by Ashlee Price
Josh looks at Marianne.
"Just one," she tells him.
He nods and they head for the back door, leaving me alone with Marianne.
"Drink?" I point to the bar.
She shakes her head and points to her tummy.
Oh, right. How could I forget?
"But I'll keep you company while you drink," she says.
Why do I have a feeling this isn't going to turn out well?
I ignore that feeling as I walk to the bar. I take my regular seat and signal Benny for a beer. Marianne sits beside me.
I decide to start the conversation.
"This is the first time you've watched us play?"
"Yup." She places her arms on the counter. "I've always wanted to, but I've just been busy."
"I'm glad you were able to make the time tonight."
Marianne shrugs. "I promised Josh I'd watch him play before the band broke up. He loves the band."
"And the band loves him," I say without thinking.
Benny puts my bottle of beer in front of me. I grab it and take a sip.
"You especially," Marianne says suddenly.
I lower the bottle so abruptly that some of the alcohol splatters on my shirt.
"I'm sorry?"
She props her head on an elbow and looks at me. "Josh talked about you a lot, you know."
He did?
"And from all those stories he told me, I got a sense that you had a crush on him. He wouldn't believe it, but I'm right, aren't I?"
I don't answer.
"I knew it the moment you started playing together."
My eyebrows shoot up and my jaw drops.
Shit.
"Poor girl." Marianne shakes her head. "You're in love with a man who'd never love you back."
My chest feels tight. I can't breathe.
"Even if he wasn't already taken, I'm sure he wouldn't fall in love with you," Marianne goes on. "Josh likes his women with spunk and sex appeal."
Every word stabs my heart like a dagger.
"Even though he's a guy, he likes being seduced, you see. And I'm sorry, but you don't look like you could seduce the last teenager on earth."
Something inside me cracks. I feel the blood drain from my face.
Marianne laughs. "To think I ever thought you were a threat."
She grabs my beer and places it between my hands. "Drink up. It won't mend your broken heart, but it should help you forget some of the pain of defeat. It's just as bitter."
She squeezes my shoulder and gets off her stool.
"Oh, and could you tell Josh I'll be waiting in the car? I don't think all this noise is good for the baby."
I say nothing. I'm out of words. Out of breath, thought, feeling.
Empty. Broken. Numb.
I can barely feel the bottle between my hands, but I'm seriously thinking about smashing it over the back of Marianne's head.
Instead, I lift it to my lips and gulp down its contents as fast as I can. Some of it trickles down my chin even as a tear makes its way past my cheek.
I'm hopeless, huh? I knew that already, but why did she have to say it? How could she be so mean? Are all pregnant women mean?
And isn't it enough that she already has Josh? Does she have to strip me of all my self-confidence, too?
No sex appeal, huh? No wonder Steff didn't bother to touch me when I was asleep. No wonder he didn't want to kiss me this morning even though I was practically begging him to.
I set the bottle down and wipe my mouth. I wait only a few seconds for the alcohol to reach my stomach before signaling Benny for another bottle.
Like Marianne said, there's only one thing I can do right now.
Drink.
~
I drank too much again.
I'm fumbling with my keys in front of the door to my apartment. I've tried three times and I still haven't been able to slip the right one into the hole.
Thankfully, before the fourth try, the door opens. Steff stands behind it.
"Jess?"
I stagger inside and Steff closes the door. I toss my purse at the couch and it lands between the pillows, but the force of the throw disrupts my balance and I stumble.
Steff catches me in his arms.
"Jess, what happened to you?"
I turn around and look straight up into his icy blue eyes.
Just as I thought, they're the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.
I clutch the front of his shirt as I gaze into them. Then I open my mouth to say the words I never thought I'd say.
"Kiss me, Steff."
Chapter 8
Steff
I blink as I gaze into quivering ebony eyes that send my heart thrumming in my ribcage.
Did I hear that right? Did Jess just ask me to kiss her?
For a moment, I think it's a joke. Maybe she's just trying to get back at me for what I did to her this morning. But as I search her eyes, I see no trace of anything other than a sincere, serious plea behind a glistening layer of tears that could break at any moment.
Her shoulders tremble as she holds the front of my shirt firmly captive in her fists. Her words echo in my ears.
Kiss me, Steff.
I swallow the lump in my throat even as another forms in my crotch.
What is with this request? And with this look, to boot?
I'm tempted to give in. Every buzzing vein in my body that suddenly feels spiking hot urges me to.
Why not? Jess is asking for it.
Still, I pull her into my arms. I place my hand on the back of her head and press it against my chest.
I want to kiss her. But not when she's like this. Not when she's drunk and clearly aching.
"Shh." I stroke her hair. "It's alright."
To my surprise, Jess starts sobbing against my shirt.
I grab her shoulders and push her gently away so I can look at her.
"Jess?"
She sniffs. Tears streak down her cheeks.
I press my palm against one.
Damn it. I'm no good with crying women.
"Jess, what happened?" I ask her.
Instead of giving me an answer, she sinks to the floor, her legs folding on either side of her. Then she buries her face in her hands and continues sobbing.
