact, the entire season had sucked the big one. “Master Z, I appreciate you letting me return to the trainees, but it’s not working out with my schedule. I’m sorry to do this to you, but I’m quitting. Again.” Forever.

  The pause seemed far too long. “Would you trust me enough to meet me so we can discuss this? I’d consider it a favor.”

  Oh, sneaky, guilt-inducing question. If she said no, the implication was that she didn’t trust him. “No need.” She forced a light tone past her clogged-up throat. “I’m finishing up my semester and am overloaded right now. Afterward, I’ll probably move out of state to wherever I find a job. This is as good a time as any to quit.”

  “Little one, did Galen and Vance—”

  “No. My decision has nothing to do with them.” God, how many people could she lie to? She blinked back tears, already missing everyone. “Thank you for everything you’ve done
for me over the years, Sir. Give Jessica a hug for me.” It took all her determination to push the red Disconnect button.

  After staring at the blank screen for a minute, she turned the phone completely off. Just in case.

  He knew she was quitting because of the Feds. Would he give the men a rough time? Master Z was very protective of the submissives—especially the trainees.

  A breeze ruffled her hair. Wind was wonderfully soothing in a muggy climate…until it was disturbed, turned into a hurricane, and flattened everything in its path. Much like Master Z.

  She shook her head. She’d bet Galen had a ferocious temper as well. And he and Vance hadn’t done anything terribly wrong. They’d only asked her some questions.

  Hard questions.

  Chin on her knee, she wrapped her arms around her legs. She not only didn’t know the answers, but the idea of sharing her emotions creeped her out.

  She’d never talked to Frank about her feelings. Like her father, he didn’t want to know.

  She scowled. So they wanted her to blurt out every thought? How boring. Wouldn’t that take all the fun out of a scene?

  Her brows drew together. Would it, though? Other submissives talked to their Doms about their impressions—even if not during the scene, at least afterward. But—Sally wrinkled her brow—why hadn’t she told a Dom something like, I prefer finger fucking to be gentle at first. In aftercare, she’d snuggle, not talk, even if the Doms wanted to discuss the scene. And most of them had.

  She frowned. Frank never asked. He’d never done much aftercare for that matter. He might’ve talked the talk, but he sure hadn’t walked the walk.

  The Feds had him beat there. They’d been affectionate. Caring. Acting as if they liked who she was…aside from her reluctance to spill her guts. What was their problem anyway? Guys weren’t supposed to like that emotional baring stuff…which was probably why no other Doms had gotten upset. But the Feds had been all over her evasions like white on rice.

  Sheesh.

  Well, she couldn’t deal with this now. She had a couple of final papers to hand in, graduation practice, and résumés to send out.