by Patti Larsen
She nodded. “So what do you want us to do?”
Huh? Hadn’t she just finished telling me this was her parade?
“Why are you asking me?”
Sunny laughed, low and deep, before kissing my cheek. “Because, coven leader,” she said, “we’re here for you. Whatever that means.”
I looked around at the others, all staring at me like I was in charge. Which I guess I really was after all.
“We wait,” I said at last, hating to, but knowing I had to have absolute proof the vampires were feeding. Not for my protection, but because I’d brought Sunny and Uncle Frank, and Sebastian and his whole blood clan by association, into this with me.
No way was I giving anyone a reason to go after them.
“Very well.” Sunny squeezed my hand. “I need to see one of your friends to be sure if they are chalices.”
“Sorry?” Liam’s voice was soft in the darkness. “What?”
Sunny smiled at him. “Hello, Liam,” she said. “Forgive me. We call humans who feed vampires willingly chalices.”
“And unwillingly?” His hazel eyes were dark in the dim light.
“Dead,” she said.
Clear as a bell.
“I do find it odd that witches and vampires are nesting together,” Sunny said. “Your family aside, this is the first real instance of the two existing in the same place.”
“There’s something weird about them,” I agreed. “Whatever their association, it’s changing both sides. But it feels different than what’s up with me. And even from Mom’s power.”
“Maybe because Miriam’s was taken by force?” Uncle Frank slipped one arm around Sunny. “What if, like the feeding, the power exchange is done willingly?”
Sunny’s face settled into a troubled frown. “I have to talk to Sebastian,” she said. “We need to understand this.”
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll all meet tomorrow night. We’ll find a way to intercept Simon and Rupe so the two of you can have a look at them. Then, if they are these chalices, you and Uncle Frank can let Sebastian know. And bring in the vampire army if necessary.”
Sunny’s frown eased a little. “An excellent plan,” she said. “We’ll return to you the moment the sun sets.”
I hugged them both again. “I didn’t go looking for this,” I said, feeling suddenly like the perpetual bearer of bad news. “I swear.”
Sunny frowned again, fingers stroking my cheek. “Of course you didn’t,” she said. “Who said you did?”
I didn’t say anything, not even when she leaned close and kissed me gently on my forehead.
“Without you, we wouldn’t know any of this was happening,” she said. “We’re very lucky you were here paying attention.”
As the vampires flickered into shadow and vanished, I couldn’t help but feel better.
Take that, Quaid.
Prince Jerkly.
***
Chapter Thirty Two
Charlotte insisted on standing guard outside my door while Sassafras, Liam and I talked over what happened and tried to make plans. Hard to do without having all the answers we needed. And really, my best plans usually involved just jumping in with all the fire power I could muster and hoping for the best.
Sassafras finally left us to go see Mom. We decided he was the best choice.
“Though I doubt she’ll listen to me, either,” he said. “But I’ll try.”
I felt a momentary pang of guilt over Meira. I’d promised I’d go visit her that night, but, with everything that was happening, I just couldn’t. I sat on the edge of my bed, letting out a big gust of air and a gentle caress to my sister’s mind.
Sorry, Meems. I have to bail on you.
It’s okay. I could feel others with her, hear giggling. Sassy hadn’t been kidding. Was my little sister turning into some kind of party maven? And on a school night?
Her laugh tinkled in my head as she caught my shock. Night, Mom. Another giggle.
Smart ass sister. Guess she wasn’t missing me after all.
I let her go and turned to Liam who perched beside me, not touching me, but close enough I felt the warmth of his body. It was a great comfort to have him there, especially since Sashenka was out. I really didn’t feel like being alone right then.
Until I remembered he’d kissed me and it all went awkward.
But I didn’t have time to admit it. Voices on the other side of my door told me someone argued with Charlotte, and when the door itself banged open and Quaid stomped in, I shot to my feet, my own anger matching the look on his face.
But he wasn’t staring at me. His brown eyes were laser-focused on Liam who, to my shock, surged up and forward until he was right in Quaid’s face.
Between us.
Protecting me again.
“You’re not welcome here.” Liam’s normally kind, warm voice was full of venom. “Not after the way you treated Syd.”
“Mind your own damned business, fairy boy.” Quaid shoved Liam aside. Or tried to. My tall Sidhe friend might not have had the musculature of the slightly stockier Quaid, but he did have access to enough earth magic to keep him solidly grounded, an immovable blond wall of protectiveness.
As much as I appreciated the fact he was there for me, I didn’t need the two of them fighting it out in my room like a pair of three-year-olds in a sandbox.
“Liam.” I pulled him back to my side while Quaid glared. “It’s okay.” I faced my boyfriend—or was he anymore?—down. “What are you doing here?” I kept my tone level, reasonable. “You didn’t want to get involved in the trouble I’m chasing, remember?” Okay, a little dig wasn’t beyond me.
Quaid’s gaze shifted to me at last. “I wanted to check on you,” he said. “To make sure you were okay.”
“Of course she’s okay,” Liam grated. “Like you give a crap about her.”