I kneel in front of her.
"Jess?"
"Why don't... you... want to kiss me?" she asks between sobs through her palms.
I scratch my head. "It's not that I don't want to kiss you. It's just..."
"It's because I'm boring, aren't I?" Her hands drop to her sides and she looks at me with those teary eyes. "It's because you don't see me as a woman, right?"
"What?"
Where on earth did Jess get that idea?
"Because I'm not like other women," she continues as she wipes her tears. "Because I'm not as sexy as they are, or as experienced."
I frown and put a hand on her shoulder. "Jess, that's not true. You're a woman, one of the most interesting women I've ever met."
"Then kiss me," she begs again. Her eyes gaze right into mine. "Make me feel like a woman."
At those words, my eyes grow wide. My heart stops and my breath catches.
I close my eyes and press my palm against my forehead beneath my hair. I draw a deep breath as I brush the strands up to the top of my head before letting them fall again.
I still don't want to kiss Jess when she's like this. But damn it, I don't want to see her like this either.
Damn it all.
"You better not regret this," I whisper as I hold her gaze.
Then I let my mouth fall on hers.
As before, Jess's lips feel soft and warm beneath mine. The more I press against them, the more they quiver.
Unlike before, though, they push back against mine. My heart pounds. My cock throbs in my briefs.
She's really asking for it now.
My hand clasps the back of her head as I deepen the kiss. My fingers become lost in a forest of pink and black vines.
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My tongue tastes the bitterness of alcohol on hers and I start to feel intoxicated.
Now we're both drunk.
I push my tongue in deeper. Jess lets out a moan that vibrates through my entire body.
My hand moves to her cheek. I can still feel the tears beneath my palm.
I let go of her lips so I can kiss and lick her tears away. The salty trails vanish beneath the tip of my tongue.
Jess's face suddenly slips from beneath me and her back hits the carpet.
My first thought is that she's passed out, but then she looks up at me with half-lidded eyes. Her cheeks burn a deep shade of red and her chest heaves as she chases after her breath.
"More?" she asks as she stretches her arms out to me.
The fresh plea sparks heat in my cock.
She has no idea what she's doing, but I can't hold myself back anymore.
I crouch over her and capture her mouth once more. Her hands go to the back of my neck. One of mine slips beneath her shirt and climbs up her ribs. My fingers reach the edge of black lace and press against the curve.
Jess lets out another moan, which I swallow. Her hands remain fastened on my neck until my thumb brushes against her nipple above the lace. Then they fall to her sides and she tears her mouth away from mine to let out a loud gasp. But no protest follows.
I continue rubbing her nipple as I plant a kiss next to her ear. The peak stiffens beneath the pad of my thumb and she trembles.
I brush her hair aside to kiss her neck next. She turns her head to the side, and for the first time, I notice the tattoo on her neck.
A black butterfly.
I wonder what it means.
I'll ask her later.
I trace the ink with the tip of my tongue and she shivers. Her arm drapes across her forehead and casts a shadow over her barely open eyes.
I move lower. My mouth descends on her other breast and plants a reverent kiss. Then I drag my lips down her shirt to the stretch of exposed skin. I plant another kiss on her belly and my chin comes in contact with the waistband of her jeans.
Suddenly, Jess laughs.
I look up at her in surprise.
"Your hair tickles," she says.
"Really?" I sweep the strands up my forehead. "But you seem to like it."
I kiss her belly some more, delighting in her laughter. My chin rubs against the denim and I look down. A sweet scent assaults my nostrils.
Unable to resist it, I pop the button of her jeans and pull down the shiny zipper. The scent grows stronger.
I pull down her pants and see a wet spot on her panties.
I press my nose against it to inhale even more of her scent. I can feel her curls poking against the cotton.
"Steff, what are you...?"
I start to lick the wet spot. The salty sweet puddle quickly coats my tongue.
Jess shivers and gasps. She moans.
Her hips rise off the carpet and I hold them fast.
Over and over, my tongue swipes against the front of her black panties. They get darker. The wet patch grows larger.
My fingers move towards the cotton. I feel the folds of skin beneath and part them with my thumbs. I press my tongue against the nub in between.
Jess lets out a cry. Then another, muffled by the back of her hand over her mouth. Her scent grows stronger and fills the air.
I continue until she's trembling, until her cries are spilling out one after another. Then the nub beneath my tongue retracts, the muscles of her belly contract and her back arches. A fresh wet spot forms under the one I've already made.
I stare at it as Jess pants and tries to catch her breath.
I should probably stop now, but I can't. I have my own wet spot in my briefs to worry about. Besides, Jess did ask me to make her feel like a woman, and this is the best way I know how.
I take off her pants, her soaked underwear and her shoes. I push my pants and my briefs down at the same time, all the way past my heavy balls. My painfully hard cock springs free.
I lift Jess's thighs so that her knees go up. The soles of her feet fall flat against the carpet. I part her legs and settle between them. My fingers wrap around the base of my cock.
"Here I come."
I push in and the tip of my cock is coated by her wetness. She gasps. It enters and she gasps even louder.
