by Patti Larsen
No. I could feel her then, pacing, panting, furious, frustrated, a room away. Might as well have been a whole continent. I could hear her easily, even from a distance, the churning of her thoughts. Charlotte, flinging herself back and forth the length of the hall near the elevator, locked in a destructive loop of blame and self-hate for allowing me to be hurt.
I ignored everyone, brushed past Sassafras on my way out, shoved aside the door and across the study, flinging the last barrier aside to reach my bodywere. Charlotte froze before her head dropped. She refused to meet my eyes, mouth pulled down into a terrible frown, forehead furrowed in a scowl. There would have been a time I’d have thought she was mad at me, but now I knew differently.
“It’s not your fault.” No words would heal this. My hand settled on her arm, her skin hotter than I expected as her wolf hovered near the surface, its pain as real as hers. “It’s mine.” I showed her what I’d done, all of it, kept in a very tight thread, for only the two of us to see. Quaid, my hurt and fear and need. All of it. Her eyes lifted, met mine, the wolf inside her showing herself through the shift in color and intensity for a moment before Charlotte sighed.
“I understand,” she said, as I hoped she would. “But don’t ever do that to me again.” Not an order, not her usual stoic flatness, but with a pleading in her that almost broke my heart.
“I won’t,” I said. “I promise.”
Even though I knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, I’d never need anyone’s protection ever again.
Don’t get cocky. Gram’s mental voice cut through the slowly building euphoria. You have no idea what this is doing to you. Even from so far away I could feel her fear through our connection.
Gram, I sent her love and let her touch the calm sitting in the middle of me. I’m fine. I promise. She’s not here to hurt me.
She better not be. Gram huffed a mental breath. I love you and would rather you were still around for a while.
The vampire stirred, but remained silent. Would she speak to me as my demon once had, as Shaylee had brought herself to? Part of me hoped so. There was so much I didn’t know yet. And wanted to.
I turned back to Mom, drawing a deep, long breath before letting it out, not wanting to yell at her for almost letting Charlotte self-destruct. “If you would, please.” I gestured at the weregirl and Mom actually blushed. A soft touch of power and Charlotte was welcome.
My irritation grew when I realized just how stupid and petty such a welcome was. Still, I needed Mom on my side if I was to walk out of there on my own two feet and not surrounded by Enforcers certain I was a threat. “I’m totally fine, Mom,” I said. “Just think of her as one more piece of Syd.”
I could tell she wasn’t willing to leave it at that. “We have to do a thorough examination,” she said, rising to come to my side, magic reaching for me. “To make sure there are no ill effects.”
I backed away from her, blocking off her power with a shield burning white. So odd. Why had I called on the vampire’s magic? The fragment of undead energy Mom possessed pressed against the barrier, but couldn’t break through while the rest of her magic hovered, hesitant.
“Syd, this is the same power that almost killed us, remember?” Erica joined Mom, forming their usual tag-team. When would they learn to trust me?
“That’s right,” Mom said. “If it hadn’t been for Sebastian...”
“Mom.” I reached out physically, letting the shield drop, stepping into her space so she could feel me, really feel me. “I’m fine. You know I am.”
Her power enveloped me, but didn’t try to invade. “You have to give me more than that, sweetheart.” I could feel she wanted to believe me, but the pressure of who she was, of who I was, wouldn’t allow it. “I have to see for myself.”
Why did the idea of my mother’s magic exploring inside me make me cringe? It’s not like she hadn’t done it before. But I’d grown so much, learned so much. Taken control of my magic and was stronger for it. Not to mention I’d done things recently I really didn’t think she’d want to know about. But, if letting her in was the only way she would trust me, I had no choice.
Not when the alternative was likely being locked up and prodded by witches who studied cases like mine.
Who knew? Maybe that was in my future anyway. But I’d managed to balance my demon and Shaylee so far without calling out the witches with the straightjackets. I had to convince Mom.
