Divided Heart

by Patti Larsen

  “What were you thinking?” She faced down Uncle Frank first, shaking she was so furious.

  “We did what we had to do,” he said.

  “This was none of your business.” Mom slashed the air with one hand, face mottled red, shoulders so tight I was worried she might snap in half.

  “Wrong.” Sunny stepped forward, cold and beautiful. “This was every bit our business. Those vampires are our responsibility.”

  Mom drew a breath. “Fine, perhaps them.” She glared back and forth between them. “But you had no right dragging Syd into this mess with you.”

  “They are here because I asked them to come.” I stared her down. Two could play this game. “They’re right. This was every bit their situation to handle as it was ours.”

  I stressed ours. Hoped for a flicker of guilt from her.

  Got one.

  “We will take custody of the Wilhelm vampires now,” Sunny said. “They will remain with us until our blood clan leader decides their fate.”

  Mom looked like she wanted to argue. The Council had, in fact, done just that, fought against the DeWinter clan’s right to claim them. But Mom had to know Sunny and Frank took precedence.

  “Fine,” she snapped. “Get them away from my campus and out of my hair. I have enough problems.”

  Sunny nodded brusquely. “Trust me,” she said, voice still chilly, “we have no desire to trouble you further.”

  She flickered into shadow and vanished, though Uncle Frank lingered. “You know, if it hadn’t been for Syd, this whole thing could have turned into something much bigger. Something no one could handle.”

  “I was well aware of the situation,” Mom said. Paused. “Not the details, no,” she admitted. “But I had things under control. Then the pack of you,” she pointed at Charlotte, Sassafras at my feet, and me, “had to run off like vigilantes and make a mess of things.”

  “We made a mess?” I shook my head, struggling to understand. “What?”

  Ameline was the mess maker. I cleaned it up, thanks.

  Correction. We.

  Mom scowled at me so harshly I barely recognized her. “There are protocols here, Sydlynn,” she snapped. “And Enforcers I employ to take care of such matters.” She took a step back, one hand pressed to her forehead. “You could have been killed. Have you thought of that?”

  “While you were compiling your facts and putting together your strategy,” Sassafras snapped, “Ameline Benoit was gathering power. Enough power she almost succeeded in her goals this time. This time.” He shook his furry head. “Honestly, Miriam.”

  Uncle Frank’s handsome face darkened as he chopped one hand through the air, much like Mom had, as if cutting her off. “Don’t bother trying, Sass,” he said, voice full of bitterness. “Miriam’s turned into a bureaucrat. She doesn’t understand taking action any more. Or the meaning of thank you.”

  Before Mom could say anything, he, too, vanished.

  Oh, stop it, Gram’s voice cut in as Mom turned to me with her mouth open and clearly some strong words on her tongue. Your girl saved your ass, daughter mine, and you know it.

  Stay out of this, Mother, Mom snapped.

  I won’t, Gram shot back. Syd did everything right. Everything. She’s a coven leader. You made her one. Time to treat her like she has a clue what she’s doing.

  I was about to thank Gram when her attention spun on me. And you, she growled in a tight thread I knew only I could hear, if you ever, ever, scare me like that again, I’ll kill you myself.

  Now, Gram’s power took the both of us and shook us a little. Time to focus on what matters. Like that little bitch, Ameline, and what she has up her nasty sleeves next. Because you can bet she’s not done.

  Not until she’s dead, I sent.

  Mom nodded sharply. I know my duty, Mother.

  Do you? Gram sighed. I wonder.

  I missed her when she was gone. Especially because I was now pretty much alone with Mom.

  “You need to learn to let me handle these things.” She wasn’t about to back down on the issue, clearly. Which meant Gram was right. I had to show her I was capable. But that would have to wait. If it ever happened. Likely she’d never really understand.

  “What are you going to do about Ameline?” One thing was for sure, I had to keep the pressure on Mom. No going complacent. No Council committee to look into the matter. Ameline had to be tracked and put down like an animal.