Quaid’s brow dropped, smoldering fire burning in his eyes as his magic coiled around him, hands clenching into fists. “This is a private conversation,” he rumbled in his deep voice, “in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Boys!” I sighed, caught Charlotte’s arched eyebrows and apologetic expression before I physically put myself between them, the buzz of Liam’s earth magic humming on one side while Quaid’s thrummed like a taut drum on the other. “Enough. Quaid, Liam was here to help me. No offense, but you weren’t.” I felt myself sag a little. “I guess I understand why you said no. But I had to do something, with or without you.” Sadness finally won over the anger I’d cultivated. I didn’t want it to go like this, none of it, not the hurt look on Liam’s face as he realized I’d approached Quaid first and not the deep pain in Quaid’s when he decided I’d replaced him.
Damn them both.
“I should have been there for you,” Quaid said, whole layers of meaning behind his words. “I’m sorry, Syd.”
I shook my head. “Just forget it,” I said. “I have more important things to worry about.”
He flinched a little, eyes going to Liam’s face. “I’m happy to help,” he said between clenched teeth. “And so are all of my friends. But you can’t have it both ways, Syd.” His dark eyes, almost black from the intensity of his feelings, locked on me and made my stomach do a slow roll. “You have to choose.”
Choose? What was he talking about?
I finally understood when Liam laughed, a harsh and angry sound. “You’re an asshole, Quaid. Always have been, always will be.”
Wait a second. Choose between them? He so did not just ask me to—
“That’s not fair.” I turned my back fully on Liam to face Quaid. “Liam’s my friend. He’s here for me when I need him. When you’re off with your Enforcer friends, with... with her.” We both knew who I was talking about. “He’s been there for me when you weren’t. If I have to give up Liam, you have to give up your friends, too.”
Quaid shook his head, backing away. “You just don’t get it,” he said. “You don’t see it. Not like I do.”
Fury rose again, smothering the grief.
Good. I liked the anger much better.
“Liam’s right,” I said. “You are an asshole. Get out of my room.”
His face went cold, still. “Fine,” he said, “have your little fling. I’m done. So much for love, Syd.”
Quaid stormed off, leaving me there with my heart torn open. I felt Liam reach for me, but couldn’t, just couldn’t and ran from the room, after the love of my life.
I caught him in the Yard, feet from his own dorm, nabbed his arm, spun him around. Quaid’s own rage was clear on his face, even as he grabbed me and pulled me against his chest, lips coming down hard on mine. I let him kiss me, despite the pain, until his anger was too much, overwhelming me, making my demon furious.
When I jerked free of him, she took control of my body for a split second and slapped him so hard he staggered.
As he straightened, my whole body went cold, chilled to the bone, goosebumps standing on my arms. Quaid’s face was so forlorn, his own hurt so clear I wanted to reach for him, but didn’t.
Didn’t.
He slumped, moisture standing in his beautiful eyes, his power gently touching mine. “Syd,” he whispered. “What’s happening to us?”
“We’re just screwed up, I guess.” I hugged myself, wishing it was his arms around me. “Who is she to you, Quaid? And why aren’t you with me?”
“You’re making me crazy.” His hands jammed into the back pockets of his jeans. “I love you so much I can hardly breathe sometimes. I can’t think. I don’t know what to do, Syd.”
“But.” It was there. It had always been there, that but.
“I love the Enforcers.” He met my eyes, his emotions under control. “I want to be one.”
“You know you can’t have both.” Now I sounded like him. But it was true and we both understood it. The law said Enforcers couldn’t have family affiliations. Had to remain objective and were only allowed to tie in to the Council magic.
Which meant no marriage. No life together.
Nothing.
Could I live with that? Worse, could I live with a Quaid who gave up what he wanted for my happiness?
I couldn’t leave it alone. “Who is she to you, Quaid?”
“Payten is just a friend.” He shrugged. But I read the guilt in him. Maybe at this point they were still just friends. But he knew what she wanted. And he wasn’t fighting it very hard.
“Liam is my friend too,” I said. Did he read into that what I read into his words? Perhaps.
Quaid bobbed a nod.
“You have to choose,” I said. “We can’t do this anymore. You know that, right?” I reached out, touched his arm. “We’ve spent the last two years locked in this thing together, Quaid. But it’s not good for either of us if it’s going to keep on going this way. You hurting me. Me hurting you back.”
Though he was the one doing most of the hurting, I didn’t press the issue.
“I’ll choose when you do,” he said.
Of all the stubborn, arrogant, jealous... I let my anger out again, not caring how much damage I did.
“I chose you long ago, you idiot,” I said. “You’re the only one who can’t seem to accept that.”
I didn’t give him a chance to answer, turning away from him, not able to stand being around him any longer.
How was it fair nobody warned me how much love sucked?
***
Chapter Thirty Three
Liam was gone by the time I returned to my room, Charlotte remaining a respectful distance behind me. Nice of her. Either that or she just wanted to avoid my temper.
I stood there in my dorm, brain running in a circle before I turned and left again. This was ridiculous. I had to sort it out and the only way to do that was to talk to Liam.
We were friends. The kiss was just a mistake, a slip up. I’d hash it out with my Sidhe friend and then go shove it in Quaid’s face.
