by Natasha Deen
He shook his head. “No, they didn’t. Serge came, told me what was happening—”
“And he flashed into ferrier mode,” said Serge. “It was awesome.”
“Just like that?” I asked.
“I am what I am,” said Craig. “No one gets to tell me what I can be and when I can be it, especially when the people I love are involved. Maybe that’s what I had to learn, that no one can take my power from me.”
“Mags, you did get a happy ending,” said Nell. “You’re here.”
“Yeah, exactly how did I survive? The last thing I remembered was the bullet, and I know it was working its way to my heart.”
“I ripped it out,” said Serge. “But the bleeding was terrible.”
“I cauterized some of the vessels to stem the flow,” said Craig. “But the paramedics deserve all the credit.”
“What about the mortal fall out?”
Craig glanced at Nancy. “The ferriers and any of the hunters who were still there worked to shift the evidence. To the mortal world, it’ll look like we need it to look. Lucien took you and Carl hostage, shot the SUV, and blew it up. Nancy showed up, there was a fight. She got his gun away, but he got hers. He turned it on her, but you stepped in, taking the bullet.”
“What about Lucien?”
“When you dived in front of me, there was a flash of light,” said Nancy. “The combined energy of you and Serge. It blasted Lucien to smithereens.”
“But everyone else was okay? Our energy didn’t hurt anyone else?”
“Think of your energy like the world’s best targeting device,” said Craig. “It honed on Lucien and Lucien alone.”
“And hell claimed him,” said Serge. “I won’t gross you out with the details.”
“Thanks. Are the ghosts okay?” I asked.
Craig nodded. “All that were to be transported were transported.”
“Did you see my dad?”
Craig and Serge exchanged glances. “No, sorry,” said Craig. “But that can mean a lot of things.”
“But why? What can it possibly—”
Nancy put her hand on mine. “Questions for later, kid, when you’re stronger and can deal with the answers.” She looked at my friends. “Let’s go. I promise we’ll be back in a couple of hours and we’ll talk then.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I dozed, then woke to a faint light in the corner. Carl. “Why are you here? You should have crossed over.”
“I’m scared,” he said. “No one tells you—no one tells you when you die, you see all the moments of your life. I wasn’t a good guy. I took advantage of others, I was mean…”
“That’s not what’s holding you here,” I said. “You’re scared of what Julie will think of how you lived your life. She’s the reason you kidnapped me.”
“Kidnapped. God. I’m never getting into heaven.”
“I don’t know about heaven, but you’re not as bad as you think.”
“You don’t know that,” he said.
“I do. Hell took Lucien. It would have taken you too, if you deserved it.”
He began to cry. “I’m so scared.”
“Serge said you had supernatural protection,” I said. “Someone on the other side must love you, and loves you enough to have covered you. Someone like Julie. Don’t be afraid to cross over.”
“What’s on the other side?”
“Julie, for one.” I was too tired and doped up with meds to take my time with his transition. The quickest route to him crossing to the other side was via his lost love. “Tell me about her.”
“Julie? She was beautiful.” He smiled as memories came to him. His energy glowed and radiated soft tendrils of pink light. “Sweet. She was my conscience. I feel like everything went wrong when she died and—” He looked at the point by my bed. “Julie? Is it you?” He listened, laughing through his tears. “Yeah, I’d forgotten about that.” She said or did something that made his legs buckle. He sobbed, “I don’t know if I deserve it. I’ve been so horrible.”
The spot beside my bed glowed, moved close, then enveloped him. He cried, and cried harder, then disappeared in the fading light that left peace and love in his wake.
“Maggie?”
I turned as Zeke and Homer emerged from the other side of the curtain that separated my side of the room from the other.
“We didn’t want to leave until we said goodbye and thanks for saving us,” said Zeke.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent Lucien from taking you.”
“Shucks,” said Zeke. “No one can stop bad things from happening. I just appreciate you helping fix it. ‘Sides, you gave me back my little brother.”
Homer climbed on the bed. “You did real good, Maggie.”
“Thanks for all your help. I felt you and your brother’s energies protecting and helping me.” I took his hand, trying not to cry. “I really am sorry. I’m so sorry for all the bad things you saw and did because Lucien trapped you.”
Homer leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. “Even in the dark,” he said. “There is always love.”
I sank into his energy, hugging him back even as he faded from my arms.
Zeke had Homer, and together they’d crossed over. But where were my dad and mom? Had they found each other, or had they fallen between the cracks into a dark so consuming that not even my love could reach them?
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Nightmares woke me. I opened my eyes to see Serena sitting by my bed.
“I don’t have much time left,” she said. “My decisions are catching up, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I am. You don’t have to go.”
“I’m dying.”