I opened up to her, let her inside without reservation. All four of us did, even the vampire, much to my relief.
If this is the only way we can continue to function, she sent to me while Mom examined us, I am willing to do anything.
Except leave. So she would be able to talk to me. Even as I spoke I knew I didn’t want her to.
Except that, yes. She was smiling.
Mom finally pulled away, shaking a little as she pressed one hand to her heart. “You are fine,” she whispered, voice hoarse. “More than fine.” Why was she afraid? “I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. And it,” she paused, “she, is completely different than she was when we fought Cesard.”
“I told you.” I hugged myself on impulse, feeling the strength of my powers and my body like I’d been given a massive gift. “It’s awesome.”
Mom’s shaky laugh had a hopeless edge. “We still need to have you examined more closely.”
Straightjacket time. Lovely.
“But,” she went on, “I see no reason why you can’t continue as normal, as long as you feel all right.”
“Miriam.” Mom’s name was a gasp from Erica’s throat.
Mom shook her head. “No matter what’s happened, Syd is in full control. Which means I trust her to let me know the moment anything might change.” Spoken to Erica, but meant for me.
Got it, loud and clear.
Mom ushered everyone into the waiting elevator, just as Meira crept in from a side door and rushed to me to hug me.
“I was worried, but Mom didn’t want me in here.” She looked up at me, amber eyes full of tears. “Are you okay?”
I hugged her back, kissed her cheek. “I’m fantastic,” I whispered in her ear. “Let me take care of this and I’ll tell you all about it.”
She nodded, pulled away with a little smile as I followed her into the sitting room and took a seat on the edge of the sofa while Mom paced the room, long skirt brushing over Sassafras’s twitching tail on every pass.
“I mean it, Syd,” she said as she walked, head down, forehead bunched. “The instant something changes I want to know about it.” She stopped, turned to me with a hopeless expression. “You realize I should have you locked up? That there will be those on the Council who demand I do?”
“You can try.” My demon rumbled her anger, Shaylee indignant, but the vampire inside me simply observed, her quiet calm a great comfort. “There’s nothing wrong with me. If anything, things are better than they were before. And you know very well I’m capable of balancing this.”
She sighed, ran one hand over her face. “If anyone is,” she said. “You’ve had a lifetime of training.” Mom’s arms dropped to her sides, her face sad. “Just... be careful. We have no idea if she has an agenda.”
The vampire stirred at that, as though she wanted to defend herself, and I paused, listened. But she didn’t speak up or argue, just settled again.
“I promise,” I said, “if anything happens, you’ll be the first to know. But I don’t want you to worry. I have lots of protection, remember?” I tapped my temple with one finger. “Not just my demon and Shaylee, I have Gram in here with me. And Charlotte and Sassafras watching my outside.” I closed the distance between us and hugged Mom, letting her feel how much I loved her. All of our coldness and the tension between us melted in that moment and, for the first time since she’d left Wilding Springs to take over as Council Leader, she was just my mom.
“I love you so much,” she whispered in my ear. “I just want to keep you safe. And I’ve done a terrible job of that.” S
he pushed me back, apology on her face before she even spoke. “I didn’t look into the issue you brought to me and clearly that was a mistake. The vampires who attacked you may have come from the Star Club.”
“Makes the most logical sense.” Sassafras’s growl was accompanied by a thrash of his tail, though I knew he wasn’t angry with Mom or me, but with himself. I was surrounded by people who blamed themselves for everything. No wonder I did it, too.
“I’ll send Enforcers over immediately,” she said. “But for now I want you to stay here tonight.”
I shook my head immediately. “I’m going back to my dorm,” I said. “And my life.”
She hesitated, hands still holding my arms, but I gently, oh-so-gently, pulled free of her.
“Mom,” I said. “I love you, too. But I have to go.”
I turned away from her before she could protest and went to hug Meira again.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I said. “Promise.”
Meira clung to me a moment before letting me go first. “Okay,” she said. “Night, Syd.”