  I was happy to volunteer for the hunting party.

  “I said leave that to me.” Mom turned away from me. “You’re threatening everything I’ve worked so hard to build the last several months.” She spun back, but didn’t look any happier, if less angry. “I’m trying to teach the covens working together is the best option. And then you run off when I had a group working on the issue. You pretty much proved to them you’re dangerous.”

  “I’m dangerous?” I couldn’t help the bark of laughter, and from the hiss and snarl I heard from Sassafras I wasn’t the only one who had the same reaction. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Think about it, Syd,” she said. “You’re not only part demon, you’re Sidhe and now have the essence of all vampires living inside you. You’re so powerful you can defeat a blood magic user.” I almost protested and said it wasn’t me until I realized she was right.

  The vampire was me now.

  Well, cool. Wasn’t it?

  “I’m already under immense pressure,” Mom said. “I don’t need one of my coven leaders turning into a Wild West cowboy whenever she feels the need for revenge.”

  Okay, I had to leave. Had to. Mom so didn’t get it, didn’t want to, I guess. Wasn’t seeing things clearly. And if I didn’t get the hell out of there, I was going to say and do some things from which our relationship might never recover.

  “The Council, the other covens, can think what they want,” I said, keeping my voice as cool and calm as I could. “But the law states I am a coven leader, autonomous. I obey the laws, Council Leader. I do my job. I protect my coven and the lives of the normals I interact with. Nothing I did was from revenge, but from my duty to protect my coven.” I paused, a fist of stress in my stomach. “And I’m horrified you would ever think otherwise.”

  Mom’s gasp told me I’d hit the mark, but when she called after me, her tone had changed completely.

  “Syd.” Soft. Almost kind. “Please, don’t go like this. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know you’re doing your best.”

  My best. Wow. Great apology.

  “Syd.” Her hand settled on my shoulder. How she’d crossed the room so fast I had no idea, but I didn’t unwind when she touched me. Her deep sigh did nothing for me either. “There’s something we have to talk about.”

  “What?” What else? I didn’t think I could take much more. Not from her. Not tonight.

  This morning. Oh, hell.

  “Quaid.” Yeah, that conversation was going to happen. But what Mom said next wasn’t what I was expecting. “I received a formal request from him. To join the Enforcers.”

  What remained of my heart was smothered in the chill of the only emotion I could muster as I swallowed my hurt and anger and grief in detachment.

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  I left, shrugging off her hand, sliding into the veil the moment I could.

  ***

  Chapter Forty One

  I took the day off classes, spending it in my room, Charlotte in hers after I begged for some time alone. She seemed to understand and was less protective of me, I suppose because I’d faced down Ameline and won.

  Mostly.

  Why did it feel like a hollow victory? Maybe because Ameline was still out there. But, worse than that, my whole life was a mess again. Alison was gone, turned into who knew what, now with the taste for blood driving her. And Quaid... an Enforcer. He’d chosen. I’d driven him away from me and he’d chosen to leave instead of fighting for us.

  Typical.

  I felt him on the other side of the door and alm
ost didn’t answer when he knocked, but knew I had to face him sometime. His deep brown eyes, so full of understanding and concern, almost did me in when I jerked the door open and caught his gaze.

  “Syd.” He lowered his hand from his attempt to knock. “I wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay.”

  Contrite, wasn’t he? Guess the whole looking for trouble thing had finally sunk in. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with him, not anymore. I just felt tired all of a sudden, like I’d done everything I could even though I guessed I always knew it would never be enough.

  I would never be enough.

  “I should have been there for you.” He didn’t even ask to come inside. Told me volumes. “Not just about us, about love, about... when we...” Coward. Couldn’t even talk about the night we spent together. “And not just about the attack last night. I’m never there for you.” He sighed, broad shoulders sinking. “It seems like I’m always running, always hiding. Syd, I love you so much.” I believed him, as much as I believed the but I knew was coming. “It’s always been about disaster between us. Surviving it. Or making our own.”