“You don’t have to—”
She shook her head. “It’s done.”
“Mom.”
She froze. “I’m not your mother.”
“I think you are,” I said. “I felt your energy.”
“There could be a lot of reasons for that.”
There was no hard evidence to prove Serena was my mother. All I had were bits and pieces of her words and a gut feeling I couldn’t shake. “You’re my mom.”
“Prove it.”
“You’re losing your features. It might mean you’re losing yourself. But it might also be a way for you to hide your face from me, so I can’t see the resemblance.
“That’s hardly evidence—”
“The Voice manifests as pure fear. You’ve shown me nothing but rage. Maybe that’s because supernatural creatures can exist in multiple dimensions, and they can be multiple things at once. Craig is human and ferrier. I’m human and guardian.”
“I’d know if I was your mother.”
“You told me you’d been watching me from the time I was in a crib,” I said. “Only a mom would do that.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Lucien and my dad both said I look like you, which makes me wonder if the vision Nell saw wasn’t me but you. Protecting me in any way you could.”
Her life-force flickered, a rainbow of colours spread from her centre and radiated out.
“Think,” I said. “How did you die?”
“My heart stopped beating.”
“Serena.”
She was quiet. “I don’t want to think about it. My death is done—it was painful—”
“For me, please. I need to know if you’re my mom or not.”
She didn’t say anything for a while, then, “Your dad didn’t want me to leave. He wanted us to stay together, but I was a danger to you and him. I loved—” Her voice broke. “—I loved you both too much to ever harm you. So I left. I told Hank it was forever, not to come searching for me, and he agreed. But that was never my intention. I wanted to heal myself, I wanted to come back whole, to
come back to you. But Lucien found me. I don’t know how, but he did. He murdered me and tried to take my soul, but he wasn’t powerful enough. I split and hid myself in pieces. Part of me became the serengti, part of me became The Voice. I lost other sections of my soul, but I made sure some of me stayed with Lucien so he would never know the full truth. I was so angry at him, so full of rage that he took me from you and your dad. The two of you were my everything.”
“And you watched over me.”
“I couldn’t let him hurt you,” she whispered. “I tried to warn you.”
“You protected me, and now he’s gone.”
She began to weep. The rainbow colours inside her intensified, pinpricks of light sparked inside of her. Serena—Sunny—my mother reached out to me. “Maggie, oh, Maggie. I love you so. I’m sorry I had to leave you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough—”
“You were strong enough. You left to protect me.” I leaned forward, ignoring the pain of the stitches and folded her into my arms.
“I’ve made so many mistakes.”
“No mistakes. Just learning. You’re perfect. You’re my mom.” I was crying, now. After so many years of wondering, so many years of fearing why she’d left us, I had my answers. I had my mom.
Heat and light glowed from the points where our hearts met, healing, calming. When I pulled away, I found myself looking at an older version of myself.
“The other side is calling me, I have to go,” she said, wiping away the tears from her face, then mine. “I have to answer for the things I’ve done.”
“Please don’t. I just got you. There’s so much I still need to know. They can wait.”
“No, they can’t. The answers you seek will come, and I’ll return to help.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I do.”
“Dad didn’t.”
“There’s a reason he’s not here.”
“I’m sick of the reasons, “I said. “I’m tired of the excuses. He’s gone and now you’re leaving. Why don’t the higher-ups care?”
She held me close. “They do care, but existence is more complicated than you know. Somehow, someway, this makes sense.” She pressed her kiss against my forehead. “Your dad would never leave you.”
“But he did. When Lucien murdered him, he didn’t come to me. When Lucien died and Dad’s soul was released, he didn’t come.”
“Your dad was never in Lucien. I would have felt it.”
“But—but I heard him. He was there, helping me.” I pulled away. “Could he have split himself like you did?”
“I don’t know. Where is his body?”
“At the funeral home.”
“Let me check.” She flashed from the room. A minute, two, and she still hadn’t returned. Finally, she reappeared by my beside. “Did you not see the mark?”
“Mark?”
“On his forehead.”
“The bug?”
“The bug. It’s a scarab. The Egyptian sign of rebirth and regeneration.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he’s coming back in this lifetime.”
“When you say this lifetime—?”
“I don’t have a timeline, but that’s why he didn’t come to you when he died, because he was already on the other side, booking his round trip back to you.”
It wasn’t an answer. He could come back tomorrow; he might not come back until the moment before I took my last breath. I was hoping for something concrete, hoping for a schedule for when I’d see him, again. Once more, I was left without a resolution.
She took my hand. “He’s coming, Maggie, he’s coming for you.” She kissed my fingers, my face. “And so will I. My daughter, my girl. I love you. I’ll be back.” She flashed before I could tell her that I loved her too, but the warmth of her energy told me she already knew.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Nell came in the room.