I had the best sister ever.
***
Chapter Twenty Six
I wasn’t surprised when Charlotte practically took my arm on the walk back to my dorm, nor by the feeling of watchers dressed in black robes who observed us as we made our way the very short distance back to my hall. It was almost funny, actually, but my weregirl companion wasn’t laughing and neither were the Enforcers who stood guard, so I held in my amusement.
The feeling that everything was sharper and clearer had begun to fade, as was my ability to feel and almost see the emotions of those around me. I found myself missing the intimacy of it, though had to admit it would make life more complicated if I was constantly distracted by the emotions of others. Still, it was nice to have insights I’d never had before and understand with absolute clarity I wasn’t the only one who was screwed up.
Sassafras trotted at my side, refusing to let me carry him. “Just in case,” he said. And he might have been right. The precious second it would take me to drop him if we were attacked could make a difference. Then again, with three Enforcers, Charlotte and him guarding over me for the minute it took me to walk from Mom’s place to my hall, his caution really seemed like overkill.
Sashenka opened the door just as Charlotte grasped for the knob, her face pale under her lovely dark tone.
“Syd!” She pulled me into the room, ignoring Charlotte who allowed it, though I knew if the weregirl hadn’t trusted Sashenka, my roommate would be flat on her back and out cold by now. “Everyone is talking about what happened. Well,” she rolled her eyes with a soft huff of breath, “us witches anyway. We all saw the light, felt the vampires.” Her eyes were huge. “Enforcers were everywhere, wiping normal’s memories and sending us all back to our dorms.”
I sighed and shrugged. Yet another reason for my fellow witch students to alienate me. Whatever.
“I’m fine,” I said, suddenly tired. “Honest.”
She sank onto her bed with a big smile of relief. “You look fine,” she said. “Phew! I was really worried. And those vampires.” Sashenka shuddered a little. “What were they doing in the Yard? Everyone knows they’re not allowed.”
It wasn’t until she mentioned it my mind went back to the attack and the odd way the vampires were able to reach through my magic. Yes, their power had different properties, but there was no way they should have been able to defeat all three kinds of my magic at once.
Unless they had help. Which made me think of Darin and his witch and vampire warded club.
“I’m sure the Enforcers will find out,” I said, frowning at Charlotte as she pulled open the door of my wardrobe and jerked out a spare pillow and blanket. “What are you doing?”
She didn’t meet my eyes, just spread the quilt out on the floor beside my bed. “You know exactly what I’m doing,” she said.
Just great. And even though I knew it wasn’t necessary, I didn’t have the heart to kick her out.
Sashenka frowned a little, though not in anger, just curiosity, before shrugging. “I heard stuff like this happened around you,” she said with a giggle, “but I had no idea being your roommate would mean I’d get to witness it.”
Oh yeah, hardy-har-har. “Be careful what you wish for.”
Sashenka didn’t get a chance to answer. The moment I spoke, someone knocked on the door and she rose quickly to answer it.
I couldn’t have been more shocked to see Mia standing in the hallway on the other side.
She didn’t greet my roommate or even look at her, instead shoving her way past Sashenka to come to stand in the middle of the room, ice blue eyes locked on me.
“We need to talk,” she said, voice as cold as her gaze. “Coven leader to coven leader.”
Even Charlotte took the hint, though reluctantly, leaving after the blushing Sashenka, pulling the door most of the way closed, but enough of a crack remaining I could see her standing on the other side like an immovable wall.
Only Sassafras remained, curled up on my pillow, amber eyes watching carefully as Mia dissolved from her stiff arrogance into a mess of sobbing.
Um. What?
“It’s so hard!” Her wail was loud enough I winced, my more sensitive hearing still affecting me. “I thought I could handle it, could do what Mother wanted.” She looked up at me from where she’d pressed her face into her hands, streaks of black makeup tracking down her pale cheeks, expression so desperate I wanted to hug her and rock her like she was my little sister after a nightmare. “But I can’t do it, Syd, I can’t. They won’t listen to me.”