  I nodded, leaning against the door jam. “I know, Quaid.”

  “I didn’t want to believe you, the day you told me about Rupe and Simon.” He shrugged a little. “I’d spent the whole summer finally being normal, you know? Being one of the group. For the first time ever. And when you brought up the possibility of trouble, I just couldn’t go there.”

  Fair enough.

  “Syd,” he drew a breath, “I’ve made my choice.”

  “I know.” I let the door swing against my foot, looking down at it, feeling the tap-tap-tap of the wood against my bare toes, focusing on that so I could say the next words I spoke without my voice shaking. “You chose the Enforcers.”

  “How did you...? Miriam.” He let out a gust of air, hands jammed deep into his pockets.

  “Yeah.” I straightened.

  “I just need to live for a while,” he said. “No ties, no strings. No fate or destiny or geas from dead parents. No need for revenge, looking over my shoulder, second guessing what I’m doing because I’m dating a coven leader.”

  That zinged inside me. “So that’s it.”

  He frowned, stiffening. “What’s it?”

  “The coven leader thing.” It was so clear to me now, his fear, his distance. “It’s too much for you.”

  Quaid didn’t protest, didn’t argue. “I just want my own life,” he said. “I don’t think it’s too much to ask.”

  “Nope,” I said, pushing back, ready to slam the door. “It’s not. Have a nice one.”

  I felt him walk away from the other side of the still-vibrating door as I pressed my forehead to it, both palms flat against the wood as I waited for him to leave the building.

  I couldn’t stay in my room any longer. The air stifled me, made it hard to breathe. Likely the pressure in my chest came from another source, but I wasn’t willing to consider it. I just needed to go outside in the sunlight and not think.

  Charlotte followed me, but I ignored her, especially when she gave me lots of room and the privacy I desperately wanted. I found a bench, the same one I’d collapsed on before beside the lovely little chapel, and sank to its surface, hugging myself tight and holding back the tears I knew would come if I let them.

  It was over then. Between Quaid and I. He was going to be an Enforcer and I... a coven leader. And never the two shall meet. All the expectations I had, all the plans I’d made for us vanished in a puff of smoke. A half-laugh, half-sob choked me as I thought back to the first time I’d seen him, standing on my front step, so delicious—until I found out I was supposed to marry him.

  It was like we’d been doomed from the start.

  How could someone I loved so much—who I knew, I knew loved me too, just as much—walk away from what we had? And yet, I’d let him, hadn’t I? I didn’t exactly fight for us.

  I gave him everything and he chose another life. And that was just the way things were.

  The tears spilled, though I fought them as hard as I could. Blinded by them, I covered my face in my hands, swearing to myself this would be the last time I would cry over Quaid.

  The very last.

  And when strong arms encircled me, green Sidhe magic and the mixed scent of earth and fabric softener filled me, I clung to the one person who loved me unconditionally and wished things could be different.

  Maybe I could learn to love Liam.

  Maybe. But not yet. Not today. Today, I would cry and ache and let my heartbreak over Quaid out of me.

  There was always tomorrow.

  ***

  Chapter Forty Two

  I settled into life at school pretty well after that. No more trouble. With no sign of Ameline or Rupe, things stayed that way. Even the Dumont brothers seemed more reserved, subdued, after Mom cleared them of wrongdoing when they claimed they knew nothing of Ameline’s involvement in the Star Club.

  Yeah, right. Still. Seeing them walk around campus with their heads down, expressions nervous did it for me.

  As for the club itself, Mom saw to it the doors closed forever. When the older members involved were revived, drained of so much power they had to be fed from the Council magic, they didn’t put up much of a fight, clearly shaken by their near death experiences. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if they would just trot off and start a new one all over again once the dust had settled.