“Why are you here if I’m supposed to be sleeping?”
“I came to check on you.” She moved into the room as Craig, Serge, and Nancy walked in behind her.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” asked Nancy.
“Nell and I already had this conversation,” I said.
“If no one’s going to sleep,” said Craig. “How about if Serge and I do a food run and smuggle it in?” He looked at me. “You’ve had stomach surgery, so you can’t have anything. You can watch us eat.”
“That’s cruel.”
“You should’ve been sleeping.”
They gathered around my bed.
“Watch this,” said Serge. Light flashed over him.
“What am I—”
“Oh, I can see you,” said Nell. “Nice trick.” She took his hand. “You look good, Casper.”
He blushed.
“I took Gregory to the other side, he’s safe now.” Craig came and sat beside me. “You okay?”
“I saw my mom, and I helped her transition.”
“That’s good.”
I reached out for Nancy and winced as my stomach stitches voiced their disagreement. “She said Dad’s coming back, in this lifetime.”
She blinked back her tears. “How soon?”
I shrugged. “There’s no answer to that. Maybe tomorrow, maybe years from now.”
“I wonder what he’ll look like,” said Nell. “It’s not like he can return looking like himself.”
“I don’t care,” said Nancy. “I’m glad he’s coming back.”
“All of this is good,” said Craig as he kissed the top of my head. “But you didn’t answer my question. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe. Probably. I’m glad Dad and Mom are okay, but this life is proving harder than I thought. I figured being a guardian would be solving problems, but the death, destruction, and the pain—”
“Destiny isn’t a straight line,” said Craig. “It’s full of loss and pain. That’s why it’s destiny, because you pay a price for it.”
“Maybe, but the price tag is higher than I thought.” Dad was coming back, but who knew when that would be, and who knew how our relationship would evolve. He’d kept secrets from me. His motive was protection, but it had put me in more danger. Plus, I wasn’t sure who I’d be when he returned and how time would affect us. Would he still be my dad? Would I still be his girl?
Mom was on a round-trip, too, which meant we’d have a chance for a relationship. But she was supernatural and so was I. Did that complicate or make it easier for us to forge a bond? And what about Nancy? How would she and my mother deal with their shared love of my dad? Plus, Dad could take a long time before he returned—maybe long enough for Nancy to find someone else. Once again, I was left with too many questions, too many threads, and no way to tie up any of them. “I’ve never thought about death as loss—I mean, I see the dead. But Dad’s gone and so is Mom. They’re coming back, but I don’t know when, and I don’t know what it’ll be like when they return.” I struggled to get out the next words. “And who’s next? The higher-ups let a soul-eater take both of my parents. None of you are immune—”
And the biggest question loomed before me. Who was I going to lose, next? The soul-eater had taken both my parents, and sure, they weren’t gone forever. But next time, the person I lost might not come back. Next time might be a forever loss. “I was hoping for resolution,” I told Craig. “I was hoping for a clear view of the future.”
He laughed, but it was not unkind. “Death is part of life, Mags. None of us are safe from it.”
“But I have powers—”
“Everyone has powers,” he said. “Yours just happens to be seeing the dead.”
“I guess I was hoping for a happy ending.”
“That’s only for fairy-tales and movies,” he said.
&nb
sp; “Life is about loss,” said Nancy. “And sometimes, even the most beautiful things come to an end.”
I took her hand. “Maybe there are no happy endings. Maybe there are just endings, and it is up to us to make them happy.”
“That’s a good thought.” Craig smiled and pulled me close, and I gave myself over to the warmth and the love of those who surrounded me.
Acknowledgements
Guyanese culture embraces the idea of the supernatural. It’s not uncommon for your ancestors to visit you in your dreams (which is why you must always behave. No one wants Grandma or Grandpa coming for a midnight talk, and using their stern voice). In your waking life, you pay attention to what’s going on around you because your deceased loved ones will do things—send a bird into your house, put a song on the radio—to let you know they are present and watching over you. It’s one of my most favourite things about my culture—the idea that love is so strong, it can transcend space, time, and death.
I want to thank the amazing team at Great Plains Teen Fiction for giving me the chance to share a series of stories that embrace and celebrate both my Canadian and Guyanese culture, and for being fabulous in general. Steph, thanks for being a second pair of eyes and helping to polish the story!
Much thanks as well to my fantastic agent, Amy Tompkins, for all the chats and wisdom, to the Furies, Nikki Vogel, Kate Boorman, and Hope Cook for their insights to the craft of storytelling, and to Sven, thanks for all the late night talks, early morning chats, and keeping me well-stocked in tea and cookies.
Everlasting thanks to my readers. Thank you for sharing this journey with me!