My hands go to the backs of her knees. I lift them as I keep pushing.
She's tight. Exquisitely tight. Her velvety skin clings to me like a glove. My teeth dig into my lower lip as I fight to maintain control.
Fuck.
I close my eyes and hold my breath until I'm completely inside her. When I open them, I find hers squeezed shut. Her hand remains over her mouth.
I push it away and her eyes open wide. I hold her hands at her sides as I gaze into the black pools.
I want to see her expression clearly. I want to hear her moans.
I want it all.
I hold her gaze as I begin to move. The friction is maddening and my cock swells inside her.
"Steff." My name escapes Jess's lips in a hoarse cry.
I capture them as I move my hips faster. My balls slap against her skin. The sheath clinging to my cock is wetter now, but still tight. I don't know how long I can last.
I let go of her hands and grip her thighs as I move even faster. Her arms remain at her sides. Her fingers curl against the carpet.
Heat swirls in my balls and leaks out of the tip of my cock. Beads of sweat break out on my forehead and back. My abdominal muscles tense.
"Coming."
That's all the warning I manage to give her before I bury myself deep inside her. Just as I do, she tightens around me and my cock quivers as she squeezes every last drop of my pent-up desire from me.
My eyes fall shut and I growl low in my throat as I lean over her. Then I open them along with my mouth as I force air into my lungs.
Jess is just as breathless as I am. Her eyes, though open, stare blankly past me at the ceiling. I can see the light in them fading.
I touch her cheek and plant a kiss on her forehead just as her eyes close. I pull out and put my clothes back on. By the time I'm done, she's already sound asleep.
I pinch her cheek and get no response.
Well, she did drink a lot. And she must be exhausted after her first time having sex.
Her first time.
As the haze of lust clears, the wheels of my mind start turning again and guilt threatens. But I shake my head.
She asked for this. She wanted it. I have no regrets.
Sometimes, alcohol gives us a chance to be true to ourselves.
I carry Jess to her bedroom and set her down on the bed. I brush the strands of hair out of her flushed face.
For a moment, I debate whether I should stay with her or go back to my own room. I decide on the former and crawl under the sheets beside her.
If she doesn't regret her decision, she'll be glad to see me here. If she does, she'll be furious anyway. My presence here won't make a difference.
I snuggle against the pillow and smile as I catch the scent of her shampoo.
I guess I'll find out which one it is in the morning.
~
"No way."
Jess is staring beneath the sheets with wide eyes.
I rub the sleep out of mine. "Good morning."
"We, we...?"
"Yes, we did it," I tell her to spare her the anguish as I sit up. "We kissed and had sex."
Her face pales.
"Just so you know, you asked for it."
She looks at me with crinkled eyebrows.
Shit. She doesn't remember?
She jumps out of bed, taking the blanket with her.
"Jess!" I call after her.
She runs out of the room. By the time I get out, too, she's already in the bathroom. As the door slams shut behind her, I hear a scream and a litany of curses. Then I hear the shower running.
I prepare coffee as I wait for her. When she fina
lly appears in the kitchen in a brown robe, she looks calmer. Her cheeks are still red, though. Her uncombed hair drips on the cotton.
"Coffee?" I offer her a mug.
Jess sits down and stares at her lap. Her hands curl into fists on her knees.
"I'm sorry about last night," she says softly.
Ah. So she regrets it.
Her regret stings, but I suppose I should have expected it.
"It's okay," I assure her as best as I can.
Jess shakes her head. "Please forget about it."
My eyes grow wide. Then they narrow as my jaw clenches. My fingers tighten around the handle of my mug.
That stings even more.
How could she beg me to kiss her and make her feel like a woman and then beg me to forget about it all?
All the pain and anger vanish, though, as I look at her. Her head is still bowed down. Her shoulders tremble.
Jess isn't doing this to hurt me. She's just scared.
Of course she is. She was a virgin, after all.
I take a deep breath.
"No worries."
She lifts her chin and looks at me. Relief floods her face.
I lift my mug to my lips. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"
Jess looks away.
Okay. I guess not.
I take a sip and set my mug down. "Well, I don't mind it at all, but since I did help you out, you owe me."
Her jaw drops. "Huh?"
"You owe me," I repeat as I lean forward.
Jess crosses her arms as she sits back. "And what exactly do you want in return?"
I grin. "Well, I haven't been here long. Why don't you take me somewhere famous on your next day off? Somewhere fun."
She rubs her chin. "Somewhere famous and fun."
I tap my fingers on the table.
Then an idea comes to me.
"Why don't we go to...?"
"Disneyland?" Jess finishes the sentence.
I smile. "You read my mind."
Chapter 9
Jess
"So this is Disneyland, huh?" Steff asks as we stop in the middle of Main Street.
I draw a deep breath. "Yup."
I've been to Disneyland several times, but each time still feels like my first. The thrill never goes away.
As I see the fathers carrying children on their strong shoulders and the mothers chasing after older kids running around in their favorite costumes, memories of my childhood come back to me. As my gaze falls on the toys on display in the shop windows, I feel like a child again.