  Traditions and all that.

  Sebastian contacted me the night after the attack to tell me he was in negotiations with Yvette, the queen of the Blood Clan Wilhelm, Sunny’s old family. The following night he confessed he allowed Piotr and the others to go home, with the sworn blood oath they would never do anything like this again under threat of war.

  Well... I trusted Sebastian. And it was his call.

  I spent the next several weeks trying to help Simon adjust to school life again, but the vampire feedings and thrall had done so much damage even the healing witches who removed his memories were unable to restore him back to the person he was. Grades slipping, brilliant mind damaged, he disappeared from school without a word.

  If for no other reason than the waste of my friend’s potential, Ameline was going to die.

  Painfully.

  I’d had no word or touch from Alison, hardly surprising, though there were no reports of a demented blonde ghost drinking people’s blood so there was hope she’d been unable to repeat the act.

  The next time I saw Mia she was a shell of herself, all fake smiles and absent looks. It was clear she was weaker than ever, no sign at all she was taking action against the troublemakers in her coven or even paying much attention to her duties at all. When she vanished from school too, after my repeated requests to Mom to talk to her, I was hardly surprised.

  But I was very, very worried.

  It was weird seeing Quaid around campus, hanging out with his Enforcer friends, with the honey-blonde hanging from his arm openly now. I even caught them kissing one day, though they didn’t see me, thankfully. Or the quick, horrible cry-fest I had behind one of the dorms before I could go back to class. So much for the pair of old codgers on the front porch swing. And for fate. Whatever destiny had been in store for me, it was now clearly altered by Quaid’s needs.

  Were all eighteen-year-old guys the same? I couldn’t even begin to think Liam would have treated me the way Quaid did. So not fair to compare them, but really, really hard not to. One thing I did know for sure, as much I loved Quaid, I’d be thinking twice before trusting another guy with so much again, at least for a while.

  Just wasn’t worth the heartache without being absolutely sure. Next time? My terms.

  Which made me think of Liam again.

  Sigh.

  Liam hadn’t pressed the issue of his feelings and I was very grateful for that. I knew I’d have to do something eventually, but I just couldn’t get past how I felt about Quaid and blamed it on the stupid magic I’d felt the night we
’d spent together, though I told myself at least ten times a day I didn’t love him anymore.

  Liar.

  And my sweet friend deserved better.

  Worst though were Sunday dinners with Mom, all awkward and full of long silences Meira tried her best to fill. I finally stopped going all together, though I did make a point of spending as much time with my little sister as I could. When Mom wasn’t around.

  Which was all the time.

  At least I had the distraction of working out the combination of my demon, Sidhe and vampire magic combined with the family power I controlled. The essence seemed eager to try new things, though she struggled with giving up herself to the others and I wondered if she’d ever fully integrate. She didn’t fight me for control, at least, and since I proved myself worthy in her eyes, she seemed quite content to remain as part of the whole.

  It was getting a little crowded in my head.

  I didn’t get to escape the poking and prodding, though thankfully the witches in charge of my examination kept things to a minimum. Probably because I’d managed to save their asses. At least someone appreciated what I’d done.

  Mom accepted their final confused but satisfied report I wasn’t a threat to anyone.

  Could have saved them the effort.

  Class was better, my teachers settling down now that the novelty of who I was had worn off. It took a few days after the Ameline mess before everyone started ignoring me again, but after that things were blissfully quiet.

  Thanks in part to Sashenka and her friends, now mine. And Liam.

  Always Liam.

  Charlotte was giving me more space these days, but I found I didn’t really want it and forced her to sit with us when I met with the girls. I even caught her laughing once.

  Miracles do happen.

  One major downside to my whole transformation was my acquired photosensitivity. All of a sudden I couldn’t stand direct sunlight, my skin super touchy, dark sunglasses an absolute had to have. Thanks to the vampire inside me, I was slowly turning into a night owl.