The Dumont family. I’d worried about her from day one, when she took control of the nastiest coven on the continent. Mia had never been strong to begin with, so the idea of her being a coven leader, of turning things around when most of the family was probably pretty happy continuing to be assholes if the brothers were any indication, was ridiculous.
What was Mom thinking? Oh, right. Mom wasn’t Council Leader when Mia took the job. And likely she wouldn’t have been able to do anything anyway. Covens were autonomous when it came to their rule.
Stupid, in my opinion.
Then again, the last thing I’d want would be the Council poking around my coven’s business, so I supposed the rules were there for a reason.
Get out of your own crap and pay attention. Gram’s harsh tone snapped me out of my thoughts. This is important, Syd. We have an opportunity here.
Sigh. The war is over, Gram, remember? Odette is dead. The former leader of the Dumonts had died at Mom’s trial, killed by Batsheva Moromond as the blood witch fled her attempt to take over the Council. Yes, Gram had lots of reason to hate the family, but her main goal was accomplished.
The woman who had been behind all of the hurt in Gram’s adult life was gone.
Don’t be a fool. Gram’s mental voice cuffed me. The Dumonts will never stop, not until their evil is weeded out. Generations of it, Syd. Now pay attention.
She’d spent my whole life telling me the same thing. Probably a good idea to listen.
I gathered up my resolve and took Mia’s hand, guiding her to my bed and sitting beside her with one arm around her shoulders.
“You’re stronger than you think,” I said, handing her a tissue. “I know it. And so do they.”
She shook her head while she noisily blew her nose. “They know I’m weak,” she whispered, staring down at the wad of dirty tissue in her hands. “I’ve been doing my best, keeping up the act. But there’s just so much corruption... I issue orders and they find ways around them, loopholes. They talk around me, confuse me, make me feel stupid.” Mia snuffled. “I need help.”
Perfect. Gram’s nasty chortle actually made me angry.
She’s my friend, I snapped.
She’s a Dumont, Gram growled back. You’re a coven leader, like it or not. Act like one.
Mumble, grumble.
“What about Quaid?” A ping of pain fired off in my h
eart. Whatever the vampire inside me had done to dull the ache was wearing off as well. Crappy. Still, it helped to focus on Mia. And Quaid was strong, no doubt about it. If she would reach out to him, have him at her side, the coven would be more likely to listen.
One thing about Quaid, he could see right through bull.
Mia sighed deeply, shoulders slumping. “He’s too busy with the Enforcer trainees he’s made friends with,” she said. I recognized the petulance in her voice. Had used that same tone myself in the past.
Swore I never would again if that was how it made me sound.
Never.
“I know he’d help if you asked him.” Or did I? Quaid did seem lost in his own stuff lately. The jerk.
Yeah, that was better. Pain turned to anger. Jerk. Jerky jerk-jerkified jerkwad.
Syd. Gram tapped at the edges of my mind, her words dry. Hello.
Right.
Mia’s desperate gaze met mine. “I trust you,” she said. “Like no one else. You’re the only one who can help me, I just know it.” She broke down into tears again, hugging me around the neck, whole body shaking so hard the steel rings on her heavy leather belt tapped together like chiming bells. “Please, help me.”
“Of course I will.” I shoved Gram aside even as Sassafras crossed my lap and into Mia’s. She let me go, stroking his soft fur as he purred so loudly my jaw ached. His demon magic slid around her and calmed her down to the point she was able to blow her nose again and swipe at the black tracks on her cheeks without bursting into more tears.
“You are leader,” Sassafras said. “They must obey you. Yours is the power that feeds the family magic.”
She nodded, black-lipsticked mouth turned down. “I know,” she said. “But even when I threaten to take the power away they just ignore me, and when I catch them doing things they shouldn’t, they find reasons around my orders.”