Part of me ached with sympathy for Quaid. He’d never known real love, not as a child, a toy and a power source in the hands of the Moromonds, then a spy among the Dumonts searching for the means to avenge his parent’s deaths. The only time he’d ever come in contact with people who really cared about him was in my family, and those moments were brief. I knew he was a good person, deep down. He’d proven it to me over and over again, between bouts of jerkishness. But was the damage done too profound for him to move past?
Even if we worked things out this time, would we ever really find peace together?
I refused to accept the answer might be no.
The moment I spotted Liam’s slumped form on a bench at the edge of the Yard, I felt a pang of nerves. But I shoved them aside. This was too important for me to wimp out. We’d talk about it, laugh over the silliness of what happened and everything would be okay again.
I sat next to him, reaching for his hand which he took instantly.
“I’m sorry about the fight,” he said. “It was stupid.”
I leaned in, resting my head on his shoulder. “It was stupid,” I said. “You two idiots. I could have knocked your heads together.”
He grunted softly, a small smile on his face. “Yeah,” he said.
“But Quaid’s the worst.” I sat up, shaking my head. “Thinking he has something to be jealous about. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him. He’s such a freak.”
I glanced at Liam, only had a second to process he was closer to me until his lips touched mine, a soft, gentle touch so different from the rough one I’d just shared with Quaid my heart fluttered in my chest.
When Liam pulled away, his hazel eyes were wide open, his heart in them. “He has a lot to be jealous about,” Liam said. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met.”
I should have felt more surprised. Hadn’t I just convinced myself this was nothing, that Quaid was full of it? That Liam was just my friend.
In my heart, I’d known. So what did that say about me?
Liam went on while I struggled with my conscience. “I never said anything, did anything, because I knew how much you love Quaid.” Liam’s free hand clenched into a fist, but the one holding mine was as gentle as ever. As gentle as he was. “But I can’t stand it, Syd. Seeing how he treats you. You deserve so much better—to be loved and adored and made the center of his universe.” Liam sat back, shoulders tense, whole body rigid. “I’m sorry. I can’t hide how I feel about you anymore. But I’ll understand if you choose Quaid.” Liam’s gaze dropped. “I just want to be around you, no matter what that means, even if we can’t be together. Even if you never love me the way I love you.”
He might as well have ripped my heart out of my chest, tossed it to the ground at his feet and danced a jig on it. Sobs built inside me, but I couldn’t let them out, just sat there, numb and unable to react to anything he said. When I finally could move it was to rise and leave him there, half running from the sweet, kind and amazing guy I adored.
But didn’t love. Not like that.
Please, please, I didn’t want to lose him over this.
I reached instinctively for Quaid, wanting to feel him, to have his power wrap me up, to embrace the familiar touch of his magic. But the moment I did he muted our connection, cutting me off from him, from his love and from his magic.
My demon howled her fury and slashed out with amber fire, cutting the tie between us in her grief. I instantly shoved her back, but it was too late.
The damage was done.
The line of love I’d clung to so many times, the piece of Quaid I’d held close to me and used for comfort for so long was gone. Cut free. I sent my magic to him, begging to reconnect.
For whatever reason, Quaid refused to let me back in.
The sobs building inside me from Liam’s confession rose higher, threatening to choke me, to shatter me into so many pieces I was certain I’d never be able to put them back together again.
Only one thought crossed my mind. And with my heart shattering over and over again, my soul dying, I ran across the Yard, just wanting my mother.
***
Chapter Thirty Four
Of course Maurice didn’t want to let me in, but I was in no shape to listen, to pay attention. My demon, still raging and hurting, shoved him aside as I forced my way into Mom’s quarters, calling for her in mind and voice.
I just really needed my mother to hug me and let me cry and tell me everything was going to be all right. Because if she did, if that happened, I knew everything would be.
Not how things turned out.
Mom stormed out of her office, her fury apparent, power slamming into me and bringing me to a rocking halt. “Sydlynn Thaddea Hayle!” She blocked off my attempt to reach her with my mind, the slap of her power so harsh it broke through my desperate grief and made everything clear again. “You cannot just barge in here and demand attention any time you want it!”
I gaped at her, her anger the final blow my heart could take.
“You’re not a little girl anymore,” Mom said. “If you have a problem, deal with it.”
Everything I was feeling suddenly shattered outward, shards of my emotions making it past her shields, cutting through until she winced. Stopped. Flushed and paled. Reached out one hand to me.
“Syd,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
Too late. Far too late for that.
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you, Council Leader,” I managed to mumble as I staggered backward, toward the door, not wanting her to touch me or look at me, blocking off her power and the sympathy she tried to share, fighting my way back out of the room to gasp for air while I waited for the elevator.
“Syd.” Erica was there, arms trying to encircle me, but I fought her off, shoved her back.
“Stop.” I didn’t mean to be cruel. But she wasn’t my mother. Neither was Mom. Not anymore.
The elevator doors closed on me just as Meira raced toward them, calling my name.
No.
This couldn’t be happening. I needed to focus. I had a job to do, friends to save. I would not let Quaid destroy me, would not allow my friendship with Liam to tear a giant hole in my soul.